SOOOOOOO... I've recently decided to give fanfiction another try. YAY!
I hope everyone likes the story!
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Chapter 1 ~
Christmas. Easter. Thanksgiving. New Years.
It could all be summed up in one word, to one thing.
Holidays.
Bella detested holidays.
Holidays, for Bella at least, brought about a certain obligation, an obligation that Bella typically wanted to avoid at all costs. She had to call her father – her absent, estranged father.
The phone sat dauntingly on its stand on her beside table. Bella was unable, unfortunately, to offer herself much solace except for the fact that she knew this wasn't an obligation she had to fulfill very often.
To be very honest, the only reason she even bothered to call was because of Renee, her dead mother. Bella knew, without even the slightest doubt, that her mother loved her father. And she knew, even more certainly, that her mother wouldn't have wanted Bella's relationship with her father to be the way it currently was.
Perhaps Bella didn't know it, but deep down, in a hidden corner of her subconscious, she felt like she owed her mother this one last thing.
Five years, for some, is only a very, very brief amount of time. But for Bella, it had been five, long years, full of myriads of guilt, grief and pain.
Guilt, because she had let her relationship with Charlie, her father, deteriorate to a point where, in her mind, it is unsalvageable. Grief, because she had lost of father, albeit not physically, but certainly emotionally. And finally, pain, because she'd lost everyone in her family, even the one that still existed.
Five years ago, Bella lost Renee and Hayden, her brother, to a tragic car accident, an accident that involved Bella herself. She was the sole survivor of the accident that claimed the life of Renee and Hayden.
Five years ago…
Bella's feet had taken up residence on the dashboard as she flipped through the radio channels one by one, unable to set her mind on a single one. Renee gave an exasperated sigh.
"Bella, would you please pick a station and stick with it?" she demanded good-naturedly. "I'll have a headache soon, if you keep that up." Her eyes darted to Bella's feet that still rested on the dashboard of the car. "And please remove your feet from the dashboard; they stink."
"My feet do not stink!" Bella cried indignantly; she removed her feet nonetheless.
"Yes, they do. I can smell them from back here," Hayden piped up from the backseat, grinning smugly into the rearview mirror. "You just finished soccer practice. Your feet have to stink."
"Oh, shut up, Hayden," Bella muttered, eyes narrowing at his reflection. She stuck her tongue out at him for good measure.
At the next red light, Hayden poked his head out from in between Renee and Bella's seats, moving to the middle seat of the back of the car.
"Can we go get ice cream?" he asked eagerly, his face lighting up at the prospect.
Renee turned her head the slightest bit so that she was looking at him in her peripheral vision and gave him a pointed look. Then her eyes flicked back to the rearview mirror. "Only if you sit back down properly and put a seatbelt on."
"Done," exclaimed Hayden, scrambling into a seat as an elated grin spread across his face.
After a few seconds, and not hearing the indicatory click that accompanied fully operating seatbelts, Bella peered at Hayden over her shoulder. What she saw didn't surprise her; she'd been expecting it. Hayden, not surprisingly, didn't have a seatbelt on, and his arms were crossed inconspicuously around his hips.
Hayden caught Bella giving him a blatant look and glared at her belligerently. Smugly, and relishing the idea of landing her younger brother in trouble, Bella opened her mouth to tattle on him, eyes still trained in his direction in case he tried anything funny, when Renee suddenly seized her daughter's hand in a death grip.
"Mom?" Bella asked, confused. Renee's grip was so tight; her knuckles were white and the tips of Bella's fingers began tingling from the lack of circulation there.
"Please, please, please tell me your brother has a seatbelt on," Renee murmured, her voice barely more than a whisper and tight with desperation and another emotion that Bella was incapable of identifying.
Bella turned back to face the front. Before Bella could say anything – mainly to ask what was happening, their car made a sudden right turn.
"I'm so sorry," Bella heard Renee whisper.
Bella couldn't answer her.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash. The car came to an abrupt stop. The sound of glass shattering reached Bella's ears.
Despite her seatbelt, she was thrown into the window. Her head collided with the hard glass, and black spots danced across her vision. Behind her, she heard Hayden cry out once before falling silently.
The last thing Bella felt before blacking out was the warmth of Renee's hand around her own, except both grips had gone slack.
