Hello! I've never written an IS fic before, and I guess you could say I'm insanely late to this party. But I just finished an IS rewatch and couldn't get these characters out of my head. I wanted to explore the change in their relationship as Jude grew up. Especially considering her sister was such a Boyz Attack fan, I'm sure there were many nights where little Tommy Q was the topic of conversation.

I'm already considering extending this to ages 22-25, since 25 would be present time. I just haven't decided yet.

Hopefully there are still people out there that still care enough about this show to read something! If you're out there please hit the review button, it would mean a lot!

I don't own Instant Star or the characters. Bummer.

Thirteen.

All she heard from Sadie's room for the last two hours was crying. Something about a dumb boyband breaking up and how her life was officially over. Jude couldn't imagine being obsessed with Boyz Attack. It was embarrassing that she was even related to someone who was. What did it matter if "Little Tommy Q" was leaving the band? Jude didn't understand why one idiotic, saggy pants wearing, boybander leaving meant that the WHOLE band had to break up.

Honestly she was baffled over it all. The music industry was a mess.

"Sadie?" She knocked gently on the door to her sister's room, trying to figure out something to say to her.

"Go AWAY Jude. If you're here to just tell me about how Parachute pants and Bandanas don't make a real musician then you can really just FUCK off."

Profanities weren't really well appreciated in the Harrison household, and it took everything in her body not to go tattle on her older sister. She knew if she did, then she'd still be treated like a baby, and that was the last thing she wanted.

"Seriously, Sade, just let me in. You know I totally think Tommy Q is dreamy"

The sound of a door unlocking could be heard, seconds later the door was slung open. Sadie was in her PJs with a bucket of ice cream in her hand. Her eyes were totally swollen from crying and she looked like someone had just told her that her dog had been run over.

"Woah. You look -" Sadie narrowed her eyes at her little sister, "um. SO good."

"I want you to point to which one you think is Tommy" Sadie grabbed her sister by the arm and dragged her to the other side of her room. She was going to call her sister's bluff.

"Um. That one?" Jude pointed to the one in the middle. He had this awkward stare down pat and Jude had to fight the urge to say something about his squinty eyebrows and the fact that he sort of looked like a puppy.

Sadie rolled her eyes, "you're right. Whatever. You don't understand Jude. This band is the best band to EVER be. Better than the Beatles. And now they're no more. This is the worst day of my life, and it will be for the rest of my life."

"Please, you're so overdramatic. He'll have a solo career and you can imagine all of the super awesome dates that you two will go on one day."

Her words forced a huff from the older Harrison, "You never know. He may be my soulmate."

"Get real. He's as much your soulmate as he is mine. It's never going to happen. Get over it."

Two thrown shoes and a massive yell later, Jude was kicked out of her sister's room and left to laugh alone in her own.

Fourteen.

"It's called Instant Star, you HAVE to try out". Her best friend sat at the edge of her bed, holding up a flier with information about some new competition show. It seemed a little fake to her, but it wasn't like she'd ever get accepted.

"Whatever Jamie, I won't even make it through the front door." Jamie shrugged, leaning back on the mattress.

It wasn't like she was even that good. Her song writing was subpar at best, and most of the time it sounded like something that should've been on the Wiggles and not something that a fourteen year old would be singing.

Jude felt like she needed more life experiences before she could even begin to write songs that mattered. She hadn't even technically had a first kiss yet, what did she know about life?

A smile crept across Jamie's face as he sat up, "And I heard that Little Tommy Q from Boyz Attack is a guest judge."

Jude laughed, her hands brushing through her red hair. "Nah, that was a rumor. He apparently backed out last minute. I guess he couldn't figure out the right height his hair needed to be in order for him to look like a serious artist, so he just gave up."

She didn't have any reason to dislike the guy, but it was easy and it made her friend laugh, so she took every opportunity she had to drag him.

"You're amazing, you know that Jude?"

"I try" She winked at Jamie then sucked in a breath of air, "I'll audition. But if Little Tommy Q shows up with his bandana and light up sneakers then I'm so outta there."

