Fake A Smile, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

This is coming from my art website: .com so no it wasn't stolen. I didn't think (at the time it was written) that it was good enough to post here, but a lot of ppl liked it on devART. I don't know why..

ugh I can't write... sorry if it's crap. I didn't polish it really well.

Basically I got this idea, and I started writing, but I never finished it the first day. This is four days of writing put together to make a little story. OMG it's so sad. ;_;

If anyone can guess what the song was that inspired this they get a cookie.

P.S. I haven't been on in a while, and I'm looking for some stories. If anyone can help, go to my user page for descriptions of them. Much appreciated.

Disclaimer: Freai doesn't own YGO, Ryou, or Malik. (Or the mysterious song that inspired this whole story)

Fake a Smile

I try to pay attention to the words that are coming out of his mouth, his beautifully shaped mouth, and I find that's all I'm staring at when I look at him and his words are just alluring background noise; carelessly accented words that almost purr when he murmurs. But I can't make out the words, and even if I could I probably wouldn't be able to piece together what they mean.

"Ryou, are you even listening to me?" I nod, some locks of silver hair slip past my bangs and into my eyes; I've gotten use to such difficulties, and used this advantage to drag my gaze away from my best friend's golden-bronze face. I don't need him to see how distracted I get by him just being there, and I also don't want him to see the pain that stabs me when I realize what he was trying to talk to me about. Meiko, just like every other time that I see him; Meiko is the girl that Malik had been seeing for the last few months or so, and has been falling head over heels for ever since. Malik Ishtar and I have been friends for a couple of years now, we were only acquaintances when he moved to Japan with his older sister and step-brother, but I was the only one that would really help them settle in. Like me, Malik really didn't get along well with Yugi Motou and his friends, the people we met each other through; Yugi-tachi is nice to
everyone, but I always felt out of place when I was with them. Malik felt the same way, only his reason was because of their history together. There's really no need to explain such history though, everyone has put it far behind them.

Malik and I were roommates our freshman year of college as well, we each have our own apartments this year though; I'm very relieved for that, just hearing about what he and Meiko do makes me want to crawl under the floorboards. I don't know what I'd do if I actually had to be there. Every time that Malik even mentions his girlfriend, who I have yet to meet, my throat swells and my stomach starts to tear itself apart. It's hard to listen to, but I don't know what is worse: listening to him tell it in person and see how his face lights up or the smile that I had never seen before he met Meiko spread across his lips, or to have his silk-smooth voice echo through my head in words that cause my eyes to water and my lips to tremble. I can't escape this girl that I only know about through my best friend… my best friend that I've loved for a while now.

I always meant to tell Malik that I was bi-sexual in High School, and for a while I was pretty sure he just knew anyway. But I don't know now how to tell him that I think I might be gay; I know that he will be supportive, and will probably try to set me up with other guys… but that's just it. I don't want to date any other guys, I don't even think I could; my heart's been through a blender multiple times a day for the last few months, and it's getting to the point where if I even see Malik my chest starts to hurt. Because I know that the smile on his face and the gleam in his lavender eyes are caused by someone else; Malik's straight as can be now because of Meiko, and I think I'm officially gay because of Meiko.

But I can't do anything about it… Malik's so happy, and I have never seen him like this before he met the girl with choppy black hair and misty blue eyes. This means that I could have never made him as happy as he is now… so I smile, and hide my mud-brown eyes behind colorless bangs and hope he doesn't see me.

The smile I give him strains my face, and I can't really tell how big it is or how fake it looks, and I struggle to keep it there; but he buys it, and the grin that crosses his flawless bronze skin is so warm and pleasing that my smile seems just a little easier to hold onto, but it also makes me want to cry.

"I still want you to meet her! She knows just as much about you as you do about her," he laughs a little, and the tone of his voice lightens the heavy substance that has been dragging my heart down into my stomach, but I'm torn between how to take the words that he said. Should I be happy that he thinks and talks about me even when he's with Meiko? Or should I hurt more because he can talk to her just as easily as he can with me, if not easier? We've known each other longer, but she must get along with him better than I could when we first met.

