Author's Note: it's been a depressing day and I felt this should be written. I know I've neglected my other stories but I've been busy and….. I have had no inspiration till tonight. Sorry maybe since I'm out of school maybe I can write more :D. Oh and I don't own twilight just the idea. *cough*it doesn't end like you think *cough*.

Saying goodbye.

CH.1

It's been 1 year 5 months 29 days since he left me. In two days it will be 18 months. I dropped out of school. I saw no reason to continue. He doesn't love me and he left my heart broken in a million pieces. I have tried going through the motions but it useless. I've wished on every star that he would just come back but it hasn't worked. Even my best friend Jacob has stopped talking to me. He was my ray of sunshine in this black hole. I still remember the first time me and him hung out when I came back to forks. He told me the story that said his reservation had wolves there and their enemy was the family that I used to be a part of. If Jacob was a wolf I wouldn't have cared, he doesn't have to distance himself. That's not true anyways.

I couldn't find a reason to live any more. If I wanted to end it before tomorrow I had to tie up some loose ends. I hopped into m truck and speed off to La Push. I knew the road by heart but I still took my time to take it in one last time. I drove up to in front of his place with a letter in my hand. I had written it a couple of days ago when I had decided to that this may be a possibility. I tucked the letter into my pocket and knocked on his door. After about 10 seconds Billy answered the door.

"Hey Bella." He said with a stern look.

"Is Jacob around?" I choked out. I knew the answer; it was the same 6 months ago as it will be now.

"Sorry Bella, he is out with Sam and his crew." Billy looked at me softly. He could tell I was desperate to talk to him.

"Ok, can I ask a last favor?" I took the letter out of my pocket. "Can you give this letter to Jacob? I promise it's the last ill ever ask of you." I handed him the letter. He nodded his head and took the letter. "Bye Billy." I got out before he closed the door right in my face. I couldn't help but let the tears fall down my face.

I walked back to my car. With the last glimmer of hope of mine and Jake's friendship extinguished I looked back at the house that I sought refuge at when I was on the brink of falling apart. He was my best friend, my own sun that I took advantage of. Maybe if I would have been able to love him like he loved me then maybe he would have not left either. But this is not the time for maybes or what ifs. I just wish I could have seen him smile once more before I leave, but beggars can't be choosers so at least I was able to give Billy his letter.

I got into my truck and turned it on. I started to drive down the road when I saw him and Sam talking. I didn't know if I should stop or not. I decided to just drive on. I passed him and with some tears still rolling down my cheeks. I don't know if he saw me or not but I don't care, he can't stop me now. I looked in my rear view mirror and I saw a dumbfounded look on his face as I drove by. Like I said he can't stop me, even if he wanted to. I drove through town knowing where my next destination was, Denali, Alaska.

I wanted to leave everyone their letters there, I knew at some point in time they will have to see them. Maybe Alice will see the letters and will send him to stop me but that will never happen. If she hasn't seen me by now then she never will. She never cared.

When I finally reached Denali I remembered the he had once told me how to get there but it was foggy, I had shut off everything to deal with him. I had remembered the pictures of the house and I had finally found the place after driving around for 3 hours. I walked up to their house and knocked on the door. It was about 10 at night but then I remembered they were vampires. It was Eleazar I believe who opened the door. They definitely were vampires.

"Is this the Denali coven?" I really hoped that I had the right place.

The man smiled and said, "Yes my dear. Who may I ask are you?"

"I am Bella, I came to ask a favor of you coven." I was afraid they might recognize me and turn me away.

"You're the girl that Edward is in love with. Yes my dear come right on in." I hadn't heard his name in over a year, it still stung. I came in and sat on their couch. I grabbed six letters out of my pocket.

"You are Eleazar right?" I asked gingerly.

"Yes. Now what favor do you need of us?" he was being nice to me so maybe they don't know. Hopefully this works.

