I awake finding myself in my porcelain bath tub; the cold water sends a shiver up my spine, causing me to perform a short seizure attack. After a few minutes of forcing my eyes open, I raise my naked body out of the tub (which makes things colder) and tiptoe my way over to the small closet across the bathroom to grab a towel. While taking a deep breath, I feel the warmth of the towel swallowing my anorexic body.

I walk my way slowly out of the bathroom, down the hall, and land upon my bedroom door. Finally resting, my bony tan hand on the round, cold, shiny, doorknob. When rotating the knob, I feel a wobble in my legs and slump to my knees. Sliding my hand down against the door with me, I whisper "we- w- weak…." to myself. I slowly regain strength and stand, turning the doorknob to my room…the room I call 'death'. My toes brush up against the white carpet as I take a step deeper into my death.

I raise my legs about 4 mire times, until I reach my bed. Sitting down on the towel, I let my hands drop and watch as my torso becomes more visible and my lower half become even more covered by the extra towel. I let out a sigh, as I grab my blue t-shirt and pull it on. I slowly stand ached by sharp pain in my left calf. Soon my feet start to numb, as I pulled gray underwear up my legs. Then tingles run up and down my hand causing it to go pinkish purple, as I place on cargo shorts.

As I leave to the bathroom I see a glint in the corner of my eye. I turn my body around, and tilt my head down to see a picture of Jake of when we visited the zoo for our 1st date. Remember when he got you an ice cream cone, and while licking it you snorted vanilla up your nose. Surprising myself I say "yeah I do & I also miss it…" My heart beats fasten, as I think about the lovers we once were…and wish still were…

My feet become impatient and just walk to the bathroom without the rest of my body noticing. Looking up in the mirror made me scared…scared to see the john…the john that isn't really john. If that even makes sense. Afraid to see a change in me. Afraid to know that I will me someone im not. Sadly…That's exactly who me, this john is…Because, look at me. In the mirror I see someone whose soul is lost, someone who is depressed and lonely, someone who looks so fragile. That the little brush of the wind could demolish me..

I set aside me norm thoughts, and head downstairs, grab my backpack and head off to school. School I've never enjoyed. Even at a young age I got bullied. Soon after 6th grade. Most kids enriched their vocabulary and started calling me (which I now call the norm) stuff such as…faggot…fatass…pussy…bitch…fucktard...oh and don't forget my favorite phrase!...go kill yourself john…

Unsurprisingly when I walked through the double doors to hell, a tall blonde came up to me.. I believe her name is Katy... "Hey douche bag"…"Katy" then body slams me against the locker, awesomely a key lock is being shoved into my side. I look away from her face and try to move on forward to chemistry, but she takes her big olive hand and punches me in the throat. I gag up some blood onto the floor, and rub my throat. She doesn't even give me a second to react as when she starts to choke me. Evidently I let her…"Ever thought why...you keep coming back here…ever learn your lesson? Nobody wants you, little piece of shit. You're just another goddamn disappointment in this world.". "Katy" finally lets go of my body. And walks away. I slump down the locker gasping for breath, soon I see a teacher coming my way with a nurse.

I smell alcohol wipes and strangely baby powder. A few moments go by and I realize I'm in some sort of hospital. Next to me are the voices of my parents arguing about something…my eye sight goes blurry and my hearing goes numb from all sounds. I wake up again…I sit up a little too quickly and feel a sharp pain in my side. Out of nowhere a sweet British accent fills the room and says, "My Darling, take it easy…you're safe now…"