Nebulae
Part 1
I thought life meant for you, to just be born, live it, then die soonly after. But no. It wasn't. Edward looked like a dream yes. But though he did not look evil, just as he thought. I loved him so much. Too much. But I just couldn't stop loving him. There was no harm or danger, not this time around. After he looked at me, just by asking me to marry him, I had agreed, but with a promise in return. We have yet to be married in only a month. Four weeks, that soon would now pass too quickly. I do not hope for Edward to change his mind on the marriage. Not when I will be getting something I have wanted from him for so long in return.
Ahh. Edward. My soul, my heart, and soon to be after the words "I do", he will be my mate. He would take me away with him. But yet I do not know where. Edward? Would he back out? Would he say no?
I wish I knew the answer. If he would I would tell him that he had promised. But what would I do if he didn't back out? What would I do then?
I do not know. I am not familiar with this type of love. Physical as well as emotional we would be. I lay now asleep in my bed. I am dreaming of someone. Who would you guess? Right. It is him. My lover. Edward.
I wake up with him in my arms, or to be exact, me in his arms. I groan, but not because I am upset of anything. No. it was not a groan, a moan it was.
"Edward?" I say. What a morning to start with.
"Bella?" That is my name. When anybody else says it, it just sounds like a word. A normal word. But on his smooth, bright, beautiful, and cold-stone lips, had it sounded so marvelous. Like a song. Or was it just because it was himself speaking? I don't know, and I do not want to know. Not with him here by my side.
"It's hot." I wanted him to hold me. But all he did was slightly pull the covers off me. "No, no no."
He looked at me confused. Oh god does he not know mw at all. I not only wanted him to hold me closer, but I also wanted him to just get over this incredulous thing of him being to strong. "What?"
"Do you not know me at all?"
"Well, I do know you. And I'm sorry. Here." He wound his arms and then instantly I was melting in his brace. "I love you Mrs. Isabella Marie Beautiful Swan." He said. But it was not as much as speaking as it was mere to being a cold whisper. I shuddered from his touch. He was about to pull away, but I just clung myself to him. Keeping me in his brace of his muscular arms.
"Edward? What if I got up right now? What would you do?" I was teasing him yes. I wanted something. How could you blame me? He was my life.
"I'd keep you here." He said, then he understood what I meant.
"How would you do that Edward?"
"I don't really know but all I can think of is this…." H smashed his lips onto mine. I had forgotten to breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Breathe Bella Breathe. I kept telling myself that. But I just could not pull away.
Edward had never let me go on this long with kissing him. But I wasn't ready to pull away. But I had to breathe. I went down to his neck, and kissed it for a moment and took in a big breath, and then kissed his cold-marble lips again. My hand was all over his back. I twisted around a little bit to release my legs. After they were free I had moved them to his legs. My kneecaps surrounding his shins. Caressing them.
But it just wasn't enough. I lifted my knees up, now to where they were now touching his hips. But just when I was about to put them around his waist, to keep him prisoner for just a little while longer, he released me. Using not one pinch of his strength to release my knees from his hips. UHHH!
"Hey!" I whisper yelled to him. I wanted it to go on longer.
"Bella. No." He looked so sincere. He looked as if he wanted to keep going, but he had known the consequences. I loved him, he loved me. It was just to much to bear as to why he wouldn't just drop his act on this. Let me get what I want. I want him. I don't care about the pain, or what might happen. I don't care if it is just once before I get turned. But I want it. Not from anyone else. I want it from my lover. Edward. I want it from him.
Part 2
I got him in shock by lifting my lips to his chest. I grabbed his arms and held, even though it was stupid to think I could hold him there, even with all my strength. He did not pull away again. Not for a while. I kissed him shirt down. Unbuttoning each button slowly, very slowly, and traced his chest. The last button was there. I unbuttoned it. I went back to kissing him.
My tongue traced his lower lip. I let my arms weave around his neck in a chokehold fashion. My legs now around his waist fully. I traced with my tongue his cold lips and I was just begging for entrance. Wanting entrance to what he so longly forbidden me from with him. I heard a moan. Was that me? It had to have been because he just smiled on my lips. Cleary satisfied with my being in wanting him.
He opened his mouth. Now giving me my permission, that I was looking for him to do. Our tongues danced together as we kissed and I just couldn't let go. My mouth was glued to his while I moved around. I had realized I had not taken his shirt off. And his chest, me looking at him, was something that would be probably funny to him if he saw my face, and how fascinated I was by his body.
