Happily Ever After

She watched the wreath fly through the air, spinning gently until it landed amongst the waves. And she knew that her chance at happiness was gone with it, scattered by the wind as his ashes had been.

For so long he had poked and prodded and flirted, until eventually - finally - she'd given in. She'd opened herself up to the possibility of happily ever after, and been burned.

She wouldn't make that mistake again.

............

For days after his death, she cried pretty much all the time she wasn't on duty. Even when she was, the tear tracks wearing lines into her cheeks were obvious, although no-one dared point them out. She sung easily from depression to anger...but through it all she remained professional.

Mike tried to get her to take time off, or at least do less aboard the ship, but she refused. The Navigator would not shirk her duties.

The days turned into weeks, and she stopped crying. At all. Even in the privacy of their cabin, Kate no longer saw her shed a single tear. Instead, she threw herself into her work; the most pressing task of which was finding his killer.

In the time Before, she had always hesitated at going on boarding, unsure whether her life plan would include a promotion to XO. But now, with no other dreams to come true, she took every opportunity she could get. And despite the fact she outranked almost everyone else aboard the RHIB, she allowed them to teach her, taking on every piece of advice offered...even from Spider.

She learned quickly. But then, they had always know that; she had been the first to master every new piece of technology, no matter the field. Soon, she and Kate were taking turns leading the boarding parties, something that amused Mike to no end, given how hard it had previously been to get Kate to relinquish control.

But, as Kate had put so succinctly, "It's the only thing she'll allow me to do to help her."

................

The first extended period of shore leave created a new problem for her. For the past month she had been able to either schedule herself on watch for the one or two nights they were in port, or spend the evening hours drinking with the crew, until she was so exhausted she literally collapsed into bed.

A whole week was a different matter. She knew she wouldn't survive, not alone. The first night was fine; they were celebrating the long leave. But when she woke the next morning, the bed was cold and the house empty.

Buffer refused her advances the second night, preferring to stay on the couch rather than share her bed. She awoke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee the next morning, and hurried into the kitchen with a wide smile on her face. A smile which fell the instant she recognised the buzz cut peeking over her fridge door; it wasn't him.

She'd learnt her lesson by the third night, and didn't proposition Bomber until the chef was onto her third schooner. Then, as she snuck out of bed in the early hours of the morning, she wondered how she was going to face her friend. Surprisingly, Bomber had been okay with it, had known she was nothing more than a warm body...but Nav wouldn't - couldn't - allow it to happen again.

The disasterous night - okay, so it had been a pretty damn great night, just disasterous for their friendship - had one upside; Bomber now understood what Nav hadn't been able to voice. And she proved what an amazing friend she was, by arranging to either stay with Nav, or have a gathering at someone's house for the remainder of their shore leave. And the next one. And the one after that. Until Nav could stay alone at night without crying herself to sleep.

...............

It all came to a head four months after his death. They'd found the murderers, had enough evidence for the AFP to issue a warrant. Mike didn't even think of asking her to stay behind on the boarding; this was what he could give her.

She was the first one onto the boat, was inside before Kate's RHIB had even gotten close enough for them to board. The sound of gunshots stopped them cold for a moment, Kate and Buffer exchanging a concerned look before they followed her below deck. As they searched, Kate tried to figure out which would be worse; that Nav had fired the shots, or been fired upon.

Then they found her, standing over the couple who had murdered the man she loved. Kate was surprised to find she hadn't even contemplated a third option' that the shots would not be fatal. The gun still clutched in the male's hand left no doubt it had been self-defense, yet Kate was shocked to realise how easily she'd been able to believe - had thought there would be no alternative - that Nav would be a killer.

Instead, she stood in front of them, an expression of pure hatred on her face. The female was clutching a bloody hand, while the male seemed largely unaware of the hole in his shoulder. His finger was curling around the trigger when Nav's reinforcements arrived, the appearance of a half dozen more Navy personnel ending any thoughts of more shots.

It was in the wake of that morality-defining day that Mike began the paperwork to promote her to XO.

..........

