"Hey Kensi, it's Deeks. I'm really really sorry about today. We need to talk. Call me back when you get this, okay?"
"Hey, it's Deeks…again. I need to talk with you Kens. I know I didn't have anything to say earlier, but I have a lot to say now and I need to say it in person. Call me."
"Kens, it's me. First of all, I want to let you know how sorry I am for keeping you in the dark earlier today for the umpteenth time. Also, I'm sorry about the somewhat incomprehensible text-bombing, but I just want to make sure that you're okay. It's been like, five hours since I've last seen you. Please call me back."
"Kensi, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not the only one who's worried about you right now, Sam and Callen are too. They might not be calling or texting as much as me, but I know they're worried deep down. Can you at least text me back?"
"Okay, I just want to let you know that if you call, I promise to pick up the phone so you can verbally abuse me or get into a touché argument or talk about America's Next Top Model or Monty or anything you want to. Just please please please call me."
"Kens, this is nowhere near the last phone call, but it may be for the next half hour because Hetty told me to stop calling you. But we really really really really really really really have to talk. Please Kensi, just call me back."
"Six hours without any text, sighting, punch, or phone call. I know how upset you are and understand that you never want to see me or hear that annoying song I had Eric set up whenever I call your phone again, but at this point I just want to know that you're okay. Show me a sign of life!"
"Kensi, we're leaving for work in like, three hours and I haven't slept at all and I know you haven't. I want to sort this out before then. Seriously, I don't think we've went this long without talking since getting over your initial dislike of me. We have that couple hour unspoken rule, remember? I send a few texts, you send one or two back, I send a video or picture and you tell me how far on the idiot scale I went…good times. Call me."
"I've been outside your house for the past hour and haven't seen a single sign of inhabitance- not a light switch, not a TV hum, not a decibel of your therapeutic rock music. I'm getting concerned. Are you doing this on purpose? I get the psychological torture and all, I'm a big fan don't get me wrong, but I really need to make sure that you're okay. Please call me."
"Okay, this is a courtesy call. Within the next ten minutes, if I don't hear from you, I'm breaking down the door. You can beat me up when I get in and I will be prepared for a strong offensive attack, I just need to see you."
It was nearly eight hours of unanswered calls and texts and a burning conscious that led Deeks to Kensi's doorstep. The silence was slowly but surely driving him into empty-headed insanity. And while Deeks and empty-headed insanity do mingle, Deeks wanted no part in an insanity without Kensi Blye to criticize him for it.
He knew he deserved it, of course. Working with the team to deceive Kensi had been the hardest thing Deeks had ever done as a cop. Even when Callen and Sam had assured him that Kensi would understand that it was necessary for the mission, Deeks knew that keeping Kensi in the dark would cause her to double up the walls around her.
There was no denying the fact that Kensi Blye is a strong woman, but Deeks knew firsthand the tight walls she threw up to keep people believing that she would never break. It seemed that today, everyone had forgotten the fact that Kensi was. But Deeks could still see the fragile girl abandoned by her parents and fiancé no matter how much she imitated Wonder Woman. Kensi's purposeful ignorance of Deeks' calls had proven him right, but there was never a time when Deeks wished he had been wrong.
Deeks walked up to the doorway with the expectation of knocking on the door a few times and ringing the doorbell to the beat of America's Next Top Model theme song before breaking down the door. So when the door opened before he even knocked, all the words of the speech Deeks had spent the last eight hours preparing dissipated.
Kensi stood in the doorway, looking like an Amazon Queen with a fierce expression and angry eyes, despite tousled hair and casual pajamas. "I'm fine Deeks. You can go now."
Deeks swallowed a ball of saliva forming in his throat. "Did you get my messages?"
"Deeks, it's three in the morning. What do you want?"
"I want to talk,"
"Oh really? Because earlier, I explicitly remember you leaving me when I wanted to talk. I really don't know what you want me to say."
Deeks winced at the verbatim of his words that had seemed like a gentle let down at the time. But he pressed on. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier today, err, I guess yesterday since midnight passed but,"
"I get it Deeks. It was part of the job. Besides, we all lie on a daily basis. If we had a problem with lies, we would never have gotten hired."
