Stealing, a glee fanfic

A/N: I do not own Glee or the song used in this which is Stealing by Gavin Degraw. Ok I know it's been forever since I posted anything but I promised someone that I would post my Faberry one- shot so here it is. I will hopefully be updating my stories soon. Also I will be going to Brittana Con in August so anyone who's going is more than welcome to badger me about never updating. I've been going through a lot in my personal life but I'm going to be focusing a lot more on writing so that's good. I'll most likely post some dribbles soon. Again sorry for never updating but I'm working on it. Promise :).

"You might really be, The very best woman to ever suit me, But I can't expect you to see how I see, Cause sometimes I don't see a thing, But personal pressure is making me guess, My time's running out as we're both getting dressed, I don't know who's body I'd rather feel pressed, But I cannot arrest on my thoughts"

You can't remember a time when you didn't want Rachel. From the moment you first saw her in the hallway to the time when she was racing away on that train. To the times her face has lit up your computer from your late night Skype chats to the various texts you send between and in classes. You've imagined being that One for her, like she is to you. You're perfect for each other in some weird messed up way. Not quite like your two best friends but pretty damn close. But your love for this one, infuriating, girl is starting to be too much. It hurts you too much and you wonder if you can take much more of this silent torture.

"Do you not understand what you mean to me?"

Those words have haunted your dreams since she ever spoke them in that dark hallway the night you gave up your old dream for your new one. Making her happy and making her dreams come true. God, you'd just wanted to snap. Say everything you were holding back, actually answer her rhetorical question. Tell her everything.

"No Rachel I don't. I don't understand what I mean to you because I have been there time and time again trying to get you to see what you mean to me. To see what you DO to me. You're the only one I'm vulnerable around. The only one I let in this easily. I have been falling in love with you since I first saw you and I've hated it. I've felt so wrong but so right. I struggled with this until I no longer cared. Not about you, I'll always care about you, but about everyone else. What they thought and what they would say. And then, when I thought I could have you, thought that by some miracle of a chance I could actually be with you…you just turn away and ran back to him. Finn, who is in no way some prince charming. I get it, I do. I understand that you have this fairytale land where Finn Fucking Hudson is your Prince Charming coming to save you but have you ever once thought that maybe the beautiful princess could also be a night in shining armor coming to save you? That maybe, for once, after she was saved she wanted to save the one person who had been there for her time and time again. To save the one she's tortured and put down because she was afraid? So no I don't understand what I mean to you. Please, go ahead, tell me."

But you know you'd never say it. Not in the coming months because of course she's found someone else to replace Finn who disappears. Granted he isn't dumb as a rock and he might not be a knight in shining armor but at least he isn't Finn. This guy he can give her a future, he can be everything Finn wasn't. Or rather hopefully he can be. Of course you don't really talk to her much about it because at the same time Rachel quits Finn your two best friends, who are soul mates, break up as well.

It boggles your mind because you've never seen two people more made for each other than the fiery bitch-storm that is Santana and happy-go-lucky Brittany. So you deal with the fallout. You call, text, and Skype Brittany. You do the same with Santana but also make the effort to visit her. You know who she is without Brittany and it's cause for concern. You don't worry as much for Brittany because she has the Glee club and you've noticed Sam's gaze on her.

"Cause we had a good time, Then it was sorrow, I call it stealing, You call it borrow, So I want my heart back, If you're not gonna keep it, If you've got no uses, Then I'm gonna need it, And someone else, Is gonna need it too"

When you return home for Thanksgiving it's to a mother who's made a turn around and has started to become an actual mother. But it's also to two best friends who have a weird tension and the Glee club that has been trying to make up for everyone's departure. Though personally you think it's just the fact that it's most amazing person and performer is now missing (though you might be a little biased on that one).

You can see how Finn is finally starting to grow and it makes you proud in a weird way. He's a nice guy but there was always just something missing from him and you can see him starting to finally grow up. Rachel's absence isn't something unnoticed by you and you can feel the hurt in your chest thudding quietly. Santana knows, she's always known. She tries to help but she's still hurting. So when Thanksgiving day comes and you find yourself with her on your roof with a bottle of Jack, a bottle of Tequila, cigarettes and cigars, and one large blanket you aren't surprised. You welcome it.

