Things That Can Never Be Said
Every time I see you, my heart burns. That face that I could never forget. That voice that I always hear. My soul cries every time you are near, because I know that it's not my arms that you yearn for, not my voice you desire to hear.
I know that there will never be an "us". You will never look at me with passion in your sweet brown eyes. And I know that deep beneath all my longing, I don't really want you to. In the moments when I am most honest with myself, I know that it's not really you that I ache to hold, but that memory that you mirror so painfully well. That's why "we" will never be. We both know that it's not quite your face that I hold so dear, and not quite your voice that I long to hear.
I hope you're happy with him, I truly do. But outside of those moments when I am finally honest with myself, there are all of the lies that I tell myself, and I am thinking all of the things that I will never say.
*~*~*
Can't you see how I feel about you? Can't you see how different I am whenever you are around? Of course you can't. How could you know how I am when you're not there? You can never see just how much more cheerful the mere sight of you make me. I just can't stop smiling whenever you are near. I could die a happy man just from being in your presence.
I want you. I truly, honestly do. I want to hold you in my arms and run my hands through your lovely hair. I want to kiss your lips and drink in the sweet taste of you. But I don't deserve you, and you deserve far better than me.
You already have someone who would treat you like the goddess that you are if you would only let him. He would greet you with flowers and candy, while all I hold is my blood-smeared blade. And if it's not him that you want, another is bound to follow. Someone like you is bound to have a legion of admirers ready to follow your every whim.
But I still want you. I still want to hold you in my arms and tell you how I feel. But I won't. Never. I won't allow your light to be dimmed by my darkness. I am your prince, and I will protect you, even if it's from myself. No matter how much I want to, I'll never say it.
*~*~*
I want to apologize to you. I feel like I should. But sometimes I think, that it is you who should be apologizing to me, for never really seeing me.
I know that you think that you love me. But I know that you really don't. I know that when you look at my face, all you see is a ghost from your memory. And when you hear my voice, it's just an echo from the past.
I don't know how I can tell you this. I'm not even sure if I should. But as I ponder this, deep down I know, that these are things that we will never say.
*~*~*
Why won't you say it? Or am I completely off track? Sometimes I just don't know. I mean, sometimes I think that I know how you feel about me, but most of the time I have no clue!
Ever since I met you, you always seem to be around. You've helped me so many times, and I'm still not sure why. Why won't you just tell me?
I've come to look forward to seeing you. Whenever you're around, I feel... I don't know exactly how I feel. But I kinda like it. And I like having you around. I've never quite felt this way before. I mean, I do enjoy the company of others, and there are other people that I like to be around. But with you it's different.
I want to know how you feel. No, I need to know. It's because... because of what I think I feel. I want you to be around more, because... I like having you around, because... I... like you. But I don't have the courage to say it, because I really don't know how you feel about me. I need to hear you say it, because some things need to be said.
~fin
Ok, the next part isn't really part of the fic, it's just some author commentary and stuff. Oh, and if you couldn't figure out who the four people were, that's buried somewhere in the commentary. Good luck. ^_^