The Inebriation of the Bebop Crew
A/N: Okay, so I was really bored one night and I drank about five cans of Pepsi so you can imagine how hyped up I was. Well anyway, being both bored and hyper can lead you to come up with a million ideas in your head so I thought of a fic to write and came up with this question… What would it be like if each person on the Bebop crew were to get drunk? Not all together of course, but if one person were to consume a large amount of alcohol, how would they act? So in my weird and sadistic mind I came up with this… A four/five part telling on each crew member, maybe Ein if by popular request, and what I think would happen if they were to be intoxicated with alcohol… Hence the word inebriation in the title, if you didn't know what that meant…So folks, enjoy the show!
Disclaimer: Yeah, that's right... I OWN COWBOY BEBOP!!! Pfft... I'm kidding! Don't sue me now! =(
First Inebriation of the whimsical, spontaneous, radical hacker… Ed!
"Ed is here, Ed is there, Ed is here, Ed is there, Ed is here, Ed is there!!"
"Would you stop your singing, Ed? I'm trying to watch this soap opera!" Faye yelled to Edward over the blaring sounds of the TV. The bars of the volume already reached the limit and all Faye could muster out of the show was a few words.
Ed stopped for a moment and looked at Faye with a perplexed expression of some sort. "But Faye-Faye, Ed is bored and thirsty! Can you play games with Ed, Faye-Faye?"
Faye groaned. "No, I'm busy. Go do whatever you do on that computer of yours."
"Alrighty then!" Ed jumped up once and extended her arms out, making zoom noises as if she were an airplane. But then midway through her flight, she stopped.
"Faye-Faye, Ed's thirsty still!"
"Then why don't you drink tap water from the faucet!" Faye was getting a bit perturbed at this interruption from Edward. She just missed the part where Susan had confessed her love affair with Robert to her husband Michael.
"But Ed thinks the tap water is weird tasting! It makes Ed go blah!"
"Then find some sort of liquid to drink and stop bothering me!" Faye yelled once more to her redheaded crew member.
Faye decided she would ignore the next person to ask her a question. She already missed enough of her soap opera and she didn't feel like missing anymore. Michael was already confessing that he too had an affair, with Susan's mother.
So Edward zoomed off once more, this time toward the kitchen, Ein happily trotting by her heels. She opened up cupboards one at a time, singing another song as she searched.
"Something to drink, Ed is thirsty for liquid, something to drink, Ed is thirsty for liquid, something to…" The words trailed off from her mouth as she saw all the way at the back of a cupboard a lone bottle, tall and dark.
"Oooooo…" Ed said under her breath. "Ed found something to drink!" She grabbed the bottle quickly and danced around for a moment, joyful of her findings.
Taking the cap off, she sniffed the dark liquid that was inside. "Wow… Ed has found some interesting liquid."
Without reading the label or any other indication of what this liquid was, Ed downed the whole bottle in one long, continuous gulp. Still holding the bottle to her lips even though the bottle was empty, Ed hiccupped and laughed slightly into the bottle.
"Edward has the dizzies!" She yelled aloud and pranced around for a moment, dropping the bottle in the sink with a soft clink. Ein wasn't quite sure of what was going on, though he noticed that his friend seemed a bit more hyper than ever before after she drank the dark liquid.
Strangely enough, Ed started doing the running man out of the kitchen and made her way, running man style, over to Faye whose attention was solely focused on the TV.
"Faye, Faye, Faye, Faye, Faye, Faye!!!" Ed sang again, still doing the running man to an obviously mismatched beat. This mismatched beat came from Ed's lips as she started trying to be a human beat box.
Ignoring her, Faye continued to watch her soap opera, oblivious to the fact that Ed was doing the running man and beatboxing at the same time. This was something to take note. It was unorthodox for a skinny little girl like Ed to do the running man and at the same time make badly sounding beats from her mouth. Unorthodox but definitely a sight to see.
Although Faye didn't see what was wrong with Ed, Spike entered the room just in time. He spotted Ed doing the running man with the happiest expression on her face. Ein was at her feet, jumping on her every few seconds.
Spike scratched his head uncertainly, but knowing how weird Ed was, decided to not question her action. He only came into the room to tell Faye to turn the volume down on the TV.