Angel, and stone. I had this feeling of resentment. But it held me in place. Edward moved to my neck, and planted each kiss with a tip of his tongue. I bit my lip. Trying not to moan. Keeping the sensation to myself. He could feel the tension. I knew he could. He pulled back. With that look inside his eyes I could tell you why. We had gone much farther than we had before. But no. it was not far enough. I loved him. And we were both destined each other. For what reason could we not be together they way we both wanted to be. He knew I had wanted him. I knew he wanted me. We both knew what would have happened just a moment ago, if he did not pull away. But that was not bad. It was good.
I sighed aloud. And then I spoke. Each word bitter with what I felt. But it was mean. And acid like. "I wasn't done Edward."
" Yes but I was." He looked smug at me. He was tempted. But would not go on for my safety to stay locked away and protected.
"Whatever." I spat at him. Every touch given by him was remarkable that I had been given the touch. It was so unique and though I knew he believed each touch meant danger, I believed it was a miracle. He believed my touch of just resting my hand on his shoulder was life. Was not only a gift, but it was a treasure. Given from god, and the damning of his life he now had been gone. The resentment he held against himself, was just staying in a little house upon his head. Saying "I live here! I live here!" Laughing while saying this. But the love he had for me, himself even, would not be here, of he was not here with me. But how could he speak of himself as a monster. When I saw him as an angel sent from heaven. I got up now. And I was taking my shower. Thinking. Just thinking of the world and what it would look like through the eyes I would soon have. After my change.
I agreed to marry him, but I wanted not only for him to be the one to change me, but I also wanted a human experience from him to give me what I had wanted from him for so long. I love you Edward. Why can't you give me this? You want it to.
I walk now on the sidewalk towards his Volvo just like every other day. It was nothing new. Nothing different. Just the same. Like the same yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, going on and on until the day we became together as a couple, he held my hand in his car. Making lines of images on the back of my hand. Saying "I Love You." , every once and a while, and I would say it back. And I did, because it was true. I did love him. But I loved him more than he could imagine. I loved him more than myself. I loved him more, than he could ever love me. I could prove it. He could not prove it. I had reasons to why I loved him more. He only risks life for me all the time. Yeah that is what he does. That's one of the reasons why I love him. Is that he would take his own life for me to survive. But my life meant nothing, so long as he was not here.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he does love me more. Or at the least, we love each other both the same. I thought about that, I went in depression, he became a tracker. I was the hunty, he was the hunter. I was helpless. He had strength, power, he could read minds from afar. I could not do anything like that. And I stayed with him. He was not risking his life to save me. No. I was the risking my life. And I enjoyed it. I loved the fact that I was doing that. Or else I wouldn't have him. I love him. More. And he could not deny it. I knew it, he knew it, we both knew it.
What difference does it make if I already was a vampire. Just like him. I would be beautiful, sparkle in the sun, I would be forever 18. I snorted at that slightly.
"What's so funny?" Edward asked me. I looked at him, and could not see anything smug about him. Just curiosity.
"Just a little inside joke." That was all I said. But he just kept pushing.
"Do I get to hear it?"
"No." I replied. Declining what he wanted.
"That's really frustrating you know?" He was asking me if it was frustrating?
"It's the exact same way for me. I don't get to read minds like you do. So if you want to know what I'm thinking." I crossed my arms over my chest. I pulled my shirt down slightly without him knowing with my arms. Showing him what I wanted.
"I do want to know." He didn't look like he knew about my shirt, but he had the look of curiosity burning on his face.
"Well, what do you think I want?"
"I don't know, you tell me." OH MY GOD! I'm giving him a hint. One the closest I could since we were in the school parking lot that I could do.
"Edward?" I asked him. Now leaning forward. Showing my chest to him. Complying. "What do you think I want? Common. You know. Don't you? It's just the same as you want from me. But you just won't admit it. Edward? You can admit it you know. Don't be ashamed. Tell me. What do you want? Huh?" I said this all in a seductive voice, sounding so innocent. I knew it worked, because his eyes became a shade darker. Now very liquidly. Lustfully. I smiled at him. He didn't speak. He was looking down. I bit my lip from snarling at him. That I would tell him to stop starring. What was he thinking?
Edward's POV!
Bella was being so quiet. It was driving me insane. And not because I was driving. I heard Bella snort. I was wondering why she was being so quiet. She is so stubborn.
"What's so funny?" I ask her. Desperately dying to know. She looked at me. Then answered.
"Just a little inside joke." Was all she said.
