Vampire Knight © Matsuri Hino
Hey guys, it's been a while. I wrote this earlier today on whim-running on no sleep. I hope this is okay.
I know it's jumbled and you might not understand the plot, but hey. I think I did okay for doing it half awake. :D
This was fun to do though. I hope you guys enjoy it!
I really don't know how it happened. All I could rationalize was the fact that I was sitting on the ground, staring into nothingness as the sun began to set in the distance. It was growing dark quickly, but I didn't care. I couldn't care; emotion was past me at this point. Something clicked in the back of my head, and I stood. I looked down at the ashes on the ground before me. The pit of my stomach twisted, and I quickly located my bag I had dropped to the ground some time ago.
My bag and its contents were strewn in the sand everywhere. The stupid hunters must have went through it. Pushing that thought aside for now, I found what I was looking for quickly - my small glass vial I always kept handy to carry around my blood tablets.
Not wasting time against the wind which was starting to pick up, I quickly used my hands to collect the shiny dust that had been at my feet. It was the remains of Cyrus. I filled half the bottle until I gave up on the rest - they were a lost cause, mixed in with the dirt.
The sun was hiding behind the trees when I stood. It was hard for me to concentrate as I quickly stuffed all of my things back inside my pack. I quickly threw it over my shoulder and ran - cheating with my vampire strength and speed - back to school grounds.
I calmed down a bit when I was back on campus, but still nervous. Kaname would be mad if he knew I had been sneaking out every day while he was asleep. But I couldn't help it. He was probably already up and furiously awaiting my return. I dodged the fan girl crowd effortlessly that was growing outside of the Night Dorms.
I had to loop around once before I could find a spot where I wouldn't be in view of anyone as I hopped over the fence stealthily, quickly dodging into a bush as the front doors opened and the Night Class strode out.
"Great," I breathed, trying to focus as I moved further to the right so I wouldn't be caught. Now I had them to go around. And Kaname would be more sensitive to my scent . . . he would spot me right away, visible or not. "Dammit," I muttered, clearing talking to the brush I was now hiding in.
But it looked like I was clear. Not taking any chances, I waited until they were out of the gate and I was hiding in a set of rose bushes by the back entrance. Finally, after reassuring myself for the tenth time, I jumped upwards, out of the bushes, barely hissing at the stinging the thorns against my skin caused, and went to the back of the building.
The gatekeeper in the back was busy with paperwork, sleep still in his eyes as he yawned, his head lolling backwards. Even he was used to this nocturnal schedule we kept in the Night Dorms.
It was easy, but I quickly scaled the wall up to the low roof that rested neatly under Kaname's bedroom window. Quite convenient. I just hoped Kaname hadn't locked me out. I also hoped he wasn't - or wouldn't - be too mad at me.
The window was unlocked, much to my great relief. I swung my bare leg into the window - I was wearing shorts, for the life of me - and met the floor with my foot slowly.
I was about to swing my other in, but froze when I felt a cool hand lightly trail from my hip to my ankle. I had to bat the curtain away to see Kaname peering up at me.
"K-Kaname!" I spluttered, so surprised I nearly flew back out the window.
He must have figured my reaction, because he gently wrapped his hand around my wrist that was pushing back the drapes.
"I thought you went to class already." I said, my face heating.
"And worry about you endlessly? I wouldn't be able to stand that kind of pressure. I was about to come look for you myself."
His expression was calm, his eyes relieved even.
"Aren't you . . . mad?" I finally asked.
He reached out and cupped my red cheek. "Yes. Very deeply so. But I'm relieved you're alright. You're still . . . young, and there are hunters on the prowl killing vampires - pureblood or not."
I winced, and suddenly the vial in my bag felt like it weighed a hundred pounds.
"What?" he asked, noticing my eyes linger for too long on the floor, not wanting to look anywhere else. Anywhere else that would remind me of . . . him.
"I sort of . . . ran into a hunter."
The hiss was low and short, and then he pulled me through the window, my leg on the other side hooking painfully onto the pane. I growled, but he pulled my leg free in a short moment and then slammed the window closed, locking it. He pulled the drapes down to cover every inch and then turned to stare down at me, the only emotion in his eyes now was hot, flaming anger. And I was the one who had started the fire.
"What happened?" he demanded, although his tone was perfectly smooth.
