The Snatcher, shadowy guardian of Subcon Forest, was best known for his wide, eery, and seemingly ever-present smile. And there was a good reason he wore that smile. Many reasons in fact.

It could be used as a powerful tool in his negotiations, assuring his clueless little correspondents that he was on their side, and that he wanted nothing less than to see them benefit from their voluntary obligations. It was a deadly weapon, helping to lull his victims into a painfully adorable sense of security, before he swiftly removed their heads from their thin, fragile necks.

But more than everything else, it had just become his "thing". He had heard the many stories that those who lived outside his forest told about him: Terrifying tales of a dark, massive, and powerful creature within the deepest reaches of the woods, who sucked the souls from his helpless victims and harnessed their lifeless husks to do his bidding. A bit crude and not entirely accurate, of course, but he still enjoyed occasionally listening to the stories that had been weaved about him as he traveled through the shadows, stealing mail and scaring the pants off a few clueless saps every now and then.

And one thing the shadow had noticed was that, despite some variations in the descriptions those storytellers had given to him, (he had once heard an old bird say that he bore giant horns on his head, and could shoot laser beams from his eyes) his wicked, bright yellow smile always seemed to be the most common detail they would mention about his appearance.

So, not wanting to disappoint his fans, he always made it a point to wear that branded smile whenever he was around anyone; from his faithful minions to his oblivious contractors.

And yet, despite how famous that smile had evidently made him (as well as the fact that smiling evidently releases feel-good endorphins in the brain... though come to think about it, he wasn't sure he even had any endorphins, or a brain for that matter) his smile never truly felt... real to him. It was really only a tool he used, and almost never a sign of his… oh, what's the word? Happiness.

There were only two times he could call his smile truly genuine. The first was when he was signing a contract. Oh, that sweet scratch of a ghostly quill pen; that soft, pure black and permanent ink seeping into the parchment and giving him complete control over one more poor soul's very existence. It was bliss. It was euphoria. It was the highlight of his days.

The second had very much to do with the first. It was when someone stepped into one of his traps. Seeing as how most of the traps scattered around his domain were extensions of his own will and power, he could instantly sense the moment anybody with their heart still beating stepped into one of the root-like cages, and the feeling was almost as blissful as signing another contract. It was less the excitement of actually trapping another potential soul, but more the anticipation of what could come next. It was heaven to even imagine all the contracts that could be signed, all the deals that could be made, all the new prospects and ventures that could be agreed upon.

And so it was, on yet another dark, dreary, and quiet twilight, deep in the bowels of his Subcon Forest. He was reading one of his favorite books by the dark of an invisible new moon when he felt that familiar twinge in the back of his mind. His eyes lit up bright and his glowing, yellow smile grew from ear to non-existent ear on his round, featureless head, before he closed the book and threw it over his shoulder, silently summoning one of his minions in order to catch the old volume before it hit the ground. And then, without a second thought, he instantly sunk down into the shadows and began to travel to the spot where one of his traps had just been triggered.

Since shadows technically don't exist, the Snatcher's method of traveling through them from one place to another was more or less instantaneous. Despite that, he always somehow managed to fit in a thousand, excited thoughts during this brief time, usually ideas for tasks he could assign to his new contractually obligated servants.

I could have them fix the bridges in the swamp! He was thinking on this particular night. They could spruce up a few of the old houses, or maybe… hmm, mail duty's always an option... Aha! I know! Laundry! Yes, I'll have them do my laundry! I don't have any laundry, but that's no big deal! I'll just make some for them!

"Hahahahahaa!" He laughed to himself, just as he arrived underneath the sprung trap.

He took a few moments before introducing himself to his new guest, first conjuring a veil of inky, otherworldly darkness around the trap in order to instil a sense of dread within his prey. A few flashes of bright, purple energy to simulate lighting, a rumbling roar from beneath their feet, and then, taking a deep breath, he finally rose up from beneath the earth as dramatically and terrifyingly as he could.

"AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! FOOOOOOOooo…"

"You know, I think you scare people doing that."

The Snatcher's bellowing yell caught in his throat, and his eyes fell to see the last thing he had been expecting. Brown hair, tied into a tidy ponytail; a yellow blanket, clipped around a cute neck like a cape; a short, purple dress with an oversized zipper; big, shining blue eyes; and, most prominently of all, a tall, purple top hat with a yellow band wrapped around the midsection. There was only one soul in the universe that could radiate that much untainted adorableness.

