A/U: Jess tells Rory he is leaving for California.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not GG, not the characters, barely even the plot. Not even the title, because it's the title of a song by the The Clash.
"I have to go."
"Go? Go where?" she asks, looking up from their entwined fingers. He shifts away from her.
"To California...to see my dad." From the way he says it, she knows that the words feel strange in his mouth; he's still trying to understand them.
She is silent.
"Rory," he says, pleading with her to understand. "It's just something I have to do."
She nods, and she does not want to cry in front of him. She has to be strong.
"Rory," he begins again, looking at her. "We'll still...keep in touch. Write."
"Jess," she stands up carefully. "I--I have to go. My mom..."
She leaves without another word.
And, forty-two seconds later, he follows her.
She runs out of the diner, unaware of the glances that people give her. She finds herself at the bridge, where she sobs uncontrollably. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she is ashamed of herself.
He watches silently.
Months later, letters are still being exchanged on a regular basis. Rory's address has changed; she is comfortably situated at Yale, and he is still in California. He never mentions coming home, and she never asks. But he waits, and she wonders.
On a rainy day in December, she is walking tiredly toward her dorm room late at night. She barely pays attention to where she is going.
She misses him. And the feeling of loss does not wait for specific moments, when she is particularly weak or sad. She wakes up in the morning and realizes that another day has gone by when she has not been with him. She eats breakfast and can still see him, smirking at her over the counter of Luke's diner. Every book she owns that he has scribbled in is a mocking reminder of the fact that he is not there.
It hurts, so very, very much.
"Rory."
His voice comes from somewhere behind her, and she stops. She might be imagining this. After all, she has thought about it so many times in her dreams. When will she finally see him again? At school? At home, sitting with Lorelai at Luke's? On the bridge? She can't recall the--
"Rory?"
She does not think. She turns, sees him, looking a bit older and a bit sadder but still Jess--her Jess--and runs into his arms, and he kisses her hair.
She finds herself in her room, which is thankfully dark and empty. Her roommates have gone home for the holidays, and it is just her and Jess. His kisses grow deeper and more passionate, and they fall backwards onto her bed. She just wants to feel again. She hasn't since he left.
Jess is not thinking clearly anymore, and for once, he does not care. He knows who he is when he is with her, and it is enough. He has been confused these past few months, a recurring feeling of restlessness infecting the sunny days he spent in California with Jimmy, Sasha, and Lily. He has not regretted going to California--he had never really known his father, never gotten the explanation he craved. Sasha and Lily are good for Jimmy. They have made him want to stay when Jess and Liz couldn't, but for some reason, that does not bother him.
Afterward, he can't sleep. She is exhausted, but she won't close her eyes. He thinks it's because she wants to make sure he won't leave.
He already knows he won't.
He looks at her, and her blue eyes threaten to swallow him up. He always thought that her eyes were something out of a book, the perfect kind that you only read about.
"Why did you come back?" she whispers, touching his face.
"Just...wanted to," he answers and smirks at her. She smiles back, and it makes him feel as if he's finally found the place where he belongs.
Home.
A/N: This was just a little ficlet I came up with out of nowhere. Yes. Because I still think he should have told her.