I took a deep breath. "Well I wanted to ask if you would give these letters to the...Cullens." their name I choked on. By the look on his face he was thoroughly confused.

"My dear may I ask why? Or at least what has happened?" I couldn't tell him the whole thing but I would try.

"well a year and a half ago they left and I wanted to give them these letters since I knew they weren't coming back, I hoped that one day when they come to visit that you would give them to them. There is one for Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice. I'm not asking you to deliver them right now but when you see them next just try and make them read it. I will miss them dearly and it would mean a lot to me." I held in the tears that had built up.

"Where is the letter for Edward? He is the one you love isn't he?" he didn't mean any harm by asking but I felt like the hole was opening back up.

"I don't have one for him." With that I stood up. "I have to go now. Please do this last request for me." he nodded his head, I handed him the letters, and with that I headed out the door. I could feel the last bit of this dark hole consume me. I was falling apart worse than ever. I hadn't slept in the past 24 hours but I didn't care I got into my car and drove back to forks.

I headed into my house as quietly as I could and grabbed a couple of candles, a lighter, and a blanket. I left Charlie's letter on his table. I put everything in the car and headed back into the house. I went quietly up to my room and cleaned up as much as I could in 5 min. Charlie would soon wake up. I went into his room to remember him like this. He looked so peaceful asleep; I wish I could find peace in my dreams. I went over and gave him a kiss on the forehead. The time I've spent here has been the best and I would never regret being here. I hope he takes this well.

I hopped into my car and went to the one place that has always been special to me. I had luckily already mapped out where I needed to go. It was still dark and very cloudy. I made it there in an impressive time. Right before any light had broke. I laid down my blanket and lit the candles. I sat there and watched the sun rise. It would be my last one. "No Bella." I heard a voice whisper. I had been blocking his voice for a long time now. After the cliff diving I didn't want to hear him anymore.

I sat there and let all the walls I had built up break down. I thought about all the good times we all had had. The first time I saw him, the first time we came to the meadow, the first time he said I love you, and I remembered everything. I thought of Jacob and how he had helped me so much. I wonder if he got his letter. That reminds me.

I pulled a 2 page letter out of my pocket and set it in the tree that I first walked through when we came here. I lay back down on my blanket with the candles still burning. It was early in the morning and the sun beams were over me. I wish I could see him with the sunlight over him again. I closed my eyes and tried to remember but memories didn't serve him justice.

I had finally waited my time; I wasn't going to continue this anymore. If they cared Alice would see what I'm about to do and one of them would have saved me. If Jacob would of cared he would of came looking for me but he hasn't. I couldn't help it but I started to cry. I looked in the distance still hoping someone was there to save me but there was nobody. I remember Edward told me that being changed was like being set on fire so maybe when he gets the news he will get the message that I loved him and would, and did, give him my heart and soul. "You promised Bella." His voice yelled. "Don't do it." He said sternly. Didn't he promise me that he loved me? I don't care all promises went out the window when he left.

I knocked all the candles over as I lay back on the blanket as the final walls that were protecting my heart. "I love you my family, all of you. I love you my best friend Alice and Jacob, I'm sorry I couldn't be the best friend you wanted. I love you Edward. I'm sorry I was never enough for you." with those final words I went numb from the hole in my chest finally ripping me apart.

I could feel my skin burning and every part of me being set ablaze. I still couldn't scream that pain was nothing compared to what my heart was feeling. If this is all that you had to deal with to be a vampire then they were wimps. This is easy. The fire continued to lick at my skin. I could feel myself slipping away slowly. I didn't want to be unconscious I wanted to feel this pain; I wanted to know what was so bad about being a vampire. My whole body was going numb but it was still painful. I could feel myself give a final breath as I the flames over took my face and I couldn't breathe no more. This was death, or at least the last seconds of life. With these seconds of life then all I want to think about was how he loved me. I repeated in my mind I love you Edward. I fell into an endless dream of my angel saving me and loving me.