"Two faces yet the same"
By: Lexie-chan
Maybe I am really a hopeless geek who torture myself every single day of my entire life. I'm such a masochist. I keep on hurting myself.
Harder and harder.
Sometimes, it's unbearable yet, I still manage to stand up and look straight ahead despite the shadow hindering me to go on smoothly with these lies eating me up.
"Snap out of it Tsukushi," you say as you lay your hand on top of my head. I smile to your sudden recognition. I could actually offer you as much smile as you would want to just to make you happy.
"Yeah. right. Sorry 'bout that Doumyouji," I return, slipping my arm between yours.
"Something's been bothering you lately," you continue, brushing my brown hair. You look at me tenderly making me nervous. You could see beyond this façade yet I stop you from seeing more. On what's in my mind and heart. The real thing I'm hiding.
"Maybe it's because of this weather or this whole new experience, this new life I'm living."
You stop yourself from walking, looking straight to my eyes. "Or is it because you doubt your love for me now?"
Am I hearing the wrong thing? Maybe I'm hallucinating. "Guess I'm just tired."
"You didn't answer my question," you snort as you pause. You turn your back from me. This is so wrong. "Rui."
"Huh?"
"Rui. Ring a bell?"
"Yeah, Rui. What about him?" I go on getting myself all mixed up. I don't find anything significant about this topic but it scares me. It squeezes my heart.
"I love you and I love Rui as well but I wont let anyone steal you from me however. Call me possessive or whatever you might want to call me but I'm not leaving. Mark my words." Your speech is getting pretty serious. You're so damn serious and it's annoying but still, I don't understand why you're telling all of these to me now.
Just out of the blue?
Guess not. but what is your purpose? Your motives?
"For crying out loud. What's the matter with you? Are you sick or somethin'? Come on let's go," I butt in trying to make the situation a whole lot lighter. It's killing me softly hearing you speak like that. I don't know why or how. Its just that. that.
"Stop it! don't act like a fool! You know exactly what I'm trying to get at," you shriek on top of your lungs. You're really angry but I couldn't do anything about it. I don't even know why you're mad. Your eyes. your eyes could actually kill someone when provoked. I sigh, letting the tension slip out my head.
"Say it to me straight. I don't like mind boggling issues," I mumble making my priorities unclear. Previously, when you had brought up Rui, I already know your true intentions. I want to avoid it as much as possible knowing that it would hurt you and myself in the process. I don't like it to happen. Not now, not ever.
"I loathe myself for being dumb and all but I'm certainly not an insensitive idiot. You don't love me. It's clear as crystal that you don't love me the same way you love Rui. Darn that Rui." you curse pounding your fist against a wall. It's getting really hot.
"Doumyouji, you're my boyfriend and-"
"You don't love me. Shit! That's my point!" you hiss, kicking a stone real hard this time. I can see that you're really bothered. You're even close to crying! I'm not used to it at all.
"I love you," I whisper, looking away with a heavy heart.
"Curse it! Do you certainly think I would believe that same crap again?! Guess again little missy but not this time. I've continuously rejected the thought of you not loving me for a long time now but. it's just too obvious to set aside any more," you explain at the same time as walking around in circles exposing your vulnerability bit by bit. You're desperate and uncontrolled with your own emotion. You're not even thinking straight! You're just spitting everything that is bothering your mind.
"Okay that's it. Let's go home now," I follow pulling your arm back to the road. I can't bear hearing it all. It's crushing my heart. Those words are piercing my individuality all too much its insufferable just to even hear another word from you.
"All that I am asking is for you to love me dearly. I don't want you feeling sorry for myself. I don't like it. I hate it!" you grab my hand and pushed yourself-your lips-to kiss me. It's a forceful one. Not the passionate kiss you always give me once.
I slap you across the face but I can see you grinning instead.
"That's the proof of it then," you fall to your knees-crying. It's a silent cry but you never fail to wound me more than ever. "It's hurting me inside out. How could you do this to me? I remained true to my feelings for you but you did nothing but to make a fool right out of me. I feel so sickened, so hopeless!"
Soon, I start to question my own feeling and only one answer, left unsaid, is waving in front of me now, making its presence known. How could I be so selfish and unfair to the one person who had actually loved me for who I am?! What do I really want? What do I want to achieve?
Rui's love.
A voice at the back of my head said. It's not a big mystery afterall but this time, I feel so confuse and bad. Is it always lonely being in love?
This is plain stupidity.
"You know that you can't have Rui."
"How dare you--!" I've been meaning to give you another slap to the face but I controlled my temper as to doing it would expose the dark secret I'm trying to lock inside myself. It would only cause conflicts. Beside, I don't want to ruin your life. I don't want to be the reason of your anger and misery. That's the last thing I would want to do unto you. And although I lied, I would still love you.
Just love you.