I kept my mouth shut, peering up at him like a child being scolded, but at the same time, I felt horribly guilty. I had been sneaking behind his back for months to see Cyrus.
"Nothing," I lied. I felt my face relax into calm facade, smoothing over with the resolve not to tell him of Cyrus. At all.
I felt horrible from keeping this from him, but I didn't want him to be disappointed. Or upset. Cyrus had been teaching me things, about being a pureblood and how to fight. He was just a teacher, just a friend. That was it. But we were too close, and within two months he started to talk about coming out publicly with our relationship, even though we didn't have one. I did love him, but only admirably, nothing romantic. I couldn't even fathom loving anyone romantically besides Kaname, even if that was just a small hope - a dream that played unfairly in the back of my mind. It wasn't like that. Not at all.
As I thought about Cyrus - finally letting the feeling of him truly being gone sink in - left me feeling hopeless. I felt my face fall, my chin jut out and my jaw snap shut audibly. I wished Kaname had gone to class; I didn't want to sit in the bathroom hiding from him while I fell into hysterical, sobbing pieces.
"Ember," he sighed, obviously frustrated. "What aren't you telling me?"
My lower lip stung as I felt my fangs puncture it. The blood ran down my chin, but my fingers swiped it away before it could travel farther. "I was meeting someone," I mumbled very delicately, licking the red from my fingers.
His eyes flared bright scarlet, either from the blood or from the anger. "Who?"
"Someone." I sat on the edge of the bed, suddenly exhausted. I set my bag down and plopped backwards, staring at the ceiling.
Kaname groaned from the window, and then was right above me, pinning my arms to my sides. "Ember," he said slowly, each word rumbling from his chest in a low growl. "If you do not tell me, so help me God, I will -" He cut off, his eyes closing in frustration. He opened them a second later, smirking down at me.
I shivered involuntarily under him. Kaname knew how I felt - he used it against me profusely, like the sadomasochist he was. I bit my lip again, this time careful not to break the skin. Instead, I focused my gaze on his forehead. It was creased in frustration, his eyebrows were furrowed causing his eyes to be cast in deep shadows. His hair was disheveled as always, falling around his face in such a perfect way it was almost able to distract me from his piercing gaze. Almost.
I turned my head away, feeling my cheeks heating as I closed my eyes, no longer able to look at him. "A friend." I finally said.
"A friend." he repeated, mock disgust in his tone.
My eyes snapped open, and the hiss was low in my throat. "You didn't know him, was my snappy defense." It took us both by surprise.
An emotion burned strongly like a lit fuse against Kaname's features. But it smoldered out like a bum, his face falling blank. "So it was a he was it?"
I stared up at him, eyebrows furrowed, tears starting to build in my eyes from frustration. I don't think Kaname realized it, but his fingernails were digging harshly into my wrists. I could feel the skin breaking as his knuckles clenched tighter.
And then, I saw the emotion that had passed his features earlier. It caught me off guard, my anger evaporating like it was just condensation on a window.
It was a strange mixture of betrayal and loneliness - with a hint of . . . horror? He looked, sadly put, defeated.
"Kaname," I sighed, pulling my arms free from his now loose hands. I reached up to touch his face but my fingers touched no more than air.
I sat up quickly, and he was across the room at the opposite window. His fist balled tightly around the curtain so hard he was shaking. I stood and walked to him, only hesitating slightly as I placed both my hands over his, until he finally held still.
His eyes were torn and tortured when he looked down at me. The words came out in low snarls, in between his shaky breathing. "What happened?"
"What do you mean, 'What happened'?" I asked.
"I mean," he said, taking a deep breath to control his temper. "What happened, to drive you into another mans arms?"
It took me a second before the puzzle pieces snapped into their rightful places inside of my head. "Oh." I whispered. "Oh!" I stared at him in incredulity. "Kaname," I started slowly, watching as his eyes flickered to my face. "Have you completely lost your mind enough to even contemplate the simple fact of me ever loving another man than you?"
He slowly absorbed that, his features falling to relax with relief, but still tense. "You don't love him?"
"No!" I laughed, but bit my tongue. "Not in that sense." I admitted. "We were close."
"Were?" He finally noticed the use of pretenses.
"He was killed by hunters today," I murmured, my gaze dropping. "Before my eyes."
A growl ripped through his clenched teeth. "How dare they."