Just as she was (reluctantly) preparing to leave the Hammersley, for her new posting as XO of another patrol boat, the same position opened up on Hammersley. Much to the surprise of Nav - and anyone else who had been blind to the attraction between them - Kate was leaving the ship in order to pursue a relationship with another member of the crew.

The transition was almost seamless; after all, Nav had been leading boarding parties for two months now. However the new navigator didn't fit in quite as easily; especially given that the crew continued to address the XO as 'Nav'. As per her 'old' personality, Nav was the one to put the new recruit at ease, and the rest of the crew relished this; their 'Navvie' was returning to normal.

Though indeed many of her old personality traits returned over the next few months, she wasn't really the Nav of Before. Gone was the playful flirting and easy smiles, replaced with a single-minded determinedness and professionalism. Though no-one would accuse her of being cold towards her co-workers, neither was she the same friendly Nav she had previously been.

...................

No-one was surprised when Nav was promoted to CO, despite the fact she had been XO for less than two years. Under her leadership the boarding parties had incurred just a single wounded sailor, and no hostiles were killed once the Navy boarded the vessels. There was no doubt in anyone's minds; she had what it took to go a long way in the Navy.

But only those who remained of the old Hammersley crew saw the sadness in her eyes, every time someone suited up for diver recovery, or the new blonde ET was at the helm when Nav came to the bridge. Bomber, Swain and Buffer took care of their friend as best she would allow them to, rostering her off duty when the two anniversaries came around; his death and the proposal. No-one ever saw the ring nestled beside her dogtags.

..................

Over the years she watched as one by one, her friends found love...some even found long-lasting happiness. Kate was the first, leaving the Navy when she fell pregnant with her second child, a mere three years after she'd left the Hammersley. Much to everyone's surprise, Bomber and Spider announced themselves as a couple soon after Nav's promotion to XO - just as Spider was promoted to Able Seaman on the HMAS Parramatta.

Every Hammersley get-together brought someone new into the fold; girlfriends, boyfriends, wives and children. Nav wasn't jealous' she had experienced love, the most beautiful love she ever could have asked for. It wouldn't be fair to ask someone else to share her heart with a dead man...she wasn't even sure she could find it in her to allow anyone else in. The sea was her love now, her job the only dream worth chasing.

Nav didn't want another relationship, never wanted to invest those feelings again, and yet, when watching her play with the 'Hammersley kids', Kate had to sigh. It was a shame she'd never have children of her own. She was such a natural with them, whether it was soothing the cried of Bomber and Spider's three-month-old, or doing makeovers with Chloe and Kate's eldest. But she had chosen her path, and 'Aunty Nikki' was as close to motherhood as she would come.

.........................

Twenty-three years after his death – two days before the anniversary, actually – the promotion papers came through. Nicola Caetano was officialy Chief of the Australian Navy. She celebrated with her friends – her surrogate family.

"You know, it's ironic," Kate said, wrapping an arm around her friend's shoulder as they watched the antics of supposedly grown men. "25 years ago, when I first came on the Hammersley, I was planning to be Cheif of Navy, and you were going to be the stay-at-home mum."

Nav nodded, smiling one of her now-rare wide grins. "Funny how things change- Oops! Watch yourself." She caught a toddler just as the boy stumbled over her feet, bringing him up to perch on her hip.

Kate stroked the boy's blonde curls. "He'd be so proud of you."

Tears glimmering in her eyes, Nav nodded, just as the cacophony of the party was silenced by a clinking on gladd.

Buffer raised his beer in the direction of the two women. "To the first female Chief of Navy in the RAN, and the man who still holds her heart." He shot a meaningful glance at Nav. "To Josh Holiday."

"To Josh Holiday," the rest of the crew chorused, though some of the newer faces looked slightly confused.

After taking a sip of her champagne, Nav gave the glass to Kate and reached around her neck. She fiddled for a moment, before reaching out for the glass once again. As she wrapped her fingers around it, something clinked, and when Kate looked down, she saw a sparkle on Nav's left ring finger. Her engagement ring.

fin.