Present day...
The first thought that passed through Bella's mind after waking up from her medically induced slumber was that she'd rather not have woken up at all. Bella was told that she had suffered a major concussion and several broken bones, while her mother and Hayden had not survived the collision.
The airbags in car had been faulty and defective. They'd failed the engage upon the collision. Bella often wondered if that would have saved her mother's life, but she tried not to dwell on what ifs.
After the accident, it took a long time for Bella to recover. Meanwhile, her father, Charlie, had filed a lawsuit against the manufacturer of the car that Bella's mother had driven. Throughout the duration of the lawsuit, as Charlie spoke to lawyer after lawyer, Bella felt an emerging distance between them.
Particularly when it came to light that Renee had purposely swerved, in hopes of taking the brunt of the impact on her side of the car and potentially saving the lives of her children. But she hadn't counted on Hayden being without a seatbelt. And thus, with her decision to save her children, Renee had unintentionally caused Hayden's death.
It was for this reason that Charlie began to hate his daughter. He blamed her for the death of his beloved wife and son. The distance between them grew and expanded until it became something that could no longer be bridged.
Despite finally winning the lawsuit in the end, and receiving a large of amount of money as compensation, Bella's family was lost. Initially, after the accident, Bella had hoped that life would gone on as it used to, but she realized, very soon, that she was naïve for thinking like that.
Charlie began to spiral into an irreversible reality. He began to drink. He began to smoke. He deteriorated to the point where he shoved a large part of the multi-million dollar compensation at Bella and asked, more like demanded, that she leave.
By then, Bella was eighteen and she was more than happy to adhere to his rather vehement instructions and get the hell out of there. She moved in with her best friends, Alice Brandon and Rosalie Hale. She knew she was lucky, to find people who loved her like family.
But despite the familial love Bella received from her closest friends, it didn't numb the pain she still felt.
She hated her father, and she still did. And that hatred took its toll on her. It is difficult, hating someone she knew she should love. But then, every time she remembered how he had drowned in his own sorrows and left her to her own devices, her hatred seemed to multiply exponentially.
So really, the obligatory phone calls was mainly only something Bella did to placate her dead mother, because it was what she would've wanted.
Very hesitantly, and with a sense of dread, Bella picked up the phone from her bedside table and dialed her father's number. Someone picked up on the fourth ring.
"Hello?" Bella heard a female voice say. No matter how many times she heard Sue's voice, she could never quite get over her shock.
Just a little over two years ago, Charlie remarried to Sue, a woman almost 8 years his junior. Bella hadn't been invited to the wedding – her own father hadn't wanted her there, and to be frank, she hadn't wanted to be there either. We're on the same page then, Bella had thought snidely at the time.
To be fair to Sue, she was a genuinely likeable woman, and Bella made every effort to get to know her. But every time she tried, it felt as if she was replacing her own biological mother. And that was something Bella could never do.
She didn't need another mother in her life other than the one she already had, and she certainly wasn't going to trust anyone else to be her mother.
Bella sighed, letting out a deep breath. Inhaling deeply, Bella opened her eyes and spoke.
"Hello, Sue. It's Bella," she responded.
"Oh, Bella, we haven't heard from you in a while," Sue exclaimed. Snide thoughts floated through Bella's mind. Of course, they haven't heard from me in a while; I only call five times a year, she thought. "How has your internship at the hospital been going?"
Bella forced herself to be polite, or as polite as she could manage. Sue didn't deserved Bella's anger or hatred, no matter how difficult Bella found it to get to know her. And being very honest, Bella knew, deep down, that she didn't hate Sue.
Sue had helped her father greatly. She'd helped him deal with his problems – the smoking and the drinking, and just a year ago, they had a child together – a baby boy named Seth.
And for that, Bella's hatred for her father magnified ten-fold. Bella didn't resent his new wife or his newborn child. She resented the fact that he had been to busy burying himself in his sorrows to even care for her. She resented the fact that he had chosen to pursue a new life without her. She resented the fact that he had been so unwilling to listen to her when she'd tried to convince him to stop smoking and drinking.
Bella had tried everything she could to help him; God knows she'd tried, but he pushed her away every single time. And then, when he finally recovered, he'd turned the tables. He blamed her for not trying hard enough.