I giggled, despite myself. "Weren't you just against him?"
"I meant how dare they kill in front of you." He rolled his wine coloured orbs.
"Oh, of course," I said, rolling my eyes, too.
"What was his name?" he murmured as he reached out to stroke my cheek.
"Cyrus. He was a pureblood."
He dropped his hand. "Really now? Why would you sneak out to meet him?"
"I've done it more than once." I looked away sheepishly. "He was . . . teaching me."
"On what?" he grumbled, eyeing me carefully.
"About how to fight . . . and about being a pureblood."
I could see this upset Kaname. "Why didn't you just ask me?"
I smiled slightly, looking away again. "Because I would be too distracted to actually learn anything, of course."
He mumbled something unintelligible, running a hand through his perfect auburn hair. I wished to reach out and stroke it, but he would probably just shrug away, as usual.
Kaname was very . . . touchy about our physical contact (pun almost intended). He would touch me to a certain degree, but he never really wanted me touching him.
Our relationship - if that's what you could call it - was extremely complicated and confusing, putting it mildly. He admitted loving me, as I loved him in that sense, but yet he kept me at a distance. It hurt my feelings, but I stayed in love with him since I've first come to the academy, two years ago.
We shared his room, me occasionally sleeping on the sofa or making a mat on the floor - whatever was convenient for him. I really hated to get in his way, it bothered me constantly. I even offered to room with Ruka or Seiren, but he objected the idea abundantly, which only made me more frustrated.
I hated it the - stress of it all. He would only share brief touches with me, like him touching my cheek or hands. I would treasure the moment greatly, but at the same time, I would want to rip my hair out. I wanted Kaname like my next intake of breath. Or maybe that should be needed, not wanted.
Sharing a room with him was making it so much more hard on me. I don't know how he could stand it, but he was always so nonchalant about everything, as if my presence here didn't bother him - either that or he just pretended I wasn't here. But the things that made it difficult, were the times he would walk out of the bathroom in only a towel hanging loosely from his waist. I knew it was wrong, but I always allowed my eyes to travel him when he wasn't looking; his broad shoulders, the taut muscles of his chest - how well defined he was even though he worked out no more than he ever had to begin with, and most importantly, the deep set V right above the towel, just a little below his navel . . .
The thought made me shiver. It was things like this that would end up being the death of me. And the worst part was - he was doing it all on purpose. Testing my resolve maybe? Or maybe my self control? It didn't matter, because it was working. He would tease me until I would be in - theoretical - tears, always dancing just out of my reach, just at the last moment.
I felt my hand hit something hard back in reality. It shook me out of my thoughts, and I stared dumbfounded to find my fist in the wall.
Kaname was staring at me incredulously.
I quickly pulled my hand back, a piece of dry wood following behind, thumping loudly as it hit the floor. My hand was covered in dust and molding. I flushed and fluidly moved out of the room into the bathroom to wash off my still clenched fist.
When I patted it dry with care - flexing it to make sure it wasn't broken or hurt any - Kaname was in the bedroom doorway, a hint of a smile tugging on the edges of his lips.
"Would you like to explain why you just put a hole in my wall?"
"No," I grumbled, pushing past him back into the bedroom.
He chuckled. "Really? You looked really . . . frustrated."
"No thanks to you," I muttered, too low for him to hear, as I began studying the wall. "Do you think it can be fixed?" I asked, louder.
"Of course." he said, nonchalant as usual.
My teeth ground together and I stomped my way into the closet, closing it behind me as I fumbled - because of my being too frustrated to concentrate - until I found the latch to open the hidden door. It swung open and I stepped inside, flicking on the light switch.
This room was where Kaname allowed me to keep my stuff, and, when I was upset, I came in here to be alone. Kaname had sworn to never step foot in here without permission, which I was now undoubtedly grateful about. Alone time for me was heaven time. It was a safe place to go to where Kaname wasn't so literally everywhere. Not even his scent was in here.
I plopped down onto a black beanbag I had set to the side, sighing. I can't believe I actually punched his wall. See? He was only making it worse. The next time it might be a whole wall. Let's just say, it was lucky today.
I grumbled to myself, fidgeting endlessly until I finally decided on a shower. A shower would hopefully wash away my thoughts of Kaname.
