Have you ever looked back and thought of the person that had at one point brought you so much happiness, but now brought you a terrible sorrow? To think of the amazing friendship or relationship you use to share and then realize that it was nothing but love blinding you of the truth. Blinding you of the true relationship you had. The relationship that had dragged you to the deepest part of hell and put you through such sorrow, anger, stress, and descended your self esteem to a dark dungeon and made you believe that you couldn't make a decision; that you were just being emotional or ridiculous.
A relationship that caused you to stop thinking and just obey like a lifeless doll. A relationship that completely crumpled the person you were and left nothing but an empty shell trying desperately to drag itself out of the hole that that person had put you in. A shell trying desperately to fill itself up with the person it use to be, but no matter how hard it tries it always ends up feeling emptier than it was before.
Then suddenly someone comes along and opens a path to the person you use to b e and speaks with a gentle voice that you can get that person back. They tell you that you are not weak or emotional or ridiculous and they open your eyes to the relationship you have before you. Then you realize that that special person that you loved and cared for, wasn't a special person to you anymore. They had fallen from that title and gained a new one, the heartbreaker. Yes that would be their new title because that's all they would ever do. They would break hearts as if it were some sick game that they found pleasure in and lived off the attention they gain and the misery they give.
The truth hits you at full force and you're left paralyzed until all the emotions that you had kept bottled up overflow and they burst out of you all at once. Suddenly you find yourself in a ball crying, shaking, and groping around for anything to hold onto while your body releases these emotions, but then you suddenly you feel as if someone is with you. Maybe they're actually there with you or maybe they are there in your heart, but you feel someone with you and that's when you start to feel the emotions leave you. There is nothing left but an eerie calm and you feel as if you should be scared of the lack of emotion, but you're not. You feel safe because the person who had opened your eyes is there with you and they won't let you fall down into that dark place ever again.
It is then that you come to find that you are truly happy for the first time in years and you close your eyes to enjoy the moment completely; almost as if you were afraid that this would be the last time you were ever happy and you must take in every moment of it. You close your eyes and listen to everything around you; the sound of your steady heartbeat, the running of the fan from your computer, the silence in the room and the sounds of the other people living in the house.
To this day you remember that moment and when that ugly person comes back to you and tries to bring you back into that ditch so they can feel powerful; you do nothing but act cold towards them or ignore them. That is all you feel towards them anymore and that is all they will ever get and suddenly they find themselves on the other side of that terrible relationship. They get to feel all the pain you experienced, but they won't go down without a fight. They'll try and drag you down with them. They'll try to make you feel like a terrible person for treating you this way and play innocent, as if they had never done anything to you.
That's when you start to question yourself again and start feeling those terrible feelings bubble inside you again. You start to have a panic attack, but then someone touches your shoulder gently and looks at you with such kind eyes and simply says 'Remember what he did to you Roxas. Don't let him do it again."
You stare into those eyes for a while; searching for any sign of deceit because that is all you're use to, but you never find any sign of it. Those gentle eyes hold nothing but honesty, love and care for you. You suddenly feel like crying again because it had been such a long time since someone had looked at you with eyes like that. You had never experienced such love and kindness from another in years and you want nothing more than to kiss them deeply and hold onto them; so they know that you will give the same thing back to them.
That's exactly the next thing you do. You forget about that terrible person and give all your attention to your new love. You hold onto them and you feel strong arms hold you back, promising you that they will never let you go and they will always protect you. You kiss them with such love and intensity and lose yourself in all the amazing emotions that you feel with this person.
The emotions consume you and beg you to convey these feelings to your special someone; completely oblivious to the fact that your lover feels the same things you feel. You suddenly find yourself in the bedroom exchanging hot and loving touches, kisses and embraces; forgetting everything that was possibly wrong in your life before and only focusing on now.
You're soon lost in ecstasy and euphoria. Your mind is completely blank and you let your heart do the talking for you for the first time because you finally trust it again and decide to give your brain a rest from all the thinking it has done for so many years. The room is filled with nothing but the sounds of moans, names and sweet, affectionate whispers.
The moment is so perfect that you try to hang on for dear life because you don't want it to end just yet. You want to be beneath them for just a little longer, feel their body pressed against yours, their hot breath on your ear as they whisper your name, and feel all of the love and pleasure you're both experiencing for just a little longer. Soon the moment is lost after the spike of pleasure shoots through your body and you lay there beneath him panting and sweating.
He touches your face with the gentlest caress you have ever felt and he looks at you with those eyes once more, those eyes that you adore so much. You look at each other for a long time; feeling as if nothing else exists, but you two. Then the silence is broken with sweet words of undying love and you lay there with him in your arms; recalling everything that you had just done.
Soft caresses are exchanged until you both fall asleep, but before you pass out you think about your life now and the person you're with and realize that the past doesn't mean anything anymore. This is who you're with now, these are the feelings you're feeling now and you know, with all of your heart, that you will one day marry this man. You have found that perfect someone and start to think about the future with them then you suddenly find yourself with a big goofy smile on your face and snuggle into your partner.
You look at their sleeping face and gently move aside a strand of hair that had been blocking your view. You lean closer and kiss him on the forehead then softly say the four words that always feel like they're trying to burst out of your heart.
"I love you, Axel."