Title: What If?

Email address: T for a few bad words

Pairing: Neil/Todd

Spoilers: Can you really not have any spoilers when it's for a movie? And if you haven't seen the movie are you going to be reading the fan fiction?

Summary: Todd grows a backbone and a voice. Neil's curiosity is roused.

AU Notes: Will be slash if I ever decide to write more, though right now I'm not too sure whether this is going to be a oneshot or chapter one. Well if it is just a one shot it's got a bit of slashy-ness in it. Also I'm sure this title and probably plot has been used a thousand times before (and probably better than I'll write it), but I've never read one like it so it's new to me. This will probably be considered AU because I'll follow some of the plot from the movie but I will also be taking a lot of artistic license with it. But hey, that's why it's called fan fiction.

Warning: POV change, goes form first person omniscient to third person omniscient. Todd's probably going to be kinda OC but that's because that's the point, hence "Todd grows a backbone." I am going to try to keep him as IC as I can but it's going to be a little difficult. I hope I can keep Neil IC also. This is my first DPS fic so I'd love to know what you think, good and bad. I'm not too sure if I even like it or not.

Disclaimer: I do not own DPS

"Don't you forget this."

These simple words ring over and over in my head. Churning unwanted emotions, burning and buried inadequacies to the forefront of my mind.

My fellow classmates, the people who I'm always afraid are going to ridicule me, laugh in my face - they are applauding for me.

They actually clapped.

I'm astounded, and it's possibly the most beautiful sound in the whole world. For the first time in my life I don't feel totally worthless.

I'm on top of the world.

I couldn't keep my mind still for the rest of the class - hell, I couldn't keep a smile off of my face for the rest of the class, and I couldn't help but notice the proud look that Neil kept giving me. I even saw Charlie grin my way a few times.

"Todd that was amazing in class today!" Neil shouted grabbing his roommate by the arms and hauling him off of the ground. "What happened to the 'I'm not like you, no one's going to listen'? It sure as hell looked like you had the while class listening! As soon as you started talking about truth and the blanket simile everyone was hooked, no one could take their eyes off of you."

Todd grinned and latched onto Neil's arms. "I don't know what came over me. When Mr. Keating covered my eyes it was like everyone just..disappeared. It was only me and the picture. Then these words started pouring out, I had no control over what they were, I wasn't even too sure that they made any sense at all, I just knew that they had to come out. It felt like if I didn't say them then it would never be said, and that just felt like a tragedy. Then afterwards when I opened my eyes and realized that I wasn't alone with my picture of Whitman, but in the classroom I was scared shitless - but then the most beautiful thing ever happened." His eyes glazed over with a far off, almost serene, gaze.

Neil was waiting intently, leaning towards Todd, but when it appeared the other boy wasn't going to continue he urged him on. "What? What happened?"

Todd turned towards the window, looking out over the grounds. "People clapped. They were clapping just for me. For something that I came up with, for something that I said. They were clapping for me, Todd, not Todd Anderson, or Jeffery's little brother, just me - Todd."

The sandy haired boy turned around facing Neil. "I've never felt anything like that before. People liking me for me. Mr. Keating - well I thought I was going to hate him for what he did to me, for what he made me do. But I don't. I couldn't - there's no possible way I could hate a man for making me feel this. Mr. Keating said to me 'Don't you forget this' and I won't - there's no possible way I could. I think…I think that was the best moment in my life. "

"You were truly wonderful Todd. Now do you see how I feel about acting? I get that same exact feeling every time I step onto the stage. It's the highest high there is."

By now they were both kneeling in front of their shared window, gripping each other, realizing their newfound kindred spirits.

"It seems so hard to describe, yet every time I open my mouth words just seems to pour out. It's like a dam has been broken. I feel better than I ever have. Better than the time I kissed Michael McKissick - well Michael kissed me!"

That statement made Neil freeze. Realizing what he said, Todd tried to back away, but Neil merely held tighter. "You…you've kissed another boy?"

"N-no. It was just once - and h-he kissed me. I didn't kiss him."

Neil huddled closer to Todd. "What was it like?"

Todd quickly sat back, shocked. "What was what like?"

"Come on, don't play stupid with me Todd. You just confessed that you've kissed another boy before, and don't worry, I won't tell a soul! I swear on my life - on my role as Puck! But tell me - please I've been dying to know - what is it like? Is it like kissing a girl?" Neil was now crowding Todd, eager to hear the shy boy's reply.

Todd blushed and ducked his head uselessly trying to avoid the actors pleading eyes. "I wouldn't know. I've never kissed a girl before. But…it was nice."

"Nice? That's it?" The exasperation in his voice was clear. Neil just couldn't understand how Todd could be so beautifully descriptive in class one minute but then when he got him in their room, where he should feel the most comfortable he closed up as tightly as a defiant clam.

Sensing his roommates dejection at his short answer, Todd tried to elaborate, merely wanting to make Neil happier. "Well it was a really short kiss and um, he was sort of drunk. Too drunk to stand on his own really. I was helping him into bed - he was my roommate - and he just sort of grabbed me and pulled me down and kissed me. His lips were chapped and his breath reeked of alcohol and he passed out right after, but it was still nice. It made my stomach all warm and I couldn't fall back asleep for the longest time. It was nice." He trailed off.

Neil smiled and quickly squeezed his friend to his chest. "Thank you Todd. For trusting me, and for opening up to me.

Todd smiled shyly and murmured. "Thank you for letting me trust you."

End chapter

I can never decide if his hair is sandy brown or just brown