"Heya kiddo!" He said, his smile becoming real as he allowed the inky veil around the two of them dissipate until they were both back in the dreary dark of Subcon Forest. "I didn't expect to see you around my forest again, especially after that little contract we signed…"

Hat Kid giggled. "You mean the one that said I can explore whenever I want?"

Snatcher crossed his arms. "That wasn't part of the deal, kid. I specifically laid out all the conditions you were supposed to adhere to, but then you changed them all without consulting me. In the business, we call that a bad deal, and it voids any obligation I have of upholding my end of it."

"But... you still put the stamp thingy on it."

"If major changes are made to the contract after the seal of approval is applied, then the offended party is still allowed to sever ties to said contract, as well as invalidate the whole agreement if so necessary."

"Uh… I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You should read a book every now and then, kid." His smile grew wider. "Buuuut, what the heck? I mean, you did help to save the world from a real bad fate, so there's probably no harm in allowing you back into my woods every now and then. Besides…" His grin grew impossibly wide. "I bet I know why you're here in the first place!"

He suddenly darted down until he was right in front of Hat Kid, simultaneously conjuring up a long piece of parchment and shoving into her face.

"You want to sign another contract!" He bellowed. "Oh, I can't tell you how excited I am to have you back in my service, kid! Now, I don't have a lot of options for you to choose from right right now, but if you just finish this little task up nice and clean, I'd bet…"

"Uh uh…" Hat Kid interrupted, pushing the contract aside before crossing her arms and shaking her head with a pouty frown. "I'm not signing another stupid contract."

"What?" Snatcher's grin almost dropped from his face. "Now, c'mon kid, don't be difficult. I know we've went through some rough patches in the past, but we're friends now, aren't we? Friends who can sign all the contracts in the world, right? Right. Come on, sign the paper."

"Nope."

"Kid…" He growled, taking on a firmer, more sinister tone. "Maybe you forgot what happened last time you disobeyed…"

"I remember." She said simply, before pulling out something from behind her back. "Which is why I brought this."

"What's…" The Snatcher squinted down to see a can of blue spray paint clenched in her fingers.

"Whoa, whoa! Easy there, kid!" He said quickly, darting backwards and tucking the contract away back into the shadows to hold his hands up defensively. "No need to be hasty now, ehehehe…"

"No contracts!" Hat Kid declared, pointing the can up and putting a finger on the nozzle.

"Alright alright!" He almost pleaded. "No… no c-" He made a sound similar to choking, and he coughed as though the words he was trying to spit out were hurting him. "Ugh… No con-contracts…"

He shuddered, silently promising himself he'd never say that again.

"Good." Hat Kid said plainly with a happy tone in her voice. She pulled the can down and tucked it back behind her before clasping her hands together and rocking back and forth on her feet, an innocently evil gleam in her eyes.

"So…" The Snatcher grumbled, feeling as though he'd just been robbed. "If you're not here to sign contracts, then why are you here, kid?"

"I wanted to play."

"Play?"

"Yeah!"

"Kid, don't you live in another universe or something?"

"Kinda."

"You traveled from wherever your freaky planet is, all the way to my humble home, just to play?"

"Yep!"

"Faaantastic. Listen kid, I don't have time to play around with you, alright? It's not that I don't hate you or anything, it's just that hanging around you too long when you're all free and happy has an ill effect on my mental health. So, how about you just scram, and maybe I can…"

He stopped as Hat Kid suddenly began reaching behind her back again with a mischievous smirk.

"Alright, alright!" He said quickly, waving his hands back and forth. "I'll bite! What do you want to do?"

"Oh, I dunno." She hummed innocently, beginning to rock again. "It's up to you. It's your forest after all."

Snatcher shook his head. "Grr, you little… Fine, whatever. I guess we can… I don't know, walk around for a bit? A few minutes. Maybe one. Sound good to you, kid?"

"Sounds good! C'mon, follow me!"

With a wide smile, the little girl spun around and began practically skipping away with a disgustingly happy stride. Reluctantly, Snatcher began to trail behind her as she romped freely through his woods, all the while trying to figure out if there was someway he could get his hands on that spray paint without her noticing.

"Soooo, how are your minions doing?"

Just minutes later, Hat Kid was bounding through the tall trees, hopping and swinging from branch to branch with precise and graceful jumps, while Snatcher snaked through the air alongside her, keeping a perfect pace with her movements.

"Ah, same old, same old. Weak, small, useless. Good cannon fodder. Not much else. But thanks for asking, kiddo! They'll be ecstatic to hear that you were thinking of them!" He let out a long, exuberant laugh.

