Here it is! Yes, my first Air Gear fic; just a light and fluffy oneshot to hopefully brighten your day. God knows there's not nearly enough of this pairing out there. Tell me what you think when you're done though? How am I supposed to get better if no one leaves anything for me to go by? And the title... not the best, but I'm not good with titles. Sorry Crimson, but I didn't take your advice on the title... I don't think the body theme was strong enough to have the title, though, you know?
On that note - Many thanks to Crimson Vixen for being my beta on this!
Disclaimer: Who writes fics about their own manga/anime?
Dilemma
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School had let out hours ago, yet there I was, raising clouds of dust on the track yet again. The dying sun's rays threw the main buildings into a fiery relief, but it was too blurred for me to really notice as my feet led me around the oval path once more. I had lost count of how many laps I had run; I wasn't really paying attention anyway. My troubled thoughts took up most of my head space.
Ever since the formation of Kogarasumaru, things had… changed. Not with the others on the team – well, yes, with them too; everyone seemed to be improving so much – but I meant more with myself. In the way I thought about things. Or… okay. Confession time. About a certain someone. It's not like something really happened to change my view, it just kinda went poof, then sudden attraction. I sometimes satiated my mind by passing it off as acting up hormones, but then why would the little buggers choose that person? Why couldn't it have been, like, Simca or someone? It's not like every guy in the Air Trek world didn't secretly lust after her anyway. Well, I guess I couldn't have had that, or Ikki would have beaten me up or something.
Ah, those kinds of thoughts brought back that painful pang in my chest again. That would definitely not be good, to have my lifelong friend disown me for something as stupid as hormones. But really, leave it to my body to single me out once again, making me different, yet in the wrong way. Yeah, I wanted to stand out, but in that way that everyone admires. Not steal the show, no. That position was always Ikki's. But gain some recognition, some acknowledgement that I was worth something. That oh-so-familiar sensation of self-hate welled up in me again as I put on a vicious burst of speed, sailing around a corner. Why wasn't it me who could gain that respect? Why wasn't I good enough?
"Gah!" My musings had been interrupted as my skate nicked a patch of loose dirt. I lost my footing and went rolling in the dust, eventually sliding to a stop. Good thing I had been wearing my team jacket or my arm would have sported countless scrapes, numerous tiny stones embedded in each. I picked myself up slowly, checking to see that nothing had been severely damaged and brushing the dust from my person. A sound met my ears, and I whipped around to find the source, almost losing my balance from the spin. It was just Ikki, leaning casually against a tree and clapping, regular wide grin intact.
"Nice wipe out," he called, skating over to me. My eyes were suddenly glued to the ground, hand flying up to my hair subconsciously. Wait… my hair? I frowned, realizing what was missing.
"Hey, my hat…" I glanced up to see one of his gloved hands offering the cream beanie to me with a smirk on his lips. I smiled in relief and took it back, but sucked in an involuntary breath as I felt something. It was like… a tiny jolt of energy or something. Ikki didn't appear to have felt anything, so I let it go. Probably just static electricity. After firmly pulling my beloved hat down to my eyebrows, I followed my best friend away from the track.
"Why were you practicing so late? The sun's practically down!"
"I need the practice." Wasn't it obvious? I was nowhere near Ikki's level. I looked down at my AT's. Ours were so similar, so how come our abilities were so different? How was I so insignificant next to him? "I'm not even close to where you are," This last part I mumbled, and I kind of hoped he hadn't heard. I raised my eyes to his face, seeing faint annoyance written there. Clearly he had.
"Tch. I don't know what world you're living in, Kazu, 'cuz there's no way I could ever go as fast as you." A warm smile played on his features as he met my rapt gaze. "You're amazing, you know that?" I batted away a blush I felt creeping up into my face as I lowered my eyes once more. 'He meant my Riding skills were amazing, (even though they weren't)' I chastised my mind at the possible romance of the words. Stupid hormones.
