You guessed it, this is another memory loss fic brought to you by yours truly. I hope you enjoy!
"What do you mean 'severe brain trauma'?" he practically growled.
Leonard and Rip were in the med bay, standing on either side of a hospital bed on which Sara was lying, unconscious.
The team had been fighting a group of skilled time pirates, men who'd take over a jumpship and were using it to steal from the world at its weakest points. That time, they'd been going straight for the Pentagon mere hours after the attack on Pearl Harbor.
They had thwarted them eventually, but the pirates were very skilled and the team had their usual missteps.
Ray had, as per usual, lost a piece of his suit, or at least, he thought he did. He found it later in his jeans pocket with no idea how it got there, but the panic it had ensued had caused them to lose their ground against the pirates.
They had also now alerted the American government and FBI to their presence, and they'd not taken too kindly to a flying, burning man, a gun that shot fire and another that shot ice, and a super suit that could shoot lasers and shrink to the size of an atom.
The third mishap occurred in the tail-end of the fight against the pirates. Sara had been taking on their leader, the best fighter of their group, when suddenly she'd been hit and flew through the air, hitting a white marble pillar and crumpling to the floor. It had, in fact, ended the fight because Leonard, in a fit of rage, had iced every remaining pirate in once blast from his cold gun.
Sara had yet to regain consciousness, even after being brought back onto the ship and to the med bay. Rip wasn't particularly concerned; he'd seen people survive much worse and he knew Sara herself had survived much worse. He was more worried about her husband, Leonard. who'd had yet to leave her side and was currently glaring in the direction Gideon's voice had come from like he was prepared to kill the AI.
"Yes Mr. Snart," Gideon replied, either unaware or unfazed by Leonard's threatening tone, "It appears that the impact of hitting the wall caused damage to Miss Lance's brain, the medial temporal lobe to be exact."
"So we can expect a concussion?" Rip asked, "And perhaps mild memory loss?"
"That would be correct, Captain."
"You seem to know a lot about this, Rip," Leonard glared at the captain.
"Let's just say this isn't the first time I've seen this type of injury," he replied, "and I'm quite positive it won't be the last."
"If you know so much, then you should know how to fix her!"
"Alas, even the future times were unable to crack the code that is the human brain — fascinating subject."
"Yes, yes, I'm sure the nerd twins would have a field day with it," Leonard said flippantly, "but that doesn't get us any closer to helping her!"
"I'm afraid I don't believe there is anything you can do, other than make her comfortable," Rip replied.
"But you said something about memory loss. How do we get her memory back?"
"We won't know if there's been any memory loss until she wakes up. There might not be any at all, and if there is, it's likely minor, like when seizure victims don't remember having a seizure. She'll recover."
"That isn't good enough, Rip!"
"I know, Mr. Snart," Rip replied, "But it's all I can do."
Leonard's retort was cut off by a rustling sound coming from the bed. Both of their heads whipped towards the source of the noise, where they saw Sara's eyes opening.
"Sara!" Leonard crossed the room in just a few strides. He stood by her shoulders, one hand going on the headrest of the bed, the other going to her wrist, "Are you okay?"
Sara turned to meet his eyes and what Leonard saw scared him more than the bloodlust he'd seen her fight, and the nightmares he helped her through at night.
What he saw was complete and utter unrecognition. She was looking into his eyes as if she had no idea who he was.
"Uh-oh," Rip muttered.
"Uh-oh is right," Gideon chimed in, "It seems that Miss Lance's condition is worse than I predicted. It appears that she is suffering from Post-Traumatic Amnesia, or a complete loss of memory.
"What?" Leonard snapped, instantly feeling guilty when Sara flinched at the sudden noise.
"It's usually temporary," Rip hurriedly reassured him, "I'm sure Sara will be back to her normal self soon."
"You said before that the amnesia would be mild, and now she doesn't remember anything! Do you really expect me to believe you?"
"I expect you to hope that your wife gets better," Rip replied, raising his eyebrows. Leonard's face softened slightly. Rip began to walk backwards to the door, "I'll leave you two alone. Come get me if you need me — and don't roll your eyes, Mr. Snart."
Rip turned and left the room, leaving Leonard alone with Sara. Normally, he would have been glad to be alone with her, but this new, memory-less Sara disquieted him for some reason.
"Do you remember anything?" he asked cautiously.
Sara shook her head, "Should I?"
He nodded. "You hit your head a few hours ago. You got knocked out and it made all your memories go away."
Leonard realized that the way he was talking to Sara was the same way he would talk to a small child. He shook his head, "You don't remember anything? Not even your name?"
"No, but I take it you know."
"Your name's Sara, Sara Lance, but sometimes you go by the White Canary." Leonard paused, waiting for any signs of recognition, but when none came, he continued, "You're a time-traveling vigilante, but you trained as an assassin. You were," he hesitated, "Dead for a year before you sister brought you back to life."