You find the hurt start to ebb and it gets slightly easier to exist even though Rachel isn't yours. She never will be. Who ever knew that when it came down to it you'd care way too fucking much and her not nearly enough.

You and Santana get closer after that. No need to fight over position, boys, or feel the need to compete with each other.

You still worship Rachel and everything that she is. You still talk to her like it's a fucking religion and schedule things around when she usually calls or Skype's you. When you go home for Christmas and she isn't there you notice it even more. She should be home, but then you remember her big showcase thing and you get mad that you aren't there. But, it's invitation only and you didn't get the invite.

You spend Christmas with your mother and Santana. Her parents are working and she might be passed caring about it but you don't want her alone on Christmas. Plus you need her there.

You come out to your mother after dinner when the three of you are watching sappy Christmas movies all sprawled out on the couch.

You expect yelling, screaming, Bible verses thrown at you, anything but what you get.

"Well okay. I love you all the same, Quinnie. When you find yourself a girlfriend you better bring her home so I can meet her." You smile and feel tears in your eyes. Santana gives you a proud smile and she gives you a side hug before your mother cuts in again. "But don't think this new revelation will get you out of washing the dishes." She winks at you and the three of you laugh loudly.

And for the first time it doesn't occur to you that Rachel's gone. Not yet.

But then you get a call in the middle of the night your second night back at Yale. Rachel is crying and crumbling and needs YOU. She needs you above anyone else and so you go running to her (just like you always have).

It's over her dance teacher and personal stresses and she just needs you to be there. For some reason it gives you a sense of pride because she called you. Not Finn, not her new boy toy, you. That has to mean something right?

So you hold her all night. You hold her close to your chest hoping that maybe your heartbeat can help defeat some of her heartbreak. Hoping that maybe if you held onto her tight enough you could keep anything bad from her. After hours of holding her, wiping tears, stroking her hair, and just giving her your love she finally calms down and falls asleep. Right there, curled into you.

Pride washes through you knowing you could do this. Knowing she sought comfort in you.

When she wakes in the morning she apologizes but you brush it off with smiles and that radiating comfort you had hours before. The look in her eye is warm and you can almost convince yourself that there's more than platonic love in that gaze. She makes you breakfast and you use your charming ways to continue making her feel better. Warm and love filled words fall from your lips masked by the guise of friendship and trying to help.

Perhaps you failed in hiding it because her lips land on yours and you're too stunned to do anything but respond. Kissing her is beyond everything you'd ever dreamed it would be. You grip her hips and pull her close. You pull her against your body in a way to make it feel more real. To feel everything at once. Her hands tangle in your hair and when her teeth nip at your bottom lip you can't help but gasp. You return the kiss with even more vigor. You put your heart into that kiss. You feel her moan against your lips and her hands grasping desperately at you, it gives you so much more than an ego boost.

You're getting everything you ever wanted.

But you're not.

Because it all come crashing down a second later. She pulls away and shockingly puts a hand to her lips. She apologizes and you smile sadly saying how you understand. But it's a lie because you don't understand how that could had been something to apologize for. So she grins and thanks you for not punching her or telling her off. She tells you that you're a great kisser and your heart starts to shatter. You joke with her about it all while your heart breaks even more in your chest.

All because you finally got a taste of what could be, and it's been confirmed that it never will be. But it doesn't stop that small ounce of hope from remaining. All you have to do is keep waiting. She'll see soon.

"While some of it's here, I'm wondering where did the rest disappear, The parts that I thought were the best are unclear, Or hiding there under your doubt, So maybe we'll call this a hard lesson learned, But you're holding something that I'll need returned, If you need some time, I've still got some to burn, But burning is just running thin"

It's when you find yourself at her door once more with Santana at your side that it really hits. She thought it was a mistake in kissing you. Did she feel the love you had for her? Did it scare her off? You voice your thoughts to Santana who stands there holding you as you break down.

You wish Kurt hadn't called you to deal with this, but you're also happy because you get to see her.

When she comes in later on and her gaze sticks to you for 85% of the interaction it makes you feel like you're flying. The warmth in your chest helps to hide the pain and you find yourself hoping even more.