"Do I get to hear it?" I had asked her.
"No." She declined. Uhh. Back to the stubborn part.
"That's really frustrating. You know?" It really was.
"It's the exact same way for me. You get to read minds and I don't. So if you want to know what I'm thinking." She said. She looked at me and crossed he arms. I could see the top of her breast. But I composed myself. What was she doing?
"I do want to know." I said. It was true. This girl here was just so stubborn.
"Edward?" She asked me. Seductively. "What do you think I want? Common. You know. Don't you? It's just the same thing you want from me. But you just won't admit it. Edward? You can admit it you know? Don't be ashamed. Tell me. What do you want Edward?" he voice was so seductive. It was driving me insane. I just wanted to kiss her. So bad. Oh the torture. I looked down slightly and I saw the top. Her breasts were halfway hanging out. Was she trying to get me to give in to my senses? Oh yes she was. And how bad I wanted to. But no, not till we are married. Not until then.
"Bella?" I said. I would not give in.
"Yes Edward?" She smiled. "Edward? What is it? Huh?"
"We can't. You know I want you too. But not until then….."
"Edward! Cut the whole protecting me crap. We are engaged. We have what it is to be marries. I want to. You want to. And it's not just that we want to do it. We don't just want to have sex because we are teenagers. We want to do it with each other. Because we love each other. So drop it and just do something you want for a change."
She leaned up and kissed my lips. Her breathe already uneven as I can sense. I pulled away, keeping restraint on her arms. "We…..Can….Can….. Not." I said breathlessly.
"Why the hell not?" She argued.
"Because, we just can't." I said. Did she not know what I was going through already to keep her safe? Does she not know that doing that, makes another part in her life that I'm willing to take?
"Fine! Then you don't want me. You don't love me as much as I do. You would love me the same too, only if you wanted me the same way. But I guess you don't."
With that she walked out of my car door. She turned around and glared at me. Clearly upset with that fact that I won't make love to her until she is changed. Maybe after out marriage, on that first night of being together. But she wants to now. I should just let her be upset, just until the time comes. Just until she realizes that I want her too. And that I love her, more than she loves me. Because of what I do, that I go out of my way, to protect her.
Part 3
Edward's POV!
I waited for Bella to feel better until I went back to her house after school. She not too happy with the choices I make. She wants things to go her way. But does she know I can't?
I try to convince her all the time of the mistakes that I could do to her if I got so close to her. How I could not contain myself if even just a kiss, on my lips from her boiling blood, would turn me into Edward, the hunter. I did not want that. Not once would I diminish what me and Bella have by letting my instincts take me over. Even if I so not just loved her, but also wanted her, just the same as she does me. I do want her. Even in that way. But letting her take me away from my vision of helplessness, it would hurt her, then hurt me, so much. I could not live with myself if, in the slightest way, that I would touch her by loving her, and I hurt her, I would hate myself, with every ounce of feeling inside me.
I wait under her window, just like every other night, waiting for, just a sliver of a chance she'd want me to come in. I wanted that. I want her to want me, in every bit of everything. But yet I know the harm I put her in, when I want that. When I want this. I hear her whispering. So low. Her voice rough as fire. As mine is ice.
"Edward? Listen I know you're out there. You always are. Just Listen to me first before." She paused while speaking. But still went on.
"Edward? Hoy. I want you the way you want me. I love you more than you can imagine I ever could… more than any other human can love anything, like a cat or… or something. But you're a person. You can't deny it at all Edward. I love you. And I just want you to know, that…."
She takes a deep breath in, then lets it. "I don't want you to put yourself on the line for me. Not when I'm in danger, or even tripping as I usually do more often. I can't, now, I won't let you leave me again. Not if it's for my safety, or for anything else. I can't let you do that. Edward, I have waited for you for only eighteen years, and you have waited for a century, and more. You have given everything up for me. I will not be losing anything if you went to change me tonight. Edward. I beg for you to love me physically, because, well, being physically involved, I want to know what that part of life is like, because I will be gaining this. Not losing anything. So just come up here. I think, that with me talking, people will think I'm crazy. Because it looks like I'm talking to myself. So please come up here. And just talk to me. Please?"
Bella's POV!
I looked after, out and abound, until I saw no one come. Not Edward. The boy of my life. And so soon to be more than my life. My existence. I could feel the texture under my eyes. I knew I was now just slipping with tears. Blubbering until I couldn't take it. I put my head down in my hands. I was ashamed that I was practically talking to air. "Oh. Edward? What is it you will not tell me you want from me? What is it, that is something I may not be able to give you? What is it, that you are afraid of doing, that will keep you from not wanting me? Awe. Edward. If only my mind was not closed, then you could see what I want, is exactly what my mind is telling me you want. That this is, what love can bring." I sat there. Still crying. I was exhausted now. Why had he not come tonight?
