I do not own the Hobbit or any characters, I'm just a fan.

oOo

They had always been together. Since his little brother was born Fili would always look at his troublesome sibling, who loved to play pranks, mess with his uncle or chatter like an old dwarfen lady the whole night. He would have always been by his side. He was sure that this, what he felt for his little brother, would never change, come what may. Later he had to admit his defeat at this point, that he could never be that wrong again.

It was Kili's twentieth birthday, when the young dwarf woke up in the morning, just to grin at his brothers face, who was lying like usual next to him in his bed they shared. They had indeed two beds in their room, but they never used it, just as they declared, not to be in need of a second room for the other one. They wanted to be together in one room in one bed. Lying next to Fili was the greatest thing in the world for Kili as same as for Fili, who was sure, couldn't sleep if Kili wasn't next to him nor feeling the warmth of his belly on his back or his tickling long black hair, that would always look like a mess in the morning.

Fili grinned back at his brother knowing, that he wanted his birthday present now, of which he knew from himself was 'unbelievable' and 'incredible'. Fili couldn't resist and patted Kili's fuzzy head.

"Happy birthday, Kili. Did you sleep well?" He wanted to make his little brother even more nervous, than he already was and got up pretty slowly.

"Thank you. But you do know, that I always sleep well beside you," he said a little annoyed.

Fili stretched his arms and legs to get rid of his tiredness and got a glimpse of Kili's excited face, who simply wanted nothing more, than to toss his big brother out of the bed, just to get his present sooner. "No nightmares?"

"No." His eyes where now begging for his brothers present and Fili gave a slight sigh. He moved out of the bed and commanded Kili to close his eyes to get his present from his ambush.

Kili obeyed like he always did.

Fili dropped something heavy in Kili's hands and sat down next to the birthday boy on their bed. With eager fingers he tossed the silky cloth to the ground, that wrapped his present, and gave an impressed shout as he saw what his brother made for him. Yes, made.

It was a small but hand-crafted dagger with the enrichment of a sleeping dragon at the grip. Kili was sure, that he had never seen or heard of such incredible handcraft made by any dwarf.

"You made this for me or did you just buy it?" Kili asked and turned grinning to his brother just for teasing him.

"You think so little of me?" he said, nudging his brother with his shoulder.

"Thank you! I love it! It's so great!"

Fili just saw some dark locks flying in front of his face and felt a warm and strong hug from his brother, before he was overbalanced falling back into the blanket. Kili lay still smiling and hugging on the chest of Fili, who wasn't sure, what to do. This happy outburst was surprising but welcome. He decided to hug him back, but Kili moved and gave his brother a smooth kiss on his lips. It felt like a warm summer breeze after a cold winter and gave him chills all over his body making his head dizzy and it stopped thinking for a moment.

"Thank you," Kili said blushing. "I'll treasure this dagger my whole life!" All too soon he got up and left the room, calling for his mum to show her his precious present.

Fili laid still in the bed trembling and heavy breathing. His face was red like that of a ripe cherry and hot as volcano. He could plead to himself, that he didn't know why he still trembled from this little kiss, but he couldn't. He knew. Since five years ago he was sure that his brotherly love had changed into something more serious, to real and absolute love. Since two years he fought with himself to confess his love to his mostly innocent brother, who was still believing in his brotherly love by Fili. But now that kiss. On his lips! It wasn't just on his cheeks but on his lips. Even Kili should have known, that only lovers would do that. With this in mind he got up slowly and dressed himself.

"Fili, come on! There is a big cake mother made for us," his brother yelled from the kitchen. "It's with strawberry!"

Fili smiled when he left the room and got an amusing look from his uncle, who was just entering the kitchen to give Kili his present. It was a new leather belt with the silver head of a wolf. It really was something. But more importantly Kili got a rare hug from Thorin, who smiled, as he saw the joy of his youngest nephew. Dís gave him a pair of new woolen socks, because she knew, she couldn't match with the presents of Thorin and Fili at all, who would have given anything to make him happy.

Thorin acted impressed and surprised, when Kili showed him the silvery dagger Fili made. And a slight grin ran about his face as he met Fili's gaze. Of course, Thorin instructed him on how he could make this dagger and gave him even the material Fili could have never afford. He nodded thankfully and Thorin smirked back.

oOo

After breakfast the two boys went into the forest fetching a rabbit or a pheasant for lunch. They really enjoyed each others company and Fili struggled with himself to reveal his true feelings to his little brother. Deep in his thoughts, he didn't see the branch in front of him and hit it with his head.

Kili burst into a laugh, while Fili patted a hand on his forehead looking if it was bleeding.

"Oh, Fili," he said still chuckling with bright eyes. "Why didn't you see it? It's too big to miss it, when you're walking with eyes open. What were you looking at?"

