Author's Note: This is episode 3x02 in my Season Three Reboot Universe. To fully appreciate this episode, you should make sure you've read episode 3x01: Chuck Versus the Reboot.
Author's Thanks: Special thanks to spectacular_failure for his beyond beta reading skills and for giving up so much time to make this episode exponentially better than how it began. Also, sincere apologies for the omission of this thanks in preliminary posting because this would not be here with our spectacular_failure.
"Chuck Versus the PDA"
by Estee Williams
TEASER
INT. UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - DAY
Only CLOSE-UPS show the faces of a MAN and GENERAL BECKMAN.
MAN
Are you ready, Ma'am?
BECKMAN
Not really.
MAN
It's time.
BECKMAN
I understand that, but--
MAN
You've put it off far too long.
BECKMAN
I can take the pain.
MAN
I don't doubt that, General, but
now is not the time to be brave.
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
The General sits on the exam table wearing just a hospital
gown. She seems meek and powerless next to a tall, dark and
handsome Army doctor, TIM PAYNE, 40.
PAYNE
You're in perfect health except for
that knee, Ma'am.
BECKMAN
Of course, I am.
The doctor narrows his eyes. A change of tactics.
PAYNE
The worse it gets, the longer it
will take you to recover from the
surgery... and the longer you'll be
out of service at a time when your
country needs you most.
BECKMAN
No need to be condescending,
Doctor. I am perfectly aware of the
threats to this country and the
role I play in thwarting them.
The doctor stares at her with pursed lips.
PAYNE
Yes, Ma'am.
INT. CHUCK'S BEDROOM - DAY
CHUCK and SARAH stand in front of the TV with plastic
guitars strapped on. They play GUITAR HERO on a split screen
to the song YOU'RE GONNA SAY YEAH by the Hushpuppies.
After a few seconds, and several missed notes on Sarah's
side, "SONG FAILED" appears above a menu that offers:
"Retry, Practice, New Song, Quit."
SARAH
Okay, okay. Start it again.
CHUCK
Yes, Ma'am.
(he reconsiders)
Maybe co-op is a bit advanced.
Chuck uses his guitar to back out to a song list then takes
off his guitar controller and sets it on the bed. He hits
the green fret button on Sarah's controller a few times
until the song starts again. He then watches Sarah.
She tries to hit the correct fret buttons and strum, but
she's way off every time. Chuck fails at suppressing a grin
as Sarah continues to give it her best effort, but...
SARAH
No! Damn!
"SONG FAILED."
SARAH (CONT'D)
I think I might actually be able to
learn to play a real guitar before
I figure out how to play this game.
Sarah starts to pull off the plastic instrument, but Chuck
steps up behind her and stops her.
CHUCK
Hang on.
He reaches around her and hits the green fret button to
restart the song. He takes Sarah's left hand and puts it
back on the neck of the fake guitar.
Sarah manages to hit the buttons successfully as Chuck
reaches around with his other hand to take over strumming
duties. When a break comes, Chuck takes Sarah's free hand up
to the strum bar and makes her hit each note correctly.
She glances back at him, her face close to his.
CHUCK (CONT'D)
Focus.
Sarah narrows her eyes for a brief moment, suspicious, but
then turns her attention back to the game. Chuck pulls his
hands back and steps away from her. She's got it now.
CHUCK (CONT'D)
I'm curious.
(he pauses to watch her)
We've been cover dating for two
years, right?
Sarah keeps her eyes on the game.
SARAH
Give or take.
CHUCK
How are you still this bad at
videogames?
SARAH
Cover dating is really a lot more
about the cover than the dating.
CHUCK
Right...
SARAH
But now that we're living together,
we'll have more time to practice.
Sarah activates Star Power. Chuck nods, impressed.
CHUCK
If we can get Morgan to let us
borrow his Nintendo 64, I bet you
would kick ass at GoldenEye.
SARAH
(gently)
I didn't just mean videogames. Our
cover, as a whole, needs a lot of
work. We're not as... comfortable
as we used to be.