Jamie grinned, holding his hand out to shake it, "deal. I'll personally make sure you never have to deal with someone who's hair products alone could rip a whole in the O-Zone layer."

Fifteen.

Jude felt numb. Angry and numb. She had been with her so called "producer" for less than ten minutes and he was already tearing apart her song. It was quite possible that he was the absolute worst human in the history of ever. She had poured her heart into her song, and honestly who was Little Tommy Q to tell her that it didn't work? Wasn't it her that had won 'Instant Star'? Tom Quincy hadn't even been on a stage or written a song in years, so what did he know?

Jamie giving her an out was the best possible thing that he could've done. There was a tiny part of her that could've reached over and kissed him right then and there. This whole record contract thing could be un-signed, right?

There was absolutely no way that she'd ever be able to work with a washed out nineties boy bander. It would never work. She was the next rock god, and he wore parachute pants and hung above her sister's bed for seven years. This was a sick joke. Jude was partially expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out and yell that he had punk'd her. D list competition winners from Canada could be punk'd, right? She looked around briefly for him, but to her disappointment he never popped out.

Jude sighed and followed Jamie out the door. Her fingers gripped tightly onto her guitar and her journal. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Fortunately, the fear of looking weak overcame the desire to break down like the child she felt like. So she held her head high and walked through the door. With one final look over her shoulder, she made eye contact with him. Blue met blue for the first time, it was as if she was being looked at for the first time ever. No one had ever really looked at her with such intensity; she felt like all of her inner thoughts were being seen. She had to blink and look away because it felt like Little Tommy Q had just looked inside of her soul and learned everything that he'd ever need to know about her.

She made a mental note to change one of the lyrics in 24 Hours to "try to shake you from my skin". Because honestly, she didn't think she'd ever be able to shake those eyes. She was pretty positive that the entire song would have to be changed now, because her entire life felt like it had been flipped upside down and Tom Quincy was now the center of it.

Tomorrow would be better. Maybe Tommy Q wouldn't be terrible. Time would tell, and that excited her. Bring it on.

Sixteen.

He tasted like a mixture stale cigarettes, licorice, and what she could only imagine was Whisky and Cola. Her lips burned with the intensity of a wildfire and she didn't think she'd ever get rid of the feeling of her body pressed into his.

If it was one thing that Jude knew, it was that self destructive Tom Quincy would do whatever he could to make sure the kiss wouldn't be talked about. She was positive that he was probably sitting in the rain beating himself up right now. Jude winced at the thought of him blaming himself for this. She shouldn't have kissed him back, it was a stupid mistake made by a stupid kid. Hell, she was only a fifteen year old eleven hours ago. What made her think that sixteen would automatically turn her into a mature adult?

A mature adult wouldn't have kissed him back.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to take his jacket off of her shoulders and sling it across a room. There was a very good chance that, if given the opportunity, she would move to the states and change her name immediately. She felt embarrassed. How could she ever think that a grown ass man like Tom Quincy would ever want a kid like her?

He was going to want to stop working with her.

A panic spread across her body, consuming her mind. Broken sobs followed shortly, turning this "sweet" sixteen into a nightmare. She'd do anything to be in her room right now with her best friend, eating a J shaped pancake and not worrying about Shay or Tommy or Eden...

Stardom was messy, and Tommy would always be the messiest part.

Seventeen.

She could feel his piercing blue eyes staring at her. They felt like magnets pulling her towards him, always pulling. Her heart felt like it could possibly beat out of her chest, her palms felt sweaty. How was she supposed to record a song with him staring at her like this? Especially "White Lines", a song that she wrote as a sixteen year old on tour. A song that she wrote about a man that wasn't her boyfriend... A man that was literally dating her sister.

Jude could feel the tension in the air as if it were completely solid. She knew her vocals sounded half-hearted. Every so often when she would glance up at those ocean blue eyes she could see confusion in them, see everything that Tommy was thinking. In the last year and a half she had figured out how to read those eyes pretty well. Even though she didn't feel like he truly let her in as much as she let him, she knew what those eyes told her.

"Jude. What's the matter?" His voice shot through her thoughts and she sighed, pulling her headphones off.

"I just don't think this song is working out, Tommy."

