If you have the chance, listen to the songs while reading the portion it's in. This chapter features I Want To Sing by Regina Spektor.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold!
Helga continued to see Dr. Bliss for the remainder of her fourth grade year and into fifth grade with less frequent visits. She stopped her sessions completely when she entered the sixth grade feeling that she no longer needed help to control her anger issues; one reason being that Dr. Bliss had suggested that Helga try to find a creative outlet besides the obsessive poems about "the boy with the cornflower hair".
"Do you like to sing?" the kind doctor asked the little blonde during one of their sessions in the fourth grade. Helga didn't answer at first and so the doctor continued. "I have a friend who teaches singing. She's the mother of one of my other clients. I could ask her to give you some singing lessons if you'd like. It might be fun. A great way to tell the world how you're feeling without actually telling them anything is to sing about it. If yelling is any indication of the strength of your lungs, I'd say you'd be very good at it."
Helga hadn't faced the older woman since the idea was put out there. She hadn't really thought about singing before. Anything to do with music she had always associated with Olga, her older sister. Olga was an award winning pianist. Helga had never bothered to try for fear of failing and disappointing her parents further.
She didn't have to tell her parents about it. They wouldn't care anyway. They didn't even remember that their youngest daughter had therapy sessions twice a week, so they wouldn't notice their daughter missing for a few hours every other night.
"Helga?" Dr. Bliss asked, "What do you think?"
Helga nodded and turned to face the woman. "I'll give it a try. But if she tries making me sing something ridiculous like Moonlight Bay, I'm out." The doctor tried to hide a smile and wrote a note to call the vocal coach after their hour session.
It turns out Dr. Bliss was right about Helga being a natural at singing. After the first few lessons with Vie, the vocal coach, Dr. Bliss had noticed an improvement in Helga's attitude and behavior. She wasn't angry all the time; there wasn't always a scowl on her face. She still wasn't Mary Sunshine, but it was nice to see her smile as she talked about her day.
"The guys are starting to get weirder out because I don't yell at them anymore," Helga said as she sat on the couch. "I would though, if Vie hadn't told me it would strain my vocal chords. I can still sock 'em one. Ol' Betsy has nothing to do with my voice so Vie can't say anything about that," she smirked.
So it went for the next few months; school, singing lessons, more school, therapy sessions and more school. Winter and summer vacation rolled in and out and Helga started the fifth grade in the fall. One blustery day in November she walked up the steps of the big gray building downtown and rode the elevator to her designated floor.
"Helga, it's lovely to see you again," Dr. Bliss smiled and gave the little blonde a small hug as she entered the office.
"Hey Doc, what's shaking?" the girl asked as she dropped her school bag on the floor at the entrance and made her way to the couch.
"Well, I'm excited about Thanksgiving next week," the woman answered and heard Helga scoff. She supposed that meant the girl was less than excited to spend the day with her family, especially if her older sister Olga was to come back to town to celebrate. "I'm also very happy to see you. This is our first session this month. Fifth grade must be keeping you quite busy."
"Eh," the girl shrugged off the comment. "I've been pretty busy with school and homework, especially with a teacher like Charles. He's way more structured than Simmons was which means more lessons in a day and more homework at night. And I have lessons with Vie after school every other day which takes up a good chunk of my afternoon. I haven't seen the gang in a while, being in different classrooms and all this year. I play football and baseball with them in Gerald Field when we get a chance, but other than that it's just me and Phoebs," she said as she flopped on the comfy couch near the window. She kicked off her shoes knowing the good doctor wouldn't mind. She had always told Helga to make herself comfortable during their sessions and the little blonde hapily obliged. She laid back on the plush cushions and rested her hands behind her head.
"How is your relationship with Phoebe now that she's heard you sing?" Dr. Bliss asked. Helga thought for a moment bringing the memory of that day to the forefront of her mind.
It was a Saturday morning in mid September. Helga was cleaning out her closet looking for clothes and such that no longer fit her. Phoebe said she would come by to help and they would donate their clothes to a charity or thrift store. Helga huffed and sat against the door frame of her closet deciding to wait for the help of her little Asian friend. She closed her eyes and hummed a song from her most recent visit with Vie and soon began to sing.
I want to sing to you my love
My only love and happiness
Don't be so blue so blue my love
This too shall pass, this too shall pass
Miriam stood in the hallway with her back to the wall next to her daughter's slightly open door. She listened as Helga's beautiful heartbreaking voice drifted through the house.
Well tell me, tell me what have I done to deserve you?
Must have done something 'cause that's how it works
Must have been kind to kittens and birds in a previous life
Must have thought happy thoughts, happy thoughts
'cause there, you were there right beside me (She sang to her golden locket.)