"Ah, shut up," said Fili,a little embarrassed sitting next to the tree with that stupid branch.

Kili didn't need any command to sit next to his brother and moving to look onto his brother's forehead.

Damn, he was close, was all Fili thought and tried to hide his blushing as he moved back avoiding Kili's sharp eyes, as he stretched out his fingers to touch the small scrape. Kili frowned and sat back. "Nothing serious, I guess, you will live a proper life and won't die because of that."

Fili bit his lip and didn't say anything in return, even so he was used to his younger brothers sassy words and knew how to react and to answer.

Taking two apples from his pouch Kili tried to make his brother happier and gave him one to make him look up.

"You're offering me food? Now?" his brother asked a little suspicious.

Kili gave a shrug. "You seem weird today." Juice dripped from his mouth as he bite into his apple.

"Really?" Fili only wanted to be Kili's apple, feeling his soft lips on his lips again. His heart was pounding like that of deer on his escape. He moved his head and sighed. He couldn't tell him. He couldn't say, what he felt at this moment, nor could he move his head to Kili's to taste his soft lips again. He feared the consequences too much.

"Yeah. More weird than usual. Will you tell me now what's going on in your head?"

"Why would you want to know?"

Kili gave a shrug again, but seemed confused by this question. "Cause... I'm your brother, aren't I?"

Fili nodded slowly. Yes, they were brothers. And this was the reason, why there was no hope for his love. He tried to swallow that thought, but couldn't.

"You know, I'm your brother. You can tell me everything just as I tell you everything that comes to my mind."

"Yeah, and sometimes it's really too much of everything," Fili replied amused trying to make a joke that wouldn't work out.

"Fee, I don't want secrets between us. Secrets just make us behaving weird, don't you think? Things are getting complicated between us, when we keep them. Remember, when I broke that wooden horse you had, when you where ten? I lied to you and it made me feel miserable the whole week until I confessed it was me who broke it. I do not want that again. I do not want secrets between us."

"And I do not want some secrets said out loud," Fili replied in a low voice.

Something was coming through the bushes. Kili stood up and listened like the hunter he had become.

"You know," Kili said, "I love you, that's why you should tell me everything." then he sprang into the bushes just to see a rabbit in front of him. Kili took an arrow and his bow and run after that rabbit, that was going to be his lunch for his birthday.

Fili still stunned on the ground, wondering if he hit his head this hard, that he doubted, he heard the words, he longed for so long. "I love you, too," he mumbled knowing Kili wouldn't hear.

oOo

All day long Fili hadn't the chance to talk to his brother in secret, just to sort things out and maybe confess his true feelings. He still didn't know, if Kili was telling the truth about loving him or just meaning brotherly love. He really didn't know. Kili had said, that he liked him, well, more often on days he got a present by his brother. So maybe it was the same today, too. That he got so emotional over this dagger, that it just slipped his mouth. He at least hoped, that he felt true love as well. But if he didn't, Fili was sure, he wouldn't leave Kili's side as long as he wanted him as his brother, as long as he would let him be by his side, he would not leave, even if this meant to suffer from his unrequited love his whole life.

Before dinner Kili went out to meet some friends at the village and because he went late Fili was sent out after a few hours to get him for supper. Thorin also got home from the Halls growing hungry.

So Fili went as fast as he could to the village to get his brother and maybe to talk to him about his feelings and confess to him as well. At this thought Fili blushed and got really nervous, much more nervous than usual, when Kili was clinging onto him at night, when he could not sleep, because of a nightmare. He liked those nights as he longed for Kili's sweet smile and catching laughing. He liked everything about him.

But then his heart suddenly stopped, as he overheard a conversation.

"He really did gave you this, Kili?" That was a boys voice he did not know.

He talked to Kili?

"Isn't it a bit too childish?" asked a female voice hiding her laugh.

Kili answered in a low voice and the other dwarfs giggled.

"That really is something," said the boy with laughter. "I would add a ruby or something just to make it look more childish," he said still giggling. "And a dragon? Seriously?"

Just say something, pleaded Fili in silence, waiting patiently for a response from his brother. Say at least something to defend my present. It took me weeks and many burning marks on my skin to make it. I had put all my love into this! Consider my feelings at least, he yelled into himself.

He could not hear, what Kili answered, but the outburst of laughter was nearly to much for Fili to bear. He felt incredibly ashamed and now even feared Kili's answer. Was it just a lie, that he said, he liked the dagger? Why didn't he say anything in the morning?

"Oh, yeah, I know what you mean," the boy said at Kili's unheard replay. "I've thrown this useless thing away. It had just been a dust catcher. You should also..."

Kili said something in reply, it must have been nothing more then a whisper.

"You did what?" squealed the girl in a high pitch.

"Sssh!"