A sigh. "We're meant for different Roads, you and me. You're so far ahead on your Road, why are you trying to climb mine? You can't compare your own abilities to mine; it's like trying to match a triangle and a circle. No matter what size they are, they'll never be the same. You have to stick to the shape you're given. Make sense?" I gave a sorry, half-hearted attempt at a nod; my eyes were back on my wheeled feet.
Ikki was never very good at speeches or metaphors, but I got what he was trying to get at. At least I thought I did. But maybe… did he mean that I would never get to be as good as him? That I should just stop trying to be good at it? My insides squirmed in shame. "Yeah," I replied distantly. Too bad I didn't notice his crafty grin until it was too late.
"Hey, race ya home? Loser has to buy the other lunch tomorrow!" I barely had time to register his words before his wheels ground against the pavement and he was speeding off. I groaned; another one of his games. He had always tried to get me to have an ego the size of his. But that's not healthy. I shook my head and took half a second to shift my stance, then I was after him.
I caught up easily enough – he hadn't gotten that big of a head start. I had just passed him when something nudged me hard in my arm. Thrown off my stride, I wobbled, and Ikki only rolled by, laughing. I narrowed my eyes. I was so not paying for his lunch – he ate like a freaking… thing that eats a lot. It would cost me a fortune! I lunged at him, catching his side, but he was ready. Cackling like a witch, he grabbed my elbow and pulled me into a headlock; a very awkward position on Air Treks. Intent on being set free, I twisted sideways, placed one hand on Ikki's leg, the other on his side, and pushed him away from me. By this point we were both swerving madly down the street and laughing like idiots. Until, of course, a car drove straight at us, honking loudly.
"Hahaa– IKKI! CAR!"
"HahaHAAH?! AHHH!!"
"AHH!!"
"HONK!"
"AHHH!!" We swerved crazily, me pulling his leg left and him dragging me right. Somehow, we made it out of the car's path in the nick of time, and careened right into the curb, soaring spectacularly over a child running down the sidewalk and right into – a bush. A freaking rosebush. Well, it was better than the possibility of hitting the tree only a metre or so to our left. But still. Whose great idea was it to give roses thorns, anyway?
Grumbling threats of a sacrilegious nature, it was then I realized just where I was lying. Ikki's body was thrown over mine, and his arm was still around my neck from the headlock. My face was buried in his shirt, and I couldn't help but take in his scent (it was either that or death by asphyxiation). It's not like it had changed; it was the same as I'd always known it – warm, earthy, with a little bit of cologne for the ladies, yet laced with the tang of sweat and skin, and so full of memories. Like when we had first joined the East Side Guns and-
Some twisted part of my mind cooed about just how good this felt, with Ikki so close, as the rest of it reminisced. Oh God. You're smelling your best friend. Your straight best friend. I shoved that romantic part back into its dark little corner savagely and untangled myself from Ikki. My neck cried out in protest at the sudden lack of warmth, but I ignored it. Why was my body so against me today? Stupid hormones. Standing, I inhaled sharply as the sane part of my body resumed function, reminding me I had fallen into a prickly shrubbery. Upon examination, I luckily only had a light sprinkling of scratches from where the numerous barbs had penetrated my clothing. Turning to look at Ikki, who had just roused himself, it looked like he fared the same.
"This is your second fall today, Kazu. You're losing you're touch," he teased lightly, offering me his hand. I hesitated for a split second, but helped him to his feet anyway.
"Yeah, well this time it was your fault," I replied evenly. My raven-haired friend made an indignant noise, but had nothing to say, seeing as it was true. Looking back at our previously occupied space, he commented dryly,
"We'd better get out of here before some old lady notices we bent her flowers and beats us with her walker," I grinned in agreement and we rolled home in the dying light.
"I'm home," I greeted the empty front hall. No one was ever home these days. I sighed, unlacing my AT's and carefully setting them on the floor. Padding to the kitchen, I let my mind wander as I stared mindlessly into the glaring fluorescent light of the refrigerator. I hadn't eaten since lunch, had I?
