An Undying Love, A Lifetime's Regret
AN: Chaser 1 Prompt- A relationship between two characters with different blood statuses. Optional prompts chosen are 8. (restriction) no using the word 'forbidden', 9. (word) practically, 13. (occasion) New Year's Eve. Thanks to Sehanine (Jessica) and Story Please (Oni no Tenshi) for editing.
December 31, 1968 Spinner's End, Cokeworth, England
Home. Family. These were things that most people seemed to treasure, but for eight year old Severus Snape they only brought fear and pain.
"Got something to say for yourself, boy?" Severus' father, Tobias, enquired in a low and sinister tone.
Despite his trembling, Severus could think up plenty of lies and believable excuses for the sudden disappearance of his father's bottle of whiskey, but none of them made it past his lips.
Severus had panicked when he discovered Tobias drinking alcohol. His father was bitter and could be cutting with his words, but the drinking always dredged up an explosive temperament and weakened his father's control enough that he would get physically violent. Watching the man take another swig, Severus' focus was on the bottle as he thought, 'He can't drink it, he can't! If he drinks he'll hurt mum again!' And just like that, the bottle was gone and Tobias was empty handed.
"Thought you could use a little magic to play tricks on me did you?" Tobias' voice was beginning to rise.
"N-No! No, t-that isn't..." Severus stuttered.
"DON'T you lie to ME you little roach," Tobias spat, advancing on his son. "It's thanks to ME that you and your hag of a mother have anything to eat at the table! WITHOUT ME YOU'D BOTH BE PENNILESS BEGGARS ON THE STREETS OR WORSE!" He thundered in irrational rage and hatred, spittle practically flying from his mouth.
Tobias raised his hand to Severus, who could only cower helplessly. Then there was a blur of motion as a hunched and sallow woman rushed to Severus' defense.
Eileen grasped her husband's arm and pulled him away.
"It wasn't him, it's my fault! Don't hurt our son, Tobias!" she cried, but this only succeeded in drawing Tobias' ire onto her.
"Get off me you bloody parasite!" he raged.
Severus screamed and begged them to stop as he watched his father strike his mother while yelling more profanities at her. Then Tobias yanked his wife by the hair and threw her to the floor. With a few more muttered insults, he stalked off to the bedroom and slammed the door.
After a few moments, Eileen finally rose to her knees, leaning unsteadily against the couch. Finally, with what appeared to be great effort, she lifted her head and looked at Severus. He could see the love for him in her eyes, but there was great shame there too. Rising to her feet, she shuffled over to him and gently pulled Severus into a hug.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please go to your room sweetheart." she whispered hoarsely.
Her lip was split and bloody and a new bruise was starting to form on her cheek only inches away from where an older one was still fading.
Severus made it to his room and shut his door, then wandered over to his window. Looking out into the darkness, he could see the flashes of fireworks in the sky from some of the neighborhood Muggles celebrating the coming new year. To Severus it only meant a continuation of his depressing life. He couldn't wait to grow up and put his father in place. Permanently.
Muggles are animals and my father is the worst of their kind.
This was a fact Severus grew up knowing as sure as the air he breathed, until the day he met Lily Evans.
September 1, 1971 Hogwarts Castle, Scotland
Lily. She had shone like a light in the dark and gave him an escape from the madness of his home. She was his first and only childhood friend and she was a muggleborn.
The first years gathered into the Great Hall to be Sorted. The journey to Hogwarts and their first impression of the school itself had been enchanting
"We'll still be friends even if we're in different houses, right?" Severus asked, slightly worried. His mum had told him that friendships between students of different houses were uncommon, particularly in Slytherin.
"Of course we will be!" Lily reassured him with a bright smile.
"Evans, Lily." The woman who had introduced herself as Professor McGonagall beckoned to Lily after two others were sorted, Avery and Black.
Giving Severus' hand a parting squeeze, Lily walked up to take her place under the Sorting Hat.
"Gryffindor!" It shouted after a moment or two.
Gryffindor. The so-called House of the Brave. Severus thought it suited Lily, but then all of the houses did in his opinion, except Slytherin. She was hardworking, clever, and had shown some bouts of bravery.
Slytherin, the House of the Ambitious and the Cunning, it was where his mother had been Sorted. It was also the House that Severus felt he belonged in most. He believed he wasn't brave enough for Gryffindor, he was too weak and cowardly to stand up to his own father. Loyalty and diligence were qualities he had, so Hufflepuff was a possibility. As for Ravenclaw, Severus felt that being studious was something he could excel at and intelligence was no issue. But in his heart, he already knew what the Sorting Hat was going to say.
While distracted by these thoughts, the line had grown shorter and shorter. Finally Professor McGonagall called out his name.
" Snape, Severus."
Severus walked up to the stool next to the professor and sat down. Searching out his only friend's face amongst her new housemates, he found her grinning at him in encouragement.
Offering her a rare smile of his own, he thought to himself, 'One day, I'll be able to leave Spinner's End behind for good and Lily will be with me every step of the way.'
The hat descended over his brow and Severus heard a voice in his head, 'Hoh, aren't you a little bundle of potential? Now let's have a closer look.'
'Are you reading my mind?!' Severus thought in panic.
The Sorting Hat answered back. 'No, your mind can't be read, per say, it is more accurate to describe it as watching fragments of your life and observing your thought process. Hmm, your assessment of which houses suit you would be accurate, for the most part. However, I think you misjudge your capacity for bravery quite a bit, young man.'
