Bathroom Trouble
By: Riyuji
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy 7 characters or the game itself. Squaresoft and some other parties that I am not aware of own it. I am not making any money out of this (though I wish I was ^_^), I'm only doing this for the fun of it and for the entertainment of others. Hope you enjoy it.
Author's Notes: I wrote this after my 'very clever' cousin got us locked one of the rooms in my house. It sucked being in that frickin' room of at least half an hour... but at least I came up with this fic.
~*~ Chapter One: Of Monopoly and Evil, Purple Dinosaurs ~*~
The Final Fantasy Seven cast are found lying around in their apartment. Cloud, Barret and Cid are sitting on the couch, watching Barney. Red XIII lay down on the rug watching the others play Monopoly with real gil.
Cloud: (Yawns) Yo Barret! Why are we watching this freakin' pansy-ass kids' show?
Barret: Like hell, I know! Cid wuz the foo' that placed it there!
Cid: What the --?!
Yuffie: (Jumps around like a wallaby) Yahoo! Now that I have Boardwalk I'll put a hotel there! Anyone who sets foot on it will pay 600 gil!
Cait Sith: Do we really have to play with real cash? I'm going broke.
Yuffie: Shut the hell up cat! It was your freaking idea anyway. (Throws three ninja stars at Cait Sith)
Cait Sith: (Gets hit and short circuits) Bzzt! Power is draining... (Shuts down)
Yuffie: Oh sh*t! I killed the cat!
Vincent: ...
Cloud: No one really cares.
Yuffie: (All confused) Oh...
Barret: Gimme that frickin' remote!
Cid: But I wanna watch Barney!!!
Everyone: Barney?! You actually want to watch that?
Cid: (Grins very sheepishly) Well, um... (Runs out the room like an idiot)
Red XIII: Cretin Maricon and Bakerou!
Barret: Wha' wuz that 'bout?
Yuffie: I dunno... (Steal's Cait's properties)
Tifa: Gawd! It sure is hot in here. Could someone turn on the air-conditioning?
::crickets::
Tifa: Never mind. Could someone play for me instead?
::owl hoots::
Tifa: Aww... (Glances across the room and eyes Cloud, who is now watching the Sacramento Kings, get pummeled by the Los Angeles Lakers, together with Barret) Cloud?
Cloud: Hmm? Tifa? What is it?
Tifa: Cloud could you please take my place in the game while I take a quick shower? (Bats eyelashes)
Yuffie: *Hack* (clutches onto neck and gags) *Hack, cough, hack*
Cloud: (Jaw hangs open and tongue rolls down to the floor at the mention of shower)
Vincent: ...
Yuffie: ...
Tifa: (Looks at Vincent and Yuffie)
Vincent: (Stares blankly in silence) ...
Yuffie: (Stares blankly in silence) ...
Tifa: You two are so alike in more ways than one.
Yuffie and Vincent: (Shouts really loud) WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! GAWD!! WE DON'T EVEN LOOK AT EACH OTHER!!!
Vincent: (Avoids eye contact with Yuffie)
Yuffie: (Avoids eye contact with Vincent)
Tifa: Okay... So Cloud? Can you please play for me? (Eyes shimmer)
Cloud: (Stares at her breasts) Huh? (Picks his tongue up from the floor) Sure! Anything for you, Tiff!
Tifa: Okay! Thanks Cloud! (Stands from the floor)
Cloud: (Stares up her skirt and catches a glimpse of her panties) He, he.
Tifa: No peeking! (Smiles, ruffles Cloud's hair a bit, then leaves the vicinity of the room)
Cloud: (Stares at Tifa; imagies her in towel images in his mind, which resulted to him drooling)
Everyone: (Stares at Cloud all funny)
Red XIII: Cretins!
Cid: (Jumps into the room in a Barney costume) He he he! Hi kids!
Yuffie: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!! Evil purple dinosaur! Must resist!
Cid: (Still in Barney costume) C'mon now kids! (Sings) Joooohn Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt! His name was my name too! Whenever I got out the people always shout... there goes John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt! La la la la la! John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt...
Cloud: (Falls off the couch clutching his ears) No must stay humane! Must resist the temptation to sing the song! Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder where you are...
Barret: ARGH!!! (Shoots Cid)
Cid: (Still in Barney suit, flops to the floor)
Yuffie: Is he dead?
