SOCIETY FOR THE PROMOTION OF ELFISH WELFARE
In 1994 a bright young witch founded an extremely worthwhile charity which is now in desperate need of your support. The creation of this society stemmed from said young witch's immediate indignation on behalf of the magical creatures whom she had witnessed being mistreated. She knew this horrendous discrimination must end, and we at the charity agree. It is time for society as a whole to join us in our cause.
Our charity was briefly named Stop the Outrageous Abuse of our Fellow Magical Creatures and Campaign for a Change in Their Legal Status, but as our beloved founder so wisely said, that wouldn't fit on the badges nearly so well. And so the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare was born, in an attempt to improve the pitiful lives of magical Britain's house elves. Our mysterious founder was, of course, Hermione Granger; the first treasurer, Ronald Weasley; and the original secretary, non-other than the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter himself.
Our short-term aims at S.P.E.W (never spew!) are to secure house elves fair wages and working conditions. Our long-term aims include changing the law about non-wand-use, and trying to get an elf into the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, because they're shockingly under-represented.
To convey the importance of S.P.E.W's work, I'm going to mention one particular house elf whose name is known to all: Dobby the Free Elf, the brave being who, after dying a heroic death, became the figure head for our campaign. Under his previous masters, the Malfoys, Dobby found himself obliged to inflict many punishments upon himself daily, to the extent of having to throw himself down the stairs, or repeatedly bash himself over the head with lamps. Rather than putting a stop to these extensive injuries, the Malfoys instead reminded Dobby to do extra punishments. When attempting to save a life, Dobby had to iron his hands, simply because he hadn't got permission first.
Due to extremely lucky circumstances, Dobby found himself freed from the cruel Malfoy family, and was able to obtain employment at Hogwarts' School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Here he earned one Galleon a week; not much, but enough to allow him to buy socks and tea-cosy hats to his heart's content.
Dobby spent his last years a very happy elf. We appreciate that not all house elves can or even want to be freed, but surely it is our civic and human duty to grant them happiness in life, some time away from work – in short the rights of a living being?
Just 2 Sickles will buy membership to S.P.E.W; this will get you a badge, and the proceeds fund our leaflet campaign.
10 Galleons can support one elf for three months in S.P.E.W's rehabilitation centre for newly-freed elves who don't take to freedom quite as well as Dobby.
15 Knuts can provide all of a family's house elves with brand new tea-towel togas embroidered with the family crest, as opposed to the rags many are forced to wear.
100 Galleons will employ a new – and very much needed – psychotherapist in our rehabilitation centre.
And any loose change you have – be it Knuts, Sickles or Galleons – will be a greatly appreciated contribution to our cause. If you do one thing today to be proud of, make it supporting S.P.E.W in our endeavour to make the lives of Britain's house elves worth living.
A/N Not to be taken too seriously, this was a speech that I wrote and performed for my English "Public Speaking" Assessment, entitled "Support a charity". Hope you enjoyed it, I'd love to hear any comments.