Xanderaz The Red A Crack-Fic in Which Alaxander LaVelle Harris is, In Truth, An Ancient Red Dragon, Of the World's Most Famous Role-Playing Game, (Amnesiac) (Much Canon will be put To Great and Grevious Harm) (Warning: This fic should not be taken with seriousness, logic or indeed, Temporal Analysis) (Consult your sense of humour before using) (If you cannot find such a thing, watch The Three Stooges and call an evening person in the early morning. Possibly, to inquire as to the kinetic state of their dryer)

(Diet and Exercise is the key to a healthy weight)

(Immaturity is merely your inner child expressing yourself. You wouldn't want to dissapoint a child, would you?)

(No-one but me is responsible for this. I make no legal claim to the characters. I am not attempting to make money with this; really, if you're paying for this, you need to get your head checked)

(Do not anger dragons, for thou go Squish when stepped on)

Xander stared sadly up at the platform a hundred feet above. He wasn't sure what would happen, but either way, he knew someone he loves would die. A distant part of his mind noted various minor demons (And wasn't it just crazy that he now considered demons minor threats? Except...He'd never truly been able to take any of their enemies seriously. They somehow seemed...Ridiculous. He kept thinking of rodents...)
But all this was distracting him from the real problem. Buffy was hugging Dawn and was going to jump. He'd pretty much figured that out. I mean, Dawn made from Buffy...Same blood...
...And then something actually rather sizable came out of the portal, capturing his attention almost instantly. "Hey, wait, isn't that a..." *Dragon! Intruder! Threat to family!* thundered through his head. For some reason, the 'Threat to family' part seemed odd...
...It was rather like a dam breaking. Memories, ideas, concepts, powers...Strange, utterly strange and yet, somehow *Right* concepts flooded through his head...Upon which something landed? Never mind. Enemy. Kill.

The roar that echoed across the dale was not so much sound as it was vibration. Windows shattered. Tires blew. Nearby walls splintered and even fell. The very ground shook in a biological earthquake.
The spear of fire that incinerated the unfortunate, intruding dragon did not so much pierce through as utterly engulf it.
Not even ash floated down.

On top of the head of Xander/Xarandaz The Red, Buffys' eyes rolled up in her head and she quietly fainted.
Dawn took the whole thing in and began giggling madly.
Willow began a silent babblefest, desperately searching for a beginning to start with.
Giles pulled out a hip flask and downed the whole thing in one go. Then he muttered a few words, pointed at it and downed it again.
It's a good thing he was already sitting down. Hmm, maybe another drink of that? A bit slower, this time? Nah, whole thing...

As for Glory/Ben? Well, suffocation aside, the talon stuck five feet deep in the dirt didn't do much for the look of their head and feet.