The Language of Silences

by lulucheme

Modern day, human AU. Nonromantic. Gilbert is an aspiring flutist and established trouble maker. Ludwig is a second-year medical student and the only pride of their distant father. One winter, Gilbert becomes severely ill and loses his hearing as a result. As he and his brother deal with his illness and recovery, they are forced to face the losses that tore their family apart.

1. Prologue

It is 8:33 pm on a Saturday evening in early January. The sun has already set and the snow of earlier hours clings to the edges of Chicago. The snow of the current hour swirls, effervescent and meandering, outside the third story of a clean, well-lit apartment off of Racine and Dickens. A man of 26 stands by the bay window of the two-bedroom apartment he shares with his younger brother, Ludwig. Ludwig sits on their thrifted, blue corduroy couch with the TV on mute. He is not watching the TV. He is watching the profile of his older brother, poised with his powder silver flute and his matte music stand. He is inquiring at the quality of his brother's paleness, at the whiteness of his hair, wondering if Gil could melt like the snow behind him. He is listening to a momentary pause in his brother's improvisation of an etude.

Ludwig thinks that Gil deserves better than his life here, that Gil should have auditioned for the chair in the Los Angeles Philharmonic, the Baltimore Philharmonic. He doesn't say anything because he knows why Gil is still here.

Gil starts to play again, but he sounds breathy. He coughs. The tinge of soreness in his throat and the ache in his ear and temples are becoming a nuisance. He grabs his cleaning rod and black silk cloth from the case and starts to dry the interior of his flute.

"You're done already?" Ludwig asks, surprised. Despite all of Gil's impulsions, there were certain patterns in his brother's behavior he found predictable. One of them being the uncharacteristically binding focus that overcame Gil whenever he started to play. It was not uncommon to find his brother asleep on the couch the next morning with his flute in his hands or sheet music scattered around the piano.

"Yeah. What are you watching?"

"I think it's a CSI rerun." Ludwig shrugs, then returns his attention to his brother. "Are you okay? You sound tired."

"Yeah. I'm fine."

Ludwig watches Gil as he puts the flute back into the case. His paleness seems to border on pallor and Ludwig is certain he's lying. "You barely ate dinner. Are you sick?"

Gil zips the case shut and sits down next to Ludwig. Before Ludwig can react, Gil has his arm around Ludwig in a position that feels more like a headlock than a friendly gesture. "Calm down little guy. You're not a doctor yet."

The truth is that Ludwig has at least three inches on Gil and Gil feels awful. He's felt awful since this afternoon, but he's not about to acknowledge either fact to his baby brother.

"Why do you feel so hot?" Ludwig pushes himself away from Gil's chest as it becomes clear that the gesture is, in fact, a headlock.

"You jealous?"

"Ludwig rolls his eyes at Gil's smirk and unmutes the TV. "Just don't get me sick. Classes start next week."

It's just another cold, Ludwig thinks.
I'll be fine by tomorrow, Gil thinks.
It's not a big deal, they both think.

And yet, Ludwig can't shake this feeling of dread.