If my life had been some cheesy chick flick, I would say that my body was still tingling from the sensation of Ikki's weight over mine, the feel of the bare skin of his arm against my neck. However, seeing as my life was not some cheesy chick flick, but that of a comparatively normal teenager, I couldn't say that was true. But I was still musing over the sense of longing to be near him, to have even the slightest piece of his skin touching mine.
Realizing the fridge was beeping at me mournfully to close the door, in the hopes of saving some energy, I grabbed a carton of milk and swung the door shut. But then I realized that I was holding a carton of milk. What could I possibly do with that to satisfy my hunger? Quickly I put the milk back before the machine could plead with me again and found some bread lying on the counter. Slicing up a block of cheddar animal by-product, I made an impromptu cheese sandwich, and munched on it slowly, resuming my reverie.
But in reality, what I wanted could never happen. Ikki was straight. Straaaiiight. As in he liked girls. Not guys. I was really out of luck there, wasn't I? Even if I had a moment of startling temporary insanity and told him what I felt, a guy with as much dignity and ego as Ikki was almost undoubtedly partially homophobic, and would quite possibly beat the crap out of me. I sensed that familiar bubble of self-anger growing again. Why had whoever was in charge decided to take their cruelties out on me? I was a second best, guy-liking, average Joe teenager who just followed along in the shadow of another. What had I ever done to the Big Guy upstairs?
My sandwich was gone. I blinked at my empty fingers; when had I finished it? Letting it go, I marched myself up to my room, stripped down to my boxers and climbed in bed. So back to Ikki. What should I do? If I told him what was going on, an ass kicking could be lying in wait. But if I kept quiet… I could hide it, right? Being best friends with Ikki was better than being disowned for liking him too much any day. I was good at hiding things. This was a solution. Solutions were good.
I settled in for sleep, then realized my beanie was still firmly clamped to my blonde head. Pulling it off, I set it gently on my bedside table and patted it fondly before snuggling under the covers. Pretend he was nothing more than a best friend… yeah. That wasn't too hard.
I could do that.
Okay, maybe I couldn't. It was only three quarters of the way through second period (math, complete with test) and it was already almost unbearable. But it wasn't my fault every time I looked at him my mind seemed to be ready with the sensation of him on top of me, body pressed so close, so wonderfully close… Ugh! You see? It's like my body and half my mind wanted one thing, and the rest of my head wanted another. Unfortunately, put together, the former is much larger compared to the second, so you can see why just ignoring it was so very difficult.
My eyes subconsciously moved, as if attracted by a magnet, to where Ikki was sitting, so naively unaware of my mental struggle. Catching myself red handed, I quickly averted my eyes once more to my paper, where countless numbers and symbols swam, trying their hardest to trick me. What did I care what x stood for? If these math geniuses couldn't figure it out, why ask us? I put my pencil to the paper again, this time getting halfway through the question before finding my eyes once more on the boy with unruly, spiked hair.
I sighed, trying to smooth out a blush that rose into my cheeks at the recalled images in my mind. I was only on question 4; this was agony! Leaning back, I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, clearing my head and trying to refocus. That was better.
"Hey, Kazu," the whispered voice floated into my ears and my eyes flew open. "You got a protractor?" Ikki grinned, trying to stay inconspicuous. Everything returned and the concentration I had gained was lost again as I drowned in images.
Stupid hormones.
The rest of the day was no better; if possible, worse. But, thankfully, it was over! I grabbed my bag and moseyed out the door, deeply inhaling the victoriously sweet air of a Friday. An arm draped itself around my shoulder, immediately dampening my mood. I knew that arm. Today had been so difficult to survive through, but it wouldn't get better, would it? Ikki was still around, and I knew my brain would most definitely not be helping my situation, if today was any indication. It would probably only get worse, actually, now that I saw my friend in that new light.