Then somehow inside me while inside myself
Books on the shelf, thoughts on the shelf
Hands to myself, I should definitely keep my hands to myself (Placing the locket back in her shirt.)
Meanwhile, on the street outside the Pataki residence, a little Japanese girl stood listening intently to the song floating out of her best friend's open window. The sound of the front door opening brought her back to her senses and walked up the steps.
"Good morning, Mr. Pataki," she cheerfully greeted. "Is Helga in her room?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, sure. Go on up," Big Bob answered walking out in a hurry. "I gotta get a move on. Those beepers wont' sell themselves."
Phoebe closed the door behind her and made her way up the staircase. She was surprised to find Miriam, eyes closed, leaning against the wall beside her daughter's door with the most serene look on her face. The elder blond noticed her daughter's friend and raised a finger to her lips to ensure Helga's song continued.
Love is a dangerous pastime
Caught between madness and gladness of flight
Nothing is wrong and nothing is right
Falling asleep in your arms every night
But love's such a strange situation
Full of frustration and anger and fear
Everything's tears
Nobody hears
Nobody's here and nobody hears
Phoebe eased the door open to find her best friend sitting, eyes closed, hands clasped at her chest.
I want to sing to you my love
My only love and happiness
Don't be so blue so blue my love
This too shall pass, this too shall pass.
"Helga?"
"Phoebe! Criminy, don't go sneaking up on me like that," she jumped up. "You didn't by any chance hear me singing earlier, did you?" Helga asked, a faint blush creeping up on her skin.
"Well, to be honest Helga, I did and I think you have a beautiful voice. I had no idea you had such talent," Phoebe said.
"Yeah, well," Helga started and rubbed the back of her neck obviously uncomfortable with someone besides Vie complementing her singing. "It's not really something I want to spread around just yet. Helga G. Pataki has a reputation to protect. So this whole thing never happened," she told the smiling brunette.
"Forgetting," Phoebe rang out, hoping one day the world would get the chance to hear her best friend sing.
Helga smiled at the memory. "Phoebe's cool with it. She knows better than to push the subject of me singing in public. And I trust her not to spill the beans to anyone. She actually came with me to a few of my lessons. Vie's been trying to get her to sing but Phoebe's more of an instrumentalist. She played the piano during our last visit."
"That must be fun having a friend to share in something you're so invested in," Dr. Bliss said as she took notes. "What about your family? How are things at home?" she asked hoping this answer would be as pleasant as the last.
"Big Bob and Miriam?" Helga asked sitting up. "They… they're actually… not so bad," she revealed, a smile creeping onto her face. "Miriam offers to take me to lessons. She stayed a few times to listen to me sing. Bob, well he still works most of the time so I don't see him often. But sometimes when I get home and he's watching tv in the trophy room, he'll ask me how my day was. I know it's not much but at least he's trying."
Dr. Bliss made a note of her patient's parents taking an interest in their daughter's life and asked "Has your father heard you sing yet?" Helga shook her head 'No'. "Would you like him to hear you sing?"
Helga thought for a moment before answering. "He might make me sing in competitions. It wouldn't be fun anymore." The doctor nodded and went on taking notes. "I mean, look at Olga. Spelling Bee champ, concert pianist, straight A student from preschool to college. I don't want to have to work for his approval like she did. Singing is… fun right now. It makes me feel… I don't know… everything? I don't want Big Bob's thirst for first place to ruin it," she finished, staring down at her shoes.
"I understand, Helga," Dr. Bliss put down her notes and moved to the couch. She put her arm around the little blonde and gave a light squeeze trying to decide whether or not to push the issue. Helga seemed to have made the decision for the both of them.
"Maybe for Christmas," she said shrugging off the woman's arm. "Maybe I'll sing while Olga plays the piano. It's better than spending money I don't have for his gift."
"That seems like a wonderful idea, Helga. That's very thoughtful of you. I'm sure your sister will be excited to hear you sing as well."
Helga smiled a little and quickly regained composure. "So, seeing as I haven't yelled at anyone in months and Ol' Betsy and the Five Avengers have been put into early retirement, how long are our visits going to continue?"
"It all depends on you," Dr. Bliss stated, "and how much you feel the need to continue these visits. Although with all the progress you've made this year, I'd dare say our sessions would end with your fifth grade year."
Helga looked a little sad, but she realized Dr. Bliss was right. She hadn't been getting into fights at school. She hasn't been picking on the kids as much as before. She was actually on much better terms with most of the kids from her fourth grade class, especially with her favorite football head.
"Well, the hour is almost up," Dr. Bliss said standing up. "I hope I'll get to see you before Christmas," she smiled.
Helga pulled her shoes on and grabbed her bag. "You and me both. Hopefully Charles doesn't screw us over and stick us with a ton of work to do over Thanksgiving break." She gave the woman a quick hug and was out the door.