I'm down on my knees again tonight,
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right.
See, there is a boy that needs your help.
I've done all that I can do myself
Jeff sank into a chair just to the side of the hospital bed. The beeping of the monitors and the muffled sounds of the doctors outside of the room echoed throughout his mind…reminding him where he was….why they were here.
He glanced to the small body in the bed. John's hair was wet with sweat and his cheeks were flushed as he tossed and turned weakly under the sheets. The family didn't even realise John was seriously ill until it was too late. He was suffering from the flu as far they could tell but Lucy had gone into his bedroom one morning to find him unconscious on the top of the bed, his covers everywhere and sweat soaking through the sheets. John had been rushed to the emergency room only to be told that it was a severe case of pneumonia.
At first it didn't seem too bad…until John began to have difficulties breathing. Pleurisy, leading to pleural effusion. Fluid had begun to build up in a space between his lungs and the wall of his chest, putting pressure on the lungs. This fluid then became infected, causing a build-up of pus which was referred to as empyema. The doctors kept attempting to drain the fluid from John's lungs using a thin tube…but nothing was working. The next option was surgery.
Jeff sighed to himself. His little boy looked so fragile lying there in that little bed, hooked up to all those machines. The doctors didn't particularly want to go through with the surgery. It wasn't as if money was the problem, but due to John's very young age and the fact that he was far too weak, there was a high risk of complications involved. But John was getting weaker…he was dying.
His mother is tired,
I'm sure You can understand.
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand,
And she tries
Not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes.
Jeff opened his eyes at the sound of a quiet sob. Lucy was leaning over John, tears glistening in her eyes as she brushed his sweat-soaked hair away from his eyes with one hand and tightly grasped his hand with the other.
"Where are the boys?" he murmured, causing Lucy to flinch in surprise,
"With your mother…Virgil and Scott wanted to come with me but…" she took a deep breath as she blinked furiously as she tried to remain strong, "….I didn't want them to see John like this"
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow.
See, he's not just anyone, he's my son.
"I wish it was me…." Lucy glanced up in shock at her husband,
"Jeff, you can't mean that!"
"But I do…I can't watch him die, I just can't"
"…He's not going to die…"
"You heard the doctors sweetie…it's not looking good" Lucy sighed and glanced at John again,
"You really think that don't you?" Jeff shook his head,
"I don't want to, I really don't. I firmly believe that John will make it. He's a Tracy, he's strong…but he's also so small. Much smaller than Scott or Virgil ever were at that age, and if I'm honest, Gordon and Alan are likely to be bigger than him at this age as well." Lucy sighed,
"I know…I'm going to get some coffee, do you want any?" Jeff shook his head and Lucy left,
Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep,
I dream of the boy he'd like to be.
I try to be strong and see him through,
But God, who he needs right now is You.
Jeff watched John carefully. All he wanted was for him to be alright, after all, he had so much ahead of him. It had been a few months ago when John had proclaimed that he wanted to be just like his Dad. Whilst Virgil and Scott were at school and Gordon and Alan were shopping with Lucy, he had been assigned 'John duty'. The pair had travelled to Jeff's old base back when he was an astronaut and John loved it. Everything they saw, he had a question and Jeff was only too happy to answer them.
Jeff smiled sadly. He had never John so enthusiastic and chatty about anything before. Usually his son was quite content to let his brothers do all the talking, he let them have a majority of the attention, preferring to stay in the background.
Let him grow old,
Live life without this fear.
What would I be
Living without him here?
Jeff wanted nothing more than to see his boys grow up, to pursue their dreams and possibly start families of their own. He often wondered if John would end up looking exactly like his mother, after all, he already looked so much like her. However, there was always the chance that some of Jeff's genes may show themselves eventually. He wanted to see John graduate, probably top of his class if his current level of intellect was anything to go by. Then he wanted to see him join NASA, just like John said he would. Honestly….Jeff just wanted him to live.
He didn't know what he would do without him. Probably go crazy if he were honest. The other four could be quite a strain on Jeff's nerves if he were honest. Scott was stubborn and Virgil was quickly learning to copy his older brothers. Despite his young age, Gordon was becoming quite the trickster and Alan…well, Alan seemed to be allergic to sleep.
Jeff knew that if it wasn't for the calming nature of John, he would have gone grey years ago…as it were, he already had quite a few streaks. John was probably the only son Jeff allowed into his office, and that was only because John would sit quietly in a corner reading a book. He didn't try and ask Jeff lots of questions about his work, he just sat there…for hours at a time.
He's so tired,
And he's scared
Let him know that You're there.
"Daddy…" Jeff's eyes shot up to see John staring at him, his eyes dull with the fever and his cheeks flushed bright red.
"Hey kiddo…" whispered Jeff as he gently stroked his son's head, "…how are you feeling/"
"Tired…hot…more tired…Daddy am I dying?" Jeff shook his head frantically,
"No, no, no. Of course not my little spaceman! Why would you think that?" John glanced at the door,
"Mommy's crying…she hates crying"
"Mommy's just tired Johnny, much like you are. Why don't you sleep some more hmmmmm?" John looked as though he had more to say, but his eyes soon slid shut and his breathing evened out.
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place some how.
See, he's not just anyone, he's my son.
As soon as John's eyes were closed, Jeff buried his face in his hands and began to sob quietly. He couldn't believe this was happening to his family…he couldn't think of anything worse than having to organise and then sit through the funeral of a loved one, especially one so young.
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow.
See, he's not just anyone.
Jeff especially didn't want to think about how the rest of his family would deal with it. Lucy would never fully recover, and if he were being honest, Jeff believed that Scott and Virgil would be haunted by this event. They had enjoyed being big brothers. When John was born, hardly a moment went by when Scott and Virgil were not sitting by his cot, watching over the quieter child. It was then that Jeff realized that Gordon and Alan would most likely never remember John…they were so young after all….
Jeff sobbed until exhaustion won over his need to watch over John, and slowly, he relaxed in the hospital chair, his breathing evening out as sleep overcame him.
Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him,
He's my son.
Jeff was suddenly awoken by a frantic shaking of his shoulder, his wife's voice gleefully echoing in his mind,
"Jeff! Jeff! He's going to be okay! Jeff, wake up!" Jeff blearily opened his eyes to see his wife practically crying with happiness.
"His lungs are almost clear, the drainage must have worked! Jeff, our little boy is going to be okay!" Lucy bounded out of the room, probably to call the rest of the family and let them know what the situation was…but Jeff couldn't focus on that. John's face was still red with fever, but there was a noticeable difference in his breathing.
So it was true. John was going to make it.
Miracles do happen
...
The song is He's my son by Mark Schultz. Please read and review :)