It was clear to her that he was dead set on using White Lines instead of Anyone But You. How could she do that to Spiederman? Opt to use a song written for Tommy over one that he, her boyfriend, had a hand in writing.

"I think I just need to take a minute to recollect myself. This whole thing with 'Anyone but you' has really thrown a wrench into things, yanno? I just feel like I'm betraying my boyfriend."

She noticed the way Tommy adverted his eyes when she said the word 'boyfriend'. No matter who she ever dated he always had the same response. Always a look of disappointment met with a sigh and a change of subject. She knew why, knew that Tommy felt trapped in his feelings as much as she did hers. The thing though, was the fact that she did have a boyfriend. A good one, sort of. Although he did treat her like a bro, and tried to get her to hook up with him on a bus that smelt like old farts and dirty socks, he was good to her. They had fun.

...But she didn't write passionate songs about Vincent Spiederman.

"Jude, this song is one of the best you've ever written. You know that right? It's passionate, it's personal... Whoever it's written about is a lucky guy."

They shared a brief moment of eye contact before Jude turned back towards the door. "I've got to go to the bathroom." She just needed ten minutes to get over the fact that Tommy would always be her muse. He would always be the one that her passionate songs were written about.

"Do what you've got to do. I'll be here." Tommy smiled at her softly. "I'll wait forever if I've got to."

So would she. She'd always just be waiting for the timing to be right, because Tommy Quincy had this hold over her that she didn't think she could ever get out from under. Not that she wanted to. She'd stay under that hold for the rest of her life.

Eighteen.

Jude could still feel warm hands wrapped around her mouth muffling her screams. The coldness of the knife against her neck made what felt like a permanent burn. As hard as she tried, the events that happened in the practice space with Hunter haunted her constantly. There would be times in the middle of the night when she would have the worst nightmares. He was always in them, dark eyes lingering on her.. waiting for the moment when he would go for the kill.

It was safe to say that a part of her hated Tommy for what happened. She never would've gone through this if he and Hunter didn't have a past. She was still trying to wrap her mind around the whole Angie thing, honestly. It was always weird for her to think about Tommy's life before she entered it. Back then he was just this legend that her older sister gushed about. He was untouchable and unapproachable. Jude couldn't ever imagine going back to that relationship... Maybe she didn't hate Tommy as much as she wanted to.

It was one in the morning two weeks after the Hunter incident and as hard as she tried to, she still couldn't get Tommy out of her mind. She had this desperate need to just hear his voice, to make sure that he was okay and not beating himself up over what went down. If there was one thing that Jude knew, it was that Tom Quincy was probably locked away in his apartment with a bottle of Whiskey and a voice in the back of his head telling him how horrible he was.

Naturally, the only thing for Jude to do was to call him. Calloused fingers dialed the number that she knew from memory, hoping that it wasn't too late and he'd be awake.

"Jude? Everything okay? Are you okay?" His voice sounded frantic and a part of Jude's heart stung a little bit. Truthfully she could've at least sent him a text giving him a heads up that a phone call was heading his way. That would've been the decent thing to do, especially after Hunter tried to kill her right in front of him.

"Oh, yeah, yeah don't worry about me. I'm okay. I just -" she took a breath, letting it out slowly, "I can't sleep." Jude chewed on the bottom of her lip, hoping that Tommy wouldn't be too irritated with the late night call.

She could hear his breathing on the other end, it was soft and she figured he had probably already been asleep. "Babe, is this about... Hunter?"

The word 'babe' sent electricity across her entire body. It was a pet name that she wasn't really used to, "About Hunter.. About you. I was so scared, Tommy. I mean I knew this fame thing had the potential to become dangerous but I had never actually realized how dangerous it could get."

"I'm so sorry I did this to you, Jude. All I ever want to do is protect you, but all I actually do is hurt you."

There was a moment of silence on both ends. A realization that this phone call could've probably happened at a more decent hour overcame her. She wanted to cry, but all that came out of her mouth was, "Tommy? Can I come over?"

Another pause, one that felt like ten years. "Of course. See you in ten? And Jude? Be careful. I can't stop thinking about how I almost lost you, and I just need for you to be careful..."

