Author's Note: I usually put this at the end, but some explanation is needed if you're going to understand this beforehand. When your read something in bold, its Kunsel. Regular text is the guests. Italicized is a question from the audience. Ok? Good. I'm glad we got that cleared up. And just to be extra safe, I'll write the name of the person before they speak. Also, feel free to message a question for one of the characters and I'll include it in the next chapter! Thanks for reading!
*Lights brighten to reveal the SOLDIERs, TURKs, all Shinra executives, AVALANCHE members, Wutai ninjas, and former Shinra employees sitting in comfortable lounge chairs placed in a half-circle facing the audience. Sitting in the middle is Kunsel (helmet still in place)*
Kunsel: Hello everyone! You know what time it is; it's time for the premiere episode of Cirque De Shinra! Where you, the viewers, ask all of our favorite characters questions and those characters must answer! No matter the question, ladies and gentlemen, these characters WILL answer. Ok let's get started! Here's our first question, addressed to our favorite cadet Cloud Strife!
Question: Cloud, what's it like in the Shinra shower rooms?
Cloud: *looking vulnerable* Uh… I guess…
Zack: HEY! WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT!? *covers Cloud protectively, growling at the audience*
Genesis: Will you please just let him answer the question so we can move on to more interesting topics, like me for example. *flips hair and crosses arms*
Rufus: It is interesting that you think anyone would be interested in you, other then the Red Leather fan club that is.
Genesis: And how is your fan club progressing Mr. Vice President?
Rufus: About as well as your termination papers.
Kunsel: Hey hey hey! Let's focus on the questions okay? Ok Cloud what is your answer to the former question?
Cloud: I guess…it's like the shower rooms at a highschool. There are the bigger guys trying to show off, the smaller guys trying not to be seen, and always one guy crying in the corner.
Kunsel: Great! There you go! Next question, addressed to SOLDIER's General Sephiroth!
Question: Sephiroth, do you like cats? Because you look like you might like cats. Can I give you a cat?
Sephiroth: I have no feelings towards cats. And no, you may not give me a cat.
Genesis: Why would you want to give him a cat? Why not give me a cat? I am much better then Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: Of course you are, General Rhapso- oh wait, I had a momentary lapse of memory. I am the General, you are my subordinate.
Genesis: How dare you! You dare talk to me like that!
Kunsel: ANNND our next question is addressed to our Vice-President Rufus Shinra!
Question: Mr. Shinra, why do you always look so grouchy?
Rufus: Because I have to tolerate stupid questions like this without evicting you from the cardboard box you no doubt live in.
Kunsel: Thank you for that question fan! Our next question is addressed to the Commander of the TURKs, Tseng!
Question: Do you ever touch the dot on your forehead to see if it's a self-destruct button?
Tseng:….no. I can honestly say I have never done nor will ever do such a thing. Though Reno has on occasion. *Glares at Reno, who sits there nonchalantly picking through a wallet*
Reno: *Looks up* What? You can't say you weren't curious, yo.
Reeve:….Is that my wallet?
Reno: Am I a TURK?
Kunsel: Here's our next question! This one is addressed to our favorite Wutainian Princess Yuffie!
Question: YUFFIE! STOP STEALING MY FUCKING MATERIA! Signed, Barrett.
Yuffie: WHO SAYS I'M STEALING YOUR MATERIA!? WHO SAYS I'M NOT JUST STEALING IT BACK AFTER YOU STOLE IT FROM ME!?
Barrett: QUIT LYIN' FOOL!
Kunsel: And our final question is addressed to everyone's favorite Crimson Commander, Genesis Rhapsodos!
Genesis: Finally!
Question: Genesis, please stop attempting to ruin my reputation by cosplaying as me and pretending to whore yourself out at the Honey Bee Inn. Signed, Sephiroth.
Genesis: I'VE NEVER DONE SUCH A THING! DON'T BLAME ME JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ATTENTION SEEKING WHORE! *throws coffee mug at Sehpiroth's head, which he dodges. Only causing said coffee mug to smash against the side of Rufus's head*
Rufus: I want HIM DEAD! *pulls out shotgun, begins shooting at Genesis; who is now fully engaged in battle with Sephiroth*
Kunsel: *dodges part of cushion being flung in his direction* And that's all the time we have for today! Join us again next time here on Cirque De Shinra!
*Camera falls, hitting the ground and cracking the lense*