I lay down on my bed. I grab my pillow and sulk in it until it I get to tired to stay awake. But I speak words that mean everything to me. Even just the name, means my existence.
"I love you Edward. Please see that. See that I do."
And then I was under. Not able to pay attention to my surroundings. I wasn't sure if this was a dream or not. But I thought I felt cold, hard, safe arms holding me. Even that I heard him say, "Bella. I love you too. See reason to not until after marriage for making love with me. See that I too, do love you as well." I felt him kiss my ear, and speak words next to it, sending vibes down my neck. Cold shivers. I could smell his mint breath. "But you don't love me more. That I do see."
I was asleep by now. And the cold, tears and heart ache I had, now soon faded away with the dreams that pass over me. And I see, that with me wanting love, can only mean sacrifice.
Part 4
I dream of nothing that night. I don't see anything at all. Just the heart that has been ripped by something unconditional, and painful. I wake up to his arms wrapped around me, looking at me so confusing like. What had I done wrong?
"Edward?" I ask him drowsily.
"Yeah Bella?" He says. His voice surreal. Upset.
"What's wrong?"
"You." He says. That just felt like he had slapped me. Why was I the problem?
"Me?" I ask. The tears start to well in my eyes. But I try to hold them back.
"What were you dreaming last night?" Huh? What does that mean?
"I don't remember. Nothing I guess. It was so black. Edward? Why am I the problem? What did I do so wrong?"
"Nothing! Bella. It's just that you hadn't talked all night. So I got a little worried." He put his fingers under my eyelashes. I didn't know I was crying yet.
"Oh ok. You had me worried there for a moment."
We neither spoke for most of the morning. Not to each other. Just mere words. Like "sorry" if we bumped into each other, or "excuse me" when one of us were trying to move to a different spot.
Finally I couldn't take it anymore. It was 1:00 pm and I had to talk to him.
Edward?" I spoke. Being very cautious. Not wanting to say anything that would hurt him.
"Yes sweetheart?"
"Why aren't you speaking? You aren't at all talking to me. Why?" I was getting anxious about his answer.
"It is just something you had said to me last night. It makes me fearful." What was he talking about.
"Excuse me?" There we go again with the "excuse me's"
"You said something. You said everything. Why?"
"Why?" I scoffed at him. What kind of question is that?
"I said it, well, for what other reason. It's true isn't it?" I looked at him. His face was expressionless. It showed no emotion.
I gasped aloud. "No! It's not for you. That's why you won't do anything with me. The reason why you won't touch me at all. You don't want me that way at all do you? Edward do you?" I waited.
But I got not answer. He doesn't want me. Not in that sense. He doesn't want a physical love. At all?
Edward's POV!
Of course I wanted her that way. I wanted every bit and piece of her body with mine to travel. But it's not that I didn't want her at all. But I was just too afraid to have her. I was so afraid that she would be upset with me. Or that I would hurt her, and she'd run away.
I was afraid I wouldn't give her what she wants. But how could I know what she wants unless I found out? How could I know it was I that she wanted it from, when she doesn't even know herself? She doesn't even know it. Not at all.
So I just stood there like a total idiot. Like I was a statue. What would she think, if I didn't speak. One way to find out.
Part 5
Bella's POV!
I watched Edward's facial expression turn from curiosity, to something so hard to explain what it was. I could feel what was coming. Him saying just one word to make me want to run from him and cry. Just until I found that I was being foolish. "D….Do you Edward?" I spoke with a bit of question. But I knew the answer. I knew what he would say. He would just tell me that we can't, and that he wanted to so much. But I can't be sure if he was telling the truth. How could I know if he wasn't lying just to make me feel better? How?
"Bella. You know I want you too. So much I do. But it's just too risky." I was right. I was right. I am right. He would say that. He doesn't want me. No. Not in that way. He doesn't want to be intimate with me. He doesn't want to make love. He tried to grab me and pull me in his arms. But I just pushed him away. Something I never would have done. I stood up and ran to the bathroom. As soon as I reached the bathroom, I heard Edward's voice saying words I didn't understand. But it sounded like my name, and then curse words. Why was he cursing himself?