My clothing was strewn everywhere - in boxes, on boxes, on the floor, on a rack, in a dresser, in a trunk. I shot myself mentally for having so much crap. But I eventually scavenged up an old, ratty t-shirt, sports bra, and boy shorts. I knew Kaname didn't care what I wore. I could come out in the nude and he wouldn't pay me anymore attention then if I had been dressed in hobos clothing.
I grumbled about this, too, as I made my way into his closet and back into the bedroom. He was laying like I had been earlier, only this time facing the doorway to the bathroom. He watched me with a bemused expression and I scowled at him, wishing that looks could literally kill.
"Are you over your tantrum yet?" he asked, his tone also smug. He sat up and watched me as I all but romped into the bathroom.
"No," I said as I turned on the water. I set my new clothing aside and stared at myself in the mirror, also glaring at myself.
I - despite the good lord and everything else in the world - knew that Kaname probably didn't want anything physical with the relationship was because I wasn't pretty enough for him.
My scowl quickly turned to sorrow in two heartbeats. My eyes fell to the sink, as I started to undo the tight French braid my hair had been in.
"Why so sad?" his voice asked from the bathroom doorway.
I looked up at him, but my flame of anger had been burned out long ago.
"I'm not sad." I spat the words, now violently tugging my hair from its stupid tangle.
"I don't believe you," he said, watching me closely.
"Why do you even care?" I suddenly blurt, the gloominess starting to burn harsher.
His eyebrows set over his eyes in a harsh manner. "You know why."
"Do I?" I asked, laughing as I finally started to run the brush still harshly through my long curls.
A low growl rumbled his chest. "Don't be stupid."
"Stupid?" I repeated. "I'm not being stupid, Kaname. I'm being rational." It took me a moment before I could speak again. I watched only my expression in the mirror, my hand starting to slow as it ran through my hair with the brush. "You're the only stupid one here, stupid. Don't put the blame on me for this one. You're why I'm . . . upset. The reason why is because what - you love me? Really? Do you, Kaname?"
I suddenly met his gaze, setting the brush down on the edge of the sink and turning off the water. He opened his mouth to speak but I spoke faster. "I don't think you do. I guess I'll give you enough credit to say you may, to a certain degree . . . But seriously, Kaname. Stop being blind. Or stupid. Whatever. My point is, is that you need to stop right now, Kaname. If you're just leading me on . . ." My voice faded, but I cleared my throat. I had to support my weight against the sink. I moved my eyes to the white porcelain that I was clenching my hands around.
"Then so be it. Send me on my way. But I can't just sit here and - and suffer like this forever, Kaname. I may love you, more than I can put in words, but, I don't think I can wait forever. It hurts worse each day . . . I get more confused and frustrated every time you open your mouth or look at me. If you really love me, Kaname," I paused, looking up to meet his eyes, which were unsurprisingly blank. "Then prove it."
But I closed the door in his face and locked the two entrances. I started the water for my shower with shaky hands.
I knew the shower effort of washing him out of my mind would now be wasted, but I still felt dirty, saying that to him.
The water was too hot on my bare skin, and I shivered violently until I could adjust to the temperature. My eyes poured with the water that showered down on me, and I bit back the sobs that eventually had me sitting curled up on the bathtubs floor. It wasn't until the water was turning cold when I could get a grip on myself. I stood up and quickly finished up washing before shutting off the shower and stepped out, wrapping my towel around me.
I almost groaned aloud - even the towel had his scent on it. I sat on the edge of the toilet and held my head in my hands, praying to have the strength to at least be civil with him until I could shut myself off in my little corner of this hectic world and try to - probable no avail, here - sleep.
Swallowing down my stupid fears, doubts, and presumptions, I stood up shakily and scrubbed my face clean in the sink until it felt raw. My body was dry by then, but my stupid hair was still dripping. I took the time to blow-dry it, even taking the time to precisely adjust it so it would come out straight.
When that time had passed all too quickly, I shrugged into my black shorts bra, gray boy-shorts and the ratty, so-worn-it-has-holes mahogany t-shirt.
I cleaned up my mess almost too thoroughly. I even took an extra moment to fold my dirty clothes and set them in the bottom of the hamper.
Not able to put it off any longer, I unlocked both doors and exited into the bedroom. Kaname was laying on the bed now, his head propped up on his fluffy, feather pillows. He stared at the ceiling without looking at me as I passed by. He looked thoughtful, but his eyes were still blank. I wondered what he was thinking.