"Who are you, then?" Sara asked, "How do you know so much about me?"
Leonard waited a beat before answering.
"I'm your husband."
Of all thing things he'd told her, that was what brought out a reaction. Her eyebrows furrowed as her blue eyes widened.
"I don't remember. Sorry," she finally said.
"You don't remember anything," he replied, trying to assume the air of nonchalance, "It's nothing personal. Are you okay to get up? You can go change your clothes if you want. I know your Canary outfit isn't always the most comfortable thing."
Sara then looked down, regarding her clothes as if she hadn't noticed them yet.
"Sure."
Leonard helped her off of the hospital bed and led her out of the med bay. Sara looked around her with wide eyes.
"What is this place?"
"It's a time ship," Leonard replied, "It's how we get to different places in time."
"Oh," she replied.
"Are you sure you don't remember anything?"
"I remember everything from after I woke up."
"I guess that's something."
"I guess."
They walked in silence until they reached their bedroom. Leonard led her to the closet. Sara surveyed its contents, seeing both of their clothes side by side.
"I'll let you change," Leonard said, "I'll be outside when you're done."
Sara nodded. Normally, neither of them would have cared too much about changing in front of each other, but with Sara not knowing who he was or, more importantly, who she was, Leonard felt that it would have been wrong.
He missed Sara.
She may be just in the next room, but she wasn't there. Sara had undoubtedly become his rock. He trusted her so much more than he'd ever trusted anyone before, beating even Mick and Lisa. To have her there, beside him but not really there, was borderline unbearable. She was technically the same person, but there was no smirk on her lips or glint in her eyes. It was like she was a mold of Sara, that looked like her on the outside but lacked everything that made her her.
Sara then emerged from the closet. She had donned a pair of dark wash jeans and an olive green long sleeve shirt. On her feet were the combat boots that Leonard knew to be her favorite. He chalked it up to mere coincidence, but a small part of him hoped that it had been an instinctual thing, that she'd just known they were her favorite.
"Captain Hunter is requesting the whole team's presence on the main deck," Gideon's voice rang over the room. Sara's head swiveled around as she looked for the source of the noise.
"It's an AI," Leonard explained as he and Sara moved towards the door, "Kind of creepy really, but you learn to ignore it."
More silence accompanied the walk to the bridge.
Leonard wanted the real Sara back.
"We are still in District of Colombia, 1991," Rip was saying as they walked onto the main deck, "Ah, thank you for joining us Mr Snart and Miss Lance."
"Neither of them said anything. Leonard went to sit in his usual seat, stretching his legs out in front of him. Sara perched herself delicately on the chair next to him, her arms held tightly around her.
It was an unusual stance for Sara, who normally held herself with the (sometimes cocky) confidence that you'd expect a recently resurrected assassin to possess.
"Anyway," Rip continued, "We did defeat the time pirates and repaired the damages they caused, but we have created another problem for ourselves: the US government now knows who we are.
"Now, Martin, you said that you and Mr. Palmer were working on altering our short term memory loss pill so it can be administered in large quantities?"
"Yes we have, Captain," Martin said, "and if our tests on Mr. Jackson and Mr. Rory reflect how it will work on a bigger scale, then we were successful."
"You didn't test nothing on me, Grey," Jax said just as Mick said, "It'll be a cold day in Hell when I let Pretty over there drug me."
"I can see you're right, Mr. Stein," Rip said with raised eyebrows, "The drug can be administered by releasing it through the vents in the Pentagon. There's no guarantee we'll get everyone, but those who are left over are sure to be thought crazy if any of them try to mention us."
"It'll do the work for us," Mick said, leaning back further in his chair and putting his hands behind his head.
"Not exactly, Mr. Rory," Rip said, "It does need to be placed in the ventilation system manually, so I'll be sending you, Jax, Raymond, and Martin back to the Pentagon to begin the administration. After that, yes, it will do the work for us."
"And where will Sara and I be while you all are galavanting through high-security government buildings?" Leonard asked.
"You two will be here on the off-chance that we need back up, which we shouldn't," Rip turned to glare at the group of people who would be soon be descending upon Washington DC, "and frankly, we don't know the extent of Miss Lance's abilities, if she retained them at all. I don't believe she'd be ready to fight if one were to break out, and I can't think of anyone better to remain on the ship with her than you, Mr. Snart."
Leonard couldn't argue with him, so while the team all stood to prepare for the mission, he and Sara remained on the Bridge. He occasionally glanced over to see her staring into space, wearing the same expression she always did when she was deep in thought.
"You alright?" Leonard finally asked.
"I remember this place," Sara finally said, not looking at him.
"You do?" he asked, sitting up straighter.