"Hey, Faye!" Spike called out to her. "Faye… Faye… Godamnit, FAYE!" Spike yelled and poked her in the arm to get her attention.
Faye snapped her head up at Spike. "What the hell do you want? You're lucky a commercial's up."
"Could you turn down the goddamn volume, please?" Spike said to her in a normal voice.
"What?" Clearly Faye couldn't hear him as the volume was that loud. She cupped a hand over her ear. "I can't hear you, say it louder."
"I said… TURN DOWN THE DAMN VOLUME!"
"I still can't hear what you're saying, speak up!"
"TURN THE…" Spike's voice trailed off. Instead of the volume turning down, the TV was completely shut off.
"Oh, alright. That's better." Spike said calmly.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Faye yelled out rather tragically. She grabbed the remote next to her and pushed the power button. But the TV stayed blank even as she jabbed the button five more times.
She sunk down on her knees to the floor and raised her fists in the air, shaking them punishably up at the heavens. "WHO THE HELL UNPLUGGED THE TV?... SPIKE?"
She stood up quickly and pointed an accusing finger at Spike. "You did this to anger the shit out of me, didn't you? Damn you!" In a fit of petty fury, she charged at Spike and swung her fist at his face.
Quickly enough, Spike caught her fist midway before it could reach his face. "God, Faye. Calm down. I didn't disconnect your precious TV."
Snatching her fist back, Faye said, "If you didn't do it then…" She turned around to the only other person in the room and leered at the skinny redheaded girl before her who was still strangely doing the running man.
"ED!" Faye walked over to Ed and looked down angrily at her.
"Hiya Faye-Faye!" Ed greeted, still dancing.
"Why did you disconnect my TV…" Faye paused, observing what Ed was doing. "…and what are you doing?"
"Faye, I think it's called the running man." Spike informed her.
"Whatever the hell it is, stop doing it, Ed and answer my question!" Faye yelled impatiently.
Gradually Ed stopped doing the running man until she stood there looking at the ground. She was still.
"I think you hurt her feelings, Faye." Spike whispered over to Faye.
"You think?" Faye asked him quietly. Spike nodded. Ed looked sad to him.
Faye groaned. She never dealt with sad kids before nor kids in general. "I uh, I'm sorry for the outburst, okay?… Ed?"
Ed brought her head up to look at both Faye and Spike. Widely and maniacally, she smiled.
"I think she took that rather well… right?" Faye asked Spike, her wide eyes glued at Ed.
"Either that or she's insanely angered." Spike told Faye. He was suddenly getting uncomfortable just by that maniacal smile Ed had on her face. He backed away slowly and grabbed Faye's arm to force her to back up with him also.
Still with her wide smile and bizarre expression, Ed came toward Spike and Faye slowly step by step.
"She's really creeping the hell out of me." Faye muttered to Spike.
"Ditto." Spike concurred, still guiding Faye backwards with him. "I think we should run before she jumps on us."
"Agreed." Faye said and snatched her arm from Spike's grip, getting a head start in running.
"Don't leave me with her!" Spike yelled out and ran behind Faye, not taking the time to see if Ed was behind him or not. But sure enough, Spike heard the sound of bare feet running behind him.
"Oh, shit! She's coming!" He yelled out to Faye who in response sprinted into her room. Before Faye could shut the door closed, Spike ran inside and joined her inside her room.
"Why didn't you go into your own room?!" Faye yelled at Spike.
"This is closer. Close the door!!" Spike shouted quickly when he caught sight of a head of red hair stop in front of Faye's room.
"GAH!!!" Faye yelled and shut the door as fast as she could, locking it afterward. They were safe in the room… for now…
Spike made himself comfortable while in Faye's room and lay on her bed, his hands behind his head nonchalantly.
"Spike."
"Faye."
"Get the fuck off of my bed."
Spike was about to protest against this idea until he heard the scratching noises on the door followed with Ed muttering 'Faye-Faye' and 'Spike-person'.
"Ed's scratching at the door now… What in damnation is wrong with her?" Faye asked.
"Beats me, Faye. Unless it was your fault."
Faye turned toward him angrily. "What do you mean by that?"
"Well, it seems you traumatized her into insanity with your obsession of soap operas."
"Oh, shut up." Faye retorted and folded her arms, turning back to the door where the scratching sounds were still present. "We need help. Where the hell is Jet when you need him?"