I've thought about meeting Meiko, because Malik has been trying to get us all to go do something together for about a month or so now, but I always chicken out and give some lame excuse to not come along. I've wondered what she looks like, and how they will act together, when I'm there too. What if half way through whatever we're doing I just become a third wheel and have gotten in the middle of what could have been a date? I bet she's pretty too, beautiful even, and I bet they look good together; that thought really hurts as well. Even if Malik wasn't straight, I probably wouldn't be able to even stand next to him.

But enough of my troubles, I focus on Malik once more; holding back tears, not able to speak, and smiling at him as if I agreed… hoping he won't see that my heart is in pieces.

Laughter surrounds me, and for once I'm just as happy as Malik is. We're at my apartment, because as much as Malik loves Meiko he can't stand her friends. My place was now a sanctuary, and it was like freshman year again. We haven't talked about Meiko, and I'm hoping that he doesn't notice that I'm happier when we're not talking about her. So I try to mellow down my mood, to be less obvious, but it's a failed attempt; Malik is the only thing that makes me happy. My smile is now harder to take off, and it's so comfortable on my lips that I wish I could smile more; a real smile, not the fake ones that hurt my face when I keep them up for too long. There's nothing about this moment that hurts, but I can feel that at some point Malik will start talking about Meiko, because it's been almost five hours now and… he's probably starting to miss her. My smile falls like a cinder block, and my throat starts to swell again.

Malik's silent; it's a blissful silence that radiates from where he sits next to me, and I know that he's thinking about Meiko. The effect such radiance would usually give reverses and makes me want to cry again. Malik is the only thing that makes me cry now. He asks me what's wrong, I can't hear the words now because I'm focusing too hard on breathing deeply through my nose and keeping the tears from escaping, but the tone of his accented voice tells me anyway. I nod, my messy locks once again shielding my face, and I know he's too lost in his thoughts to see that I'm lying.

He starts talking, and I listen; I try to appear that I'm looking at him, and my fake smile is back on my face. The thing about my fake smile is that it only hurts when I focus on what he's saying, if I look at him and block out what he's saying it's easier… because the smile is just so he thinks that I'm happy for him. I really am, but I can only stare at him for so long before his words find their way inside my head and I have to pay attention. He says he thinks he finally got it right this time, the whole falling in love thing, and the contentment that hugs his words renderers me… helpless. I can't help but be happy for him, and it's a strange feeling. The smile is easier to hold, and a light blush is probably staining my cheeks; a strand of pale hair finds its way curved around my pale fingers. He was always so wonderful with words, and it sounds like he's reading from a romance novel; he's so in love and my fanboy side comes out as I let some giggles escape my throat. It helps my situation, letting Malik think nothing is wrong, because though it sounds so wonderful… I know the main character of this novel is Malik, and his love is not me. My emotions mingle and twist together, my happiness and shy love for his story, and my near-horror and pain that I'm not included in it mix dreadfully and I'm not sure how much longer I can bear it.

He's so in love with Meiko, it's beautiful...

Why do my thoughts betray me? And why can't my heart just let go…

I'm almost relieved when Meiko calls. Malik's whole persona lights up, but he's out the door with a short good-bye and a promise to call me later.

Silently… I hope he forgets.

Malik doesn't call, and I'm relieved but hurt at the same time. Though I'm use to the hurt by now, so mostly it's just relief, and I try not to think about what had him so wrapped up tonight, and what he will do to make it up to me… if he remembers. I try to work on my literature studies, and the essay I'm writing isn't very good. Sitting on my bed with all my resources around me, I try to glance at them as I piece the paper together as elegantly as I can, but I have to pause every now and then because my vision is too blurred to make out what is on the papers. I block out my personal thoughts as best as I can…

… and now I have to start all over again. The ink starts to bleed under the bead of water as it seeps into the paper, and the bottom of my vision blurs heated and wet. Cool air flows down my cheek with the trails of the tears that I've been holding back all day. I gasp for breath though my throat has swollen almost shut, and sobs escape my trembling and wet lips. My shaking hands go up to my face and I hurriedly wipe away the tears, trying to calm myself down but it's just so hard to do. I'm so tired of crying, before all of this I had never cried. People say it's healthy to let your emotions go like this, but it's just killing me, slowly and painfully every day.

