A/N: This is a song fic based on the Barry Manilow song Ready to take a chance again.
You remind me I live in a shell,
Safe from the past,
and doing' okay,
but not very well.
Mom came home for a visit the other day. It was a total surprise. I hadn't expected her, but there she was; standing in front of the stove and taking out a pan of meatloaf. I closed the kitchen door behind me and came inside. She placed the pan on a hot plate, then immediately came over to give me a hug and a kiss. I told her how much I missed her. She looked up at me and started to smile, but then the smile faded. So I asked her what was wrong.
She pulled away and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. I sat down and asked her once again what was wrong. She sighed; leaning against the back of the chair. Then she reached over and took my hands in hers; gripping them tightly.
I'm worried about you.
I stared at her in surprise at first. Then I told her there was nothing to be worried about. I was doing fine at the Planet. I was embracing my destiny by becoming the Blur. My life was going okay.
No jolts, no surprises,
No crisis arises:
My life goes along as it should,
it's all very nice,
but not very good.
She shook her head sadly. That's not what she was worried about. Now I was really confused. What was it then? I remember thinking to myself. I was about to ask the question when she beat me to it.
She said I was shutting myself emotionally.
I abruptly got up from my chair and walked over to the kitchen door; opening it and stepping outside onto the porch. I sat down on the top step; my hands resting on the porch behind me. Not surprisingly, she came out and sat down next to me.
I didn't look over when she rested her hand on my shoulder. I finally said that I didn't know what she was talking about. But she wouldn't let me off the hook. Nope. Not my mother. I guess she's learned a lot in Washington about being persistent. She 'asked' me to look at her. When she 'asks' you to do something, you do it. So I finally turned my head and looked at her. Her hand moved from my shoulder to caress my cheek. Then she asked me a question that I didn't expect.
Why are you afraid to tell Lois how you really feel about her?
I looked at her with surprise. I had no idea how to respond at first. What made her think I had feelings for Lois? She hadn't been back home in months. So I finally spoke up and asked her. She replied that she knew there was something between Lois and I from the very beginning.
I frowned at that comment. I reminded her that I didn't like Lois in the beginning and that I thought she was rude, stuck-up, and let's not forget annoying. She shook her head in amusement as she replied the best ones start out that way. Well, I was surprised to hear her say that because Lana told me the same exact thing when she came back from Paris.
And I'm ready to take a chance again,
Ready to put my love on the line with you.
Been living with nothing to show for it;
You get what you get when you go for it,
And I'm ready to take a chance again with you.
She immediately picked up on the fact that I had said I didn't like Lois in the beginning. I knew it! she exclaimed. I knew you had feelings for her. I didn't want to believe that she was right, but apparently my feelings were written all over my face.
I was falling in love with Lois.
I finally admitted to her that she was right. She smiled at me and asked me when I was going to tell Lois. She didn't say 'if' I was going to tell Lois. She said 'when' I was going to tell Lois. I told her I didn't know. If I tell Lois how I feel about her, then I'll have to tell her my secret first. But there was another question I had to figure out the answer to first.
Was I ready to take a chance again?
When she left me in all my despair,
I just held on,
My hopes were all gone.
Then I found you there.
I remember the moment when Lana left me for the last time. I wasn't supposed to go near her because her body had absorbed kryptonite. But I still couldn't let her go. She was supposed to be the love of my life. It just wasn't fair. I forced myself to come close to her and kissed her - in spite of the fact I was becoming weaker by the second. Then she let me go and walked away with tears in her eyes.
It took me a little while before I was able to get up from the floor and stand up. I slowly made my way over to the couch and sat down; my head between my knees. I did something I hadn't done in a very long time.
I cried.
I cried like I hadn't cried before. I felt as if my heart was broken in a million pieces. I honestly didn't think that I would ever be able to put them back together again. I had no hope that I would ever find love again. So I decided right then and there that I couldn't go through that kind of heartache again.
That's why I didn't show up for the coffee date with Lois. I knew she had feelings for me. And truth be told, I was having some feelings for her. I didn't want to hurt her, but I just couldn't deal with Lana having just left and what I was beginning to feel for Lois. I was just too confused. It just seemed easier to not deal with it.
So I didn't.
And I'm ready to take a chance again,
Ready to put my love on the line with you.
Been living with nothing to show for it;
You get what you get when you go for it.
My mind came back to the present. I looked over at Mom and she nodded at me. Then she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. She whispered that she loved me and only wanted me to be happy. She didn't want me to end up alone because I was afraid to give love another try. But at the same time, she wasn't going to pressure me about it.
I smiled back at her; kissing her on the cheek and getting up from the porch. She asked me where I was going. I replied I was going to go back to the Planet and talk to Lois. She got up and gave me a big hug; kissing me on the cheek again. Then she whispered one more thing to me.
Good luck.
And I'm ready to take a chance again,
Ready to put my love on the line with you.
Been living with nothing to show for it;
You get what you get when you go for it.
I smiled at her one more time, then immediately super-sped away; arriving at the Planet in less than a minute. I walked into the bullpen and saw her standing there; just staring at a piece of paper. I stood there for a few moments and gazed at her. She just looked so beautiful. I felt my heart beating faster just looking at her. I finally screwed up the courage to walk towards her; calling out her name.
She finally looked up and started babbling about losing the morning show job. I tried to talk to her, but she just kept on talking; muttering on and on about how she should have never tried out for it in the first place and that she was sorry for dragging me into it. I had to find a way of making her shut up long enough to talk to her. It was time for desperate measures. So I pulled her to me and kissed her.
I finally had the answer to my question. And that answer was yes.
I was ready to take a chance again.
And I'm ready to take a chance again,
Ready to take a chance again,
With you,
With you.