I locked the bolt. I knew he could get it open without a key, but I didn't care about that. He would never do that. Would he? I was wrong about him wanting me. Maybe…. Just maybe he would. This I didn't know. I just wanted to sit. And I wanted to weep. Just be alone. Feel the rejection that soon would be coming my way. I sat down on the tile bathroom floor. I waited for the pain to come my way. But it never did. And neither did Edward come and see me. I was grateful for that. I needed this time alone. I needed to feel something. An Experience. But though I never would get that experience because Edward had to be so damn selfish about love making. About hurting me. I've been hurt before. But not like this. When all Edward does is just say "no". Why does it feel like he should reject me?
I heard a knock on the door. It was very calm. But I didn't want to say "come in" or "leave me alone". I didn't speak. I didn't want to speak. So I just cried and wept. "Bella?" I heard his voice call me. But I did not answer.
"Bella please let me in." He should just go on and let me feel what he wanted me to feel. I now feel rejected.
"Bella? Listen. I think we should talk. Don't you?" Why would I answer him. Why would I even speak to him at the moment. "Bella? Listen, I don't think your father would appreciate it if I ripped down this door." That got me to speak. But only one sentence. With mean words in it.
"Leave me the hell alone Edward." Payback? Was that what I was doing? Giving him payback?
"Ok. Whatever you want." That struck me as hard as a slap in the face would. What does he know about what I want. I tell him what I want, and he only gives me things. Presents that I would never think of wanting.
"That's it!" I yelled. Even if I whispered he would have heard me. But I will get my say. I opened the door as wide as it would go. And I walked out basically yelling in his face. "Do you even know what I want? No. Apparently you don't! I don't want a car, or clothes, or even you just saying 'I'm sorry'. What I want is you. And only you. So you don't know what I am wanting! So don't say 'whatever I want'. I want you so just let me get what I want from you. Because what I want, is something I don't just want you to give me! But something I want you to want to give me! But you will hardly touch me. You will barely kiss me without being too cautious. There is such a thing as being too cautious. So just….." I didn't even finish. He was kissing me. He was kissing me?
"You had your say. I knew it would get you out." He knew? Oh what a meany. He kissed me again. And trailed downwards. What could I say. It was either he was distracting me, or he was giving me what I want. But does he want it too? I couldn't go on without knowing. So this time I pulled back and went to my bed and sat down.
Edward? Please don't distract me. I wasn't done. And plus, don't do this. You don't want to."
"You just said that you wanted it. And I'm finally giving you what you want."
"But you don't want to." I said flat. Letting him know I wouldn't do it unless he wanted to also.
"What? You think that I don't want you that way? Bella seriously?" I nodded my head plainly. "Bella, Bella, Bella. Don't you see? I'm being too cautious because I want to."
"Really?" I looked up at him smiling. But then I remembered the matter at hand. "Then why wouldn't you touch me?"
"Because I was afraid. I didn't want to hurt you. What if….?" I didn't want what ifs involved in this. I just wanted him to be with me. He was closer to me. Just his body inches away from mine. I jumped up and smashed my lips to his. Silencing them. I crushed my body to the angle his was in and pulled him closer by his shirt. He tried talking around my urgent lips. "Bella? Are you sure you want to?" What was he asking? What a stupid question it was. I'm giving him all the signs here.
I basically jumped on him. His hands holding me to his body with little effort. "Yes. Edward. I want you to take me." His hands were holding my lower part of my own to his. My legs around his hips. He kissed my lips, then my neck. Then my shoulders and collarbone. His left hand reached my shirt and ripped it off. Which was better? My shirt or the door. OH MY GOD! I realized that my bedroom door was still open. "Edward? The door? I asked. He knew it needed to be closed. Even if no one was home other than us.
Part 6
Edward's POV!
I Never knew I would do this to her. Take her virtue without intension. But she seemed so helpless. So needful for someone to distract her. I will admit that I do want her. Just the same as she does for me. But I am afraid of the pain I would cause her. This may be my first time, but Bella, I was afraid I wouldn't give her what she would want. Pure satisfactory. Pure pleasure. Oh my sweet love. My Bella. Why does she want to take this place with me. I am not afraid of making love with her, but of in the meantime if I shall hurt her. That is what scares me. Oh how many times I fantasize of Bella. What she would look like bare bodied. Nude. Naked. What she shall look like in the midnight light. Like a Nebula. But more than that. Better. She would be double the nebula I could ever dream of she being. She would be a Nebulae. I kissed her lips, wondering if I were to pull back, if she would be hurt. Or beg me to go on. I tried. But Bella! Wow! When she wants something bad enough, she must want it enough. I could hardly pull back from her with the force she had on me, without breaking a bone. What was I to do? I spoke around her lips, letting her breathe, but to also say, "Bella. No."