You and Santana manage to convince her not to do the scene. Granted your own reasons are more selfish but only Santana knows that. She doesn't judge you, only gives you silent secretive looks to try and tell you she understands.

When the three of you sing on that stage all you can think of is her and how you wish you could have her singing love songs about you. You wish for so much that you could be the one she imagines herself with but you know you aren't.

But you're happy because she is. She's where she always wanted to be and where she deserves to be. If only you could be a part of it.

Santana tells you about the college thing and you offer your apartment to her. She takes the offer and starts working at that coffee shop on the corner. Rachel stops texting, calling, and Skyping as much but Santana is there to fill the void and the hurt. It starts to get easier. Knowing that you'll never be her forever, her knight in shining armor. Her Prince Charming.

When Santana gets the call about Brittany and Sam you hold her as she cries.

She cries for the entire night and is a ghost for days.

It always hurt you more to see her own pain. She's this big strong character in your eyes. She's your right hand, she's like an archangel meant for protection and help. Always there and always ready to fight, so to see her hurting so much and so badly shocks you.

And it hurts you in a way that used to be exclusively for Rachel.

It's not as intense or as prevalent but it hurts in a way it never used to with her. You're not used to her pain hurting you more than your own, because your own was so all consuming before and your focus was all on Rachel. But now there's this ridiculously strong girl, strongest girl you've ever known, and she's breaking apart in front of your eyes and you have no idea how to fix it. Not this time.

When she goes back to Lima you're ready for every possibility. The possibility that she'll come home more broken scares you but the one that hurts you the most are the thoughts that Brittany will realize what she's missing and want her back. You're not sure why that hurts so much and it scares you.

You convince yourself that you don't want to lose this new closeness with Santana but there's a part of you that knows that it's because you want to mean something. You want to mean enough to someone than just someone there to pass time. Someone to lean on when needed.

So when she comes home un-broken but also still single you can't help but let out a sigh of relief you didn't realize you were holding.

Rachel has basically stopped communicating with you. Not from lack of trying from you. No you try, but she's always busy or out with Brody. It fills you with anger and jealousy and you hate it because you know if situations were reversed it wouldn't affect her half as much as it is you. She'd be happy for you and that makes your anger worse.

Because why can't you be happy for her? Why can't you be fucking happy that she's happy?

It's because you're in love with her and would do anything to be the one making her happy.

(Santana takes you to the roof of your now, permanently, shared apartment that night. She holds you in the cool winter night as you both look at the stars. It's in her strong, warm arms that you find comfort.)

"What would the point be, If we let this thing drag out, Failing to accept, These impressions passed around, Oh you and I, It's been a wild ride, And I wouldn't change at all, But I'm gonna let you know"

By Mr. Shue's wedding both you and Santana are done trying to keep up with your lost loves. She watches Bram while you watch Finchel. But the difference is that you now have each other. Maybe not in the way that they do, but it's enough to keep that burning ache from your chest for the first time. For the first time you can watch Rachel be happy with someone else that isn't you.

You seek comfort from each other and also copious amounts of alcohol. You hold each other close on the dance floor like you've done a million times before. That weird pull from the days leading up to this day is there. You've felt it when you guys would goof off while making dinner. When you would get into food fights and when the other would invade personal space there'd be that silent challenge to see who'd break first. The feeling that left you swallowing hard as your silly and friendly dances around the kitchen or living-room turned into those heavy slow dances with lingering touches and gazes. You briefly wonder if this is how Brittany and Santana started out before you shake the thought out of your head for fear of fucking everything up like you usually do.

When you find yourself stumbling in the hall with Santana racing to your hotel room instead of a slightly shorter brunette you don't really find yourself caring. You can tell she feels the same way and it helps to set you free even more. As you're both stumbling into the room Santana's lips press to your neck and you catch Rachel's gaze as the elevator doors open revealing her and Finn holding hands. Her eyes widen and a look of almost betrayal fills those browns orbs.

You simply close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of Santana's lips working against your neck. Enjoying the feeling of wanting someone and having those feelings returned.