"We never lied to each other before." Deeks said gently. "I never doubted for a second that you wouldn't understand, but I also knew how mad you,"
"Dogs go mad, people don't get mad." Kensi corrected.
"Okay, how angry you would be that we left you out."
Kensi's eyes sparked with anger. "What do you want me to say Deeks?"
"I want you to talk about it. All you ever do is lock up your feelings and you have the rest of the team fooled into believing that you're invincible but I know differently."
"You already know how I feel, so why do I need to say anything? You know that I'm angry at Hetty for making the call in the first place. And at Callen and Sam for refusing to fight for you when we-I thought you got kicked off the team! And that somehow Eric and Nell got clearance over me to know that you weren't actually fired! And you! If you really knew how I was going to react, why would you deceive me into thinking that you were leaving me just like everyone else in my life? I thought I meant more to you…to all of you!"
"You do mean more Kens,"
"But the job still came first in the end, didn't it?"
The hard truth was, that none of them were more important than the job. Whatever crisis was happening would always take precedence. That was the sacrifice that they had made when they joined the team.
"Did you ever think about how this made me feel?" Deeks countered. "Lying to you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. You're my partner. I know you better than anyone and that's why I knew exactly how this would make you feel and no one would listen when I said so."
"Were you the only one who argued with Hetty's decision?"
Deeks shifted nervously from foot to foot, looking like a toddler caught in a lie. "You can ask them yourself…"
Kensi knew to take that as a yes. Out of everyone on the team, only Deeks- the person who she had known for the shortest amount of time- had somehow understood her in a way no one else had.
"Is that why you could bareley look at me when you were emptying out your desk?"
"I knew we couldn't have a conversation like that in the middle of a lie."
He knew that if he had allowed Kensi to admit her feelings or express too much concern under false pretences, their partnership would have been broken beyond repair.
"I know this isn't exactly the best time to say this, but I promise that I will never do this to you again. I would rather get fired than put you through this again."
"Even if it meant that we couldn't be partners anymore?"
Deeks nodded. "You don't think such a minor detail would stop me from annoying you, would it?"
Kensi couldn't help but snort at his joke attempted and Deeks took that as a sign that they could move on.
It amazed Kensi that in their short time together, shaggy haired blue eyed Deeks, despite the fact that he put up with her stubborn and closed off personality, had managed to wiggle himself into Kensi's heart. His laissez-faire attitude, sharp humor, sense of adventure, loyalty, and his never-quit personality told Kensi that she could trust him.
"I'm sorry." She said finally.
Deeks cocked his head in confusion. "Shouldn't I be telling you that?"
"You have- in your multitude of texts and voice mails. I never considered things from your perspective and I know that, if our roles had been switched, I would have done the same thing."
"I wish it would have been me." Deeks said quietly.
Kensi sighed. "Today has just been—a crazy, horrendous day. The way everyone acted like you leaving wasn't a big deal and then Hetty saying that it…that it was better that you left…" She didn't finish, but she didn't have to. Deeks understood perfectly.
He laughed softly. "If this were to ever happen for real, I would hope for a different reaction."
"I wouldn't let it happen for real." Kensi said. "I was mostly angry at you after I found out."
"If there was anyone to be mad at, it should have been me. I'm the reason we had to deceive you in the first place."
"But you were the only one to argue with Hetty and apologize." Kensi pointed out.
Deeks only nodded, happy that Kensi was okay with him again. "So, am I forgiven?"
Kensi pretended to think a moment before nodding. "But only if you get us a couple of beers and let me pick the movie."
"You mean, let you watch Titanic, a three hour movie of pure torture?"
"Deeks,"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I love the Titanic, with its depressing mood and unrealistic death of Jack."
"The producers and director just weren't thinking straight. They were creating a masterpiece." Kensi argued. "Just pretend the that only Rose could fit on the wooden panel."
"Whatever you say Kensalina," Deeks said, smiling. "I'll go get the burgers and beers."
"I'll set up the movie." Kensi said, perking up a bit.
A giant grin sat on Deeks's face as he set out to purchase the apology gifts because if Kensi's eager behavior was any indication, movie nights at Kensi's were about to become a lot more common.