Author's note: This piece set during The Deathly Hallows was inspired by the piano scene between Ron and Hermione in the movie and Harry's brief description of feeling "strangely lonely" upon realizing that Ron and Hermione had probably fallen asleep holding hands in the book. I've always thought that the piano scene in the movie was very endearing and that it would be perfect to use it as a catalyst to really get Harry's thoughts going. Secondly, I've always wanted to know more about Harry's feelings on the whole Ron/Hermione will they/won't they drama during the horcrux hunt. I know that he was happy for them after it was all over, but did he think that the tension between the two of them would cause trouble while on their mission? Also, I wanted J.K. to elaborate more on why exactly Harry felt "strangely lonely". Why did he feel lonely even though he had Ron and Hermione right there, and why did he describe his loneliness as being strange?
As always please ask before posting anywhere, and reviews are appreciated. I love you guys and hope you enjoy speculating about some of Harry's feelings that were glossed over as much as I do!
Harry lay in Sirius's old bed at Grimmauld Place, staring at the snitch that hovered in front of his face until the gold ball and the still muggle pictures of girls in bikinis hanging on the wall behind it all blended into one. He sighed and turned over on his side. He could just make out the tune of a muggle song that Hermione had been teaching Ron on the piano during their many hours of down time when the ministry closed for the day and they had nothing to do other than find what little entertainment they could around the house.
As the snitch began to make its rounds about the room, Harry got to thinking about the witch and wizard downstairs. How had he become so lucky and cursed as to find two people who would follow him to the end of the earth if need be? They were the first two friends he had ever made. The three of them understood each other in a way that no one else ever would. He would die for them. But unfortunately, he knew that they would do the same for him. How was it fair that their willingness to do anything for him gave him both an elated and heart-wrenching feeling at the same time?
All of the sudden, the beautiful melody that he had been listening to abruptly changed into a more out of tune and choppy version of the song. He smiled to himself, knowing that Ron had given it a go. After his third of fourth mistake, Ron swore loudly, followed by Hermione's giggle and attempt at a reprimanding tone.
He could picture them down there. Hermione, with her back straight and head held high, her nimble fingers flying over the keys, too immersed in what she was doing to notice Ron staring at her with a look of wonderment and affection.
He had a feeling that something was on the brink of happening between the two of them. He had been noticing a few signs of affection between them this summer, most notedly last week during their first morning here, when he had woken up looking for them just to make sure that they were okay. He found that they were okay, probably better than okay, seeing as they had fallen asleep holding hands by the looks of it. Never much for expressing emotions or wanting to hear about anyone else's, he had never mentioned anything about it to Ron. Sure, they had talked about girls before, especially those late nights in the Gryffindor boy's dormitory with their other mates. But Harry had a feeling that Ron's feelings for Hermione went way beyond how good of a snog she might be, or what her tits looked like, or what kind of knickers she wore. Not that-he grimaced- Ron wasn't thinking those things about her, but his thoughts definitely did not stop there. He knew Ron cared deeply for Hermione, reckoned he loved her to be honest, whether or not Ron had realized it yet. He had also worked out that Hermione most likely loved Ron too. Mostly because Ginny had pointed out little things that Hermione did which gave away her feelings for Ron during the few precious weeks that the two of them had been dating, but he had figured it out all the same.
And with this knowledge came an abundance of thoughts and feelings that he realized he hadn't had the time to truly sit down and ponder until now. He had to admit, the fact that there was only one girl on this journey and that if anything she would be snogging Ron frustrated him a bit. Not that he wanted to snog Hermione; she was like his sister. It was just that even though this mission was going to be difficult enough, the fact that he was a 17-year-old boy with raging hormones had to be thrown into the mix. He was jealous that Ron had a witch along with him for the ride who truly cared about him and whom he cared for in return. Whom he was attracted to and she in turn attracted to him. Whom he would probably end up sharing more intimate things with when times got tough, like cuddling, or snogging, or maybe even more.
Maybe jealousy wasn't the right word. He didn't want exactly what Ron had. He didn't want Hermione. He wanted what the both of them had together. He was envious of their relationship. A relationship that was very similar to the one that he and Ginny had, or used to have before he had to end it.