'If I had any bravery, I wouldn't just cry and watch my father beat my mother.' Severus thought back bitterly.
'Courage in the face of abuse is difficult, especially for a child who grew up in such an environment. I meant the faith and initiative it took to step forward and befriend another. To be able to trust someone when all the hope you've had so far was repeatedly crushed by one who is supposed to care for you. That takes courage. You are no coward.' the hat assured.
'Now then, with that bit of wisdom given, may you find success in...' "Slytherin!"
Hogwarts would come to be more of a home to Severus than his family's residence at Spinner's End.
May 2, 1975 Hogwarts Castle, Scotland
He loved her, not only in the way he'd loved her since childhood, but in a new way, a stomach-twisting, butterflies in his belly sort of way. Lily was intelligent, kind, loyal, accepting, and attractive. The problem was that Lily did not love him romantically. He was convinced that she saw him as only a friend and he couldn't bring himself to confess his feelings for her.
'The friend zone is a painful place.' Severus thought to himself as he walked away from the lake's shore where he'd been reading a book that contained the description of some rather dark curses.
The Dark Arts were a subject that fascinated Severus to no end. The power they offered, the fear they inspired, the mystery surrounding them. To a boy who dreamed of revenge upon his father and the cruel schoolyard bullies that endlessly harassed him, the Dark Arts drew him like a moth to a flame. It was why he hung out with a prominent gang of Slytherins who aspired to join the revolutionary Dark Lord, Voldemort.
His "friends" allowed him access to written instruction and information on dark magic and, being a half-blood, gave him some protection from other supremacists within his house. Even though his little gang was responsible for most of the incidents in the name of blood supremacy, it seemed. They were tools in which he found a common interest in the Dark Arts, as well as a shared hatred of Muggles.
This meant that he kept his friendship with Lily a secret. After all, she was a muggleborn. She had told him her opinion of the company he kept, and he understood her animosity towards them. That didn't mean they weren't still useful, and Lily could not seem to accept that as a good enough reason for Severus to befriend their ilk. He believed this mindset was why she wasn't sorted into Slytherin, but her integrity was another quality he valued in her.
Severus was about halfway back to the castle lost in his thoughts when someone called out, "Oi, Snivellus!" A taunting nickname that prodded a deep well of anger in Severus.
James Potter was a tall boy with unruly hair and glasses, a pureblood who supposedly held none of the prejudice towards witches or wizards with muggle blood in their veins. He was a fool whose life revolved around vicious pranks, swimming in his own arrogance, and most recently, romantically pursuing Lily in a most pathetic and persistent manner. Following Pompous Potter were Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black.
Severus sneered at them thinking of how satisfying it would be to hear the sound of James' big, swollen head bursting like a balloon. Maybe there was a spell in the book he'd been reading designed just for that.
'It would wipe off that miserable smirk in an instant,' he thought.
"Ooohh, looks like the greasy arsemonger isn't happy to see us!" Black threw in.
Pettigrew only laughed in an irritatingly shrill voice.
"Come on now James, I thought you were going to find Lily and convince her to date you." Lupin said quietly, futilely trying to steer James away from the confrontation.
'Always acting the peacekeeper, but he's the same as the rest of them.' Severus thought disparagingly. He was tense, waiting for their inevitable attack.
"We've got time to say hello to our snivelly friend here," James said. "Speaking of Lily, Snivellus I saw you sniffing around and actually talking to her." James' smirk was gone now. "I'm telling you now to stay away from her, she doesn't need slimy Slytherin gits like you for company."
There was a crowd gathering now, waiting for the spectacle to unfold.
Severus' eyes narrowed and his hands clenched into fists. "If anyone's been 'sniffing', Potty it's you. You've been following Lily around like some kind of two-legged mongrel. What's the matter, does rejection leave a bad taste in your mouth?" Severus returned, spitefully.
Black jumped in, "Oh, so you have been watching her? Hoping to get some action for your slimy self..."
"SECTUMSEM-" Severus only wanted their pain now, but James was quicker and caught him with a silent spell. Severus was lifted upside down and dropped his wand in surprise.
Through the cheers and laughter Severus heard Lily's voice "... just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter." She was defending him, but Severus was too angry to feel gratitude.
"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's trousers!?" James yelled.
Severus' eyes widened as his trousers began to slip down his thighs, revealing his underwear and pale legs before he suddenly dropped back to the ground. He scrambled to pull his trousers back up, his face scarlet with mortification. There was nothing left but his anger and the self loathing he felt at being put on display in front of not only his peers but the girl he admired.
'Allowing yourself to be beaten by a common bully in such a humiliating fashion? You weakling!' A voice that sounded suspiciously like his father's filled his head.
Lily was holding his shoulder asking if he was alright, but it sounded like she was talking from far away and he couldn't understand her at all.
Severus jerked away from her. "I don't need your help, filthy mudblood!"
Lily flinched at his outburst and his mind reeled as he realized what he'd done to his best friend, the girl who'd stood up for him when no one else would.
Her expression became stony and she moved away from him before nodding jerkily and setting off to the castle. Severus could only watch in regret as she left.
'Lily, I didn't mean it...' The words never reached his lips.
The bond between Lily and Severus finally broke on that day. He would always love her, but his association with the Death Eaters and his research and use of the Dark Arts had made their friendship brittle. She would never forgive him, and by the time he realized what he'd gotten himself into, he would never forgive himself the dark road he had chosen to travel instead.