He sounded so lost. Her confident and often cocky Tommy Quincy sounded more vulnerable than she had ever heard him. She reassured him that she'd be fine before hanging up the phone and pulling on a jacket. Jude wrote a note to Sadie telling her that she would be at Spiederman's, then headed out the door.

It took her ten minutes to get to Tommy's house, and he was at the door waiting for her with a look in his eye that she hadn't seen before. It was a look that made her feel like the most wanted person in the entire world. He was looking at her as if he would never be able to look at her again. He looked at her like she was the sun and he was just rotating around her, his entire existence depending on her.

Warm arms wrapped around her as soon as she got to him, his signature smell overtaking her senses and causing her to go temporarily blind to anything but him.

"I can't sleep." Her voice was muffled by her face being pressed against his body. He pulled her into the door, locking it behind him. Tommy's hands found her's and he led her to his room.

"I know. Me either." Tommy sat her down on the edge of his bed and leaned down to smooth her hair back. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and her entire body wanted to explode.

Jude let out a soft sigh, her eyes meeting his, "Can I sleep here with you?"

"Of course."

Tommy knelt infront of her and placed his hands on her knees. A soft smile crept across his face and his body leaned towards hers. Jude met him halfway, pressing her forehead against his.

They sat in that position for a few minutes before he pulled away. The lack of heat from his body was instantly felt by her and she had to resist the urge to shiver. She laid back on the bed and waited for him to join her. Once he did her body found his like a magnet. She thought it was funny how she always felt like the opposite end of a magnet with him, always pulling towards him in any way she could.

It took them a few minutes to fall asleep in each other's arms. The last thing she remembered before drifting off to sleep was that she felt so safe with him. How she'd always feel like this as long as Tommy Quincy looked at her with the intensity of a million suns.

He was all she would ever need to fall asleep.

Nineteen.

Three weeks, two days, and eleven hours. That's how long it had been since Jude had essentially ripped Tommy's heart out and moved halfway across the world. There was a part of her that realized what she had done to him was a cowardly thing to do. He wanted to marry her, wanted to be with her for the rest of his life... She didn't even give him a say in the breakup. She literally tore his heart out on stage in front of thousands of people, then jumped on a plane the next day. Jude felt like the shittiest person in the history of a long list of shitty people.

The other part of her wanted to jump up and down in joy from how free she felt. There wasn't anyone in her life right now that was dictating what she could and couldn't do. She had a new sense of freedom that Jude Harrison had never really had before. Between her dad, Jamie, Darius, and Tommy she was sick and tired of the men in her life being the ones that had the ultimate say on what she did. She wasn't a fifteen year old little girl anymore. Jude Harrison was an Amazonian Warrior Princess that deserved to be able to fight for herself. As long as she was in Toronto - as long as she was with Tommy - she wouldn't have the chance to do that.

Leaving him was something that needed to be done to save their relationship. Because one of them would always resent the other if they had got married right then and there. Tommy would've resented Jude for wanting to be a Rock Goddess and wanting to have her own experiences... Jude would've resented Tommy for wanting to settle down and live a 'normal' life. Their timing wasn't right. It was never right, but she knew that Tommy Quincy would always be in her heart. If they were truly meant to be together like she knew they were, eventually he would forgive her and they would have their time.

Before that happened though, Jude needed to live out her rockstar fantasies. She needed to have the chance to fall asleep naked and drunk in the middle of Central Park. She needed to get tattoos in the back of her tour bus and buy drinks for a bar full of people in a dive bar in Paris. She needed to get her wild and free out.

Distance was a good thing. It had to be, otherwise she had made the biggest mistake of her life. She wanted desperately to believe that she was doing the right thing. But god she missed him.

All she could do was hope for the best and throw herself into her new album. Maybe it would be the best one yet.

She hoped Tommy would be proud of her.

Twenty.

It was lunchtime when it happened. She was sitting by herself in her apartment eating a chicken and avocado sandwich with the TV on for background noise - that's when she heard it. It was Tommy's voice. A jolt of electricity shot through her heart and she felt like she couldn't breath. Jude quickly threw her sandwich down on the counter and ran to the living room to see what was going on.

