A/N: Hi guys! This is princess-of-all-saiyins here to bring you the best story ever with my white twin, AlwaysTomorrow!

…No seriously. We're stupid.

Warnings: OOC-ness, slight racism(more so courtesy of AlwaysTomorrow, I swear!) and slightly Snapped!Canada.

Princess-of-all-saiyins is italics

AlwaysTomorrow is normal

Let's get this started! :D

It all started with Kenzie looking up random shit about Hetalia on Google. You know, funny pictures and all that …. Hmmmmm. Lots of yaoi. Seriously people, have you ever seen some of the crazy ass, yet totally smexy, pictures they have out there? Then something odd caught Kenzie's eye, words! Her natural obsessive curiosity brought her to see what the hell a bunch of words had to do with hetalia. Little did she know, reading those words would set her and her black twin on the shitiest crackfic of all time…

"ROCHELLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"WHAT?" Rochelle said, looking at her transparent twin in annoyance.

…Seriously guys, she's so white she's almost invisible.

Thank God for being half-black!

"I don't know how to say this, but I will anyway! Germany's REALLY the Holy Roman Empire!" Kenzie said, eyes wide and flailing her arms around like only a white girl can do.

"And I'm not so white I'm transparent. I just need more protein in my diet….. T_T"

"Hippy! Anyways… DUCKFUCK THE HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE IS GERMANY? ….But that's only a rumor. You're STUPID!"

"I know. BUT I HAVE PROOF THIS TIME! I found it in a history book! It said AND I QUOTE, ''In the 18th century much of Europe was not yet divided into the countries we know today. What now approximates modern Germany was then the Holy Roman Empire of the German Nations...' SUCK IT!"

"…HOLY SHIT! BUT GERMANY DOESN'T KNOW… WE MUST GET THEM TOGETHER, KENZIE! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND FILLED WITH YAOI-NESS, WE MUST FIND A WAY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"No fuck, Sherlock. This sounds like a job for….wait for it…THE AIDS FAIRY!" Kenzie then ripped off her cloths to be in, well, her underwear.

"Damn it all! Why did it have to be laundry day?"

She disappeared for a few minutes to return in a bright green bikini top and hot pink panties! Like Tinkerbell, only slutier.

"LET'S NOT FORGET BLACKY CHAN!" Rochelle then ripped off her jeans and hoodie to reveal a black leather dress, stripper boots, and an eye mask. "Let's go, AF!"

Rochelle flew out the window… and landed on the grass below with a sickening crunch.

"Ouch! Why did you land on by back! Bitch!"

"Shut up, AF! We're on a MISSION dammit!" the self-proclaimed Blacky Chan took off into the night, determined to find Italy and Germany…

…As well a certain Ally that she knew well and loved.

*coughJAPANcough*

How the hell did they get into Hetalia, you ask? That was an easy one; they called up their best friends, the United Nations. Turns out all they had to do was jump through Kenzie's computer screen (because her computers awesome like that) and it would transport them to Hetalia.

"Damn that was a tight fit! How you holdin up BC?"

"….Ow…." Rochelle groaned, getting up slowly.

"OHLOOKJAPANOHMYGEEZHE'SCUTERINPERSON!" she screamed, running up to the very bewildered nation and hugging him.

"…Invasion of personal space!" he fretted.

"JAPAN! Me name AIDs Fairy. I come from far away place. Comprende?"

"Woman! I speek Engrish!"

"How convenient. Me and my clingy friend here are gonna make Germany and Italy gay for each other. The fate of humanity depends on it!"

"… WTF?"

"That's right. Just let it sink in."

"You know, we're going to get so much shit for this AF. But anyways, yes, Italy and Germany are gay for each other! You wanna help us get them together, my little Asian?" Rochelle winked, making said Asian back away in fear.

"S- sure…"

"Stop scaring the poor little fella! Ok guys, we're gonna have to use all of our genius to make this work."

…Later that afternoon…

Germany was out doing his favorite hobby, flower gardening, with his pasta loving little friend smoking a cigarette nearby. When suddenly a war cry could be heard from all directions.

"Oh holy damn! The Jews are back for revenge again!" Germany screamed, running for the door.

"Oh no you don't, you blond god of a man!" Kenzie said. Successfully tackling the man twice her size to the ground.

"Blacky-Chan! Get the Italian!"

"But I haven't moved the entire time!" The poor guy managed before also being pinned to the ground by Rochelle.

