One.

I spent my childhood behind the Wall Maria. The threat of titans seemed very far away, although they were right behind the wall. When I grew a bit older, I was seven, I think, my parents would let me go and have a look when the Survey Corps returned. I cried. It was the firs time I realized I was going to die some day.

I had horrible nightmares. I had never seen a titan in my life, but we all knew what they were. I wished the walls were higher, I wished we had an other one between us and them.

100 years of peace had taken it's toll. People were saying the titans would just leave, if those wing-cloaked-freaks would stop going outside and provoking them. Over the years there was a lot of talk like that. Still I started wondering, what was it, what was behind the Wall and why did those people ride out, again and again. They never stopped to answer my questions. My parents hushed me and told me let it go.

I grew up to be a pretty young woman. I started to use my looks for my advantage and started spending time with Garrison soldiers. They were always ready to answer my questions and I learned a great deal about about basic training to become a soldier. They told me that the world indeed seemed a vast place, but it was no place for any human, titans were lurking everywhere, some always wanderer beside the wall we were lucky to have the Garrison keeping the Walls in shape.

A seed that had been planted inside my mind had begun to grow. Every day I was more sure of it; I wanted to become a soldier. I was still unsure, how great my thirst was, so I thought Garrison would be my place. I could see my parents more often, I could stand on the wall and dream of those faraway places. I could be safe and still see outside.

I was seventeen when a very handsome cadet was assigned to our part of the wall. He was so tall and strong. One night I convinced him to sneak me on the top of the wall. The promise of kisses and more made him do it eventually. I felt so thrilled! You could see so far! I fell in love with the world and took it out on him. I had my first kiss there. Later that night we fell in to each others arms, panting and sweaty. I fell in love with him too.

He asked for my hand in marriage and I felt inclined to say yes. Our wedding day was set one year from that. I still dreamed of becoming a soldier. But I was young and in love, so I agreed to let it go. We could not see each other very often, if I enlisted and went away. We snuck a top of the wall from time to time, and I felt maybe it was enough.

Still I went to see the Survey Corps ride out and return. Someone was always missing when they returned. Some faces I saw became familiar and I was happy to see them. I felt something stirring inside me, but I did my best to let it be. My fiancé was teasing me, asking if I was planning on running away with them and leaving him on the altar. I smiled to him and told him not to worry. I would be there when our hands would be bound and they would pronounce us a couple.

Two.

The next year came, and with it, the Colossal Titan. Many hopes and dreams were crushed that day.

My fiancé turned out to be a coward. All the troops were called to help the civilians evacuate, to fight the titans. He hid his 3D Maneuver Gear and uniform into an empty house, and managed to escape with the civilians. He found me in a shelter next day and tried to convince me lo leave with him. He believed we could get in to the inner city and still live safely. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I told him no. I told him I should tell his commanding officer. I asked how could he abandon his post and leave his friends to be eaten. I had seen the huge face looking over the wall. I had seen my neighbors get eaten and I had ran like the wind to get my mother and father to safety. We stood on the riverboat and looked at the terrified faces of those who could not fit onboard.. I was unable to help anyone. If only had I followed my dream and let my fear melt away! Had I joined the military, I could have done something. I was useless like this. Anyone who refused to see that the walls were just a distraction from reality, could go fuck themselves. I forbade my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend to ever speak to me again and walked away.

I could not believe how I had almost fallen for the lullaby of simple life. A life where all you needed was a tall handsome man with a great sense on humor. Not in this world.

In this world we all were but caged animals. We were in no control of our lives. And we would remain just like cattle until we could roam free in this world. Free of the titans and free of the walls.

The seed in my mind exploded and grew into a great tree of determination.

Three.

I enlisted almost right after that. Properly, not with the poor souls who were sent out to die, so the rest of us would have food. My mother was strongly against it, and my father didn't want me to go after I announced I'd be joining the Survey Corps, but they understood how I felt.

I was 21 when the green cloak of the Survey Corps fell on my shoulders for the first time.

I had seen Lance Corporal Rivaille from a far many times before. He had a special kind of aura around him. The whole unit had some of that, but him most of all. After enlisting I had grown to admire his dedication and skills even more, but then again, I felt the same for the whole lot of figures with the Wings of Freedom on their back. Many of those who rode out never came back. The grim look on those who did return, and their determination when they rode out yet again, heads held high and eyes on the future, made me want to be part of them even more during my training period.

Our training was nearing completion. The moment of choosing was only one week away. Our instructors gave us no time to sit around and drove us even harder. The top ten of us were the only ones who could choose to become part of the Military Police. The highest honor of all, to some at least. Some of us knew what went down outside Wall Rose. Going deeper in to hiding was the way of the cowards. Some worked their asses off to be on that list, and the ranking could change still.

Two days before our graduation, the one and only Lance Corporal Rivaille himself came to oversee our practice run with the 3DMG. Some got nervous and some tried too hard. Two poor bastards even crashed in to each other midair and broke some bones.

"Tsk" was the only sound the Corporal made as he walked away after that. Our instructor drew a line over one name on the list. That made my final ranking the 6th and gave someone one option more. When the new list was read out loud and we all stepped in to one row, the Lance Corporal was there. He congratulated us with a cold voice and had no expression at all, except maybe mild irritation. He told us, that the best of us should really consider the world. The titans had come knocking at our door, and that was something we could not let go unanswered. Going behind more walls was just avoiding the inevitable.

He walked past us all, stopping to peer in to our eyes for a moment. He was short alright, a bit shorter than me, but he was so full of iron will, confidence and an air of death waiting to happen surrounded him, just like a bowstring when drawn back during the hunt. When he stopped to look into my eyes, I felt something shifting inside me.

Those dark cold eyes seemed to hide deep lakes of secrets and strange currents. Diving into those dark flows would require almost same amount of courage that facing a titan on a battlefield would. The feeling in my stomach sent sparkles deeper down, and then everywhere in my body. I felt my face going hot, but he had already moved on, so maybe he didn't see my excitement. I noticed I had not been breathing and let the air out and gasped for more. That he noticed for sure, for he looked at me again with his amazing eyes. He looked deeper, all the way into my soul. Or so it felt. This time my face went deep red for sure. Could he see the sparks he had lit inside me? His mouth twitched, but I could not say if it was disgust he felt or a sign of an almost smile.

I played that moment in my head over and over again. Rivailles eyes filled my sight every time I closed my eyes. His presence seemed to linger in the air around me and I felt kinda wobbly. I had been looking for all the wrong things in men. Such thing as height had no meaning anymore. Besides, we had learned quite quickly, that those of us with lesser height and weight, could keep on going with the 3DMG a bit longer, than those with a heavier built.

With a sight I threw one hand over my eyes. And again all I saw was him. His eyes. His hair, how it was shorter on the back and let you see his neck. The way he moved, like a hunting leopard; light like a dancer but always ready for deadly action. My roommates were talking about how scary that man was, up close. How such a legend had made them feel weak and horrible. All I could think about, was the growing hot desire inside me. I wanted to as able as he was. And I wanted something more... I wanted to spent eons looking at that emotionless face. I wondered how it would feel to see a smile on that face. A smile pointed to me.

I was so in love with the man.

I wondered I he would ever even look at me, or anyone, that way, knowing all too well the dreadful situation of our world, but I determined my affections were nobodys business. I could love a man that clearly had deserved it, and if nobody knew, they could not judge.

Majority of us ten choose the Military Police. Our friendship kind of ended there. They thought I was insane to want to go outside the walls. Only I and two others stood our ground , with a handful of those outside the top ten, when Commander Erwin asked if we were ready to die on command.

My eyes were on Lance Corporal Rivaille, standing with the other squad leaders behind the Commander. I felt I was ready to see death, die and worse, if only I would have a chance to solve the riddle behind his eyes. But when we saluted, my mind was set on the thought of freeing the world of titans and fear. I had not forgotten the terror in my fiancés eyes when the wall broke. I wanted the world to become a place where ordinary good people could live worrying only for the success of their crops, cost of food in general and when and where to buy a new pair of boots. I was ready to fight for a world where children didn't need to become soldiers. Some of your classmates were so young.

We rode to our destination silently. They had clearly hoped for more people to join. I saw how many fresh cloaks they had with them. We had ours in the middle of the trail due to heavy rain. We received no ceremony, but Erwin handed our cloaks to us personally. I felt a sting of pride when I sat back on my horse and lifted the hood. Us, the new soldiers, all were stroking our garments with shining eyes, although every one of us knew what it meant to wear it. Still the wings on the back felt real enough.

Four.

We could pick our rooms quite freely. There was room enough to house almost twice as many people than currently resided there. So I took one with no neighbors behind the walls. For the first time in a long time, I could have some peace and quiet without going to the mountains. I had made no close friends and thought it was maybe better that way. It would be easier to keep a calm head in battle, when you saw everyone equally priceless.