They hadn't spoken since the month after she left, over a year ago. She made the drunken mistake one night to pick up the phone and call him one night. When he answered he sounded like he didn't want to talk to her. Like she had caught him off guard by the call. He told her that he didn't think poorly of her, that she would always be the love of his life, but he just needed some space from her.

Like the ocean between them wasn't enough space.

Jude had gotten upset at him and then realized that there wasn't really anything for her to get upset about. So she ended the conversation with a polite goodbye and an agreement that she wouldn't bother him anymore. He must've felt bad because he then started to try to call her at least once a week. The calls stopped after about the thirtieth time she didn't answer. She figured that he had just given up on her, which again was her fault.

So his voice coming from her television made her entire body want to shut down.

He was talking about Karma's new album, one that she knew from listening to it when Spied sent it to her, was a great one. He had really propelled Karma into being an amazing artist.

The interviewer was wearing an obnoxious red suit and had clearly grown bored with all of the talk about Karma's album. He started to ask personal questions and Jude had to fight the urge to turn the TV off. She couldn't stand listening to these, but her body physically couldn't move. She felt like she was superglued to her couch.

"Alright Tommy - spill. We've all seen the pictures at this point of you kissing the newest Instant Star, Yvonne. It looks H - O - T! Are you two hot and heavy? We know that you have a habit of getting close with your artists, is she another Jude situation or is this something totally different?"

Jude suddenly felt sick. She could've thrown up if her body would let her move. She knew that she had no right to feel this way, Tommy deserved to move on from her. Hell, she had other guys come and go in the year and a half that she had been gone. But when the picture of Tommy kissing some pink haired wannabe pop diva flashed on the screen she wanted to scream. He looked so comfortable with her, and she looked like a two-bit prostitute.

On the TV Tommy just smiled that signature Tommy smile and shrugged. "I don't know Eugene. Yvonne has this maturity about her that I find awesome. She's a great girl,but you know I don't like to kiss and tell. And as far as anything long term? I guess time will tell."

Jude noticed the way that he didn't even bring her up. Eugene had mentioned her and Tommy didn't even so much as flinch. It was something that didn't settle well with her, even though she knew that it shouldn't matter. She kept having to remind herself that SHE left HIM.

"Oh please. Little Tommy Quincy settling down? Sounds like you really like this girl. Is there anything you can tell us about her upcoming album?"

Tommy just beamed into the camera. Jude felt like she was being tortured.

"It isn't like I've never had a long term relationship, Eugene!" He laughed and she noticed that it was a fake laugh. His eyes didn't seem as bright when he said it. "Yvonne is very talented. Her voice is ahead of it's time for sure. I mean I get goosebumps just thinking about it! You all are going to love her debut album. The songs we've written for it are just outstanding."

Eugene had that stupid look that all interviewers got when they thought they were getting information before anyone else and Jude wanted to wipe it off of his face.

"We can't wait. We all thought your work with Jude Harrison was just incredible! If you're saying that these new songs are even better then I am happier than a kid who just woke up to her first pony on Christmas morning!"

"The listeners are going to be excited, that's for sure. This girl has talent."

"So, speaking of Jude Harrison -"

Jude's face turned bright red and she noticed Tommy take a gulp. She didn't make it a habit of watching interviews with him in them.. But she was pretty sure that no one talked about her to him. It was like a golden rule. This Eugene guy was definitely going on her shit list.

Tommy cleared his throat and took a sip of water, "Jude is incredible. Her latest album gave me chills. I listened to it the second it came out." He looked directly into the camera and for a second it felt like he was talking directly to her. "Jude Harrison is the greatest song writer and artist that I've ever worked with. That will never change. Her music has this ability to touch your soul and wrap its warmth around you. When I listen to her music I feel like I am unstoppable."

He blinked and looked away from the camera. Eugene had that same shit-eating grin on his face that he had before.

"Wow. You sound like you may secretly be the president of the Jude Harrison fan club."

"Yeah well, she'll always be my number one girl."