I don't stop crying that night.

And I don't finish my paper.

Coffee is the only thing that keeps me going these days. I sit where I usually do, at the small cafe on campus, outside waiting for Malik to come and join me before our first class. The cool autumn breeze goes unnoticed, and my sweater seems too hot for this morning; though my third white chocolate mocha is nearly gone, and my essay is finally finished. I look up as I hear a familiar voice call my name, and see Malik on his way over to where I sit. He's dressed as if it is November, every year he still can't get use to the cold of Winter; he use to joke that he would go home to Egypt every winter, mostly just to see me beg for him to stay. He looked great, as always, and I suddenly remember I have to breathe. The pale golden locks that brush his shoulders contrast with the black thigh-length jacket, and though his clothing's loose it fit him so attractively; everything about him is breath-taking. He's so flawless, so graceful, so… perfect;
everything that I'm not.

Does Meiko even know how lucky she is? Does she ever tell Malik how perfect he is? Or is she too shy, like me? I hope not, because it would probably hurt more if I could relate to her. He sits down, and complains about the cold, and finishes off my coffee. I smile at him, and tell him that it really isn't that cold… and that I will come with him and Meiko that weekend. I don't even remember what we're doing, but I have decided that I need to stop avoiding such things. Suddenly Malik is a little more…. Serious? Nervous? I really can't tell. But he looks straight at me, straight into my eyes; he's never done that before. And my guard is suddenly up… I don't want him to know how much it's hurting me to go. He asks me, flat out, if I'm going to back out on them. His eyes are such a vibrant color of light purple, that I have to pull myself back before I get lost in them, but he's trying so hard to see me. See the truth. I don't want to see Meiko, but I will go for him; and I think he sees that's the thing, because there is something that suddenly appears in his eyes and it's an emotion I can't place. But I blink once or twice, and look back at him with as much intensity as I can muster, I won't let him see anything that would spark such a negative emotion within him. I tell him I'll be there, and there is a smile there on my face; a small smile, but not a fake one. For a moment he looks like he's about to ask something else, but he shakes his head and goes back to being my sun. Happy and radiating such warmth that my smile grows and I'm just glad that I'm with him.

I hope Meiko knows what she has, and that she doesn't hesitate in loving him back. As much as it hurts, it would be so much worse if Malik was hurt by her too. She better not be holding back, and know how lucky she is to have a guy like Malik. I hope she looks in his eyes all the time, those beautiful eyes, and sees the love he has for her; because it shines so deeply within him. There's some part of me that wishes, too, that when I meet her… that by the end of our outing she will know that it's that love he has for her that keeps me from telling him anything. That's the reason I suffer. But I know I won't tell her that myself, I can wish I could, but I won't; I care too much, and I won't make her suffer too. Who knows, maybe I'll get over him sooner if she doesn't know…

But as I laugh with Malik, and we head to our history class, I know that's impossible. I know that I will always love him, no matter what might happen between him and Meiko. I know that I won't sleep tonight, unless it's from exhaustion and tears.

I don't know what will happen this weekend. I don't know if Meiko will even like me, or if I will be able to keep myself together. I don't know if I'll be able to stop the tears, or if it will hurt more if I like Meiko. Malik keeps saying I will like her, and if I do it will only break my heart again. I don't know how many times my heart can break before I lose it and do something stupid. No, I won't let her get to me like that.

Malik's the only one that can break my heart.

This weekend, I'll most likely chew my lip to mince meat in nervousness, I'll keep silent most of the time because it will be too hard to speak, I'll be pleasant and nice to Meiko like I am to everyone, and I'll smile my fake smile… just so Malik won't see me.

Owari?

I guess it's a oneshot. I keep thinking about how I could continue it, but I can't just can't decide how. Maybe I'll do another chapter one day... I don't know.

Please review!