"Still visiting his friend, it seems." Spike replied. "He won't be back for probably another two hours."
"God, how amazingly horrible." Faye declared and sat on the floor, not bothering to argue with Spike's stubbornness.
For the next two hours (and seven minutes and four seconds) Faye and Spike were cooped up in one room, waiting for either Jet to arrive or for Ed to stop whatever she was doing. The latter seemed like it was never going to happen.
Ed seemed to go on scratching the door and calling out Spike and Faye's name for ten minutes straight. After that she started banging on the door and singing a rock version of oddly enough, 'I Shot the Sheriff'. Ein on the other hand, kept on barking or howling which Ed would join in with him after a while.
There were moments of complete silence with which Faye would keep a hand on the doorknob ready to turn and open the door. But Ed's voice would rise up again and she'd start on another song while making the door her bongo drums.
When these two hours (and seven minutes and four seconds) were up, Spike and Faye heard Jet's voice in the distant. Excitement and hope rose in both of them.
"Yes, we're saved!" Faye said happily.
" 'Bout time." Spike said coolly.
Ed was howling with Ein the time they heard footsteps approach and the sweet sound of Jet's voice was heard.
"What're are you doing outside of Faye's room, Ed?" Spike and Faye heard Jet question Edward.
The howling stopped. There was a moment of silence that gripped Spike and Faye on the edge of their seats as they both put their ears next to the door.
The bittersweet silence ended as Spike and Faye heard Jet go, "Ed… what's wrong? What're you going to do? Hey… Back away now… AHHHH!!!!!!"
"He's in trouble. I'm going out there." Spike decided valiantly and unlocked the door. Opening the door, Spike was surprised to find that Jet wasn't in trouble at all.
He was just looking rather flustered and annoyed at Ed who was wrapped around his leg and giving him an enormous hug. Jet shrugged but then spotted Faye peeking out from behind Spike's shoulder as if she wasn't sure things were okay to be able to come out.
"Why were you two inside Faye's room together?" Jet asked them both as he looked at them suspiciously.
Faye's eyebrows rose up in alarm and she quickly came out from behind Spike's back. Spike laughed nervously.
"It's not what you think." Spike said quickly.
"Not at all!" Faye chimed in.
"Oh yeah, sure." Jet said skeptically. "You were just in there having a fun old time while poor Ed here was left out, begging to come in."
Spike and Faye's jaws dropped at almost the same time.
Faye shook her head. "No, no, it's not like that all! Ed was…"
Jet interrupted Faye's explanation before she could finish. "Oh, don't blame Ed for this. I'm ashamed of you two. If you both like each other that much," Jet emphasized the words 'that much', "I suggest next time you take it to some hotel room and not on this ship where a little innocent girl is right outside the door wondering what's happening. Come on, Ed. I'll give you food I brought back with me."
Jet got Ed off his leg and helped her up, lightly pushing her ahead of him. Jet shamelessly shook his head at Spike and Faye and then followed a dancing Edward out, Ein trotting alongside.
Faye crossed her arms and leered up at Spike. Spike shrugged. "It wasn't my fault. You shouldn't have been so passionate about that stupid soap opera."
"Jet! Ed is tired, can Ed go to sleep instead?" Ed slowly asked Jet before entering the kitchen.
"Yeah, sure. Go ahead. You look tired, probably from all that howling." Jet responded, noticing that Ed's eyes were quite drowsy and almost bloodshot.
Ed nodded and surprisingly walked away at a snail's pace instead of skipping or prancing away.
"Strange." Jet thought to himself as he watched her walk off. He entered the kitchen to put the food he brought with him away. While stacking a few cans in the cupboard, he spotted a glass bottle in the sink.
"Why good lord. I remember winning this bottle of wine in a raffle. I was going to drink it but looks like someone already has." He said as he examined the seal on the empty bottle.
Instantly Jet thought of Spike and Faye together in the room. "Good God, those two are stupid enough to even leave evidence of their escapades."
He shook his head. "I just hope Ed doesn't take up drinking."
A/N: w00t! First chapter done with… Yeah, so my order of inebriating will maybe be Ed, Jet, Faye, then Spike…Or maybe I can do the reviewer's requests… Whatever fits, I'll do it… But expect some OOCness… I'm out now, peace!
CassieKA