"Are you serious?" she asked me bewildered. Her expression pained. I was right. It would hurt her. "I thought you wanted me. When you were about to give me what I wanted. You don't want me?"
How could I deny her body? If yes her blood, then how? This hurt me more, to see her want more than I could give her. "I do want you. I always have. Every minute of every day. Every second of every hour, I want you. In every way possible. It's just not plausible. I can't. What if I hurt you?" I asked her. Being as serious as I could with her legs around me. Her pressed up to my erection at the moment, it only made me want her more. I bit my lip slightly, even though I couldn't hurt myself, from just taking her precious flower now. The forbidden fruit
that she was. The heart I wanted to take. What a selfish being I am. What a creature.
"Y…Y..You don't want me that way. I know you don't. Maybe I'm being paranoid but," she stopped and hopped down from my body. Leaving me standing. " but, I do want you. I'm giving you all the signs here. I'm on your part, waiting for you to take the next step. But you won't. If," she stopped to think. Maybe it was to catch her breath. " If you want me to believe that you want me, in anyway shape or form. Anyway but though it wouldn't matter. As in time. What is it, that is stopping you from touching me that way? Huh? What is it, that is keeping you from giving not only me," she points to herself. " but also your pleasure?" She stops and points now at me. " Something I want, is not only for me. I want to be one with you. What is it Edward?"
She leaves me to speak. But though I did not want to tell her. I couldn't tell her. But those words came out of my mouth, without permission from my mind, telling them to. "I'm afraid you won't want me that way anymore, when you find what it is like." I told her. If I could blush right now, I would be blushing like fire. I did not want to say this to her. She didn't need to know. She practically gasped out loud. But said nothing. Not a word. But she did do something I never would have guessed she would have done after me saying that.
She moved closer to me. Kissed my lips softly, catching me off guard. "Is that it? Is that why? The reason why you won't touch me at all?" She was laughing.
Why was she laughing at me at a time like this? I couldn't help it though. I laughed as well.
I sighed. Then let out my fears in that one breath. "I guess it is."
She was still laughing. "That's it? That's all there is? Edward? OH MY GOSH! You are so blind. So unobservant to see what is right in front of you. In front of your fears that blind your site." This confused me. A lot. What was she talking about. I saw her. Right in front of me.
"Edward? Look closer at me. And then tell me what you see.
"Why?" I asked. Wondering if this was a joke. But anything hardly comes from her a joke.
"Just do it. I promise. You will know."
"Ok." I looked at her. I saw every feature that was shown on her body. Her glorious body. I saw her eyes filled with hope for me. I saw that she was biting her lip. Looking down at me. Had I not know my shirt was off as well. Hers, I had forgotten about. Well, until NOW! UHHH! The pain. No pain. But god. What can you expect from me?
I saw her look up at me. Meeting my eyes. That's what she meant that I was blind about. She was here, because she wanted me not only for pleasure, but because she loved me enough to trust me. She was here, to prove me wrong about my life. This long life I have had. She was here, for me. Because I was here. And she knew very well, that if she said no to me, she would feel it every day into the next. That's what she wanted me to see. To see light. I saw what that light was. That light was her. My Bella. Why was I so afraid anymore? I'm not. She trusts me, even with trusts I don't deserve. But she does, then I, myself, Edward Cullen should believe in myself and Bella Swan, as well. My love.
Part 7
Bella's Pov!
I saw him looking like he was thinking. Or not even thinking at all. I wanted him to know why I was here. To see what I saw in him. I wanted him to know I loved him more than my own breath. I needed him more than water, like breath that I could gasp. More than rain. I loved him. I wanted him to see that I could see trust built inside his eyes. The fire that burned inside of him when he saw me smile. How fragile he thought I was. Even how clumsy I was, he was there to catch me right before I could fall flat on my face. He lightened up my life. I lightened up his. I could see that. In so many ways he loved me with his big heart and imagination. I could only provide so little for him. And he gave me the little I needed to get through the night.
If I could, I would jump on him and say "I love you" over and over again against his lips. How many times? I'm not sure.
"Bella?" I heard him ask me. His mouth hanging open. I looked down and realized that I had forgotten to put my shirt back on. But, I wouldn't because it was still one step closer.