"Goodnight," I murmured to him despite myself.
He finally moved his eyes to me. He sat up, looking after me, again with emotions moving across his features too swiftly for me to point out. "Goodnight, Ember." His tone was soft, feather light. But there was something in it that made me cringe.
I tried smiling his way once, not sure how it ended up looking, and ducked into his closet, shutting the door behind me quietly. I stood there for maybe half a minute, before I finally went into my room and locked the door behind me. I almost laughed. Like a lock could keep a vampire out. But it was the same as putting a do-not-disturb sign up, so I kept it locked anyways.
Not very happy, I started piling all my thick comforters on the floor when a knock sounded on my door. I paused, looking at the door with a dumb expression until I finally realized I had to go open it.
Kaname was standing behind it, still blank in the eyes.
"Ember," he sighed, his wine orbs finally showing a hint of emotion. Guilt. "I'm sorry, why don't you come and sleep in the bed?"
I glanced back at my pile of still-in-progress blankets, sighing. "I don't know," I murmured. It would be harder to sleep with his scent so around me like that.
He was silent, but he grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of my room, into his closet. He then - causing me to gasp and freeze - wrapped his arms around me.
I wasn't really sure how to react. A part of me wanted to smack some sense into the boy, wondering what the hell was going on. But then the other part wanted to pull him closer . . . sniff his hair.
Like a little devil on my shoulder was prodding me with his pitchfork, I wrapped my arms around his waist - since he was so stupidly tall - and stood on my toes only slightly to take a lungful of the scent coming from his beautiful - but still stupid - head.
"I'm sorry," he almost but moaned into my shoulder, leaning to press his face against me. "I didn't understand you felt like that. It's hard to interpret your emotions sometimes. But, I did do a lot of harsh teasing that shouldn't have been done I'll admit that. That was my wrong. But I do love you, Ember. So very much that it is impossible to put into words."
He pulled back to look me in the eye, his own orbs smoldering. "Could you please forgive the stupid sadistic masochist standing before you?"
I felt my cheeks heat. I already knew my answer. Stupid Kaname and his stupid stupidness. I leaned into him, placing my own head on his shoulder. "I wouldn't have been able to not forgive you for long anyways."
I felt him smile, and then, very lightly pull back and brush his lips against my temple. "I know this is the part that aggravates you," he whispered, his breath on my skin sending chills down my spine. "But I'm preserving you . . . in a sense." he chuckled.
"What do you mean, 'preserving me'?" I asked, but didn't pull back. The closeness was so sudden and foreign - even through I welcomed it with more than opened arms - that I didn't want to move yet.
"You might understand later," he murmured gently, and then his lips trailed down to my jaw. "It's time for you to get some sleep. I'm sure it's been a tiring day."
I rolled my eyes, but it almost physically hurt to pull back from him. He lead me back into the bedroom and tucked me into the fluffy bed carefully.
I laid my head on the pillow and almost but lost it when he laid to my side. He also, climbed under the blankets. "I hope this is alright?" he asked, although his eyes burned for me to say it was fine.
I nodded, not able to speak.
He smiled, and then, gently wrapped his arm around me but still kept distance.
It didn't matter. He was still near, still in the same bed as me. I could sleep with that on my mind.
But, as my eyes closed, all I saw was Cyrus.
Our last few moments. He had been trying to tell me something important. But he couldn't get it out fast enough . . . the hunter had shot him in the head before his mouth could form the words. I shuddered, drifting further into unconsciousness, almost realizing, in some twisted way, that maybe those hunters hadn't just killed him randomly or on whim. It almost seemed like they were trying to stop him from telling me what he was going to say.
Almost like they had . . . silenced Cyrus.
But I was probably just over thinking things. It was probably just all coincidence. But it was still haunting, that thought.
When I finally fell to sleep, I dreamed of Cyrus, his face determined and bewildered as he looked over his shoulder, still trying to say the word "papers" when the bullet went through his skull.
Just a coincidence . . . nothing . . . more.
Well there you have it, guys. I hope you enjoyed, and I sincerely hope it was comprehensible.
If this gets enough feedback, I'll consider continuing it. If not, it'll just become one of those sad oneshots that have no background. xD
Till later then!
~Polynox™