"You really?" The voice of the girl went lower, but could still overheard from Fili.

"No, you didn't," said the boy giggling. "You went this far as to kiss him?"

"That's too much, Kili," said the girl in disbelief.

"And it's really disgusting."

Kili didn't reply. He said nothing, nothing that Fili could hear. So that kiss and his confession were just fake? Maybe a joke? Or a game that he played? 'Disgusting'. Yeah, that's what everyone would think, but Fili believed that Kili would treasure this kiss as his brother would.

"You shouldn't have done this!" said the boy.

Kili replied something again and all of them giggled.

Fili clenched his fist and spit out in anger. then he forced himself to step into that street the voices came from.

And his heart stopped for a second time.

The other boy was gone. The street was empty except for two people clinging to each other and kissing.

Fili couldn't stop staring at his brother and that dwarfen girl whom he kissed. He just stood there looking at them and he felt, how his heart was broken apart. His whole body was trembling and there was nothing left but pain, pain and pain. His inner self died in an instant and what seemed hours for Fili, passed by in a second, Kili said good bye to that girl and she left.

He smiled when he saw his brother. "You wouldn't believe, what my friends said to that dagger," he said still smiling bright. "They were really..."

"Don't say it," Fili said coldly.

Kili snapped. "What?"

"I said, that you mustn't repeat it."

"Why? They..."

"Just stop it!" Fili shouted angrily overwhelmed by what just happened.

"Fili, what happened?"

He had to ask? Fili couldn't believe his brother was that stupid. He kissed someone other than him! Even if he said that he loved him just a few hours ago. But wait, wasn't that then just brotherly love that Kili felt? And what? Letting his friends say that his present was childish even though it was worth a kings present as Thorin said? He only could laugh. The feelings of distrust and heartbreaking overwhelmed him and he couldn't think clear. His brain refused to work.

"Fili?" His brother touched his shoulder not sure, what he should do.

"Don't touch me!" Fili yelled in a dark voice he had never used in front of his dear brother. "Don't touch me ever again!"

Kili startled, looking pale and still innocent. "Tell me, what happened that made you so angry."

The laughter of the three dwarfs echoed in his head again. Pictures of his brother kissing this girl followed. On top of that the two friends of Kili appeared on the streets again looking from Kili to Fili and back to their friend.

"What happened?" the girl asked innocently.

"Dunno," Kili replied.

"If you don't want to wake the whole village, you should lower your voice, bro," the boy said to Fili.

"Shut up," he snapped, turning away and heading home.

"Just don't shut up me," the boy hissed.

"Then what about go fuck yourself?" Fili replied angrily.

"Fili!" His brother looked truly shocked and hurt about Fili's harsh words just as Fili expected he would. His own brother shielded his friends before him. He couldn't understand. Even if Kili did something wrong, Fili would always protect him, no matter what. He doubted that Kili feel even something like brotherly love for him, maybe just some responsibility for his kin, playing with and using Fili's feelings. He could not hold it any longer and let his anger flee freely from his mouth.

"You, too, brother. Just go fuck that bitch and don't come near me ever again!" he yelled at him.

"WHAT?" Kili doubted his own ears. They must have heard wrong. His brother would never say such things, not even if he was angry at him. He would always let him speak out his mind, he would listen to him and not just walking away as he did this moment. "Fili! Wait!" He chased his friends off and ran after Fili, who was a little ahead of him.

He reached out for Fili's arm, grabbed him and tossed him around. "Tell me now!" Kili pleaded. But all he could see was hatred. Pure hatred.

Fili roared and pulled his arm away and got Kili hit into his face. Kili fell on the ground surprised and speechless.

"What are you doing?" that dwarfen girl screamed. "Hitting your own brother? How low is that?" She reached Kili and lifted him up on his arm.

"Mael, go. Please." Kili said calmly, but resting his eyes onto his brother.

"No."

"Just leave."

"No!"

"Mael! It's fine. He's my brother."

Yes, he was his brother. And just this. Fili couldn't stand this. "You should listen to what your nightmare-screaming-friend said, Mael," Fili said in a deadly voice he was sure did not belong to himself, but was very pleased with that look on Kili's and Mael's face.

"What...?"

"What what? Didn't he tell you that he even in this age fears lightning and thunder? And that he's unable to sleep if the window is open at night? He also hates the dark of the night."

"That is..." Mael replied doubtfully.

"Fili! How could you...?"

"No, how could YOU!?" Fili shouted back.

"You swore to never speak about this!" Kili yelled in rage stepping closer to his brother.

"Just shut up already!" Fili got mad even more. His brother was so close, that he couldn't think, couldn't stand it anymore and his hand slipped again. He tossed him away, but this time Kili was prepared. He didn't move more than a few inches and hit his brother back with his fist. He didn't really aim at Fili, but he slammed his fist into his chin. Fili tripped, his eyes filled with bitterness as he looked down on his little brother, who just betrayed him.