"Yes?" I tried to say without succeeding in hiding my laugh. He looked at me. Confusion swept over his face. He must have thought it was in no need to care for, so it turned to something else. An emotion I did not recognize on him. Something I wished he would just have had on his face ever since the day I met him. He stepped closer to me. He picked my hands up and created circles on them with his thumbs. The silence was killing me. But he broke it.
"I know. But if you trust me, what should I do? I still don't want you to get hurt." I knew what he was talking about. Even with those two first words he spoke I already knew. I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. Letting them linger on his hair.
"You only let go." I said. He wouldn't know what I meant at this moment. But I hoped that soon he would.
"I'm not quite sure what you mean. But I think I get the just." He stepped closer to me. There was no space in between us now. I was grateful for that. He moved his hands on my waist. Moving them back and forth over my curves. I bit my lip in response to not moan. It felt good.
"So tell me. What is it you exactly want?" He asked me. His voice velvety smooth. Lust being built. I immediately knew what I had seen in his eyes. Not desire, or love. But lust all in the same. It looked amazing. I couldn't speak it to him of what I wanted. I had to show him. I choked out a few words, so he could be prepared.
"I can't tell you." I smiled seductively.
"Oh really? Well, then how will I know what it is you want me to do?" I bit my lip from wanting to rip his clothes off right then and there. I moved closer to his face. Inhaling his minty scent.
"You'll know." I said. He seemed to know what I was going to do, because he bent slightly down and picked me up to where I was on his hips again. I messaged his inner thigh with my toes, and waited for him to kiss me.
He did. And it was the most spectacular feeling I have ever had. He had no shirt on, and I wanted him to feel something I wanted. Pain. Not the hurting pain. But the type of pain that turned you on.
I creped down his neck and reached his shoulders. I stabbed my nails into his shoulders and dug with force. I bit his lip and he moaned. He liked it. Good thing, because I have a lot where that came from. Hehe.
hands were tangled in my hair, and I had to use all my force to keep my body from falling. He moved to my back and then stroked my spine, sending electrical vibrations up and down my back. Making me shiver. But I was not cold. Not in that way. This was a shiver from pleasure. I traced his lips with my tongue and bit every part of his lips I could find without biting my own. He kept moaning and it only made me bite harder. He was walking towards my bed and pushed me down. I bumped my head a little when I landed, ending up saying "Woof." Like a dog would be.
"You alright sweetheart?" He asked me. I couldn't tell him I was fine. Not while we were about to do something I have been waiting for, for a long time.
"Don't stop." I just said. At any other time I would be laughing at me saying that. But I just moaned the words coming out. I pulled him onto me. His hard chest hitting mine as they collided together.
His lips shaped themselves around mine. Keeping movement to what the movement recalled. He kissed my jaw to my earlobe. "Bella, do you want to do this right now? Do you want what I want?" Of course. I would take anything he wanted.
"Yes."
"I want you to try to hurt me." He spoke as he kissed my earlobe. Then he licked it. I shuddered and he smiled. I wanted what he wanted.
I put my arms under his and traced his chest. I clawed with my nails at his chest bones. He groaned. I kissed his shoulder down to his collarbone. I moved back to his shoulder and I bit it slightly. I dug my nails into his shoulder blades and put as much pressure to him as I could. He just kept moaning and growling. Cursing my name. I kept biting him.
I licked his neck. I tried sucking but he was so hard. But I succeeded. I didn't leave a mark, but he enjoyed it just as much. He kissed my neck again and trailed downwards. Reaching my stomach. He kissed my belly button and then suddenly my pants were off. I was sweating so much from the heat of the attraction. Burning my insides alive. How with him on top of me and I was sweating I would not know. I didn't want to know. I didn't care.
I kissed his lips softly, and let myself go. He was losing himself too. We lost each other together, and with us falling in love from the start got us here.
He pulled my pants off after unbuttoning them and unzipping them with his teeth. He pulled them down. I moved my hands to his erection and grabbed him. telling him to not stop. He hissed at me. I just giggled. Hehe. His pants were no longer on. I felt his body tense as I wrapped my legs around him again and pried myself from the bed. He moved his hands to my back. Tracing every inch and found my bra straps. He pulled them from my shoulder. He unclasped my bra. Leaving me only in my underwear. He kissed me down to my stomach and then pulled my underwear down. Leaving me this time, no clothing on.