"You want to hurt me? Fine! I don't care anymore. You hurt me more than I could bear. A simple slap wouldn't have mattered then. Go on, hurt me more!" you provoke making me stop after realizing that you're a masochist yourself.
"Doumyouji, I've told you a thousand times that I don't love him anymore," I lied in a very convincing voice that I could ever muster trying to sound calm and patient as I level your body, by crouching in front of you.
"Exactly. And that's the same time you have been lying to me. Probably more or forever but I don't care anymore. I would stay no matter what you say or do. This love would never ever die. I would not find anyone like you in this world anymore. You're exceptional and the only person who could actually make me contented," you tell me being true to every statement you gave out as you finally stand up.
It made me think hard and it turned out that I love Rui more. Perhaps first love would never ever die afterall and since you brought it up already, maybe I should pay you with the same truth you truly deserve.
I cup your cheeks between my hands and tell you everything, everything that would lay scar in our hearts.
"Yes, I love Rui very much and although he can't grant me the same feeling I offer him, I would still continue on loving that man even if it hurts so much. I'm willing to take risks and be hurt over and over again as long as I have finally followed my heart's desire. This is wrong. I know its wrong and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I've cheated you but believe me when I say that I did love you once in my life. I wouldn't regret it and I would treasure that feeling for all the time. I'm so sorry Doumyouji but I guess this is the time to go, the time to end all of these lies hurting the both of us."
You look away for a bit then gave me a short smile. "You know what Tsukushi, I feel the very same way about you, too."
-END-
Disclaimer: okay. alright. Han Yori Dango's not mine. WWWHHHAAA ! ! !
Author's notes:
Short,ne? and the events happened by just a snap of a finger. I know. I know. but I just can't help it. hehe! Short is better!
Yeah. I know I don't know much about Hana Yori Dango's storyline since I haven't seen the actual series as of now, yet, I am so obsessed with Meteor Garden (live action drama based on HYD) so here I am, was able to create a fanfic out of the drama itself. Forgive me for any cheesiness or whatevah you might want to criticize but well, an idea just hit me and the outcome was this! Please don't blame me if you find it stupid since I think so, too. I'm not an expert yet and besides, this is the first time that I have actually done a non-Watase fic so. Maa-maa.
I'm out of words. but well, if you accidentally read this one out of curiosity, your opinions are very much welcomed. Why not review? I would love it! hehe! Enjoy if you can. know what I mean?
Ja! I think I've said enough crap for this entry already.
By: Lexie-chan
Maybe I am really a hopeless geek who torture myself every single day of my entire life. I'm such a masochist. I keep on hurting myself.
Harder and harder.
Sometimes, it's unbearable yet, I still manage to stand up and look straight ahead despite the shadow hindering me to go on smoothly with these lies eating me up.
"Snap out of it Tsukushi," you say as you lay your hand on top of my head. I smile to your sudden recognition. I could actually offer you as much smile as you would want to just to make you happy.
"Yeah. right. Sorry 'bout that Doumyouji," I return, slipping my arm between yours.
"Something's been bothering you lately," you continue, brushing my brown hair. You look at me tenderly making me nervous. You could see beyond this façade yet I stop you from seeing more. On what's in my mind and heart. The real thing I'm hiding.
"Maybe it's because of this weather or this whole new experience, this new life I'm living."
You stop yourself from walking, looking straight to my eyes. "Or is it because you doubt your love for me now?"
Am I hearing the wrong thing? Maybe I'm hallucinating. "Guess I'm just tired."
"You didn't answer my question," you snort as you pause. You turn your back from me. This is so wrong. "Rui."
"Huh?"
"Rui. Ring a bell?"
"Yeah, Rui. What about him?" I go on getting myself all mixed up. I don't find anything significant about this topic but it scares me. It squeezes my heart.
"I love you and I love Rui as well but I wont let anyone steal you from me however. Call me possessive or whatever you might want to call me but I'm not leaving. Mark my words." Your speech is getting pretty serious. You're so damn serious and it's annoying but still, I don't understand why you're telling all of these to me now.
Just out of the blue?
Guess not. but what is your purpose? Your motives?
"For crying out loud. What's the matter with you? Are you sick or somethin'? Come on let's go," I butt in trying to make the situation a whole lot lighter. It's killing me softly hearing you speak like that. I don't know why or how. Its just that. that.
"Stop it! don't act like a fool! You know exactly what I'm trying to get at," you shriek on top of your lungs. You're really angry but I couldn't do anything about it. I don't even know why you're mad. Your eyes. your eyes could actually kill someone when provoked. I sigh, letting the tension slip out my head.
"Say it to me straight. I don't like mind boggling issues," I mumble making my priorities unclear. Previously, when you had brought up Rui, I already know your true intentions. I want to avoid it as much as possible knowing that it would hurt you and myself in the process. I don't like it to happen. Not now, not ever.
