Title: Letting Go
Author: The End of All Things (TEOAT)
Disclaimer: I do not own any character or place from The Lord of the Rings so please do not sue me. However, the story is mine so please do not use it without my permission.
Summary: An inner-monologue from Frodo set after the destruction of the Ring.
Rating: PG
Author's Note: I wrote this a couple months ago, and I've finally decided to post it. Constructive criticism is welcome, so please read and review! I hope you enjoy it.
~~Letting Go~~
Those last days are now remnants of nightmares I never want to recover. Yet, I remember bitterly what you did for me, Sam. You carried me those last torturous miles. We were nearly dead, yet you managed to carry me and the hope of the both of us on your back. I was dying, yet when Gollum caught up with us, the dying embers of my heart lit, and that was the only thing that made me run. I made it to the doorway, Sam, and to the edge of a giant precipice.
That's where you found me; my back was towards you, and although I hardly remember the words I spoke, I remember the look on your face. Everything else, everything from the days before hand, everything from those moments is a blur, except the look of utter devastation and disappointment in your eyes. The Ring made me blind to it then, but now I can mourn what I put you through. And if it had not been for Gollum, we may not have gotten out alive. Without that pitiful creature and his lust for the Ring, we may not have completed our task.
Now they're gone, the Ring and Gollum. He left behind a screaming hole in my hand. But we're safe now, Sam, once again near our friends, safe away from the Black land that took so much of both of us.
You still haven't awoken, Sam. You're still trying to regain the sleep that was neglected as we tried desperately to finish. I visited you earlier, Sam. Against the white room, you looked like an angel with broken wings. You broke those wings for me, Sam, and now, away from the cursed Ring, I can see all that you have done for me. You wanted to save me, get me home again, but you don't know it was in vain.
All you wanted was to return to the Shire; get your master back home to Bag End where he can rest and return to life. We will all return, Sam, but I will not be the Frodo you once remembered. You'll be fine though. You'll marry Rosie, just like you've always wanted and have as many children as your heart desires and you will be at ease because your master is safe again. But I will not be so lucky.
Every time I look at the empty space in my hand where my finger once was, I'll be reminded of my folly. I failed, Sam. I claimed the Ring and it was almost not destroyed. I have to live with that, Sam. I have to live with the gap in my hand, and every time I look at it, I remember the pain in your eyes. That could have been prevented though, if you had let me go.
What would it have cost you to let me go, Sam? If you had just let me sleep, I would have passed and never known. Those drops of water you made sure I got, kept me going, but what would it have done if you had neglected to give them to me? You could have taken the Ring and gone on by yourself. It wouldn't have been so bad for you; you would have only had it for a few more days. You could have given it up and thrown it in. Then I wouldn't have had to live with myself, and they would all be singing your praise.
Now I know what you've done for me, Sam. I'm the only one that knows you are the true hero. I claimed the Ring, disregarding the toils and troubles that the Fellowship and you have endured. The four fingers on my hand show to the world that I was weak, yet they ignore it. In a way I am thankful. But is it fair that you bore me on your back, that you gave up food and water for me, yet get no recognition? You are the true hero.
I never would really wish it upon you, Sam, but I want you to know that you do not know what it was like. In my nightmares and in my waking days the Ring slowly crept into the very fiber of my being. It rendered me blind, and slowly yet lovingly choked away the life that I once enjoyed. You didn't have to take that, Sam. I hate you for the innocence you have kept that the Ring seductively stole from me. You will never know what it was like to bear that as a burden, and you are not permanently tainted by it. I envy you.
I can hate you and thank you for your actions. I know that I can not return again to that old life. This is how I will have to live, Sam, with nothing but memory. You never let go of our hope, you never let go of our lives, you never let go of me. I tried to hold on, Sam. I tried to hold on to everything. But I let go a long time ago.