SCOUTMASTER CTHULHU:
LET THE D00M BEGIN!
In order to get the little gothlings into Boy Scouts, the unholy overlords of said scouts have presented the public with the following commercial...
(Screen is black, large red letters zoom in and hit the screen, then splatter: )
"SCOUTMASTER CTHULHU!"
"EPISODE ONE: LET'S BE PREPARED!"
(Cartoon-esque scene of a friendly forest is shown, with Cthulhu walking in front, dressed in khaki shirt...khaki shorts...khaki goddamn everything, and it makes him look like the crocodile hunter. He is followed by three little boys with black hair, black fingernails, and lots of leather bracelets. They've all managed to attach bondage straps to their shorts...somehow.... Said boys are scouts Ted, Fred, and Evil Bobby.)
TED: Wow, Scoutmaster Cthulhu, it sure is a nice day outside! It's so nice, actually, that I think it's melting the black dye out of my hair!
FRED: Yes, and our amazingly pale skin will be burned like that poor little dying creature over there!
(Outer One is melting like the wicked witch of the west.)
OUTER ONE: Whyyy, whyyy....Ohhh, what a world...... -melt-
EVIL BOBBY: We should bathe in its blood to be rid of this accursed...sun...
(Cthulhu lifts his index finger in the air, as if to make a point.)
CTHULHU: -gurgling noises-
THREE BOYS: ....?
(Cthulhu spits slimy, greenish stuff all over them.)
TED: Wow, a natural sunscreen!
FRED: You're the best, Scoutmaster Cthulhu!
EVIL BOBBY: ....can I still bathe in the blood of the dying thing...?
(Cthulhu pats him on the head and makes more gurgling noises with subtitles. In archaic lettering, it reads: )
"Sure, Evil Bobby, we can ALL bathe in the blood of dying things!"
(Three boys cheer, happy blood-bathing ensues. Fade to black.)
(o0) ( Cthulhu....? / | | \
Note: I realize that the boys didn't understand him the first time he spoke, but did when he spoke again. Let's pretend they can read subtitles, m'kay? .;
LET THE D00M BEGIN!
In order to get the little gothlings into Boy Scouts, the unholy overlords of said scouts have presented the public with the following commercial...
(Screen is black, large red letters zoom in and hit the screen, then splatter: )
"SCOUTMASTER CTHULHU!"
"EPISODE ONE: LET'S BE PREPARED!"
(Cartoon-esque scene of a friendly forest is shown, with Cthulhu walking in front, dressed in khaki shirt...khaki shorts...khaki goddamn everything, and it makes him look like the crocodile hunter. He is followed by three little boys with black hair, black fingernails, and lots of leather bracelets. They've all managed to attach bondage straps to their shorts...somehow.... Said boys are scouts Ted, Fred, and Evil Bobby.)
TED: Wow, Scoutmaster Cthulhu, it sure is a nice day outside! It's so nice, actually, that I think it's melting the black dye out of my hair!
FRED: Yes, and our amazingly pale skin will be burned like that poor little dying creature over there!
(Outer One is melting like the wicked witch of the west.)
OUTER ONE: Whyyy, whyyy....Ohhh, what a world...... -melt-
EVIL BOBBY: We should bathe in its blood to be rid of this accursed...sun...
(Cthulhu lifts his index finger in the air, as if to make a point.)
CTHULHU: -gurgling noises-
THREE BOYS: ....?
(Cthulhu spits slimy, greenish stuff all over them.)
TED: Wow, a natural sunscreen!
FRED: You're the best, Scoutmaster Cthulhu!
EVIL BOBBY: ....can I still bathe in the blood of the dying thing...?
(Cthulhu pats him on the head and makes more gurgling noises with subtitles. In archaic lettering, it reads: )
"Sure, Evil Bobby, we can ALL bathe in the blood of dying things!"
(Three boys cheer, happy blood-bathing ensues. Fade to black.)
(o0) ( Cthulhu....? / | | \
Note: I realize that the boys didn't understand him the first time he spoke, but did when he spoke again. Let's pretend they can read subtitles, m'kay? .;