PROMPT: "Caskett: A dialogue about marriage or children or both." (requested by mygoodnesscastle)
RATING: T
WORD COUNT: 1,862
DISCLAIMER: Still not mine. *sigh*
A/N: Set post-5x06 ("Final Frontier") after the "You want more kids?"/"I'd like the option." comments.
Kate sat with her back against the corner of Castle's leather couch, her feet propped in his lap, a light afghan tossed over them both as the last episode of "Nebula 9" played on the large television screen. True to his word, Castle had finally consented to a marathon of the show, though it had taken a week for them to manage to find the time to do so.
But Kate wasn't on call for the next 36 hours (a rarity that only came twice a year or so), so unless there was a sudden major increase in the number of murders before then, they had the entire weekend ahead of them and the loft to themselves. Alexis was, of course, away at college and Martha had gone to the Hamptons for the weekends. Kate suspected that Castle had urged her to go in order to give them privacy. She wasn't about to complain.
Kate glanced at Castle during a particularly cheesy scene, watching the way his lips pursed and he bit his tongue. She nudged his side with her bare toe. "Something you want to say, Castle?" she teased.
He just shook his head and grabbed her foot, rubbing her arch gently. "Nope. Not a thing."
Kate grinned and returned her attention to the TV screen. Or, she tried to. It was rather difficult focusing while his magical hands were massaging her tired foot. After they'd started dating, he'd quickly learned that those killer high heels, while incredibly sexy, really did do a number on her feet. He'd found her rubbing her own foot one night and had immediately replaced her hands with his own. It had become somewhat of a routine when they were alone at night after a long day.
She sighed in content as the final scene played, ending on a cliffhanger than was supposed to have been resolved in the second season that never was. The last image was of Stephanie Frye's character, Chloe, shooting the infamous laser blaster at Captain Max. The screen went black and the credits started.
"Is it over?" Castle asked, sounding relieved.
Kate sighed dramatically. "Yes, Castle, that's the last episode."
"Thank goodness."
"Hey, no making fun, remember?" she reminded him, sitting up.
Castle grumbled, but didn't say anything more.
Kate scooted to sit next to him as he shut off the TV. She took the hand he'd shot the blaster with in her own hand. "How's the genetically modified hand?" she teased, running her fingers over the strength of his palm.
"I have to admit, I'm a bit upset that I didn't gain the ability of telekinesis," he said with a bit of a pout discernible on his face. As if he wanted to give it one last try, he reached his hand out in front of him in the direction of the bookshelf and concentrated on a particular book. It didn't even budge. "Damn."
Kate laughed and leaned into him. "It's okay," she said, taking his hand once again. "Besides, who knows what else would have been genetically modified along with telekinesis abilities."
"Like losing my hair," he ran his free hand through his still-thick hair, "or my keen sense of observation."
"Or becoming infertile?" she said without thinking.
Castle gave a half-hearted grunt of agreement and avoided her gaze. Neither had brought up their earlier mention of kids and Castle's "I'd like the option." It had seemed safer to just avoid the topic all together, but both knew they needed to talk about it. Eventually.
Kate gnawed her lower lip as she played with Castle's fingers. The very fingers that wrote so many best sellers. The very fingers that gave her so much pleasure. Yes, his fingers had many talents. She smiled and brought his hand to her lips and kissed the center of his palm before turning to fully face him.
"Were you scared when Alexis was born?" she asked.
Castle wasn't prepared for that question. But he didn't have to think about is response for long. "Terrified," he said, finally meeting her eyes. "I didn't know what the hell I was doing and if you think Meredith did…" He shook his head. "I'm surprised they allowed us to take her home from the hospital."
"But you got through it," Kate said.
He nodded. "It was rough, the first year or so, balancing everything and caring for her at the same time. We made a lot of sacrifices—" He wrinkled his nose. "Well, I made a lot of sacrifices, anyway. You know, now that I think of it, I was a lot better at raising her after the divorce…" He trailed off.
Kate raised an eyebrow. "So you wouldn't mind having another kid so long as you did it by yourself?"
He snorted. "No. No, I never want to have to do that by myself again," he said sincerely. "I love Alexis, don't get me wrong, but I went through hell at times doing it alone." Kate gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "It was worth it, of course, but I wish I'd had someone to go through it with." Someone like you, he added silently in his mind.
Kate nodded. "I can understand that. It must have been scary being responsible for another human being, especially when she was younger."