"Ohhh Japannnnnn! Come help me with the Italian," Rochelle said in her Southern accent, batting her eyelashes at the Asian while Italy struggled.

"I think I'm good right here," Japan stuttered, eyes wide with terror.

"Please let me gooooo!" Italy wailed. "Please! Please!"

"Not until you and Germany admit you love each other! And until Japan marries me!"

"JAPAN GET THE WEDDING SUIT!" Italy screamed.

"*sigh* Every time there's a cute boy around…. Anyways, Germany! Italy! When you were kids you frenched it up! So go have steamy sex!"

"…What's this chick on?" Germany stuttered, blushing slightly at the very thought of making out with the sexy little Italian.

"Germany and I 'frenched it up'? Were we drunk again Germany?"

"WE DIDN'T FRENCH!"

"I beg to differ." None other than France himself said, somehow showed up.

"Where the hell did you come from?"

"My woman senses were tingling. :3"

"Oh, sexy French man on the loose!" Rochelle cheered, releasing Italy and Japan and running over to the horny Frenchman.

Needless to say, he got a rape face.

"Me and Germany… frenching…" Italy said dreamily.

"SHUT UP ITALY!"

While all this transpired, Japan slowly backed away towards the woods.

"Why are you here anyways France?" AIDs Fairs said to the Frenchman now using her as a human sheild against Blacky Chan.

"Eh, I like being in the middle of drama."

"I guess that makes sense. But why aren't you trying to rape me or BC?" I said, trying to get out of Frances grasp.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK IM SOME KIND OF HORNY IDIOT?"

"….. Because you are. -_-"

"I would never indulge in such lewd acts. See this do you know what this is?" he said, waving his hand in front of the girls face, "IT'S A PURITY RING! Take that bitches!"

Obviously everyone had an 0_0 face.

"Didn't see that one coming…"

"Purity… ring? Dammit, I never have luck with the guys!"

"Sorry," France smirked.

While Rochelle went into an emo corner and grew mushrooms(Ouran reference FTW!), Kenzie attempted to set the two guys up.

"So, Italy and Germany. You two OBVIOUSLY have the hots for each other. So make out and get over yourselves!" she ordered, taking out a camera.

"I once killed a man with his own mustache and a grape," Germany muttered, cracking his knuckles.

"…I'm a rabid fan girl who delights in yaoi. You think I care?"

A look of pure horror crossed Germany's face right about then.

"But whyyyyy," he complained.

"Because, dumb ass, you're the Holy. Mother fucking. Roman. Empire." Kenzie said, annoyed that the crackfic was this long and STILL had no nudity or yaoi.

"Oh….you're right. I guess I am. Must have slipped my mind." Germany said after a moment.

"WHAT THE DUCKFUCK! HOW CAN YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT?" Yeah. It's not a good idea to aggravate Kenzie.

"Eh!" Italy squeaked. Finally coming out of his shock.

"You're Holy Rome?" Italy continued. "…BITCH! YOU LEFT ME HANGING!" he yelled, tackling the German.

"So, France," Rochelle purred, completely ignoring the fight that was happening right in front of her, "You sure you're abstinent?"

"I'm sure," France assured, a distasteful look crossing his face. "Quite sure."

"…I can change that," she insisted, grabbing his arm. "We can have a fun time."

"Okay, that's it," France muttered. "I'M GAY FOR ENGLAND, DAMMIT!"

"Oh. Was that supposed to be a secret? I figured it out like, the 4th episode." Kenzie added in, much like Rochelle, ignoring the fight.

The three continued their conversation about how obvious France was about being a homo until a loud rrriiiiippppp was heard. That angry bitch, Italy had ripped off Germany's uniform sleeve.

"YESSSS! Take his pants off next! Before he comes out of it!" Kenzie said, hopping up and down like a kid getting ice cream.

"Are you sure I can't pay you? I'm very rich, thanks to my super hero stuff," Rochelle insisted.

"GO ON SOMEWHERE!" France finally screamed, losing it completely and pushing her away. "I love England!"

"No fair," she pouted. "I'll just go find America," she whistled and wondered off as Kenzie jumped up and down and Germany and Italy still went at it.

"This is getting old! Hey lovey dovies! Stop rolling around and listen to me for a second!" Germany and Italy did indeed stop… after Italy got in one extra punch for good measure.

"Do you two remember how much you two CARED about each other? This romance must happen! I am the controller of the typing board!"