CHUCK
(genuinely remorseful)
Sorry about that.
Chuck plops down on the bed. Sarah stops playing the game.
She pulls off the controller, turns off the television and
takes a seat next to Chuck on the bed.
SARAH
Chuck, it is not your fault. You
understand that, right? It's not
like you forgot me on purpose.
CHUCK
I guess I just wish there was a way
to reverse it. It would make things
so much easier...
Sarah swallows and takes a long breath.
CHUCK (CONT'D)
There's so much missing. There must
be something I can do to get at
least some of that back.
SARAH
You read all Casey's reports.
CHUCK
Yeah. About that...
Sarah looks at him, a hesitant eyebrow raised.
CHUCK
Casey's reports are sterile. I know
what I did on missions, but I have
no idea how I felt about it.
SARAH
Chuck, you're the Intersect. Your
job is to know the facts. Period.
CHUCK
Fine. If it's my job to know the
facts, tell me five facts about
Sarah Walker that I don't... know.
SARAH
Okay. One: she's going with you to
Ellie's for dinner in an hour.
Chuck looks at Sarah with dread.
SARAH (CONT'D)
What?
CHUCK
Since we picked up the Awesome
newlyweds at the airport two days
ago, I have received three voice
mails, six text messages and one
email about how Ellie thinks
there's something off between you
and me. If she only knew...
Sarah concedes with a nod.
INT. WOODCOMB KITCHEN - NIGHT
CLOSE ON: Chuck's surprised, confused face.
ELLIE (O.S.)
Well?
ELLIE stands before Chuck with folded arms.
ELLIE
Hello? Earth to Chuck? What is
going on with you and Sarah?
CHUCK
I...
He looks around then back at Ellie.
ELLIE
I knew it. Something's wrong.
CHUCK
No. No, no, no...
ELLIE
It's living together, isn't it? I
pushed it and you weren't ready--
CHUCK
Living together is fine. Sarah and
I are fine. Everything is... fine.
ELLIE
When Devon and I left for our
honeymoon, you and Sarah were
majorly in love. Now, you're
"fine?" Something's off, Chuck.
Chuck glances over Ellie's shoulder.
CLOSE ON: A bowl of fruit. A small camera is hidden by a
bunch of bananas. It shifts toward Chuck and Ellie.
INT. UNDERGROUND LAB - NIGHT
Sarah and STEVE watch Chuck and Ellie on a monitor.
SARAH
I can't watch this anymore.
(she turns off the monitor)
Ellie can see right through him.
STEVE
Lying to the people he loves was
never his strong suit. Maybe you
could give him some tips.
Sarah folds her arms and turns away.
STEVE (CONT'D)
Come on, this is an easy fix.
A crash interrupts. Sarah jumps up and draws her weapon.
STEVE (CONT'D)
Three... Two...
A closed circular portal with a three-foot diameter hangs on
the wall just a few feet above the floor. The portal door
opens, and CASEY slips out. He crashes onto the floor.
STEVE (CONT'D)
One.
SARAH
Casey? Are you okay?
She holsters her gun then runs over to help him up.
CASEY
That entrance sucks.
SARAH
How many secret entrances does this
place have?
STEVE
Several.
Steve grins mischievously.
STEVE (CONT'D)
Exits, too. Which reminds me...
He nods to a small elevator door on the backside of the lab.
INT. WOODCOMB MASTER BATHROOM - NIGHT
The room is empty. It is outfitted much like the old
apartment bathroom with a tub and stand alone shower.
CHUCK (O.S.)
Sarah? Everything okay in there?
The shower floor begins to shake. The tiny elevator rises
into the shower. Sarah quickly hops out, closes the door
then presses in a pattern on a series of tiles.
CHUCK (O.S.)
Sarah? Honey? Should I come in?
Sarah opens the door slightly and pulls him in.
SARAH
You never call me "honey."
Chuck watches as the elevator sinks back into the shower
floor. He stares then looks back at Sarah.
CHUCK
Was that... ?
SARAH
Chuck, did you hear me?