Red XIII: (Taps him with his paw) I'm not sure.
Cid: (In Barney suit, springs to life) No I'm not! This suit is bulletproof! (Sings again) John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt! His name was my name too! Whenever I got out the people always shout... there goes John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt! La la la la la! John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt...
Yuffie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOO! (Runs around the room clutching ears)
Barret: (Jumps to the chandelier, clutching his ears, and hanging on for dear life) Make him stop!!!
Cloud: (Still on the floor with hands on his ears) The humanity!
Red XIII and Vincent: (Stares at everyone, unaffected)
Red XIII: [Good thing we have this ear plugs on]
Vincent: [What?!]
Red XIII: [I said, good thing we have this ear plugs on]
Vincent: WHAT?!
Red XIII: [Never mind!]
Vincent: [I can't hear you! Speak up!]
Cait Sith: (Comes in) Hi, I'm Cait Sith number three. Did I miss anything? (Looks at the havoc happening in the room)
Yuffie: (Is now running across the walls)
Barret: (Still on the chandelier)
Cloud: (Still on floor singing Bop Bop Baby) Oh da bop bop baby please, don't let me go...
Cait Sith: (Sees Cid in the Barney costume) *gasp* I think I'm in love. (Jumps toward Cid)
Cid: (Sees Cait Sith jumping to him so he stops singing and back away) Don't you come any frickin' closer you damn cat! (Runs away like an idiot) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith: (Chases Cid) Wait! I love you! Come back to me!
Yuffie: Are we still alive?!
Cloud: Barely!
Barret: Remind me to kill dat foo'! Damn him!
Three minutes later...
Cid: (Still in the Barney costume) Hey! I'm back!
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!
Barret: Die! (Shoots Cid repeatedly)
Cid: It's okay! I won't sing!
Yuffie: (From behind the couch) Can we trust you?? (Shivers)
Cloud: Don't trust him! He's evil!
Yuffie: Prove that we can trust you!
Cid: I killed the f*cking cat! Frickin' good proof, eh?
Cloud: Cid's back! ... By the way how'd you kill him?
Cid: I sand John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt to him!
Everyone: (Stares and face-faults)
By: Riyuji
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy 7 characters or the game itself. Squaresoft and some other parties that I am not aware of own it. I am not making any money out of this (though I wish I was ^_^), I'm only doing this for the fun of it and for the entertainment of others. Hope you enjoy it.
Author's Notes: I wrote this after my 'very clever' cousin got us locked one of the rooms in my house. It sucked being in that frickin' room of at least half an hour... but at least I came up with this fic.
~*~ Chapter One: Of Monopoly and Evil, Purple Dinosaurs ~*~
The Final Fantasy Seven cast are found lying around in their apartment. Cloud, Barret and Cid are sitting on the couch, watching Barney. Red XIII lay down on the rug watching the others play Monopoly with real gil.
Cloud: (Yawns) Yo Barret! Why are we watching this freakin' pansy-ass kids' show?
Barret: Like hell, I know! Cid wuz the foo' that placed it there!
Cid: What the --?!
Yuffie: (Jumps around like a wallaby) Yahoo! Now that I have Boardwalk I'll put a hotel there! Anyone who sets foot on it will pay 600 gil!
Cait Sith: Do we really have to play with real cash? I'm going broke.
Yuffie: Shut the hell up cat! It was your freaking idea anyway. (Throws three ninja stars at Cait Sith)
Cait Sith: (Gets hit and short circuits) Bzzt! Power is draining... (Shuts down)
Yuffie: Oh sh*t! I killed the cat!
Vincent: ...
Cloud: No one really cares.
Yuffie: (All confused) Oh...
Barret: Gimme that frickin' remote!
Cid: But I wanna watch Barney!!!
Everyone: Barney?! You actually want to watch that?
Cid: (Grins very sheepishly) Well, um... (Runs out the room like an idiot)
Red XIII: Cretin Maricon and Bakerou!
Barret: Wha' wuz that 'bout?
Yuffie: I dunno... (Steal's Cait's properties)
Tifa: Gawd! It sure is hot in here. Could someone turn on the air-conditioning?
::crickets::
Tifa: Never mind. Could someone play for me instead?
::owl hoots::
Tifa: Aww... (Glances across the room and eyes Cloud, who is now watching the Sacramento Kings, get pummeled by the Los Angeles Lakers, together with Barret) Cloud?