"I remember what it all looks like," she continued, "and I could walk around without getting lost, but I don't remember being here. I remember the house I grew up in, but I don't remember living there. I remember the coffin I was buried in, for fucks sake, but I don't remember being dead."
Sara then turned to look him straight in the eyes.
"None of the people here look familiar to you?" he asked.
Sara shook her head, so Leonard began to describe each member of the team, hoping that even one detail would spark a memory or something for Sara. He found that he had to keep himself from injecting a sarcastic comment or two into his descriptions, especially when he got to Raymond, but he knew that snark and sarcasm was not what Sara needed right now.
When he finished, he said, "Did any of that ring a bell?"
"No." Sara shook her head. She let out a frustrated groan, "I just feel so stuck! Every time I think I remember something, I lose it! I don't know who I am! Did I go to college? Did I have a good childhood? Do I have any siblings?"
"A sister," Leonard interrupted. Had she asked any other question, he would have just let her continue, but, just as Sara had deserved to know what had happened to her sister when she'd first found out, she deserved to know now, "Name's Laurel."
"Where is she," Sara asked, looking around as if she would suddenly appear out of the woodwork, "Is she on the mission with us?"
Leonard hesitated, "Sara, she, well…she died."
"What!" Sara exclaimed, jumping to he feet and pacing angrily around the Bridge, "So even if I relearn everything I knew before and get to know all of you again, i'll never remember her?"
Leonard said nothing. There wasn't anything he could say.
Sara stopped momentarily before she moved jerkily towards the exit, saying as she went, " I-I just need to be alone for a little while."
Leonard didn't go after her. He knew it would probably only make things worse, and if she wanted to be alone, he should respect her wishes. He remained in his seat on the Bridge, lost in thought. He watched the rest of the team leave for the mission, and come back several hours later, battled and slightly singed at the edges, but otherwise intact. Later, when Ray had removed himself from the ATOM suit and was back in normal clothing, he approached him on the Bridge.
"How's Sara?" he asked, sticking his hands in the pocket of his jeans.
"Well, she's been pacing the ship for the better part of three hours, so I'd say not too good, Raymond," Leonard replied.
"Does she remember anything?"
"She's remember things, but not the right things, apparently. She's getting," Leonard paused, searching for the right word, "frustrated."
"I know I'd definitely be if it was me."
"Well it isn't you," Leonard snapped, "It's Sara, and if you don't have anything helpful to say, don't say anything at all."
Ray looked taken aback for a moment, but he shook it off fairly quickly
"I know," he said, "That's part of the reason why I came over to talk to you. While we were trying to alter the amnesia pill into something we could administer in large quantities, we accidentally reversed engineered it."
"You accidentally found a cure for amnesia?"
"Hey, Newton discovered gravity when an apple fell on his head. Stranger things have happened."
"Get to the point, Raymond."
"Anyway, Stein and I are still working out some kinks, but we should have it ready in an hour or so. We're just testing it on Jax and Rory. We're seeing if we can get them to remember when we had them take the amnesia pill in the first place."
"Mick is willingly letting you use him as a test subject?"
"He wants Sara to get better." Ray shrugged, "We all do."
"I suppose I should be thanking you."
"I take it that's your version of a thank you," Ray replied, "You're welcome."
He nodded once and turned back to the lab.
Leonard then left the Bridge and walked in the direction he knew Sara would be coming from. She tried to brush past him, but he grabbed her arm, circling her around so she faced him.
"I told you," she said in a weak attempt at being angry, "I want to be alone!"
"The old you would have hated me for letting you throw yourself a pity party."
"I'm not throwing a pity party," Sara grumbled. Leonard raised his eyebrows, "Fine."
"Look, the nerd twins—" he paused at Sara's look of confusion, "—Ray and Stein, are working on a cure. It'll be done soon, but until then, I dunno, you should eat something."
"Fine," Sara repeated, crossing her arms as she reluctantly began following him to the mess hall, "What did the old me like to eat?"
"What do you want to eat? You're still the same person."
"I guess I've been craving peanut butter all day," Sara shrugged. Leonard smirked, "What?"
"I really wish you remembered all the times I've come across you at four am with a jar of peanut butter and a spoon."
"Really?" Sara's face brightened, "Does this mean my memory's coming back?"
"I don't think it was ever gone. It's more like it all got locked behind a door when you hit your head," Leonard began to recite a metaphor Martin had used when explaining amnesia to him earlier, "Since you woke up, the door's opened a crack, and only small things, like your favorite food, or your way around the Waverider can fit through. Bigger, more important memories like the people who were important to you and the time you were dead, can't fit."
"So how do you open the door all the way?"
"That's what I'm hoping Raymond and Stein are working on right now." Leonard pulled the jar of peanut butter out of a metal cabinet and tossed it towards Sara. He winced, instantly realizing his mistake. The old Sara may have been able to catch that jar, but he had no idea if this one had the same reflexes. To his surprise, she reached out and grabbed the jar out of the air.