CHUCK
Don't call you "honey." Got it. I
guess I figured you were secure
enough as an empowered woman that a
term of endearment wouldn't--
SARAH
It's not that I'm offended; it's
just not something you call me. So
don't start now, okay?
He nods, reprimanded.
SARAH (CONT'D)
I'm not trying to be critical. I'm
just trying to protect the cover.
He grins.
CHUCK
How about "babe?" Or does Awesome
have that one trademarked?
Sarah smiles and opens the door.
SARAH
No "babe." No "darling" or "dear."
Chuck and Sarah enter the hallway together.
CHUCK
"Pookie?"
Sarah cringes. Chuck smiles wide at her reaction.
SARAH
Okay, Sarah Walker Fact Two: she
finds pet names kind of...
vomit-inducing.
CHUCK
Good to know.
SARAH
Now, let's see if we can get
through dinner without any more
blips on the Sis-dar.
Chuck nods and notices Sarah has her hand extended. He lifts
an eyebrow. She gives him an encouraging smile. Chuck takes
her hand, and the two of them walk into the kitchen together
where Ellie and Devon are waiting.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. UNDERGROUND LAB - NIGHT
Steve and Casey sit on opposite sides of a small table where
they are engaged in a game of chess. Steve moves a piece.
STEVE
I believe that is check and mate.
Casey growls in discontent.
CASEY
I'm more of a solitaire man.
STEVE
That's pretty obvious.
Casey's growl turns menacing, but Steve doesn't flinch. A
crash catches Casey's attention, but Steve barely notices.
Chuck and Sarah come tumbling out of the portal.
Chuck lands on Sarah.
CHUCK
Oh! Oh, sorry.
He pushes himself up awkwardly. Sarah rises with Grace.
STEVE
One at a time, kids.
Chuck and Sarah trade an embarrassed look.
CASEY
Now that Shaggy and Daphne are
here, can we get on with this?
Steve smiles and shuffles over to one of his computers. He
pulls up a file and motions for Chuck to go to him.
STEVE
Come on, Son. You'll love this.
Chuck walks over and sits down in front of the screen. Steve
trades a smile with Chuck, hits enter and walks away.
Steve joins Casey and Sarah while Chuck watches images flash
on the screen in the background.
STEVE (CONT'D)
(stern, serious)
You know, I don't support the
Intersect project nor do I agree
with some of the choices made
regarding this operation.
(he glances at Sarah)
Particularly, those decisions made
in reference to my son.
Casey looks over at Sarah with a nod of agreement. She
glowers at him, but he shrugs innocently.
STEVE
But Chuck is ultimately the one who
chose to have the new Intersect in
his head. And he insists this is
what he wants--to be a secret
agent, to improve the Intersect.
(transition to excited)
So, in that vein, I have
been coming up with all sorts of
tweaks. Directed updates, total
user customization, pre-loaded
skills--which is what we're working
on right now: forcing the Intersect
to access particular information
prior to a given mission.
CASEY
What's he rambling about?
Casey looks to Sarah.
SARAH
Chuck doesn't have to flash on
something to learn how to do it?
STEVE
He'll still flash. We're just
making sure he's got something to
flash on. Let's say you've got a
mission in Paraguay and you need
him to know Spanish. We pre-load
the entire language--just in case.
CHUCK
¡Oye! Amigos, sé hablar español.
They all look over at Chuck. He smiles back sheepishly.
STEVE
Cool, huh?
Sarah and Casey trade an impressed look until...
CHUCK
¡Y puedo hablar solamente español!
Casey smirks and shakes his head. Sarah looks concerned.
STEVE
What? What'd he say?
CASEY
(amused)
He said...
SARAH
(concerned)
He can only speak Spanish.
Chuck hops up and babbles on in Spanish, freaking out. Sarah
goes to him to calm him down. Casey shakes his head.
STEVE
Okay. Okay, clearly there are still
one or two bugs to be worked out.
They all look at him in a brief moment of silence then Chuck
goes back to freak-out-in-Spanish mode.
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF TEASER