Broken beyond repair
They say time heals all wounds. But I know better. There are certain wounds that can be healed by prolonged periods of time, yes. But there are other wounds that will never, ever close no matter how much time given. This is story of how a wound to my heart came to be and lodged itself in there for all eternity. This is the story of how I lost the love of my life.
I had always loved my husband, Levi, even before we officially met. I had heard the whispered tales of the great hunter Levi Everdeen, of his legendary skills with the bow and arrow, and how he had used them in the woods and traded game in the Hob for a living. I had wanted to meet him but he was always with a large crowd of friends and fans and liking a lowly boy from the Seam wasn't proper for a girl of my status. Still, all the girls wanted him, all the boys wanted to be him and I was no exception. He had stolen my heart before he even knew my name.
Then one day, when I was sitting behind the counter in the apothecary shop my parents owned, chin rested in my hands, daydreaming about him again, he came. Casually leaning against the counter, unaware of my blushing at the miniscule distance between us, holding a drawstring bag was Levi himself.
"Hi, Levi, how can I help you?" I asked, trying to sound casual and mentally cursing myself for sounding like such a phoney. "Hi. I found some herbs in the woods, I'm pretty sure they're safe. Interested?" "Yeah, okay." I replied. Not that I was really interested, I would do anything to get closer to him.
He opened the bag and spilled out the contents, some herbs I vaguely recognised. They grew in small patches in the Meadow which was where I collected them. But out tumbled handfuls and handfuls of the plant, much more than I would be able to collect in one month. "Oh, thank you Levi, we were running out of this herb!" I exclaimed. It was true. My family brewed a special kind of tea with this herb and it was quite popular with our customers, so popular that I had to go to the Meadow almost every other day to collect the herbs rather than every fortnight.
"No problem. What's your name?" he asked. "Nadia." "Hmm...Nadia, nice name. Did you know that your name means 'beautiful blossom girl'?" he asked as he gently took a wildflower that had somehow made its way into the satchel and placed it in my hair.
After that, he visited the store almost every day, bringing new plants and herbs. The business flourished and manning the counter became bearable since I knew there would be something to look forward to during the day. Our relationship grew despite the teasing from Maysilee and Helena and my parent's disapproval. When we finally reached adulthood, he asked me and I said yes, in spite of the protests. "But you'll be living in the Seam!" cried Helena, who was to be wed with Remus Undersee, another town boy, who neither could stand going anywhere near the Seam or the slums- the lowest of the low. "You'll be living a life of poverty and starvation! Your children will have to take tessarae and could go into the Games and end up like Maysilee, dead! Why not marry Aiden? He's going to inherit the bakery and he's utterly smitten with you!" protested my parents.
Still, I stood my ground. Wherever Levi went, I would follow and wherever he went would be a heaven.
On the night of the Toasting, I knew I had made the right choice despite everything. Although the house was small and extremely dusty, a stark contrast from what I was used to, it still felt like heaven. Levi was like a warm and bright light that bathed everything in its path in a golden glow. My tiny little house was my sanctuary for eleven years. For eleven years, I could enjoy his company along with our children, Katniss and Prim. Katniss was bold and brave, just like Levi, who was teaching her how to hunt in the woods, Prim was the exact opposite. I knew she would be a healer once I saw her delicate face and rosebud lips when she was born. Everything was perfect. Nothing could be better.
And then the explosion came.
I remember Hazelle frantically pounding on my door, babbling about some explosion in the mines. I was struggling to make sense of what she had just said when I realised the explosion had occurred during Levi's shift. I raced with her to the mines, where the rescuers were already at work, leading out a steady stream of miners, coughing out blood and bile. I remember standing by Katniss and Prim, twisting the plastic barrier that cordoned off the area between my fingers, willing myself to be strong for the sake of the children.
We waited all night long, with Prim crying and Katniss shushing her and comforting her to sleep. I felt ashamed that I wasn't there for Prim but I simply couldn't tear my eyes away from the rescuers. Please let Levi live, please let him live. I prayed, to whatever god there might be who was listening.
My prayers went unanswered.
"I'm sorry, Mrs Everdeen, your husband Levi…didn't survive the explosion…" said the rescuer, lowering his eyes sadly. I didn't understand his words at first but then the horrific realisation dawned upon me. No. This couldn't have happened. No! They didn't search hard enough, he's still in there, trapped under some rock or something! He's alive! He has to be. Please! I desperately wanted to break free of the barrier and search for him myself but from the defeated look in the rescuer's eyes, I knew his words were true.
That day, a gaping hole opened up in my heart and I knew that it would never heal unless Levi came back. Until it closed, I would be forever broken beyond repair.
They say time heals all wounds. But I know better. A wound to the heart is a wound that can never be healed.
.