"Aw, no problem." She giggled, diving down and landing on the end of another branch with a soft grunt. "They are really cute."

"Kid, don't call my minions 'cute'. I know they're not as intimidating as yours truly, but they still need to uphold my reputation. So no throwing around nasty descriptions like that, alright?"

"Like what? Cute?"

"Yes. That."

"So I can't call them 'cute'?"

"No, I just said you can't. Stop it."

"Cuuuute?" She said with a sing-songy voice.

Snatcher growled loud enough to make sure she heard it. "Why couldn't you go and bother some of your other friends?"

"I don't bother them, and besides, I already did! The Mafia are all as weird as usual, The Conductor and DJ Grooves are still fighting a lot, and the villagers in the mountains are still… well, I dunno what they usually do. But I do like hearing them talk."

With a short jump and a quick flip, the young girl suddenly bounded off the branch and began falling down to the forest floor. However, long before she had the chance to hit the earth, she quickly took out and opened up her blue, yellow-starred umbrella.

"Oh, so you decided to visit me last then, huh?" Snatcher asked as he watched her drift slowly and softly to the ground. "I'm flattered."

She giggled, closing the umbrella and resting it on her shoulder as she began walking again. "You should be, you're my favorite, Snatchy! I wanted to save the best for last!"

"'Snatchy'? Don't call me… Did you say I was your favorite?"

"Yep! You're tons of fun, when you're not pretending to be all creepy and evil."

"Kid, I don't pretend. I am one hundred percent, genuine creep. I've got enough evil in one finger to set fire to a church-load of grannies! And when it comes to terror, I'm the best there is!"

"What about that creepy old lady in the manor?"

He paused for a moment. "Alright, I'm the second best. But at least I'm proactive with what I do!"

"I have no idea what that means." The girl shrugged.

"It means that I don't wait around and do nothing while the world revolves around me. I go out and actually make use of the time I've been given. Inspirational, isn't it?"

"Sure, whatever." She paused for a minute, and let out a long, overly-dramatic yawn. "What's her deal anyway?" She asked with her mouth still wide open.

"Who?"

"The creepy old lady."

"You mean Vanessa?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She shrugged. "I mean, it seems like you've got pretty much everything else in the forest all 'contracted' and under your thumb and stuff. Except for her." She paused. "Actually, you don't have thumbs. That must kinda suck. But you know what I mean, right? Why don't you do anything about her?"

The smile had melted from Snatcher's face. "Alright kid, listen close, cause I'm not saying this again. We do not talk about that hunchbacked shadow creep, got it? I understand if you're curious, I do. But there are just some subjects I'm not privy to discuss, if you catch my drift. So, for your own good, drop it."

Hat Kid looked up at Snatcher with a surprised gleam in her eyes. "Huh? Why?"

"I literally just said to drop it."

"But why?"

"Because I'm not talking about it."

"How come? Are you scared of her?"

"I am not scared of her." He declared firmly.

"Then why can't you talk about it? Is she more powerful than you?"

"Absolutely not. There's not a soul on Earth more powerful than me."

"Except me." Hat Kid said plainly.

"Except for… No! You are not… You got lucky, alright?"

"Sure." She giggled again. "So, if you are more powerful than her, then why don't you just kick her out? You don't seem to like her much."

"Believe me, I would if I could. I just... don't exactly have any power over her."

"Why?"

"I thought I told you to drop it."

"Oh, come on. I wanna know."

"Well I'm not telling."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"I said no."

"Pleaaaase?"

"Kid, if you want to keep your head…"

"Pleasepleaseplease?" She interrupted, standing on her tippy toes, folding her hands, and giving him the most adorable Bambi eyes she could muster.

"Are you actually doing this?"

"Pretty please? Pretty please with cheese and keys and squeeze and knees and..."

"Oh, just be quiet!" He bellowed at last. "I don't have any power over her because she's the one who killed me in the first place!"

"Huh? Whaddaya mean?"

Snatcher rolled his eyes, mentally kicking himself at having broken so quickly. "I wasn't always like this, kid. I used to have a real, normal body and all that good stuff, and I died just like everyone else does. But what makes me different from everyone else is that our freaky fiend, Queen Vanessa, was the one who offed me in the first place."

"How? And how come?"

"Kid, I don't remember anything about my past life. So even if I wanted to answer you, I couldn't. Now, if you could just kindly drop this subject…"

"Why don't you remember?"

Snatcher groaned, rubbing his eyes with his two fingers. "I really should just take your head and be done with it."

"I'd like to see you try." She hummed, somehow managing to make the threat sound incredibly cute. "So, you gonna tell me?"