You end up losing count how many times you and Santana discover each other's bodies. When you're both sated and covered in sweat, love bites, and scratches, you end up with her resting on her stomach in-between your legs and half on top of you. Her right hand supporting her head over your abs. She has a content smile on her face as her left hand traces shapes into your toned stomach with the soft touch of her fingers. She places the occasional kiss on your scars but you don't mind it. She doesn't make you feel broken or un-wanted, only safe and loved.

You watch her with a soft gaze and equally content smile. Your right hand running through her dark silky hair. You notice how she'll close her eyes and hum lowly, almost a content growl, if you scratch her scalp lightly. So you do that every few strokes.

The soft touches make you more relaxed than you think you've ever been in years. You talk quietly and happily as you both bask in the afterglow of awesome sex and finally being happy and free.

Whatever this is between you and your best friend doesn't need to be permanent, in fact you don't want that. Her and Brittany are meant to be. But until B gets her head out of her ass it doesn't mean that the two of you can't be happy together. She knows you and you know her. You happily fall into an easy relationship right there in that hotel room. You sleep for a few hours before showering together and giggling as you dress. She doesn't believe that she snores but she does, it's more like a baby jaguar than a chainsaw though.

You go to the breakfast buffet together with hands clasped and secret smiles on your faces. She's wearing your Yale sweatshirt and you're wearing her Cardinal's sweatshirt with LOPEZ embossed over your shoulders. Some people shrug their shoulders and smile while others openly gape at the "new" development. Puck laughs and throws his arms around you both while saying he approves. For some reason his easy approval of this makes things better. Makes you not care about anything besides the fact that the two people closest to you are happy. One happy for you and one happy with you, and that makes something in your chest clench in happiness as opposed to sorrow.

You sit down to eat with Mercedes, Mike, Kurt and Puck with Santana at your side. They ask a few questions but they're all in good nature. Smiles adorn their faces when they see that you're happy. You both give them the abridged version of this story (meaning nothing that contains Rachel or Brittany). Puck makes a few crass comments but all you do is smile moony eyed and cocky at Santana who blushes and grins, dimples on full display. Your table howls with laughter anytime you get a little cocky about taming the great Santana Lopez who does her best to defend herself by throwing bits of food and insults with a smile on her face.

Half way through when you've finished and you're occupying your time with tracing Santana's palm and playing with her fingers brown eyes catch your own and it's not from next to you.

Rachel's eyes are locked on you and Santana. Her gaze is sharp and penetrating. Calculating and hurt? Before you can think about it Santana's voice is in your ear. "I think it's because she wanted you to herself. Maybe she didn't want to share you or let someone else see how awesome you are. Excuse me, I mean flawless." You feel your lips curl into a smile and you look at the girl next to you. Her brown eyes are filled with warmth and adoration. Her full lips, that are still a bit swollen from your nightly activities, curl upwards before they press against your own softly.

You smile against them and when she pulls away her eyes flicker over your shoulder. Her eyebrow raises and she chuckles lowly in a way that re-ignites a fire in your belly. "Yeah I'd definitely say Broadway isn't into sharing." You glance and see how her eyes are cold and locked on Santana's form. "I think part of her wanted you to tell her. I think you and I know that the larger part of her didn't. I can't really say I'm too sad though. Her loss was my gain." Your gaze returns to the Latina next to you. Her smile is easy and free, so different from the girl you first met who was so cold and distant. Her eyes twinkle and she leans in quickly to playfully nip at your bottom lip. You squeal and shove her a little bit but she just giggles and hugs you tightly.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Puck watching you guys with a giddy gaze while Mercedes and Mike are smiling softly. Kurt is bouncing in his seat while looking between you two. A blush flares on your cheeks and Santana kisses the one closest to her. "Don't worry Blondie. You've always got me. Plus I think you've got your heart back now." She winks before getting up to get more coffee for herself and more bacon for you.

All you can think of is song you heard a long time ago and how Santana couldn't be more right. Rachel might of had your heart for a long time but now you have it back and you're going to give it to someone who needs it. Right now that's Santana and someday it's going to be to someone else who needs your love as much as you need theirs. So for now you and Santana can be happy together till someone else needs it, then you'll have your forever and Santana will have hers in the blue eyed beauty who's currently glancing between you and Santana and ignoring Sam. The four of you can live your happily ever after and maybe someday you can have Rachel back in your life, however it may happen, and you'll be happy about it.