He placed himself in the middle of my hips. Growling out when we touched. I moaned in response. I was enjoying the electricity being built from our bodies. He was about to pull away from me. Having second thoughts about taking my virginity away. He wasn't stealing it. I was giving it to him to keep. I pulled him down to where he would get the hint that I didn't want not just him to do this with me. But that I wanted him to enjoy it too. "No. Edward I want this to happen."
"Are you sure?" I knew what he meant. I wasn't sure. I shook my head from side to side. "Then why if you're not sure?"
"Edward. I'm not sure. I'm positive." He looked at me like I was incredulous. But then knew what I meant. He just wasn't sure about it. I was positive.
"Ok. But you promise that if I hurt you, you tell me that second? No, you swear to me."
"I swear."
"Ok."
He looked nervous. I couldn't deny it. I was nervous too. I really was. He kissed me to distract the pain he knew would soon come to me. But I knew there would be pain. The normal pain that is. With the first time you make love. His boxer shorts were no longer on. We were both bare bodied. Available to each other's eyes to look at. I was afraid he wouldn't think to look at me. Because I wasn't as beautiful as him. Or Rosalie. How beautiful she was. I was plain. And he loved me, not because he thought that I was plain. But because he saw something in me, too different from normal and plain.
His erection slid somewhere inside me. It made me gasp in shock at how much it hurt. I bit my lower lip to keep from screaming in pain, or even crying for that matter. "Bella?" he slid out. That upset me. I could deal with it. "I'm sorry. I'll stop."
"No! I mean no. Please don't. It is supposed to hurt. Just please please don't stop."
He knew I didn't want him to stop even if I didn't speak this. But he didn't want to hurt me. My legs were around him, and I just couldn't bare it if I let go and he backed away and said no anymore. I dug my nails into his back again. Clawing it to where on a human being it would have been bleeding maybe. I bit his lip, begging him to keep going. I looked down at him and was shocked at how, huge he was. Could he fit me? Could he? I was just so fragile and so delicate. So… little. So small. I tried to keep myself from hyperventilating.
He pecked my lips, and then begged for entrance to my mouth. Licking my bottom lip. I opened them up and let him intersect until our tongues danced together. He moaned from my nails and just couldn't stop. He was enjoying himself. Just until I would feel the pain. He put his erection, so slowly. As slow as possible inside me. Trying not to hurt me. I bit my lip again. Not wanting to scream. He moved with my body. Us working together to be careful now. His hands were on my breasts. His lips kissing mine. Our tongues still dancing. I shut my eyes not wanting to look at him. Scared of what he would see in them. Scared. Frightened. Hurt. I could feel myself expanding. My body trying to fit the way his erection had to. I couldn't breathe. I had to. I shook my head and he moved to my neck to give me air. I gasped in as much air as I would need. It hurt yes. It hurt so much. And holding in my screams wasn't helping.
The pain. It was easing and it hurt only now a very little. I sighed into his mouth. Then inhaled in his minty scent. Using that to ease it all the way. But it hurt so much worse when he met my barrier. I could feel him against my wall. Afraid to move any further. "No. Keep going." I said. Truth behind my words.
he did. And that's what hurt the most. I screamed out. Cursing myself for doing what I had been trying so hard to do. "I'm sorry. I have to stop."
"No! Continue. Please. We've gone this far." A few tears spilled over my face, and I hated myself for him seeing this.
"Ok." He pushed so slightly. I felt myself breaking. I cried out again. Leaving myself feeling broken. "Bella. Listen I'm sorry. Just, let me try to make it feel better."
"OK." He did. We moved together. Our bodies moving in sync as one. My legs finally dropped from his hips and now were half way up. My knees in the air. He thrusted in and out many times. His erection moving over my whole body. Making me moan aloud, then him smile at the sound.
I tried holding on to the last bit of stand that I had. Trying not to let go. My hands were braided into his hair. One of the only things I had to hold onto. His erection let out a warm liquid. I moaned from the pleasure of finally letting myself go too. It felt so good to be with him after the pain. He tensed at that, when he let himself go. And thrusted in and out all over again. Repeating his steps. I couldn't stop moaning and growling. When kissed my right breast, a sound came out and I didn't know if it was his or mine. But his mouth was closed around my breast. I made a sound so, well, lustful.
"Oh god, Bella. Let me say one thing. That was the most sexiest sound I have heard you make in your life." I had growled. From him giving me what I wanted. What he wanted too. He pulled away. Lying now on his back.
He was laughed at himself. "I can't believe it."
Hahaha hope yhu liked it . its not mine tho. My friend wrote this and told me I could have it. I will be finishing it tho.
Xx lyla 8).