"No, I will not tell you. I have nothing to tell, because I don't remember, got it? Now, for the last. Time. Can we get back to where you were annoying me just by being you, and not by asking pointless questions?"

Hat Kid seemed to ignore his less-than-subtle 'question', instead giving him an odd, smug grin. "Do you wanna remember?"

"What?"

"Do you wanna remember how you died?"

"Kid, what do you think you're talking about?"

"I can help you remember."

"Help... Pfft… HA! Aaahahahahahahahaaa... Oh, you're serious?" He let out a scornful scoff. "Look, I don't know who you think you're kidding…"

"No, I mean it."

"Oh really? And how, pray tell, are you going to do that?"

The young girl suddenly took on a serious face, pulling the collar on her cape upwards and adopting the stance of a secret agent trading off classified information. "I know people." She said in an exaggeratedly deep voice, glancing around as if searching for eavesdropping spies.

"What kind of people?"

The guise dropped instantly. "Well, not really 'people'. More like, a super cool, super complicated, and super plot-relevant device that I think might be stuffed in my attic somewhere."

"So, you're saying this 'super cool device' can help me recover my lost memories?"

"Yeah! Doesn't that sound fun?"

Snatcher's grin grew to impossible size. "Ahahahahaaaa… no. I don't know if you've noticed, kiddo, but I'm perfectly happy with where I'm at. I don't need to regain any old, moldy memories to live a full and happy death. Look around…" He gestured to the dank and dark forest surrounding them. "I have everything I need right here! I've got my humble little house-tree, my faithful minions, my stinky swamp, my burning forest fire, my squeaky clean well (thanks again for that, kid.) Why would I need anything else?"

"But, don't you still want to remember?"

"Oh, remember my painful and probably extraordinarily brutal and graphic death? I know this must be a big surprise for you kid, but not even a sliver."

"Aw, come on. It'd be fun!"

"I said no. And that is final."

With that, he turned away from the small girl, crossing his arms, sticking his (imaginary) nose into the air and (figuratively) putting his foot down.

And he stayed that way in almost total silence for what seemed like an eternity. A part of him had expected the kid to continue pestering him even after his firm statement, however, it appeared as though that wasn't the case. It appeared as though he'd actually managed to convince her, and for that, he was pleasantly surprised.

However, as the silence dragged on for a couple moments more, he realized that she wasn't saying anything at all. That… wasn't right. Shouldn't she have at least admitted defeat? Most people would have apologized and changed the subject by now. What was stopping her? He couldn't keep standing in this crossed position with his back to her. It was awkward. It was… just incredibly awkward. Why wasn't she saying anything? He couldn't turn back around. That'd look stupid. But he couldn't be the first one to talk either; that'd make him look stupid too. What was he supposed to do? The silence was killing him! Again!

Was that… a pen scratching?

"Here you go!" She said at last.

"What is it?" He responded, letting out an internal sigh of relief as the tension broke and he was finally able to slowly turn back around.

However, as his yellow eyes fell back down on the small child, he realized with a (figurative) sinking heart that she was holding a long, worn piece of parchment in one hand, and a thin quill feather in the other.

"Wanna sign a contract?" She asked, blinking sweetly.

Author's Note: It's been way too long since I've posted anything to this site. I guess I can try to explain by saying that I was in an emotional slump or something, but I think it's be more accurate to say I just didn't want to write for a while. Why? I don't know exactly, I just couldn't find it in me. Maybe I was discouraged, but I can't say for sure.

Anyway, A Hat in Time has quickly and explosively entered my list of top 5 favorite games of all time, at the very least. I can say without exaggeration that a game hasn't filled me with so much pure, unadulterated joy for years, and Subcon Forest and the Snatcher especially made me smile like... well, the Snatcher. Frankly, I couldn't get the game off my mind, and after a couple more playthroughs and a dive into the modding community for the game, I found that the idea for this story was growing on my mind.

So, without too much hesitation, I decided to jump back in and get my ideas written down, and after finishing this up, I decided that it's half-decent enough to post online. I do hope you all enjoyed reading it, because I had a blast writing it. The Snatcher is just such an awesome character and it was a blast coming up with dialogue that I thought would fit him.

Well, anyway, I think that's all I have to say for now. I'll very likely be writing the coming chapters soon enough, and who knows? Maybe writing this new story will give me enough of a kickstart to go back and finish my stories that really need finishing. Fingers crossed, I suppose.

Thank you all for reading, and I'll see you soon.

Yours Truly, Ultimate Supreme Executive Chairman.