Title: Loving Tono

Author: Soleil blanc

Rating: Pending- for now, T.

Summary: Kaoru discovers his sexuality and his feelings for Tamaki all in one afternoon. The Host Club is going to be a lot more awkward from this point on. TamaKao.

Notes: Third-person limited. Um. I had a lot of problems with honorifics, because I haven't watched OHSHC in a long time and I don't know what they all call each other. There will be an occasional "senpai" or something, but I didn't commit to using them all the time. Basically, I have a strange mix of Japanese influence and American influence in here because I got lazy.

Warnings: Boy on boy sexuality- not so much in this chapter, but in later ones. Maybe a teensy bit of swearing? I can't help myself.

Posted: Approximately 10:50 EST June 24, 2009

"Kaooooruuu!" came the coaxing, whining drone of his brother's voice from the other side of the door. Kaoru jumped, nearly fell from his perch on the bathroom counter, the sighed heavily.

"Hai, Hikaru, I'll be out in a minute."

Sulkily, Hikaru mumbled, "You've been in there forever already."

The younger twin didn't respond, just curled back up into a ball.

I...

He balked, unsure how to phrase the thought. It made him flush with shame to consider.

I like boys.

He steeled his nerve.

I'm gay.

It was one thing, certainly, to pretend on a day-to-day basis, but another thing entirely for it to be true. Would Hikaru hate him? Would Hikaru think that their brotherly love act was more than a game for him? Would he be repulsed?

But it wasn't true. He didn't-- couldn't-- like Hikaru like that. He just didn't know how he might make his thickheaded twin understand.

I'm gay. But more than that...

He buried his head into his knees, feeling humiliated.

I like Tamaki.

What had begun this little bathroom esapade was what Kaoru had immediately begun refering to as "The Incident." After a long day at the Host Club (during which the hosts had to dress up as fairy tale characters-- Kaoru had flat out refused to be the Gretel to his brother's Hansel, but it had ended up happening anyway), Kaoru had stepped into a side room to change and there was Tono himself, in nothing but tights. He began to peel them off, not realizing that he had been walked in on. Kaoru stood transfixed.

Then, Tamaki turned around, completely exposed, and their eyes met. Thankfully, Kaoru's face held all of the mortification and none of the lust that he was feeling. After a moment of stunned silence, they both began babbling frantically. The blond moved to cover himself, and Kaoru realized that, instead of getting the hell out of there, he was standing around, still staring, running his mouth like a fool. He abruptly exited the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

On the ride home, Hikaru noticed that his twin was unusually silent and had started to halfheartedly interrogate him. He got nowhere, but he figured Kaoru would tell him what was wrong when he was ready.

And now here they were, on opposite sides of the bathroom door, both frustrated and worried and horribly confused.

Kaoru had suspected that he was different, honestly-- an occasional glimpse at one of mother's male models, a total lack of interest in anything female-- but he had never pursued this inkling. Sexuality just hadn't held any interest for him. Not until The Incident, anyway.

He remembered the feeling that swept through him upon laying eyes on the King of the Host Club. His blood was hot and his skin tingly, and for a moment, images danced in his head that would make anyone blush. He had felt a pleasant sensation in his groin that he had only known on the several occasions that he'd-- the thought embarrassed him even with no one to witness it-- brought himself to release.

He groaned aloud as the feeling stirred again, trying to will it away. He couldn't believe Tamaki was the one causing him to experience this lust.

And yet-- it wasn't just lust that he felt, he was beginning to realize. Sure, yes, he was horny like only a teenage boy could be, but he wasn't just fixated on the naked body, but also the blushing, stammering face. And it was making his heart hurt in a ferociously good way. It was... It was cute. He liked Tamaki. He liked Tamaki. He dug his fingers into his hair incredulously. How in the world had this happened to him?

He heard his brother sigh from the other side of the door. "Kaoru," he said dejectedly.

"Sorry, Hikaru." The younger twin slid off the counter and examined himself in the mirror to make sure he didn't look in any way alarming. He opened the door to find himself face-to-face with Hikaru, who was peering at him intensely.

"What?"

Hikaru stared at him some more before asking carefully, "When did you become so secretive, Kaoru? When did you decide you had to keep things from me?"

Kaoru stood dumbfounded and guilty and didn't answer.