I lay on my bed listening to the rain. When I fell asleep, his dark gaze was the last thing in my mind. It was in conflict with my previous thoughts. But everyone thinks he is special I told myself and was content with it.

During breakfast the overall mood was much more cheerful. People were buzzing around us, eager to learn if we "were any good at all" and to share their stories. Everyone had something special about them, it seemed. Some were distant and others sparkled friendship all over us from the start. Like Squad Leader Hanji. She was going to find out all we knew about the titans, and tell us everything she knew. I found her ramblings quite interesting. She told us about all kinds of experiments she was going to do, so I was listening closely. I didn't see Lance Corporal Rivaille sitting at the end of our table until he spoke, and told Hanji to save it for later, and let us get to real work.

Real work turned out to be caring for horses, our equipment, dusting the long halls and empty rooms as well as peeling potatoes. We started learning and practicing the ways of the Survey Corps. We rode countless hours perfecting our maneuvers as a group. We learned the sign system that was used when venturing outside the Walls. I barely saw the Lance Corporal at all, but he never left my mind. I was always doing my best however, it made no difference if he was there or not. When the real shit would go down, he would be able to count on me.

Once a month we had a whole afternoon and night for ourselves. Sometimes we would go to a tavern, sometimes we would catch up with something we had been neglecting. On one such day there was a feeling of a storm in the air. Most people wanted to go out still, and rather be caught in a tavern, than be stuck inside our barracks. I almost left with them, but the Lance Corporal was no where to be seen. He rarely joined these trips. I had no idea if he even was one of the ranking officers having a day off anyway. I heard distant thunder and waved my comrades away. I was going to have my own fun, looking at the storm, if I could not rest my eyes on the man I felt funny for.

Five.

Our barracks were in a very old building. It had narrow shooting windows in some stairways. It also had great walls that you could walk on. Cannons had once been there. War had been so different then.

I climbed to the wall and leaned against the sturdy rocks. Storm was boiling in east. Last rays of the sun made the clouds appear even more dramatic. My hair was longer than most thought was healthy, but I liked it that way. I kept it always on a tight braided bun. I wanted to feel the wind in my hair, so I started undoing my braid. The sun went behind clouds, and it was setting soon anyway. World had only dark colours in it, until a pure white lighting strike rode across the whole sky. Like soldier attacking on a titan, I thought. As the storm crept closer, I felt the air get thick with excitement. Suddenly the wind was there, pulling and tugging my cloak and flowing through my hair.

The roar that followed the next lightning was so powerful, the whole castle seemed to shake. Such power and beauty. I laughed and lifted my hands in the air, celebrating the magnificence of nature. If only I could channel that power to my blades. I could deal such a blow against the titans, they would be the ones to flee in terror. I felt invincible with the storm on my side. "Come now, you Colossal Demon! I shall strike you with thunder and beat you down with rain!" I shouted to the clouds above me. I let my hands fall down on the railing and muttered to myself: "Maybe Rivaille would see me then and notice my existence."

"I can see you just fine without such heroics", said a voice behind me. I froze completely. I was alone up here! I spun around to find the one and only, the devil I just spoke of, and he was neither colossal nor a titan. He was leaning on the wall, on the other side of the walkway. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. "How long have you..." I started saying, but remembered my place and immediately saluted him, like was appropriate. My eyes fell to his boots and I scolded myself for such lack of discipline.

"Long enough" He said and walked to me. He came to halt, standing uncomfortably close to me. "You are in my spot." My eyes started up and I stared at him wide eyed.

"I'm terribly sorry sir, I had no idea there was anybody else up here, since almost everyone went to town and..." I started babbling, but fell silent, when his expression seemed to grow even darker. I took a step back, my back hitting the stonewall. I was still holding my stance and I let my eyes fall to the floor again.

Rivaille took a step towards me. He was standing so close to me, wind spun my hair around him. He lifted my head with one finger looked at me with eyes that gave nothing away. Thunder crashed above us, but I barely noticed it. Electricity in the air seemed to concentrate on his finger and I felt a jolt go through me. Rivaille filled my whole consciousness with his presence. The red of embarrassment changed into a deeper shade, the shade of desire. I felt how the sparks inside me lit again and spread like wildfire. For a moment I felt like I was going to lose my balance and fall. He felt my shudder and took his hand away.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked, still gazing into my eyes, like he was reading all my hidden thoughts. "No." I said. My voice was steady, although I felt like I had an army of ants crawling under my skin. Rivaille tilted his head and asked: "Do you fear death?"

