A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first story, even though I've been a reader here in fanfiction for a long long time. I guess Hart of Dixie, especially the Zoe-Wade relationship gave me the push to sit and finally write. The story is set while episode 19th of the first season, "Destiny and Denial", and what really drove Wade to try and make a change in his life. I hope you like it and please review, it's really nerve-racking putting you're work out there!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hart of Dixie. If I did, episode 4 "In Havoc & Heat" would have been 3 hour shirtless Wade show.

The reason for trying

He had spent the whole night up. Tansy's words still echoing in his mind, he couldn't brush the feeling away. That feeling that he had been carrying with him for quite some time now. Sure, he had worked all his life to build up the image of that strong, free, "don't-care-for-anything" type of guy and he had always felt comfortable in his skin. So what if all the women in town saw him as a rebound man to have a one night stand with after a bad break-up? What if he was the mistake many belles did, the hidden fuck for any proper daddy's girl? He used to laugh it off, hell, he even felt proud about that. But then that had slowly changed. At first he hadn't realized it. He had started to dress more appropriately, made sure he showered every morning before breakfast, that he combed his hair. Still, he would never feel good enough. Not good enough for her.

He should have known better. It was like Tansy had said, right? Girls like her didn't end up with guys like him. She would be the perfect "Mrs. Lyons", "Mrs. Tucker"…. Even "Mrs. Kinsella" he shudder to think. "Mrs. Jesse Kinsella". His conversation with his brother came back to mind. As always, Jesse had caught his bluff. He knew that no matter their fights, Jesse would always be the one to be able to read his mind. Just another thing Mr. War Hero was exceptionally good at. When they were kids he could always tell if Wade had gotten into a fight at school and didn't want to talk about it, or if he lied about not wanting a new football uniform because his father couldn't afford it. And now, huge surprise, he had realized Wade had feelings for Zoe. Well, still he didn't regret having blown up in the forest like that. He remembered the hard words he'd spoken and Zoe's face when she'd listen. Of course he didn't think she was all that, he also believed she was generous, funny, infuriating, annoying and so damn beautiful. It was just that his own pain had brought up the worst of him. He, the small town's looser bartender would never be able to rival the likes of Judson, George or his own brother. At least not in her eyes.

Then what Tansy had said came back to him. How she had been trying to do better, to find her own path, to become something of herself, to be proud of who she was. Well, he was proud of her. For one thing, he was proud of her kicking him out when he had stumble drunk in her door the other night. It took a lot of courage to shake off someone you cared for, as he well damn knew. He remembered what Lavon had said a few weeks ago. How he needed to pull himself together, buy a new shirt, comb his hair if he wanted to get Zoe's attention. But that hadn't been enough. He found himself rethinking every decision he had made and where his life was going. Many people had urged him to make a change, but Wade had been immune to their words. But not when it came to her. That New York Doctor had come in and put his whole life upside down. It seemed to him that nothing he did was never gonna be at her level. He had been trying to get her attention for months, and it hadn't worked. So he made a decision, right there. If he wanted to change his life around he was gonna do it. Damn! He was Wade Kinsella, he was a strong man, he could do it. No more pining around Zoe Hart. If she wanted to be mad at him and hate him, then better of this way. He could deal with that, with her hatred directed at him. It had always been like this. He was used to people having zero expectations when it came to him, to underestimate his every action. It was safer, because then he didn't have to commit to something, or especially, someone. He was afraid his very own heart was not gonna be able to handle another disappointment when it came to Zoe Hart.

Back at the Rammer Jammer he felt like a new man. He had heard some rumors about Zoe running off with George somewhere but it was as if he was ice-covered and all things related to her just didn't matter. He was determined not to. He picked up his phone and called Tansy. It was strange how much more in contact they were now than when they were together. Still, he would never be able to feel something for her again. If he ever thought he had loved her, he now saw how short his feelings had been compared to … No. Stop it damn it. He was not gonna think about her. Not gonna think about what he felt. Surely now that George "Golden Boy" Tucker was single again she would run off into his arms. The sooner he got over her and focused on amending his own life, the better.

Once Tansy showed up he told her about his decision. He wanted to make her feel part of his new resolution, being that she had been the one that inspired him. Still, once she left he felt uncertain again, like incomplete. He thought he would feel empowered, proud to be taking a new step in his life and sharing it with someone important for him. The night continue with the normal pace of any Saturday at The Rammer, only he got to close early because everyone was at that stupid musical show. He drove home and all the way couldn't stop thinking about Zoe, in spite his trying not to. He got to the plantation and realized her lights were off. So maybe she had run off with George, after all. Turns out in the solitude of his car, looking at her window felt as if it did matter. He was the opposite of frozen; he was so full of emotions he could explode.

Seeing as he couldn't sleep, he had started drawing up a plan for the new bar in his mind. The perfect location, the staff (he was determined to steel Shelly away), the menu. He could name his lavender drink after the Mayor himself. He knew Lavon would get the irony of a violet, fruity drink named like him. He dozed off and dreamt about the opening night. Everyone laughing, his band playing, drinks coming and going. And there she was. Even though he managed to escape her while awake, his subconscious would always go back there. He woke up and felt as if he understood everything. Although he had been trying to convince himself that the change was for his own sake's, he couldn't lie anymore. She was the reason. She was the drive. What good was it after all, to make something better of himself, to have his own business if he couldn't share it with the person he loved? He got up and took a beer. He knew, even against his own will, that everything he did was for her. And he was going to keep on trying. And trying, and trying. Until he got her or until she managed to break his heart into more little pieces that she already did.

Well there it is, out for the word (or at least a modest number of readers) to enjoy. I really really love Wade's character, not only for being such a beautiful man, but for his deep feelings. I think is character full of different shades to it, and I was curious as to what had driven him to star making changes. the answer, of course, was pretty clear for me.

Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed it, please just take a moment and tell me if you had (and also if you haven't). Good day y'all!