A/N- Hi, everyone. I seemed to have a pretty positive response to my first Fred story, sooooo here's another one. : )
Dear Diary,
Hey, it's Fred! And I have a disease. So, I was at the library, and I found this book called 'When Cows go Mad. ' It was all about this freaky thing called 'Mad Cow Disease.' I think I have that now. ARAAAAAAAGH!
So, after I left the library, I went to McDonalds. Anyway, I got what I always do; a cheeseburger Happy Meal with a Mountain Dew that has extra sugar in it. I think that the cow they made the burger out of (yeah, Mom, I do know there isn't such thing as a 'burger plant,' you aren't fooling me!) was infected because after I ate it, Judy called me 'mad.' Not 'crazy,' like she usually does, but 'mad!' And I had just eaten a cow. Mad... cow... get it?
Anyway, I told Kevin that since I'm diseased and all, he has to be nice to me. But did he listen? Noooooo.. He just sat there, laughing, and said that I was faking it. Then, he said that Mad Cow Disease (I'm going to call it MCD; it seems more medical-ish, don't you think?) isn't real! Of course it's real! Why would someone invent it?
I think I'm going to infect Kevin with MCD...
Love, Fred
"Ow, Figglehorn! Get off of me!" The scream was heard throughout the whole neighborhood. Kevin was being attacked by Fred.
"No, Kevin, I don't have to if I don't want to. And right now, all I want to do is infect you with MCD!"
"MCD? What is that?"
Fred laughed in a very evil way. "MCD is the acronym given to the very real Mad Cow Disease. I have it, and if you would just sit still and allow me to bite you repeatedly, you would, too. Then you would know that it is nothing to make fun of!"
And then Judy walked by. As he always did when Judy was around, Fred wet his pants a little bit with fear. He really loved Judy and all, but sometimes, she scared him.
"Juuuuudyyyyyy!" he called. "Will you please tell Kevin that when someone wants to share their disease, the polite thing to do is let them bite you."
Judy wrinkled her nose in disgust. She pulled out her cell phone, and Fred's heart skipped a beat; she was going to delete Kevin's contact informatopn, and possibly ask Fred for his number!
But no, she was calling someone. Still, Fred was hopeful. Maybe she was calling Kevin's mom to tattle on him for being a big meanie who wouldn't let Fred share his MCD!
"Hello? Animal control? Yes, it's Judy. I need you to come and taze Fred and lock him in a cage again."
The key word in that sentence was 'again.' That was the third time Judy had to call animal control about Fred that month. Fred didn't particularly care for animal control. So when Judy said, "Oh, you'll be here in five minutes? Thank you!" Fred went even more nuts.
By the time they showed up, Fred had suceeded in scratching Kevin's left eye open and biting Judy's arm multiple times. Oh, well. At least he wouldn't be the only one with MCD now.
So when animal control showed up, they weren't very happy. They brought Kevin to the eye doctor and Judy home.
"But you, young man, get to visit juvenile detention."
Fred gulped. His new (and not imaginary, thank you very much!) friend, Derf, told him about juvenile detention, or juvie, multiple times. Pretty much how he put it was 'kid jail.'
A few hours later, Fred's mom came by to pick him up from juvie.
"Fred! What do you have to say about yourself?"
"Uh, Fred started. Then he remembered that his mother was a sensible, compassionate woman. If he told her the truth about his illness, she would understand. "I have a disease! Mad cow disease, also known as MCD. It makes me act up sometimes. I got it from McDonalds. So sue them!"
It took Fred's mother half a second to figure out the rest of the story. "Fred, it's called a sugar rush. Honestly! Just- go get in the car, we'll talk about this later."
Fred sniffled. "So- so I'm really not diseased after all? I attacked Judy for no reason? Aww, I feel awful now. I mean, I know I attacked Kevin too, but I don't like him anyway, so it doesn't really matter, but still! I wanted him to be diseased, too!"
And Fred started to cry. He cried so hard, in fact, that he didn't even realize that his mom dropped him off on the outskirts of town and left him there.
THE END