"Yes. I want to live." I answered, proud of my steady voice. He leaned closer to me, pushed me flat against the stonewall and locked my hands on my sides against it. For a moment I wondered, despite my answer just moments ago, if he was going to throw me over the wall for invading his hideout. He was so close, I was sure he could feel the fire burning in me. And it seemed like he did, something in his eyes changed. "Lance Corporal Rivaille..." I said quietly, but I didn't get a chance to complete my sentence. "Some say I am death." He whispered to my ear. "Many of those who follow me don't come back. I have heard countless mothers wailing for lost sons and daughters. I am yet to receive thanks from a widow, when I bring her the news. No matter how loudly the crowd cheers, some of those who follow me, never come back. I am death." His voice was so cold and emotionless, it broke my heart.

I turned my head and peered in to his gray eyes. "You are not death. None of us who follow are oblivious of the danger outside. We chose to do this. They celebrate you as humanitys greatest soldier, but that doesn't mean you have to shoulder it all alone. We are in this together. We chose this. We will follow you until the last titan falls and it is because we know we must, even if it means death. We all want to live free." I suddenly fell silent. My heart was pounding in my chest, he was so close, he was so... That moment I knew I loved him, really, truly, not like some school girl, who knew nothing about responsibility.

He considered my words silently, then nodded. Suddenly he grabbed my face and pulled my lips to his.

That kiss was out of this world. His lips were so soft, yet demanding. I thought I was on fire before, but compared to this feeling, it had been just coals barely glowing. I grabbed his shoulders with my hands and held on, like a person who's drowning holds onto anything within their grasp. The kiss went on forever, but ended still too soon. It left me with my mouth slightly open and trembling like a leaf. That almost-smile was on his face again, when he looked at me. Out of breath I voiced his name. A glimmer appeared in his eyes, and he kissed me again, slowly, deeply.

"The storm is almost straight over us, I have a spare room in the guard tower. Let's go." He stepped away from me, and suddenly I was aware of our surroundings again. The wind was howling like the beasts of the underworld. Rain started falling, and thunder crashed above us. It seemed to say it agreed with the Corporal, we should seek shelter, or else. I lifted my face and let the rain hit my hot skin, but I had no time to cool at all, for the man threw me on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Hey! I have a pair of able feet!" I stated, and kicked the air to make my point. He simply grabbed my feet in an iron grip. "It's not appropriate for a cadet to kick her superior, is it?" he asked and I heard a smile in his voice. I giggled and stopped wriggling. I felt a sudden jolt of joy. It had been a long time since I felt anything like that. "Good girl!" he stated and tapped my bottom like I was horse.

Six.

Rivaille kicked open the guard tower's door and dropped me on a surprisingly large and soft bed. The room was round and small. It had only one chair, a small table, some shelves filled with various objects and a barrel of drinking water. A fireplace, that had been lid earlier, was the most ornamental thing in the room, and that was only because the coloured bricks formed the winged crest of the corps.

"Take off those wet clothes before you catch a cold" he said and turned away, adding more wood to the fireplace. Flames licked the wood hungrily and gave us warmth and soft light in return.

I started removing my uniform. My hands were a bit shaky, and the buckles of my harness didn't want to open at first. I stared at the Corporals back and wondered was this really happening. Did he really feel for me, or was this a dream?

Rivaille took a chair and placed it at the center of the small room. He placed his jacked on the back of the chair and sat down. He looked at me with a patient face. "I thought I told you to remove your clothes." I pointed at the bedpost, my cloak and jacked hung there, my shoes and the harness was on the floor. "You said only the wet clothes." I sat down on the bed and wiggled my toes at him. This time I was sure it was a smile, that tugged his lips. Rivaille stood up without saying a word, took a dipper and filled it in the barrel. He stepped over to me, pulled me to my feet and poured the water on my head.

"Hey!" I laughed and wiped my face. "You wicked man!" I tried to wipe my hand on his shirt, but he jumped away and I reached only air. Rivaille sat back on the chair and leaned back crossing his hands behinds his head repeating his order.

I took a deep breath and started unbuttoning my shirt. I opened my pants and wiggled out of them. Then the shirt followed and I stood before him wearing only my underwear. We looked into each others eyes the whole time. His eyes gave nothing away, but a small move he made to correct his position made it clear he was fully aware of me. The wind made the flames dance higher in the fireplace, and shadows danced on Rivailles face. He was so handsome! His features were almost delicate, but so firm. He was powerful and he knew it. I wanted to surrender to that power, ride it like a wild river.

