A/N rewrote my fanfic didn't feel right and from the help of a review it gave me a chance to make my writing a little better hope you enjoy btw I don't own anything I wish though

Hawkeye and Margaret

difficult is what makes it true

chapter 1

"Damn it Margaret why do you always do that I had that nurse in the palm of my hand then you come by and shoo her away like she was a dog" Hawkeye said sternly blocking the door out to the compound from the scrub room

"Hawkeye you should know why, how long have I been telling you to lay off my nurses? You have hit on every nurse in this camp, You break innocent hearts because all you want is some one night stand and quite frankly I'm tired of it so back off"

"Margaret the last time I leaned on a nurse till this point was three months ago, that's an improvement you should be proud! Why all of a sudden you decide to throw this up in my face like I no longer mean something to you. For Christ sake Margaret I know how you feel everybody knows so except that"

Margaret stared at his sweaty face surprised at what he had just said, she tried putting it out of her mind but he was right almost everyone knew how she had felt for Hawkeye they had become really close friends and she really started to like him even possibly discover the fact of loving him. The only sad part was … he didn't lover her back she didn't like to think of it, was it enough that he always made her look a fool before, but now he decides he is going to be nice and a caring man more often to her then ever thought of. She adored his sweet side but she also fell in love with his humor. It confused her a lot. She snapped back to reality still looking at him dumb founded, she opened her mouth as if she was going to say something but he caught her off guard.

He leaned in close to her she felt his hot breath on her face as she looked into his blue silver eyes.

"Margaret when will you learn that I don't always want a one nightstand I want a relationship with somebody, and I want it with somebody who wants me, but I can never seem to find that person! That why it's a quick touch and go relationship every night with different nurses there is only one nurse in this whole camp or even Korea that I haven't tried a stand on yet. And that nurse is … you Margaret … Margaret the hut situation I wouldn't count as a stand but just a moment of comfort. I don't want a stand anymore since a few months ago when we formed this new friendship I wanted a relationship with one person and that was you. But I don't think I can commit, I want to but I don't think I can I had a crack at love once before the war and I couldn't commit then but I tried but I still don't know if I can now"

Margaret stared in disbelief he just basically said he loved her but yet he said he didn't want her she was now dying inside her heart was one of the many who had the luck to witness his charm break

"Hawkeye if two people care enough about each other as they claim they do, then they can do it they can make it work, I know you can do it because I have faith in you"

"Margaret I want to but I'm afraid of being hurt"

"Hawk you know I would never hurt you … intentionally"

"of course I know that but Margaret, you drive me crazy everything about you does your scent your hair your beauty your eyes your personality Margaret everything I know about you I love and I don't want to risk the thought of loosing you if something ever happened" he hugged her tight kissing her forehead before Tying the string on the mask back on his head and walked into OR.

Margaret stood there for a while trying to figure out what exactly had happened, tears welled in her eyes and she ran out of the scrub room to her tent. She was on break because it was a light load and didn't have to finish helping normally she would have stayed but she couldn't bear to look at Hawkeye.

Her only thoughts were of him and his words (I don't think I can commit) (I love everything about you) (can't risk losing you) she laid on her cot looking at the top of her tent while those thoughts whirled in her mind.

Why did he love her but not want her it didn't make sense to her, she cried herself to sleep that praying for a miracle

BACK IN OR

Charles B.J colonel potter and Hawkeye all stumbled out of OR an into the scrub room, hawk slumped down on the bench and sighed he was so tired but he was so awake he was thinking about Margaret and his words that broke the heart of the one he loved. "Need a belt" B.J asked hawk while ripping off the blood stained whites and slipped on the olive drab uniform.

"You bet I need something to help forget my worries" they left the others behind while they slowly made their way to the swamp. Hawk sat down on his bunk while B.J served the drinks he sat down across from his bunk mate on the guest cot.

"Hawkeye is something bothering you?"

"What oh no, no why"

"Well because you seemed distant in OR and you still do so naturally I figured something was wrong so is there?"

"Well actually yes Beej there is something…..its Margaret I just broke her heart this afternoon and I didn't want to"

"Well why did you do it? Hawk she loves you and there is no doubt in this world that you love her, so why did you break her heart."

"Because I'm afraid to lose our friendship if this doesn't work we are nothing alike"

"Hawkeye you guys are also alike in so many other ways and remember opposites attract"

"I know but I want to take back everything I said to her but I think she might hate me now so I have screwed it up, and I hate myself and if I don't tell her how I feel I will regret it my whole life, but yet something is telling me to not talk to her and I don't know what it is or why"

"I think I do you are afraid … love is one of the only things that scares you that is something you and Margaret have in common, its fear of being hurt but you shouldn't let it stop you because you won't know anything unless you try go over there and talk to her in the morning"

"You are right B.J I will talk to her … right now" he set his martini on the table that held the still and stepped out of the swamp and into the hot summers night

(What do I do) Margaret thought to herself she awoke to the big heat wave and when everyone pilled out of OR, she laid staring at nothing just thinking (you know what you need to do Margaret, if he tries to come and talk to you and try and tell you he was wrong don't let him, let him suffer like you are maybe he will get it then.) (Don't be such a bitch you love him give him another chance if he loves you he will come back.)

A knock at her door interrupted her thoughts

"Hey Margaret it's me Hawkeye can I come in "

Margaret hesitated "yes come in hawk "

She shot straight up when he entered

"look Margaret we need to talk, I'm sorry and I honestly love you I'm scared to get close and to take the risk at getting closer to you and then lose you, you mean everything to me you are my world if I could marry I you I would I would do it right now on this very spot Margaret, now I know how much you're hurting because I'm hurting and realised you are right if two people mean enough to each other they can make anything work so … I want … to take the chance at a relationship with you."

Margaret was silent she didn't know what to say, she couldn't choose between hurting him or taking him in, she tried to answer but nothing happened she was chocking on the words to say I love you she looked in his eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek…