I stumbled over to my usual chair. My eyes feel as though they've been welded shut, and I can barely see. Pulling out my chair, I slump into it, shifting is the hard chair pushes against a bruise on my lower back. Finally sitting somewhat comfortably, well, as comfortable as someone covered from head to toe with bruises, bites, and cuts could be. I folded my arms on the desk, and carefully lay my head on my hands. The only part of my body which has not been claimed is my face, and hands. Sighing, I close my eyes, hoping for some momentary relief from my painful existence.
A loud sound followed by pounding shatters the peace I'd drawn around myself. Groggily, I raised my head. It felt as though it weighed a tonne. I managed to open my eyes, and look blearily around the classroom. Strangely, everyone was heading out the door. I frowned to myself, class couldn't be over already… I looked at the clock on the classroom wall. It took me a moment to figure it out, but the clock says 10:40, which means first block is over, and it's recess for the next twenty minutes. I slid out of my chair, careful not to let anything but my bruised buttocks come in contact with it. Though my Yami took great pleasure in beating and torturing me, he tended to go easier on my rear. For some reason, no matter how bad a beating, or how weak I was in the morning, he always made me go to school. Probably why he paid such little attention to my backside. A sign of kindness, revealed in the strangest of ways.
I used to believe he could change into a kinder person… I used to believe in life, love, and friendship. He's beaten that out of me now. I thought I could change him, by showing how nice I was, even though he hurt me. He only scorned me more. I even used to love him… strange as that may seem. When he came into my life so suddenly, it was as though he was the light in the darkness of my life. Oh how wrong I turned out being. Even after the beatings, taunting and threats had begun, I'd still loved him, admired him. He's so strong, fearless, and oh so beautiful, but oh so dangerous. Even when I knew this, I still lied to myself, telling myself it was only a mask, that eventually he'd trust me, and show me the beautiful person within. But I was wrong, and soon how dangerous he truly is sunk in. He nearly killed my friends, he nearly killed me. In fact, he did once, though I was brought back.
He failed though… his dreams shattered, if you could call those sadistic ambitions dreams. I, being the only one left, was there to take the blame, take the beatings and punishments. Oh, I was no longer so naïve to think there was any light in his dark being, but it was too late. I'm too weak, and he's too strong. All I can do is live out my sorry existence. Broken… shattered. I feel like a mirror he's broken, shards of me left littered over the floor. The glass cutting, hurting, wounding, and blood flowing all around. I've tried to end it all, many a time, in many different ways. None of them have worked. I tried changing him, I tried facing him, I tried everything I could think of to make him stop. He's just too powerful. I know now the one thing that could stop him… my death. It sounds so simple, a cut here, a slash there, and it'd be all over. But no… he'd let me cut myself, let me feel the pain, then he would step in and heal me, only to beat me later.
A blazing light cut into my thoughts, and I was brought back to the real world. Some how, without a soul inhabiting it, my body had collected my bag, and left the classroom. I was now standing in the wide grassed area, a swarm of kids seated already, laughing, talking. Happy.
I heard someone call my name, and turned towards the sound. It was Yugi, and his friends, Joey, Tristan, and Tea. Forcing a smile onto my face, I waved cheerfully, a feeling I was most certainly not feeling, and headed over. Once I'd reached them, I sat down carefully, legs stretched out. They smiled at me, their mouths forming useless strings of words. I sunk in on myself, ignoring everything said, even by myself.
After a few moments, they forgot me, and continued with what they had been discussing. That's all that ever happens these days. I'm tossed aside, like an old rag doll. I used to think they were my friends… but now I don't refer to anyone in that way. I have no friends… I am alone in this world. Everything around me is meaningless. I remember when life used to be meaning enough, and friends made life worth living. Now, they don't care. Nobody notices me, nobody notices my pain. I feel like a toy they're gotten tired of, and thrown away. Sure, they still say Hello…still utter those meaningless words of friendship, but it's just a reflex now… there's no feeling behind it. I can't remember the last time anyone has asked me how I am, and truly listened to the answer. It's like seeing someone while walking down the street… you say Hi How are you… but don't stop to listen. My friends have just walked on by…
The bell rang. Mechanically, I stood, saying Goodbye to the others before heading off to my next class.
