Rebecca Lonski
04-22-10
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He was always there, always by her side. Her protector, her big brother, her friend. When she learned to walk, he held her hand. When she learned to speak, he helped her sound out the words. He showed her books, took her to the movies, helped her with homework. There was no one else she needed in this world but him. It felt natural. She would look into his eyes and see the love there and say "How lucky am I? I have already found the love of my life!". Even when he had to leave her side, she knew that he would return. It was during one of these times that she met someone else. Someone who hadn't been there from the beginning but when he looked in her eyes, she felt as if her soul was bared. When her protector returned, she drew him away to tell him she was in love. He just grinned, his eyes full of an emotion that she found she could not return anymore. It wasn't enough.
"His name is—"
Rage. It was a word she had heard before. He started to shake uncontrollably. She backed away, frightened of him, as her world shattered before her eyes. The others came in time. She was unharmed but for a few scrapes. As his brothers dragged him away, he kept shouting. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She waved off their hands as the remaining shards of her childhood disappeared into an ugly darkness. I'm sorry. She was shaking as she walked, her arms wrapped tight around her middle. I'm sorry. Was he still calling her name or was the echo of his voice haunting her just as it always had? Before, it had been comforting. I love you. Her vision blurred as the tears dripped down her cheeks. Love had become regret. How could she regret her happiness? She stopped suddenly as a voice called out.
"Hey, I didn't think you'd make it tonight! How did it—are you all right?"
Somehow, even through the sense of loss, the inane question made her laugh albeit shakily.
"Alright, alright. Dumb question. What happened?"
"He was angry."
"Did he hurt you?"
She was startled by the sudden serious tone, the air of possession. It felt… vulgar almost. Shaking her head slightly, she allowed him to guide her to the house where she spent the night ignoring her mother's calls. She left early, walking back along the road towards home. Her mind was elsewhere as her body went on autopilot. She nearly ran into him, stopping just in time to stare upwards in confusion. When recognition set in, she stepped back, folded her arms and waited.
"I'm sorry."
"So you've said."
There was no bitterness in her voice, nor anger or even sadness. Her tone was flat, edged with weariness.
"Please, just come back."
It was hurting him. She could see it in the way he stood hunched in as if someone had laid a heavy burden on his back. He started to raise his hand but when she flinched back, he let it drop limply. He was defeated. That kind of power over a person was nearly intoxicating. To think that on a whim she could his salvation or his damnation. In that moment, she felt herself give in. Who was she to break such a spirit? She was happy in his arms. Stepping into his embrace she let go of her reservations. He needed her. That was enough.