Jude had to shut the television off before she did anymore damage to her heart. She figured that Tommy never expected her to see this interview, she knew that he wouldn't deliberately mess with her heart like that. It was her that had the masochistic idea to sit through the stupid interview in the first place.

She spent the rest of the day locked in her room and writing music. Some of the highlights included; "There's a part of me that will never be free/I love you like the wind loves the trees." , "How can I ever let you go/my heart longs for you like you are my home", "I never gave you the proper goodbye/I just needed some time to learn how to fly." and her personal favorite "when you're not here my life is grey/I miss you like California and rain."

He would always be her best muse.

Twenty-One

It started as a single letter that she had tried to get herself not to send. She had written it as a way to get her feelings off of her chest. It had sort of turned into this long love letter to Tom Quincy letting him know that after two years he was still the only thing that she could think of.

Her therapist has suggested it one day while Jude was laying on her couch pouring her heart out about all of the reasons why she just couldn't commit to anyone. Her fear of rejection and intimacy issues had put a creative block on her music and she had been forced to attend these therapy sessions by her new manager. After months of talking about her relationships with everyone she knew her therapist, Heather, finally asked about Tommy. It took all of six seconds for her to go from completely composed and talking about Karma to a crying idiot telling Heather about the love of her life and how much she missed him.

London was amazing, but without Tommy around she had sort of turned into this pseudo-Jude that couldn't commit to a relationship to save her life. She sabotaged every one that she had been in since getting to London. Heather told her that it was because she had never truly let go of him.

She told her to write a letter of everything she wished she could say to him, and then burn it as she whispered something about forgiving him. But the letter was so beautifully written that she couldn't find it in herself to burn it. Writing the letter made her realize things about herself that she didn't even know. Like the fact that last six years (she couldn't believe it was only six) had been the greatest ride of her life. How Tommy was the one who believed in her when no one, not even Jamie, did. How he was the air that kept her breathing... And when she was without him she wasn't breathing. She was constantly just holding her breath and trying to figure out how to get from point A to point B without people realizing how self-destructive she really was.

So instead of burning it, she mailed it to him.

Within a week she had a letter sent back to her. One with all too familiar hand writing on it,

Jude.

My Jude. You are always in my heart, in the back of my head, in my entire soul. You are everything and nothing all at once. It's hard for me to get things like your letter because It hurts to know that you're hurting. That you feel like you aren't whole without me there. But you have to understand that you took my heart out and took it with you to London. I have to feel nothing because if I let myself feel something - to feel like you are my entire world again - I have the chance to get it all taken away again.

Jude. Please either cut the cord or let me back in. All I want is to protect you, but I can't do that while I'm also killing myself at the same time.

All of my love,

Tom.

She knew that it would be quicker to just pick the phone up and call him, but when did Jude Harrison ever go the easier route? So instead, she replied to him.

Tommy,

Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done. I hope you understand why I did it. These last two years have been a whirlwind of bad decisions and short-lived affairs. But without those things then I wouldn't have ever grown up. I'd still be that fifteen year old girl with a slightly untuned guitar and a horrible habit of dragging my fingers on the strings.

I've learned to survive without you as my crutch here. Which is hilarious to think about considering that most times I feel like without you I'm not breathing. You are everything I will always want, and I can't continue to trick myself into thinking that I'll just be able to find someone else. I'll never have the passion with them that we did. The four years that we spent together felt like they were on speed. We lived so fast and reckless, not savoring the time that we had together. We were always fighting because I was still such a child and you were something that I thought I'd just mess up. All I wanted to do was fix you, when maybe I was the one that needed to be fixed.

Look. I know this is a stretch, but if you can come here I'd love to see you. I usually stay home now-a-days, so you can come whenever.

Love,
Jude.

Within fourty-eight hours of Tommy receiving the letter there was a knock on her door. Once she opened the door she saw those familiar piercing blue eyes looking at her and it was like those magnets that had been dormant for two years had just come back to life. Her body was instantly pulled to his and she felt like she could finally breathe again.

"Tommy. You're here."

"I missed you, big eyes."

He'd never know just how much she missed him too. After all, Tommy Quincy was the only one she'd ever want, and that would never change for the rest of her life.

She was a Tommy addict.