"Sheldon Swifties XXI:"From India…With Reservations…"
Summary: Brief bits, not necessarily connected…Similar to my Buffyverse "Immortal Beloved" series…Possibly related to the idea that sooner or later I plan to pit Sheldon against junior adult fiction's greatest inventor…
Disclaimer: What's Chuck's is Chuck's…No infringement intended…
"So I think it's clear that I am the only logical choice…" Sheldon notes…
"I don't know about that…" Bernadette frowns… "What about my Howie?..."
"Wolowitz?..." scornful sneer… "I hardly think so…"
"Lord knows I'm frustrated enough to be…" Howard glares at Sheldon's smug look.
"Please…Being a Bondian supervillain requires a superior intellect and an almost God-like disdain for the common run of Humanity…"
"I don't deny the disdain, Sheldon…" Leonard notes… "Though perhaps 'God-like' is a bit much, even for you…But you know, sometimes the best supervillain is the one you don't suspect…You know…" arch look… "The quiet, brilliant…Even rather sweet and likeable genius…Maybe with a real cause to twist him to Evil…"
"Please…" Penny chortles… "Sweetie, I luv ya but you ain't got a chick's chance in a fox den fighting against James Bond."
"The supervillain never fights Bond…Well, usually not…He's much too busy running his organization…" Leonard, annoyed tone… "He hires able guys like Odd Job or Jaws or funny deranged types like Mr. Kid and his friend to do the dirty work….It's his administrative skills that make him super…"
"Howard is the perfect choice…" Bernadette insists… "He's brilliant, he runs the Engineering Lab, he can make his own superweapons, and he's got good reason to want all of you dead and Cal Tech vaporized…"
"I mean if he were an Evil supervillain…He really loves ya all…"
"Well, why we're at it…Though I understand the pathetic need of you male primates to try and assert dominance in the Beta role of foil to Mr. Alpha-alpha-alpha Bond…" Amy cuts in… "Why couldn't one of us ladies be the supervillain?..."
Chortling from Sheldon…Raj…Leonard desperately repressing…Howard wisely nodding…
Hey, I've seen my two girls at home at supervillain intensity…
"You don't think women could handle the supervillain's role?..." Penny, frowning…
Focusing on Leonard who gulping…
Nothing…I said…Nothing…
"Please, Penny…Amy…Maybe in a cheap Bond knockoff like the Flint movies…But in real Bond, even diluted Roger Moore Bond?...A woman?...Excuse me while I express a derisive snort…." Sheldon, snorting chuckle…
"Sheldon…I think I could be a very fine supervillain…" Amy, grimly… "After all, I've managed to manipulate you preeettty well at time, Moonpie…If you recall…"
"And Bernadette's no slouch…" Howard notes…Winning beam from his Missus…
Aww, you…Just cause I once nearly wiped out Humanity with an Ebola/rhinovirus mix…
"She'd be a great biological mistressmind of Evil…" he smiles…
"We'd be Evil partners…Howie would devise the space-based delivery system…" she insists…
"What about me?..." Penny frowns… "You know I have my share of frustration with the world…"
"Yes…" Sheldon nods… "You probably could act the world to death at that…"
Glare…
"Of course, Howie really is my idea of the perfect James Bond…" Bernadette notes…
To stares…
"What…?!" grim tone…
Hmmn…You know she does have that Evil commanding tone thing down…Leonard thought…
"He could make his own gadgets, he knows martial arts, and he looks terrific in a tux!..." Bernadette continues…
Enough to make one really consider releasing that super Ebola…She notes to Howard…
"Hello…" Raj, quietly… "As long as we're promoting candidates for the role of super-supervillain…I think I might like to throw my suave Indian playboy hat into the ring…Now that I'm properly smashed…"
"You?..." Sheldon frowns… "Oh, please…Would you silence the women into surrender?...And what…Outdance Bond…?"
"Actually…I'm a spoiled multimillionaire's mama's boy son who grew up treating servants like disposable crap but who, like all great Bond villains, is utterly insecure with women…And, brilliant enough to develop my own solar mirror death ray or orbiting missile platform…Or, to be original, an asteroid diversion system to blackmail the world into total submission and the surrender of two jet skis…Plus when I'm drunk, I'm really obnoxious…Ergo I'm the perfect foil for James Bond…And a potential supervillain you might like at times, but in his Evil moments would really love to hate, admit it, losers…" arch look…
"Right, babe…?" swaggering nod to Penny…Attempted pat which she glares off…
"He's got the obnoxious and insecure down, no denying there…I'd say we've got our slimy villain all right…" she nods, sourly…
"At least say we could partner as married supervillains…?" Amy, slightly desperate tone…
"Of course…" Sheldon hisses… "But just don't tell the guys that…"
"Certainly not…" she hisses back, beaming… "You'll always be my Beta…" pat…
"Beta…?"
"Get real, Sheldon, have you seen Daniel Craig?"