"GO!" Kili shouted at Mael. She looked rather confused and decided to leave the scene and not to get involved into this trouble any longer. She took the boy at hand and left the streets, while the two brothers where still fighting with each other. They used their fists, they wrestled and at the end both of them were lying on the ground bleeding and breathing heavily.

Rain began to pour down.

Kili said not a single word as he got up and left the street heading home. He thought that maybe their heads would cool down and they could talk at each other in the morning even if, what Fili did, was unacceptable. He didn't understand, what Fili had driven to yell at him like that and bubbling about his secrets he didn't want anyone to hear. They were only meant for his brothers ears.

Oh Fili, he sighed, what have you done? His own heart ached as if it would jump out of his chest and falling to the ground in that disgusting black mud.

He didn't care about his mothers terrified looks or her sharp shout at Thorin, who was still waiting for his nephews in the living room.

"What..." said Thorin as he saw Kili's bleeding nose and lips and the bruises on his arms and neck. "What happened? Where is your brother?"

But Kili didn't answer. He just tossed the hand of his mother away and went straight into his bedroom, closed the door and slowly sat down on the floor like an old man, leaning his head on the cold wooden wall, fighting the tears back, but didn't win. He cried helplessly and lonely into the night.

He couldn't hear Thorin leaving the house and looking for his lost nephew.

oOo

Thorin found Fili sitting on the street in the darkness of a rainy night, soaked to the bones and shivering of the cold and his overwhelming feeling of betrayal and the emptiness of his heart. He would have given his life to save his dear bother, he would have even given Erebor just to have him by his side. But those thoughts seemed now silly and unbelievable.

Thorin sighed as he watched Fili carefully and as he was sure his nephew wasn't seriously hurt on the outside.

His inside was surely damaged.

"Mind you telling me what happened?" Thorin asked in his deep, calm voice, as he knelled down in front of Fili.

The boy avoided his gaze. "I can't, uncle."

"You had a fight with Kili." This was not a question so Fili did not answer. "Tell me why," Thorin pleaded.

"I'm sorry. I can't tell you. This can not be fixed. Not by you, not by mom, nor by time."

Thorin took a deep breath and reached out for Fili just to hug him like he did, when Fili was younger and frightened of the night, when Kili was just to small too distract him from his own fear or the howls of the wolves outside in the woods. Fili hid his face in the fur of Thorin's cloak and sobbed dreadfully. His uncle patted his head until the sobs and the crying of his nephew felt slowly silent. This took awhile.

"Dwarfes have a long life span and you both are young. You shouldn't say that time can't heal what was damaged today," he said softly squeezing his nephew slightly and then he looked into his swollen eyes.

"Please, could you let me stay at Dwalin's home for some time?" Fili pleaded low-voiced.

Thorin bite his lip. This was getting more serious than he could ever imagine. "Of course. Even if I think you should talk to your brother first."

Fili shook his head. "Let me stay at Dwalin's house for awhile, I beg you."

oOo

Kili had always admired his big brother, who was tall, straightforward, honest and even of his young age a good fighter and hunter. He would have always glanced at him, when Fili thought he was alone or wasn't watched. Kili did watch him. He loved his brother wholeheartedly and enjoyed each second of his accompany, in sleep and while awake. There was a reason he never really wanted to sleep in his own bed nor to get his own bedroom. There was nothing he wanted to hide from his brother as for one thing: his pure love for him. He could never bring himself to say it out loud. He feared Fili would turn him down, never speaking to him again, even to ashamed to look at him again, to look at his childish, silly younger brother.

Fili was always the serious one and Kili was sure, that his older brother wasn't thinking the same way as he did. Even as he confessed his love for him in the forest at the day of his twentieth birthday, Fili fell silent and he didn't pull him aside the whole day, to tell him, that he felt the same or gave him another reply or maybe just to reject him. In the morning he went so far as to give him a shy light kiss on the lips, because he was so happy about his birthday present, that he forgot himself and that they were still brothers. And then no reply. No word. No kissing back.

But again Kili remembered his brothers angry expression about... what? He just didn't get it, why his brother exploded like this. It hurt him. It truly did. And he would never have thought that his brother would hit him with force like he did. No, this wasn't his calm and lovely brother anymore. Something must have happened. And one thought crossed his mind. His confession. That might be the reason he got this angry. Maybe Fili oppressed his hatred all day long and let it out in an outburst, in an act of violence. So this meant Fili really doesn't love me, Kili thought.

Wrapping his arms around his knees Kili began to cry again and no one dared to disturb him.

oOo

Thank you for reading the first chapter. I would appreciate if you'd read the next, too ;-) Or do you not want to know, what will happen next?