Blue light shimmered onto the ground, illuminating the room as compensation for the lack of lights. The hum of the Normandy engine was much quieter in Shepard's cabin, but the air was filled with other subtle noises like the quiet whir of the aquarium instead. It was hard to believe someone like Shepard lived in such a tranquil environment. Hard to believe such a tranquil environment existed.
Tali scanned the room as she entered, stopping when she saw Shepard hunched over a datapad on her desk. 'She doesn't waste a second, does she…?' She shook her head, worry washing over her. The squad arrived back from the flotilla only a few hours before, and Shepard wouldn't take a minute to even breathe. "Shepard?" She finally chimed, causing her to jump slightly from the sudden interruption. She whipped around, running a hand through her hair as she did so. She looked weary and exhausted. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."
"It's alright, Tali," Shepard smiled at her, "I suppose I could use a break anyway."
Tali nodded, "I can tell. Have you even eaten since we got back?" Her arms crossed as she headed towards Shepard's couch, the commander trailing after her. They both sat down, a sigh slipping from Shepard's lungs. The couch had been barely used despite how many months they've been fighting the Collectors, leaving it stiff and unfamiliar.
Shepard thought for a moment, scratching her hair absently. "I… don't suppose I have," she admitted, "I took a shower and changed before Miranda sent a whole new stack of information my way." She waved her hand lazily towards the scattered datapads, and Tali could see the small details in Shepard's face against the lighting. The bags under her eyes, the burns, the scars—She couldn't help the concern that flushed through her. Shepard sacrifices so much so that others can be happy, and all Tali wanted was for her to be happy herself. "Anyways, did you need something?" Shepard suddenly asked, dragging Tali away from her thoughts and into reality.
"Ah, not necessarily," Tali began as she fidgeted with her hands, struggling to keep eye contact. "I just… wanted to thank you. For everything. You did more than I could ever ask for." She wasn't sure why she was so nervous. She was jumpy by nature, but she had grown comfortable around Shepard and the rest of the Normandy crew. But now she felt anxious and stupid for no reason at all—that is, she didn't think there was a reason.
Shepard quirked an eyebrow, "Please, Tali. I did exactly what I should've done. You were being dragged along with their political bull shit and you deserved better than that. The only day I'll stand for that is when I'm dead. Again." She offered Tali a smile with narrowed eyes, which she instinctively returned. Shepard's smile was just so contagious—in fact, most things about her were. Her confidence, her loyalty, her spirit, and everything else about her could spread like a wildfire. Tali loved that about her. In fact, she loved a lot of things about her.
She shook off her growing thoughts, "No, Shepard, you didn't. You were asked to show up and speak for me, and that's it, but… you did so much more than that. You helped me take back the Alarei and threw it in the admirals' faces. You did whatever you could to protect me and my father's name. And not only that, but… you were there for me when no one else was," she paused, "Like you always are." Tali looked down at her hands, fingers tangling with each other nervously. 'Keelah, I'm terrible at this,'
Shepard closed Tali's hands between her own. "We're a team, Tali," she didn't continue until they locked eyes again, "and I care about you too much to let you fight alone." Tali smiled slightly, thankful that no one could see her face turning red. Shepard's hands were warm and she could feel it seeping through her gloves. It felt comforting and wonderful and she couldn't help the fire that spread through her chest and down her spine. Shepard interrupted her thoughts again, tightening her grip slightly, "Whenever you need anyone at all, I will be there, Tali. I promise."
"Thank you, Shepard…" She murmured softly, shifting as her heart skipped a beat or two. She met her gaze, studying her when she suddenly wished that there were words to describe the color of her eyes; they could write poems that never ended and dance to music that never stopped.
They were both quiet for a few long moments before Tali spoke again. "You know, you've been a really good friend to me— the best I've ever had, in fact."
"Please," she scoffed, playing with her hands as she spoke, "I drag you to near-death situations on a daily basis and I'm the supposed good friend?"
Tali laughed to herself quietly. "I admit it's made me question my choice in company more than a few times," Shepard rolled her eyes, "But you've still given me some of the greatest times of my life."
"They have been pretty great, haven't they?"
"Yeah," she sighed, eyes flickering away to look around and avoid being reminded of the more maudlin memories of the ship. She realized she couldn't hear a single thing from the engineering deck. The SR-2 was quiet to begin with, but she didn't run silent. The silence was nerve-wracking. "I don't know how you live up here, Shepard," Tali said softly, "It's so quiet compared to my level—it's strange."
"It's a welcome change when you have bullets flying at you for hours on end," Shepard laughed, shaking her head as she shifted closer to Tali without realizing it. "It's never silent, though. I can't stand any place that's just… silent. That emptiness is just so… so frightening." She looked away, seemingly embarrassed by her confession. "It must seem stupid to you. Take down a reaper and steal a thousand lives and I'm afraid of a little quiet."
Tali's heart broke as she said that. "Shepard…" she murmured, searching for what to say, "Don't be so hard on yourself. You're only human… You're only a living person. You've accomplished things that no one could even dream of." She laced her fingers between Shepard's, the glow of her eyes softening in affection, "and I've seen you do it all. You're not perfect, but so what? That's what makes you a hero. My hero."
Shepard stared at Tali, eyes smoldering with vulnerability and a thousand other emotions foreign to her. Tali avoided eye contact, not really sure if there was another meaning behind what she said or not. But suddenly Shepard leaned forward, kissing the side of her mask gently.
Tali blanked, staring at her in shock.
Shepard immediately put her hands to her face, burying the red that was quickly crawling across her cheeks. "Oh God, I'm sorry. That was totally unprofessional and forward of me; I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry."
Tali panicked. She didn't know what just happened or what was going on in front of her. She tried to separate one thought from the other but everything was blurring in front of her, and before she realized what she was doing, she took Shepard's hands away from her face. She held them in her palms, tracing the creases and cuts. "Don't be," Tali murmured quietly, lovingly, "Don't be…"
Shepard reflected a look of confusion as she said that, but she couldn't hold back her slight smile. She turned her hands over in Tali's, about to respond when EDI's voice cut her off.
"Commander, Miss Lawson wishes to speak to you in her office. She says that it requires your immediate attention."
Shepard paused before breathing a heavy sigh, "Thank you, EDI," her voice rang with irritability as she hung her head, "Anything else?"
"No, Commander. Logging you out."
Left in quiet once again, they didn't say anything several seconds before Shepard raised her eyes, smiling at Tali apologetically. Tali just smiled back at her, eyes glowing brightly behind her mask. "Invite me up next time you're free?" She asked sweetly, shifting her fingers to fit next to Shepard's.
She squeezed her hand, "Of course," she grinned, her usual confidence returning to her eyes, "It will give us some time to… figure out what's going on. With us, I mean."
Their gazes lingered a moment before Tali stood up, reluctantly pulling her hands away. "You know where to find me then," she said.
She turned and headed up the stairs, stopping to look at Shepard one more time. She smiled at her, chest tightening and heart accelerating. Nodding her farewell, she continued and walked into the elevator, hands clenching and unclenching compulsively.
She didn't know if she could ever catch her breath.