Ginny. Maybe that was what it came down too. Their relationship reminded him of her. He would be happy for his two friends if they were kindling a romance under normal terms. Probably encouraging it to be honest, what with all of the pent up sexual frustration he had been subjected to witnessing between the two of them for years. And hell, if they did get together while searching for these damned horcruxes then he would still be happy for them. But his happiness would be tainted with a bit of sadness. It would remind him of the person that he wanted most at this moment but couldn't have.
Ginny. With her kind eyes and her beautiful long hair that smelled so sweet. With her pretty face and her dazzling smile. With her body that fit so perfectly into his on the few occasions that she had taken a break from studying for her O.W.L. exams and he hadn't been with Dumbledore, enabling them to go lay out on a blanket down by the lake. She really was beautiful. Right before they had broken up, she had been letting him get a little farther where their physical relationship was concerned, and he could still remember what her curves felt like. Her breasts in his hands as he leaned in and kissed her neck. She would moan, and he would falter for a second, almost unable to believe that he, Harry Potter, had made a woman make that sound. That the specky scrawny little boy who used to live in a cupboard under the stairs and was told he would never even have a family of his own who cared for him, because how could any woman ever love him and want to be with him, had elicited that response from his girlfriend!
It wasn't just Ginny's physical attributes that he missed of course. Although-he smirked- he did enjoy them and took delight in all of the other guys at Hogwarts looking at him jealously as he walked down the halls with her on his arm. He was a bloke after all. But much like Ron and his thoughts about Hermione, Harry's admiration of Ginny went farther than just her looks. Ginny was kind and caring. She was strong and wasn't afraid to voice her disagreement with him when she thought he was wrong. She was fiercely loyal and brave; sometimes too brave for her own good. She shared his sense of humor and thus always knew how to make him laugh. Harry had thought that when he came to Hogwarts he had been lucky just to make a few friends and find a few adults who actually cared about him, but Ginny had introduced him to a whole new level of intimacy that he hadn't known existed. All he wanted was to be around her all of the time. All he wanted was to have her here with him right now. All he wanted was to be able to sit next to her and stare dreamily at her as she played a tune on the piano.
He loved Ron and Hermione and if they were able to get that kind of feeling right now, why shouldn't they? They had sacrificed everything for him; shouldn't they at least be able to experience being in love if they had the chance? Was it selfish of him to think that if they did start up something right now, it might take their focus off of the mission? He didn't know.
All of the sudden he remembered that he was lying on Sirius's bed, and thought that maybe Sirius could have helped him with this problem if he were here. Or his dad if he hadn't been killed by the fucking monster that they were trying to fight. What an absurd thought: if Sirius were here, Harry wouldn't be hiding out in Grimmauld Place with Ron and Hermione right now, and if his dad were here then this whole mission would be nonexistent. Sometimes he wondered how Sirius and his dad would have reacted to him bringing home a gorgeous girl like Ginny. Probably taken the mickey in front of the two of them, asking how a tosser like him landed such a beautiful witch, but in private given him a high five and maybe attempted to give him some kind of sex talk about being safe.
He sighed again, trying not to get too caught up in what could have been. He needed to focus. He needed to be aware of the Ron and Hermione situation but not catastrophize what might happen if the two of them got together. He needed to see this thing through, so one day he could get back to Ginny.
Author's note: So there you have it. I feel like in the end Harry's thoughts always circle back to Ginny. His negative feelings when seeing Ron and Hermione together weren't about them, it was just what they had. I think that Harry and Ginny complement each other in so many ways. His longing for her is only intensified when seeing Ron and Hermione together because he knows that Ginny is the person who would be able to make him the happiest that he could be and take the most of his pain away. At this point Harry is an older teenager, and has the capacity to want a more adult relationship. Of course he still longs for his parents, which I tried to portray with that last bit about Sirius and James. Only now instead of the motherly or fatherly affection he craved as a child, he more so wants an intimate relationship with a significant other as his source of affection and love.