Warnings: Spoilers for 11x17. Wincest. No beta.
It was all a bit too much for Dean to take. Sitting in his room at the bunker, his
mind wandered back to the image of seeing Sam dead on the floor of the cabin a
few days before. He closed his eyes tightly as if squeezing the life out of them
would wash that moment away from his memory.
It was the hardest thing he ever had to do. Seeing Sam dead and leaving his body
behind. Going to hell? That was a piece of cake. Purgatory? He'd survive, no
problem. Becoming a demon and losing his ability to differentiate between right
and wrong? He'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant Sam could live.
Sam. Sam. Sammy.
He had overdosed on pills so he could die to meet the reaper.
He had offered himself up to Billie for Sam.
And he wouldn't change a damn thing if he had to do it again.
Dean opened his eyes and sat up with a jolt as he saw Sam scrutinizing him from
the door.
"Hey!" Sam called out.
"Geez Sammy! You want to give me a heart attack?!" Dean said, his heart in his
throat.
"Just wanted to ask if you needed something. Going out to replenish some
supplies," Sam replied, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"Hey hey hey. You aren't a hundred percent yet. What do we need? I'll go get it,"
Dean said as he rushed out of his room.
"Dean, stop!" Sam called out.
"Yeah?" Dean asked as he looked back towards Sam.
"What's wrong, Dean?" Sam asked, his eyebrows furrowing in frustration.
"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong, Sammy. Everything's fine and dandy!"
Dean replied, a smile playing upon his lips but his eyes were furtive.
"Yeah, sure." Sam replied. "And that's why you've been avoiding me for days," he
continued, pain filling his voice.
"Don't know what you're talking about, Sammy." Dean said and turned back to
walk out the bunker door.
"You think I don't know?" Sam said. "About what you did when you thought I was
dead?" he continued, his voice cracking.
Dean stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around and looked at Sam.
"What? Who told you?" he asked, panic filling his whole body.
"Michelle called. To check how you were doing since you had taken a whole
bunch of pills to meet the 'death machine'. I mean, what were you thinking
Dean?!" Sam shouted.
"Don't get angry at me, man. I did what I had to. To protect my brother." Dean
whispered, his eyes downcast as he wilted under the intense stare coming from
his brother.
"And that is the problem, Dean!" Sam said, his voice going octaves higher than he
had intended. "You would do anything to save me. And I would do anything to
save you!" he continued, frustration evident on his face.
Dean kept quiet. He had no answer because he knew that Sam was right.
"When does it stop, Dean?" Sam shouted.
Dean looked squarely at Sammy's face and with a determined voice said, "It
doesn't. If something happens to you, I'll be there to stop it. Deal with it."
Sam huffed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Don't you see what this is? We are so dependent on each other that just the
thought of losing one another immobilizes us!" he cried.
"What do you want me to do, Sam? Let you die the next time?" Dean shouted.
"Yes!" Sam replied, his voice incredulous. "Let me die and don't put yourself in
harm's way!" he said.
"And would you do the same if I died?" Dean countered.
Sam kept quiet and looked away.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Nice having this conversation, Sam" Dean said and
he started back towards the door.
"It's different," Sam said quietly.
Dean turned. "What did you say?" he asked.
Sam sighed and said, "It's different. If you died, heck yeah I would go through any
trial and to hell if that would bring you back."
"And that's different how?!" Dean said sharply.
Sam looked away. "Because… I need you to be alive even if I'm not. I need you to
be safe even if I'm not here for you. I need you to live… because I… I love… you."
he replied haltingly.
Dean's heart skipped a beat but he didn't let his uncertainty show.
"I love you too Sam. You're my brother and I'd do anything for you." he said.
"You don't understand!" Sam said, clearly frustrated.
"I love you but not only as my brother." he continued.
"I don't know what to callit, Dean. But I've felt it since we were teens.
I've always felt we belong together. Not in a brotherly way but something more than that.
Something pure. We're soulmates, Dean. I know you feel it too. You've got to…" Sam pleaded.
Dean held his breath. He had always suspected that what he felt for Sam was
something more than brotherly love but hearing Sam say it only made it worse.
How could he have fucked up this bad? How much of a freak was he that
somehow his deepest darkest desires got implanted onto Sammy?
"Don't know what you're talking about," Dean muttered to himself and started to
walk away.
Sam grabbed his shirt and slammed him against the wall.
"Don't you dare, Dean. Don't you dare walk away from me. I've bared my soul to
you and I won't have you ignoring this. Not when I know you feel the same
way about me too," Sam said, his voice low, soft and pleading.
They were both acutely aware of how close they were to each other and how
their breaths mingled, making them both feel heady.
"Sam…. Please," Dean whispered. "Please… I think… I think… you've got it…" all
wrong, he tried to say but his eyes kept flicking towards Sam's lips and back into
his eyes.
"Fuck it," he heard Sam mutter under his breath and suddenly all he could feel
was Sam's lips on his and he parted his mouth instinctively.
Sam wasted no time and darted his tongue out, finding Dean's instantaneously.
Sam got bolder and cupped his hands around Dean's face as he pulled him closer
into the kiss, their tongues clashing in a fight for dominance.
Dean grabbed Sam's shoulders, his fingers curling around the nape of his neck.
They forgot how to breathe for a minute as they got lost in the feel of each other.
Dean broke the kiss first, his need for air momentarily overpowering the need
for his brother's lips.
They huffed harshly, foreheads touching as they took a moment to catch their
breaths.
"That was... interesting," Dean said in a low voice.
Sam looked up at Dean, ready for a punch or an onslaught of verbal barrage but
instead saw his brother smiling, eyes twinkling playfully.
"You're… ok?" Sam sputtered. "You don't think that was…" he started but Dean
interrupted him.
"Wrong?" Dean said. "Heck no! Took you long enough to figure it out, college-
boy," he continued.
Sam smiled. He hadn't heard Dean call him that in… forever.
"Then you won't mind if I do this," Sam said as he leaned down to catch Dean's
lower lip in his teeth.
He felt Dean smile into the kiss and suddenly, everything else that had plagued
them seemed so far away.
Suddenly, everything just seemed right.