I removed the rest of my clothes. I had lied a bit after all, my panties were soaking wet. Rivaille smiled and let his eyes slide on my naked figure. I had nothing to be ashamed of, I had a trained body just like any other capable soldier, and clearly a womans body. Rivaille stood up and took his shirt of. The flickering light painted his muscular body, emphasizing the strength that was obviously hiding in his small frame. He came to stand so near I felt his warmth. I lifted my hands and pulled him closer. Our lips found each other, his skin felt so hot on mine. His hand traveled from the point where my bottom meets my back, to the nape of my neck. It felt so wonderful! The sensation of him was almost too much, and a small sound of pleasure left my lips. I felt him smile between the kisses and I yelped more loudly as he gently bit my lower lip.

"What do you want?" he asked me, with a voice so thick with emotion it surprised me.

"Kiss me again, Rivaille." I asked, and pressed myself closer. His hand traveled on my spine again, making me wail with pleasure, then he grabbed my hair and kissed me passionately. I felt his manhood, still trapped inside his pants and rubbed myself against it. This time it was Rivaille, that made a sudden sound in the middle of our deep kiss and I smiled.

He started kissing my neck and asked yet again:

"What do you want?"

I could not take it anymore, I was so wet and hot, I was like an instrument he knew exactly how to play. "Oh Rivaille I want you. I want to be yours. Be it just this night, or forever, I want to be yours!"

Rivaille threw me on the bed, again, and towered over me for a moment. Then he freed himself of his pants. He was a divine sight. I lied on my back and looked at him, from top to bottom. He was shorter than me, shorter than most people I knew, but there was certainly nothing small or fragile about him. He descended on me, trapping my hands above my head and making me feel dizzy with the hunger between my legs.

He sat on top of me and looked at me with his intense gray eyes. Thunder rumbled outside, and the dim firelight cast a dark shadow on his face. "Are you sure you want this?" he asked silently and stroked my bare chest. His hand cupped my breasts for a while and caressed them. His touch was light and hesitant.

"Rivaille, you are not death. It will do us more harm, if we stop now. The dread seems endless, and thus we need moments like this. We need to feel alive. Let me taste life from your lips, show me what it is to be alive." I felt an iron glad hand grasp my heart. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to kiss away the fatigue that came with endless battle, and the unsure future. I dared not say a word more, but he seemed to sense what was left unsaid. He let my hands go and lay down beside me. I pulled him near, and kissed his eyes, then his lips. The flames of the fireplace were low, but a hungry firestorm exploded inside of us. We intertwined in to one being. He slid inside of me so slowly it was almost painful.

It felt like we were made for each other. We found a common rhythm with ease. Rivaille made us roll, so he was on top of me. He starter to move again, slowly, so slowly and I was out of breath, he felt so good! My hands found the short hair at the back of his head, then my fingernails pierced the skin on his back and he growled and bit my lip. The ecstasy was overwhelming, I felt the tide rise inside me. It washed over me like a great wave and I reached my climax shouting his name. He was not far behind me, just as my own tremors were quieting, I felt him shake and he filled me with his hot seed. He fell in to my arms and we kissed slowly and tiredly. I stroked his hair and took a deep breath, smelling him and placing the memory of this moment in to a secret room in my head. We fell asleep like that.

Seven.

When I woke up, he was fully dressed and looking as fresh as ever. I stretched and jumped up from the bed. Rivaille looked unimpressed and pointed towards the small tub that had appeared from somewhere. "Wash yourself." His voice was cold steel, like his eyes. But I smiled to him widely and stepped in to the tub. Water was just right and there was a hint of flowers in it. Rivaille poured a second cup of coffee and gave it to me. Our fingers touched, and we kept them like that for a moment.

"I have work to do. This place will turn in to a pigpen in no time, if someone won't kick the party people up and have them clean the tavern stench from them." He glanced from the now open window and continued. "Not to mention the mud they have dragged in with them."

He looked at me and somehow I felt warm inside. "You should clean your uniform too. Wash those sheet while you're at it. And get a new pair of panties, for I am keeping these." Rivailles words made almost choke on my coffee and I looked at him with wide eyes. "What did you... what?" I asked bewildered.

"You heard me, lover." He turned and walked out of the tower room.

Despite our deep connection last night, it seemed I had only scratched the surface of the mystery, that was Lance Corporal Rivaille.