"And me!" Rochelle piped up, dragging in a very confused Canada.

"…What am I doing here?" he said.

"I just love America," she gushed.

"I'm not America," Canada sighed, rubbing his temples. This whole confusing him for America was getting annoying…

Of course, Rochelle ignored him. "So AF, you got the two love birds together yet?"

"I'm NOT AMERICA!" Canada suddenly roared. Everyone got O.o faces. "You know better than to mistake me for that idiot! Haven't you ever read Snapped!Canada fics?"

Rochelle's eyes took on a haunted quality. She had indeed read Snapped!Canada fics…at two in the morning… in the dark… by herself…

Not a very good idea.

"I'm so sorry! Please don't eat my eyeballs or feed me 'cherry syrup!'" she cried, flinging herself to the ground. "I love you, Canada!"

"It's okay," Canada smiled, returning to normal. Everyone got O.o faces again.

"Um, what?" Kenzie didn't know what the hell was going on.

"Just ignore them. They Stupid." Japan said.

"Hey, where'd you go off to?" Kenzie said, surprised by his sudden appearance.

"I been standing here the entire time!" he said.

"Germany…why did you never tell me?" the Italian randomly spoke.

"It was such a shock. Being divided into so many different places. The emotional trauma must have given me memory loss. I never meant to forget you, Italy." he said. Wow, does anyone else think that sentimental Germany was hot?

"Yeah. Or you're just trying to save your ass from another beating from the weakest country known to man. :P" Kenzie successfully shattered the touching moment.

I think you guys should kiss and make up," Rochelle insisted, hanging on to Canada's arm.

"Yeah, or I'll feed you cherry syrup and eyeballs…" Canada's eyes turned red for a split second.

"…You are so cute!" Rochelle gushed, hugging him. "Anyways, yeah. Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

"You need help, sis." it was the truth, "But the girls right. Kiss damnit! Elephant swear!" Kenzie said.

"Italy, I don't think these crazy bitchass americans will leave untill we do what they want…." Germany said, a light pink dusting his features.

"M'kay then.!" then Italy jumped him, smashing his lips to Germany's.

"Holy Mother of Pearl!" Rochelle's eyes bugged out of her head. "So… hot…"

"I have a flesh-eating bear," Canada said suddenly.

"I wanna meet him!" Rochelle insisted. "He sounds cute!"

"Okay!" Canada smiled brightly, happy someone noticed him for once.

Meanwhile, Germany and Italy were hardcore making out.

Their shirts were even off! Needless to say, Rochelle got a nosebleed.

Seeing this, Canada's features distorted with anger. "I will dominate the world by making my flesh-eating bears spread the Back Plague."

"…You are so cute!" Rochelle said yet again.

Kenzie had completely ignored the two the entire time. She was now sitting in a lawn chair redneck style, nomming on some popcorn, cheering the two on.

"I love you Germany!"

"I love you too Ameri- I mean, Italy!"

"….WHAT THE DUCKFUCK?" the Italian screamed, pulling out a knife. "Time to die!"

Meanwhile, Rochelle was pinching Canada's cheeks. "You are just adorable. I could eat you right up!"

"I could eat your retinas for breakfast," Canada mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing!"

"So you two are a couple now?" Kenzie said, all up in Germany/Italy's grill.

"….Sure I guess…." they both replied.

"Great! Sign this." she said, holding out a contract.

"What the flock? What is this?" Italy said.

"Oh, just a little contract saying you two will be gay for each other for the rest of eternity…and that Italy will get m-preg in the near future. It will please me."

Germany and Italy looked at each other before reluctantly signing the contract.

"M-preg?" Rochelle asked, a trail of blood making it's way from her nostril.

"I once had sex with Prussia. Then I drained his body of blood and made America drink it," Canada rumbled.

He went unnoticed.

"Ha ha ha. Blacky Chan, our work here is done! Now lets go home. I'm duckfucking tired!"

"Alright alright. Can I bring Canada with me?" she asked, dragging along a sadistic looking Canada.

"Ummmm. Promise to keep him on a leash. He scares me." Kenzie said, obviously against the idea of a madman in her house.

"Deal! Come on Canada!" Rochelle cheered, leashing Canada and riding off into the sunset with his flesh eating bears. They all lived happily ever after.

Disclaimer: We do not own Hetalia. If we did… well, you see what would happen.

So, review! Review my pants off. Review YOUR pants off! Review CANADA'S pants off!