Surely telling him would fix this; I could forget this misery and life would go back to being easy again. But I couldn't – what if he abandoned me, some homo tag-along? Yeah, I had never offered him anything as a friend, yet he had never complained at my following him. I was nothing without him, anyway. Not that I was transformed into some super-being when he was around, but at least I wasn't that someone in the corner that no one even noticed. At least I was still a person. I couldn't let that go. It was probably the most I was going to get, being as poor at everything as I was – poor friend, poor Storm Rider, poor member of the human race…
Ikki was looking at me. Startled, I looked back. He had that expectant look on his face… had he asked me a question? Oh. "Huh?" I said brightly. His expression gained some worry.
"Are you alright? You've been kinda distant all day..."
"Yeah, yeah; I'm fine," I answered. Distantly. Well that just kind of proved his point, now, didn't it?
"Are you sure? You seem distracted-"
"Yes. I'm fine." I hadn't meant to sound that irritated. I fidgeted with a piece of hair protruding from under my hat and mumbled, "Sorry. Stuff's just been… kinda… lately…" That's right. Acting weird will attract no one's suspicion. Luckily for me, Ikki let it go, arm sliding off my shoulder, letting our brief conversation lapse into a comfortable silence.
Well, comfortable for him; not for me. Dear God, not for me. I was far too busy thinking if I should say something, and if so, what to say. This was technically a perfect time; we were alone, on our way home, no one to interrupt us. So what should I say? Nothing, that's what; just keep it to myself. My mind was so full that I couldn't hope to suppress it all to enjoy a silence. Yet, somehow, everything was wiped away when he spoke,
"So… you thinking of taking anyone to the dance next week?"
"I… uhh… I haven't… thought about it…" Well, I hadn't. Something else much more important was preoccupying my mind.
"How about Emiri? She likes you quite a bit, you know." His eyes seemed to be intensely waiting for me to answer, making me slightly unnerved.
"O-oh… maybe." Some more silence before his cocky grin spread suddenly over his face.
"I'm thinking I'll just go stag; no doubt all the girls will want me anyway, so why only be committed to one?" Oh, a perfect prompt for an agreeable, best friend answer.
"Yeah, you could get anyone you wanted," I tried to flash him a smile, but half-way through realized that I had said 'anyone' not 'any girl'. Dammit. Had I just given myself away? No, I reassured myself, it was too subtle to catch. Sneaking a glance at Ikki out of the corner of my eye, I found he was considering me thoughtfully, and I looked away quickly. However, he didn't seem to notice my slip-up, answering several seconds later with an arrogant grunt.
Soon I noticed Ikki was skating a little farther from me. I glanced up quickly; why was he leaving? Had he miraculously learned to mind read and knew exactly what I was thinking? Actually, that wouldn't have surprised me much. He was always doing that, going and learning new things we hadn't known possible. My stomach fell; I was such a dead weight – totally useless as a Rider, and now admired him in a way he didn't need. Why did he still let me hang around him, anyway? I knew I wasn't worth it.
Oh, he was only leaving because we had already made it to his house. The neighbourhood was quiet; no one was out. A part of my mind was telling me this was the perfect moment to tell him. Everything. Or at least part of it; just let him know what he was dealing with. He was skating away, up the front walk to his house. The moment was slipping away!
"Ikki…" he turned at the sound of his name on my unsure lips. My brain was panicking and I hadn't even meant to call out, but now I had to say something… He stood there patiently, waiting for whatever it was I had to say.
"Uhm… never mind. Forget it." The look on his face was questioning, but I rolled away before he could ask. My face was hot; I blew it. I could have said anything then, anything at all, but of course, me being myself, I couldn't do it. I chickened out, losing what little boldness I had to begin with.
I had tried going to bed, but sleep wouldn't come; my mind was still swirling with thoughts I couldn't seem to dislodge. Alright, so ignoring what I was feeling, whatever those feelings were, was evidently not working. I was tired of not being able to focus, him being the only topic my mind seemed concerned about, and I was sure his patience with me was wearing thin. I had been so out of it and acting oddly, I knew he was going to get frustrated soon. So this led me to my next possible solution – avoiding him. It may seem like a harsh conclusion, but honestly, I wouldn't want to be hanging around with myself right now, so it was really doing him a favour. And maybe, just maybe, without being around him all the time, I could forget all this and things would go back to the way they had been.