Cloud: Hmm? Tifa? What is it?
Tifa: Cloud could you please take my place in the game while I take a quick shower? (Bats eyelashes)
Yuffie: *Hack* (clutches onto neck and gags) *Hack, cough, hack*
Cloud: (Jaw hangs open and tongue rolls down to the floor at the mention of shower)
Vincent: ...
Yuffie: ...
Tifa: (Looks at Vincent and Yuffie)
Vincent: (Stares blankly in silence) ...
Yuffie: (Stares blankly in silence) ...
Tifa: You two are so alike in more ways than one.
Yuffie and Vincent: (Shouts really loud) WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! GAWD!! WE DON'T EVEN LOOK AT EACH OTHER!!!
Vincent: (Avoids eye contact with Yuffie)
Yuffie: (Avoids eye contact with Vincent)
Tifa: Okay... So Cloud? Can you please play for me? (Eyes shimmer)
Cloud: (Stares at her breasts) Huh? (Picks his tongue up from the floor) Sure! Anything for you, Tiff!
Tifa: Okay! Thanks Cloud! (Stands from the floor)
Cloud: (Stares up her skirt and catches a glimpse of her panties) He, he.
Tifa: No peeking! (Smiles, ruffles Cloud's hair a bit, then leaves the vicinity of the room)
Cloud: (Stares at Tifa; imagies her in towel images in his mind, which resulted to him drooling)
Everyone: (Stares at Cloud all funny)
Red XIII: Cretins!
Cid: (Jumps into the room in a Barney costume) He he he! Hi kids!
Yuffie: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!! Evil purple dinosaur! Must resist!
Cid: (Still in Barney costume) C'mon now kids! (Sings) Joooohn Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt! His name was my name too! Whenever I got out the people always shout... there goes John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt! La la la la la! John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt...
Cloud: (Falls off the couch clutching his ears) No must stay humane! Must resist the temptation to sing the song! Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder where you are...
Barret: ARGH!!! (Shoots Cid)
Cid: (Still in Barney suit, flops to the floor)
Yuffie: Is he dead?
Red XIII: (Taps him with his paw) I'm not sure.
Cid: (In Barney suit, springs to life) No I'm not! This suit is bulletproof! (Sings again) John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt! His name was my name too! Whenever I got out the people always shout... there goes John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt! La la la la la! John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmidt...
Yuffie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOOOOOOOOO! (Runs around the room clutching ears)
Barret: (Jumps to the chandelier, clutching his ears, and hanging on for dear life) Make him stop!!!
Cloud: (Still on the floor with hands on his ears) The humanity!
Red XIII and Vincent: (Stares at everyone, unaffected)
Red XIII: [Good thing we have this ear plugs on]
Vincent: [What?!]
Red XIII: [I said, good thing we have this ear plugs on]
Vincent: WHAT?!
Red XIII: [Never mind!]
Vincent: [I can't hear you! Speak up!]
Cait Sith: (Comes in) Hi, I'm Cait Sith number three. Did I miss anything? (Looks at the havoc happening in the room)
Yuffie: (Is now running across the walls)
Barret: (Still on the chandelier)
Cloud: (Still on floor singing Bop Bop Baby) Oh da bop bop baby please, don't let me go...
Cait Sith: (Sees Cid in the Barney costume) *gasp* I think I'm in love. (Jumps toward Cid)
Cid: (Sees Cait Sith jumping to him so he stops singing and back away) Don't you come any frickin' closer you damn cat! (Runs away like an idiot) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith: (Chases Cid) Wait! I love you! Come back to me!
Yuffie: Are we still alive?!
Cloud: Barely!
Barret: Remind me to kill dat foo'! Damn him!
Three minutes later...
Cid: (Still in the Barney costume) Hey! I'm back!
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!
Barret: Die! (Shoots Cid repeatedly)
Cid: It's okay! I won't sing!
Yuffie: (From behind the couch) Can we trust you?? (Shivers)
Cloud: Don't trust him! He's evil!
Yuffie: Prove that we can trust you!
Cid: I killed the f*cking cat! Frickin' good proof, eh?
Cloud: Cid's back! ... By the way how'd you kill him?
Cid: I sand John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt to him!
Everyone: (Stares and face-faults)