"What?" she asked, noticing Leonard's stare. She looked down at the food in her hand, "Oh. What, could the old me not catch or something?"
"No, nothing like that," he shook his head. Sara shrugged.
He grabbed a spoon and made his way to where Sara was sitting at the countertop. They sat for a little while, Sara eating peanut butter and Leonard telling her about the adventures the team had been on.
Later, Ray popped his head into the mess hall.
"The un-amnesia pill is ready for you, Sara," he said, "Geddit, un-amnesia pill!"
Sara furrowed her eyebrows.
"That was neither funny nor clever, Raymond," Leonard rolled his eyes. He and Sara stood and followed him to the lab. When they arrived, they saw Jax and Mick drowsily stretching and opening their eyes.
"Yeah, it's not exactly a non-drowsy cure," Ray said, following their gaze, "but they woke up eventually."
"They also have confirmed that they remember taking the amnesia pill in the first place," Stein added, "which means that the cure was indeed successful."
"You ready?" Leonard asked, nodding towards the pill Stein was holding out in his hand.
"Yeah," Sara said, "I just want all of this to be over."
"That's the spirit."
Sara tentatively took the pill from Stein and dry swallowed it. The whole room was silent for a moment.
"I don't think it wor—" Before Sara could finish her sentence, she swayed backwards. Just as her knees buckled, Leonard caught her under her arms.
"She should be up in about three hours," Stein said as Leonard lifted Sara into arms like a bride, "Then we'll know if it worked or not."
"Thank you," Leonard said, trying to put as much meaning behind the simple words as he could.
"You do not need to thank us, Mr. Snart," Martin said, "One should not have to thank another for their happiness."
Leonard opened his mouth to speak again, but could find no words that he felt was a worthy response, so he simply nodded once and turned to leave the lab.
He brought Sara back to their room and stretched her out on the bed. He glanced towards the clock on the nightstand — the one that was set to Central City time, as was every other clock on the timeship, much to the great annoyance of their captain — and saw that it was barely past nine o'clock. He thought it would be much later then that; it had been a long day without his normal Sara.
He quickly changed into pajamas and climbed into the bed next to her. He picked up his book, intending to read a chapter or two, but found himself unable to keep his eyes open after only a few pages.
Submitting to the exhaustion, he put the book back on the beside table and closed his eyes.
Sara woke up in the middle of the night. The first thing that came to mind was that waking up in the middle of the night wasn't particularly unusual for her. The second thing that came to mind was that she shouldn't have known that it wasn't unusual.
She slowly sat up and looked around the room, familiarity washing over her, even in the dark. Her eyes then travelled to the man sleeping beside her. She instantly felt a twinge of guilt, knowing that the past twelve hours may have been worse for him than it had for her.
Sara reached out and grabbed his hand resting on the blanket. He began to stir at her touch, his eyes flickering open.
"You okay?" Leonard asked cautiously, pushing himself up on his elbows.
Sara nodded, "I remember."
"Everything?"
"Everything."
Leonard sat up and pulled Sara close to him so she fell against his chest. His arms wrapped around her waist and she weaved her fingers through his, resting their hands on her stomach.
"I missed you," Leonard whispered into her hair.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have anything to apologize for," Leonard said firmly, "I'm just glad you're back."
Sara felt him hold her tighter, burying his face in her hair.
"Do you remember your sister," Leonard asked worriedly, a few minutes later. He felt Sara nod. She rolled over so she was facing him, her arms around his neck and their noses inches from touching.
"You know," she said, "You know can worry about yourself for once, Len. I know you were pretty miserable today."
"Not possible," Leonard smirked. Sara rolled eyes, "I only worry about you."
"You know you don't have to do that," she smiled.
"I know, but I do it anyway," he replied, "I'll admit, it felt kind of strange to give you back your memories. I wasn't sure if you'd want to remember Lian Yu and the League and the whole dying thing."
"But then I'd never remember meeting you."
"You can get to know me again." Leonard shrugged, "I can't imagine I'd be worth remembering all of that if you didn't have to."
"First of all, I think you're misjudging your own worth. Second, those things made me who I am. Yeah, it's violent and tragic, but without it, I wouldn't be here today, and I like where I am today."
Sara leaned down to bridge the gap between them, pressing her lips to his. When she pulled away, Leonard smiled, using one hand to push her hair away from her face.
She fell back to the mattress, curling into his side. They were both silent for a moment, both lost in each other, lost in their own thoughts.
Finally, Sara spoke.
"Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me," he said, tipping her chin up so she was looking straight at him. "Stein said you don't need to thank anyone for your happiness. You are my happiness, Sara."
"Stein's a smart man," she said.
"He is indeed."
I hope you enjoyed this! Happy reading!