At long last the final bell rang, releasing the swarm of boisterous teens into the world. I stumbled out of the room, my bag carefully slung over a shoulder, and headed towards my locker. Somehow I'd made it through the day, sleeping every now and then. I reached my locker, and opened it, placing books I wouldn't need inside, and removing those I would.
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned towards it, wincing at the pain the soft touch had caused. Yugi. He was looking at me, those innocent eyes wide, his lips moving, forming words. He wanted me to walk home with him. I accepted, knowing he'd think it strange if I said no, and the two of us soon left the school building.
The walk to Yugi's house was uneventful to say the least. We spoke about trivial things. Duel monsters, friends, school. Things that a few months ago would have seemed interesting and important to me. Now I usually have other… darker thoughts on my mind. An image flashed before my eyes… a broken mirror, on the floor, showing my shattered reflection. I was crying, tears of blood, and I tried to put the mirror back together. But the pieces were too sharp, and they didn't fit. Soon the blood wasn't coming from my eyes, but from the rest of my body. From my hands and cuts caused by the broken glass. The image was replaced by Yugi's concerned face. I realized we were at his house… he must have been talking to me and I hadn't responded.
"Ryou?" I looked at Yugi.
"Ryou?" He repeated. I blinked slowly and opened my mouth.
"Yes Yugi?" My voice sounded harsh to me, as though it hadn't been used for a long time. I looked into Yugi's eyes, as he stared into mine. Then he said something, so softly I'd almost missed it…
"How are you… are you okay?" I stared into the face of the innocent boy before me, stunned. I was imagining things… Imagining someone caring how I was… And those wide purple eyes were staring at me still…
"What?" I heard myself whisper.
"I asked… how you are. I've been worried about the way you've been acting lately."
Everything stopped. Everything. My breathing, my heart. Time was held suspended as Yugi's words echoed in my head…
"How are you… I've been worried… How are you… I've been worried…"
Over, and over again, those same words. And slowly, they sunk in. Yugi had actually been worried… about me. Yugi actually cared… about me. About me.
I closed my eyes, and felt the world spin. Tears were leaking from my eyes, as I tried to hold them back. There was an image in my head… sincere purple eyes… tainted by a haze of red as I cried blood tears. I fell to my knees, not even noticing the pain as my body was jolted, and bruises touched.
Then I felt it… something soft. The first soft thing I'd felt in a long time. And I opened my eyes…
And my vision was repeated. I was kneeling on Yugi's verandah, with Yugi kneeling in front of me, an arm wrapped lightly around my shoulders. His face was close to mine, and all I could see, were those wide purple eyes…but this time they're not tainted. They're clear and pure, bereft of my blood. I slowly wiped a hand across my eye, looking at the moistness which stained my hand. It was not blood… but pure tears, clear, bright and sparkling. I blinked feeling another roll down my cheek… followed by another, and another, 'til there were no longer only a few tears but a stream of them. I felt Yugi wrap his other arm around me, and pull me close, into a tight hug as I cried. I gasped at the strange sensation it caused… pain from my multiple wounds… and yet relief.
Behind my closed eyes, images flashed. Bakura, standing over me, a knife in his hand, cutting… a broken mirror on the floor… Yugi's eyes. Bakura holding the now bloodied knife… my hands, cut and bleeding from the glass… Yugi's eyes. Bakura, licking the blood, my blood, from the blade… my hands, covered in blood… Yugi's eyes, weeping tears of sparkling beauty.
My hands, as Yugi's tears dripped down onto them, washing away the blood, and the pain. Slowly, I opened my eyes…the pain was gone… instead, a new feeling was growing, starting in my solar plexus. The feeling spread… filling my chest, my stomach, my whole body, and my heart.
At first, I didn't know what it was… but now I do. It's hope, love, and life. For the first time in ages, I truly feel alive, and happy for it. Blinking my eyes, I looked up. Yugi was smiling at me, tears shining in those clear eyes. I felt cleansed, purified, and totally amazed. Through that one simple question, he'd freed me from all the pain. And I knew I wasn't healed… but at least I'm no longer broken.
--Author Notes and story analysis now in next chapter.--