Castle nodded, then hesitated.
"What?" she asked, already knowing what he wanted to ask, but unable to offer the information without the actual question.
"Do you… I mean, have you ever thought about having kids?" he finally asked, looking down at their entwined hands as his thumb brushed over hers.
"Of course I've thought about it," she said. "And before my mom… I wanted a whole Brady Bunch family of kids. I even had their names picked out."
"Greg, Peter, Bobby, Marsha, Jan, and Cindy?" he joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Kate wrinkled her nose, but laughed. "No. Definitely not."
"You said before your mom. Does that mean you don't want kids now?"
Kate was silent for a moment, mulling over her next words. Castle was beginning to worry, but she spoke before he could say anything reassuring. "Honestly… I've gone back and forth on it since she died. At first, I didn't want to bring a child into a world where something so violent could happen to a person. And that feeling only intensified as I saw more and more of that violence as a cop. But then I would run into an old classmate with her children or a cousin would send me a birth announcement, and I'd get that urge in the back of my head, and I'd wonder if I could do it. Be a mom." She paused and shrugged. "Then I'd push aside the thought and get back to my life, my job. But it was always there. I don't know. I mean, what kind of mom would I even be? I'm a homicide detective? What the hell do I know about parenting?"
"Do you think I'm a good dad?" Castle asked.
Kate gave him a funny look. "Of course I do," she said. "It's not an accident that Alexis turned out so great. You're the reason, Castle."
"Okay, then think about how little you know about being a parent and cut it in half, then half again. Then cut it in half again and that is about ten times more than I knew when Alexis was born." She couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Kate, being a parent isn't something you're instantly good at. Well, not most people, anyway. A lot of times, there's no right or wrong way to do it; you just what's best for the child and hope for the best."
"I know that, Castle," she said. "I just… I think about having a kid and then I realize that most women have their own mothers to go to for advice. I don't have that."
Castle raised his eyebrows. "I didn't have a dad to go to for fathering advice."
Kate tiled her head to the side a bit as she studied him. "I guess you're right." She shrugged. "Maybe I just kept coming up with different excuses because I hadn't found a guy that I wanted to even consider having a kid with. Yet." She added the last word as an afterthought, surprising even herself.
"And… now?"
He sounded so small that she gave him a reassuring smile. "And now… The thought of a kid… it doesn't scare me quite as much as before. I mean, not now, of course, but if, say a few years down the road we're still together and... and married, yeah, I'd be on board with having a kid or two. With you."
It surprised Kate just how easy it had been so say those words. Normally, just thinking about the idea of marriage or children with someone sent her into a panic. But not now. Now, it just gave her butterflies. And anticipation. And hope.
"Married?" He didn't sound panicked at the thought of a third (and final) marriage as he had in the past when talking about marriage in general. No, his tone echoed Kate's anticipation.
"I don't want a ring tomorrow or anything," Kate rushed out. "It's not… we're not there yet."
"But the key word is 'yet,'" he pointed out.
Kate nodded, smiling. "We're not there yet, but I can see us getting there." She leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his, her voice low as she continued. "I've never been able to say that about another man."
Unable to resist, Castle closed the distance between them and captured her lips in a sweet kiss full of promises of tomorrow. He pulled back after a few moments. "Does this mean we're engaged to be engaged?"
"Don't push it, Castle," she warned, but her eyes were teasing and her lips twitched as she tried, and failed to hide her grin.
"Guess I'll just have to work on convincing you, then," he said, kissing her again, this time with more intensity, and moving to grip her denim-clad thighs, pulling her over him to straddle his lap.
Kate placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself and pulled back ever so slightly. "You can start by reminding me how babies are made," she murmured. "Practice makes perfect and all that."
Castle reached back and gripped her buttocks, earning a gasp from her. "We have all weekend to practice," he said, gripping her firmly as he stood.
Kate squealed and locked her legs around his waist. "Rick, I am perfectly capable of walking!" she laughed as he strode towards his bedroom.
"And?" He didn't allow her to respond before he pressed her back against the wall next to his bedroom door, kissing her deeply.
Moments later, they parted, both in need of oxygen. Their ragged breaths mingled between them, and Kate was certain that her expression matched that of his, so full of want and desire.
"For the record," he breathed out. "I know without a doubt that you'd make an amazing mother."
"Rick?"
"Hmm?" he hummed, brushing his lips over hers once more.
"Take me to bed."