"Whatever. Just know you can tell me when you're ready." The older Hitachiin patted his brother on the shoulder solemnly and walked out of their room.

Kaoru was sorely tempted to ask Kyoya-- or to beg, if need be-- to let him skip Host Club that afternoon. As soon as he had walked into the room, late because of a homework assignment he had to make up, he and Tamaki had accidentally made eye contact. Whatever had crossed between them had made him shudder and snap his eyes away. He took his seat next to Hikaru extremely uncomfortably. He could still feel eyes on him. Fortunately, he already had a client to distract him.

Unfortunately, the young lady had seen the shared glance and the resulting embarrassment on Kaoru's face.

"Kaoru-san, are you and Suoh-senpai secret lovers?" she asked bluntly. Kaoru spit out his tea and stammerd for a few moments. Hikaru gave him a sidelong glance.

"The look of passion you two gave each other just now--"

"Of course not, right, my sweet Kaoru?" Hikaru interrupted her silkily, gripping his brother's chin and looking into his eyes. "He belongs to me. I would never allow that Suoh near my beloved with such intentions."

In those seconds, Hikaru used his meaningful stare to tell his twin tha the was on to him. They would talk later, Kaoru knew. It made him sick to his stomach.

"H-hai, Hikaru... Of course, I'm yours." Still, he played the part of the devoted uke flawlessly.

As soon as their bedroom door was closed, Hikaru dropped his bag and rounded on his brother, glaring.

"What's going on between you and Tono?" he demanded.

"Huh? Nothing, Hikaru. What makes you--"

"Cut it out!" Hikaru snapped. "Stop hiding from me!"

Kaoru gulped. He was trapped. He had to tell.

"Well, maybe I would feel like I could tell you things if you weren't always chasing after Haruhi!"

There was a stunned silence. Kaoru closed his eyes tight. He hadn't meant to do that.

"I'm sorry," he said, "That wasn't fair. I'm sorry."

Hikaru sighed heavily through his nose.

"I didn't mean it. It's not even true. I-- I'm just scared. Hikaru? I'll tell you, okay?"

He took his brother's hands and guided him to the bed, where they sat facing each other. He didn't let go because he knew that once the truth was out, Hikaru would pull away. He wanted to savor the contact with his twin, the other half of his worls, while he still had the ability.

"I-- this is-- this is very new to me, and I'm really confused about it and I'm afraid... mostly of..." He sighed. "I... I don't like girls the same way you do. The way I'm supposed to."

Hikaru still watched him, but after a moment, he spoke.

"So you and Tamaki--"

"No! No."

"...How did you find out?"

He wasn't letting go of Kaoru's hands. The younger twin's elation at this mingled with the dread and humiliation he already felt.

"Well, I-- yesterday, I walked in on Tamaki changing. He was naked."

"What?!" Hikaru shot off the bed. "And- and you liked it?"

"Well, yes, Hikaru," Kaoru mumbled sullenly. "I'm gay."

"I'm sorry, Kaoru."

"It wasn't like I sat ther ogling at him like a pervert. We were both very embarrassed about it. Anyway, he likes Haruhi."

Hikaru gave his twin a look. "Why should it matter if he likes Haruhi if you just like his body?"

A blush seeped instantly into Kaoru's cheeks.

"I-- well, I mean--" Kaoru cursed himself. He sounded like an idiot. "I just... Oh, fine. Maybe I have some feelings for him."

"Kaoru!"

"Whatever! What does it matter? He likes girls, Hikaru. He likes girls, which I am clearly not." The younger Hitachiin was on his feet now, in his brother's face. Even though Hikaru wasn't digusted by him, this was still going badly. Hikaru didn't understand. Kaoru felt that he had to make his stupid, childish brother understand.

"Kaoru, I just--"

"Stop! Just listen to me, okay? I don't need a lecture. I don't need you to try and change how I feel. All I need from you is understanding, and support! Do you get it?"

Hikaru's face was hurt. Kaoru felt a twinge of remorse as he realized he was yelling.

"Yes, I get it. I'm sorry. I just... wanted to protect you."

"I know." Kaoru wanted to cry suddenly. Hikaru caught the expression on his face and opened his arms, and his brother fell into the embrace and began to sob.

Review please.