"I loathe myself for being dumb and all but I'm certainly not an insensitive idiot. You don't love me. It's clear as crystal that you don't love me the same way you love Rui. Darn that Rui." you curse pounding your fist against a wall. It's getting really hot.
"Doumyouji, you're my boyfriend and-"
"You don't love me. Shit! That's my point!" you hiss, kicking a stone real hard this time. I can see that you're really bothered. You're even close to crying! I'm not used to it at all.
"I love you," I whisper, looking away with a heavy heart.
"Curse it! Do you certainly think I would believe that same crap again?! Guess again little missy but not this time. I've continuously rejected the thought of you not loving me for a long time now but. it's just too obvious to set aside any more," you explain at the same time as walking around in circles exposing your vulnerability bit by bit. You're desperate and uncontrolled with your own emotion. You're not even thinking straight! You're just spitting everything that is bothering your mind.
"Okay that's it. Let's go home now," I follow pulling your arm back to the road. I can't bear hearing it all. It's crushing my heart. Those words are piercing my individuality all too much its insufferable just to even hear another word from you.
"All that I am asking is for you to love me dearly. I don't want you feeling sorry for myself. I don't like it. I hate it!" you grab my hand and pushed yourself-your lips-to kiss me. It's a forceful one. Not the passionate kiss you always give me once.
I slap you across the face but I can see you grinning instead.
"That's the proof of it then," you fall to your knees-crying. It's a silent cry but you never fail to wound me more than ever. "It's hurting me inside out. How could you do this to me? I remained true to my feelings for you but you did nothing but to make a fool right out of me. I feel so sickened, so hopeless!"
Soon, I start to question my own feeling and only one answer, left unsaid, is waving in front of me now, making its presence known. How could I be so selfish and unfair to the one person who had actually loved me for who I am?! What do I really want? What do I want to achieve?
Rui's love.
A voice at the back of my head said. It's not a big mystery afterall but this time, I feel so confuse and bad. Is it always lonely being in love?
This is plain stupidity.
"You know that you can't have Rui."
"How dare you--!" I've been meaning to give you another slap to the face but I controlled my temper as to doing it would expose the dark secret I'm trying to lock inside myself. It would only cause conflicts. Beside, I don't want to ruin your life. I don't want to be the reason of your anger and misery. That's the last thing I would want to do unto you. And although I lied, I would still love you.
Just love you.
"You want to hurt me? Fine! I don't care anymore. You hurt me more than I could bear. A simple slap wouldn't have mattered then. Go on, hurt me more!" you provoke making me stop after realizing that you're a masochist yourself.
"Doumyouji, I've told you a thousand times that I don't love him anymore," I lied in a very convincing voice that I could ever muster trying to sound calm and patient as I level your body, by crouching in front of you.
"Exactly. And that's the same time you have been lying to me. Probably more or forever but I don't care anymore. I would stay no matter what you say or do. This love would never ever die. I would not find anyone like you in this world anymore. You're exceptional and the only person who could actually make me contented," you tell me being true to every statement you gave out as you finally stand up.
It made me think hard and it turned out that I love Rui more. Perhaps first love would never ever die afterall and since you brought it up already, maybe I should pay you with the same truth you truly deserve.
I cup your cheeks between my hands and tell you everything, everything that would lay scar in our hearts.
"Yes, I love Rui very much and although he can't grant me the same feeling I offer him, I would still continue on loving that man even if it hurts so much. I'm willing to take risks and be hurt over and over again as long as I have finally followed my heart's desire. This is wrong. I know its wrong and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I've cheated you but believe me when I say that I did love you once in my life. I wouldn't regret it and I would treasure that feeling for all the time. I'm so sorry Doumyouji but I guess this is the time to go, the time to end all of these lies hurting the both of us."
You look away for a bit then gave me a short smile. "You know what Tsukushi, I feel the very same way about you, too."
-END-
Disclaimer: okay. alright. Han Yori Dango's not mine. WWWHHHAAA ! ! !
Author's notes:
Short,ne? and the events happened by just a snap of a finger. I know. I know. but I just can't help it. hehe! Short is better!
Yeah. I know I don't know much about Hana Yori Dango's storyline since I haven't seen the actual series as of now, yet, I am so obsessed with Meteor Garden (live action drama based on HYD) so here I am, was able to create a fanfic out of the drama itself. Forgive me for any cheesiness or whatevah you might want to criticize but well, an idea just hit me and the outcome was this! Please don't blame me if you find it stupid since I think so, too. I'm not an expert yet and besides, this is the first time that I have actually done a non-Watase fic so. Maa-maa.
I'm out of words. but well, if you accidentally read this one out of curiosity, your opinions are very much welcomed. Why not review? I would love it! hehe! Enjoy if you can. know what I mean?
Ja! I think I've said enough crap for this entry already.