Title: Loss
Author: freak-pudding
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling, and I use her work without her permission. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: Lily, those precious few seconds before she dies.
Author's Note:
'Stay for me there! I will not fail.
To meet thee in that hollow vale.'- Henry King, Bishop of Chichester.
- - -
James.
Oh my God. No.
"James!"
I know I could scream forever, but you won't hear me. You can't. Not anymore.
High-pitched, maniacal laughter.
Green. Our son's eyes are green. The color of that thing— that light that—
Oh my God. You're dead. You're really dead.
"James…"
It's only a whisper now, a desperate plea for someone to come running in to save the day, but no one's coming. No one can save us… save our son and me.
Oh no. Harry.
We were drinking tea. He was having trouble falling asleep after his bottle again. We were sitting on the couch, drinking tea. Barely twenty minutes ago, you smiled at me and touched my face. We were joking about growing old…
Oh God. You're dead. James…
I've never been much for the waterworks, but I just can't stop them now. Harry is lying on the ground, mewling and begging for warmth, so I snatch him up and run. I know that there is nowhere I can go now that he won't find me. It's too late.
Oh God.
We should have chosen Dumbledore. Thinking all along that the spy was Remus, but it was really Sirius…
Oh God. What have we done, James? To ourselves? To our son?
I lock his nursery door uselessly behind me. I can hear that— that bastard's footsteps coming closer and closer, taking his precious time on the stairs. Savoring the last few moments before…
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I—
You're dead. Harry's crying, and I'm holding him close, and we're both going to die. Oh my God.
If I was a church-going girl, I'd probably be praying right now. The door is blasted off its hinges by a spell, a column of burning green fire. Harry's crying, and I hold him close, and we're going to die.
Wait for me, James. Like you used to wait for me in the Entrance Hall with Sirius, because I was a girl and I took forever to get ready to go to Hogsmeade. Wait for me, my love. We'll walk down to the lake today, maybe, and watch the giant squid propel itself lazily in the shallow water. We'll sit beneath that wide beech and talking longingly of a beautiful wedding that we may never have. But we'll have it. We'll carve out our own piece of the happiness pie, and we'll make it last.
I cling to that last crumb of our piece with deep agony, but I won't die with my back turned.
I love you, James. Know that. I love Harry. I don't want to die. But I won't die with my back turned.
He's horrible, and he's standing before me with his wand raised. I can see it in his eyes. He's like a poisonous snake, seconds from striking. I place Harry beside me, on the floor, and face him.
You're dead. Harry's crying, and I can't hold him close, and we're both going to die.
We never should have joined the Order.
I face him, tears spilling unashamedly down my cheeks, and I am not afraid. I'll die proud and brave, worthy of being sorted as a Gryffindor.
"Hello, Lily."
Before the next words have even left his mouth, I know that I'll die with one thought in my mind: I love you, James, and I love our son.
fin
Author's Note 2: Albeit weird, definitely not my weirdest. Call it boredom. Call it not having a job. Call it cheese popcorn and Hoobastank at 1 AM. Er… well, anyway, just thought I'd share. This is completely unedited, and will remain that way. Just a little drabble I felt like sharing. Confused? Eh, like I care. ;) Just needed a break from the same-old, same-old pattern. Look for another, longer fic from me here in the future. (Er, far-off future…)
Okay, I editted it a little.