It was almost midnight when I heard a faint knocking at my door. Mildly curious, I got up to go answer it. Belatedly, I realized I was still wearing my clothes, having forgotten to change. My Ikki enigma was still floating around my head, so I had thought I would find some excuse to make to whoever it was at the door go away. Imagine my surprise to instead see the crow himself. So much for my 'solution'.
"You wanna go for a walk?" he asked almost… had I not known him better than I do, I would have said tentatively. I noticed his lack of AT's, and this somehow comforted me. It gave me the impression that this would be a talk like it used to be, before AT's came along. Before I began feeling all these alien things. I liked that idea. I nodded and stepped outside, closing the door quietly behind me. We walked in silence for a few moments before he bluntly inquired,
"What's up?" Oooh no. This was so not going to be a talk about me.
"The moon," And it was, too. Nice and bright and a few nights away from full. Ikki gave me a reprimanding look.
"No, really. You've been acting odd for a little while now, and today you were totally out of it," Darn. My cover was blown. "You know you can talk to me, don't you? It's not like I'll laugh and call you names or something." A pause. "Well, if it's something really funny then I'll have to a little bit." Thanks, Ikki. "But really, what's the problem?" I looked away. I couldn't tell him. I knew he wouldn't, couldn't, return what I felt, what with his reputation and all. It's not like he would have noticed me anyway. Not like that. And that was going out on a limb supposing that he didn't completely flip out and kick my ass or anything.
"Really, it's nothing. I've… just been feeling kind of sick lately, you know?" I lied, hoping he'd just drop it. But I knew Ikki.
"No you haven't," he caught my lie easily. Impatience flashing in his eyes for a second, he pushed me against a convenient wall, hands pinning my shoulders. I was surprised for a moment of the suddenness of this action, but soon noticed the close proximity of his face looking into mine. I lowered my eyes, unwilling to meet his searching eyes. It was only then I remembered we were wearing sneakers instead of AT's. I couldn't run away fast enough without my AT's. Had he planned this?
"My problem?" Alright, self, it was time to swallow your remaining pride and just do it. My voice was soft still with uncertainty, "You really want to know?"
"Yes, I do." His, au contraire, was hard and determined. And then, I did it. I just leaned forward, kissing goodbye to our friendship, and kissing him hello. It was too quick to get a much of a reaction, but I think I got my meaning across.
"That's my problem." I pushed his arm off my shoulder and walked back towards my house, bracing myself for the worst, already trying to imagine what it would be like without Ikki there as my best friend. I couldn't remember a time when it had been different. I tried to both block out any sounds I might hear and listen as hard as I could for his voice, even though all I might have gotten was an angry comment. But I hoped he would be outright with the rejection; it was always easier to swallow that way. I ran my tongue over my lips, trying to savour that last bit of Ikki I would ever touch. It would be hard, but I think I could live off the memory of that fleeting moment of contact.
"How's that a problem?" I was about to explain, but stopped mid-scoff when the meaning of his words hit me. Hard. I froze, hardly daring to breathe. If this was only a dream… I could hear his feet on the ground behind me, and felt him spin me around, but I was still afraid if I moved, maybe I would wake up and still be drowning in misery.
Until I felt his lips on mine; then I knew this was real. Of course, that realization was soon followed by a tide of thoughts of incredulity. But it didn't matter, because Ikki was kissing me. Because he wanted to. And, oh, how I wanted this. How I wanted him. I almost smiled, but seeing as my mouth was a little occupied at the moment, I settled for enjoying the moment and let my mind go wild in its fantasies. I probably shouldn't have though, because those just made me blush.
Stupid hormones.
A/N: That one line in there somewhere... that just kind of trailed off and seemed like it was missing a word? I meant it like that. I do that all the time actually. Leave out words, I mean.
Thanks!
blizzy