That's when it became very evident to Bella that their relationship had deteriorated to a point where nothing could change its reality. Because of the deaths of her mother and Hayden, Bella's relationship with her father had been irrevocably altered.
Now, in his own familial bliss, Charlie barely remembered his daughter; she almost didn't exist to him, save for the infrequent phone calls he received from her. And Charlie really did prefer it this way. If he could have his way, he'd cut off all contact with his daughter.
He didn't need her as a reminder of what he had lost. But he knew that Renee wouldn't have wanted him to alienate their child, at least not completely. So he humored her and Bella by picking up the phone every time she called. It wasn't something he particularly enjoyed.
He just didn't know that he and Bella had parallel thinking. Perhaps they were more alike than they'd like to believe.
"The internship has been amazing so far. It's exhausting, but very rewarding," Bella replied lightly. "How's Baby Seth?"
Although Bella kept her distance from Sue and certainly from her father, she couldn't deny the fact that Baby Seth had somehow still managed to find his way into her heard, drool and all. He was, perhaps, the one thing in the entire situation that she didn't resent.
"He's doing great. He just started walking and now he's getting into everything," Sue answered, her voice lighter because of the new, happier topic. "I'll send you some pictures soon."
Bella smiled. "I'd like that. Thank you."
Then she fell silent, unsure of what to say. Or perhaps she was simply putting off the inevitable – speaking with her father.
Sue seemed to sense Bella's internal struggle and indecision about what to say. "I'll get him on the phone for you."
"Thank you," Bella repeated, although she was feeling far from thankful at the moment.
A few seconds of silence followed. Bella chewed on her bottom lip, until she tasted blood. She tried to formulate what she would say to him, but she was at a loss. She could hear her breathing through the receiver; it did nothing to calm her down. She concentrated on slowing her inhalations down as she waited.
Her breathing stopped altogether when a gruff voice spoke over the receiver.
"Bella, what do you want?" he asked roughly.
Bella froze, her mouth gaping like a fish as she scrambled in her head frantically for words. She had planned what she was going to say, but now face with the reality of talking to her father, all plans went out the window.
"Bella," he repeated, "what do you want?"
Bella let out a shaky breath. "I just called to wish you a Merry Christmas," she finally stuttered, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and reminding herself to breathe.
"Is that all?" Charlie's voice was like the Arctic wind. Maybe even colder.
"Yes, that's all," she finally replied, hating the quiver in her voice. Bella's teeth clamped down on her lower lip as she fought back the tears, starting up the bleeding all over again. Bella just wished he'd be more responsive. Anger, hatred, fear – anything was better than this impassiveness.
"Really?" Now his voice was full of incredulity. "I thought there would be more to your phone call. Maybe, to tell me that you need more money from us each month?" Charlie's voice was acidic, and it hurt.
I really should be careful what I wish for, she thought to herself.
Bella could hear the underlying anger in his voice. And in the face of his anger, her own anger reared its ugly head. "Don't you dare make any goddamned assumptions about me," Bella snarled into the phone. "You have no fucking right to think so little of me."
"I have every right in the world," he growled. "You've never treated me like your father. So you don't deserve to be treated like my daughter."
Bella laughed incredulously. "You've never treated me like your daughter. You treated me like nothing. After Mom and Hayden died, he ignored me. I've tried my best to salvage our relationship – a relationship that you destroyed. But I've given up now, because I've finally realized you'll never care, and nothing I ever do will ever be enough. You ruined our family." Bella's voice was like ice – glacial and emotionless.
There was a pause, and then a long deep sigh. Bella sensed the anger suddenly draining from her father. "You should have realized that I had given up a long time ago. That would have saved us a lot of time," Charlie finally said, his voice devoid of anger and instead, filled with resignation.
Bella was shocked by his sudden lack of fury. This was the first time that their conversation has descended to a level where no shouting was involved. Charlie took advantage of those few seconds; slightly muffled, Bella heard him call for Sue. It didn't surprise Bella when the next person who spoke wasn't her father.
"I'm so sorry," Sue apologized. "I don't know what's gotten into him."
"Don't be sorry," Bella responded bitterly. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have called. It always ends like this."
"Don't worry," she assured me. "I'll have him call back once he calms down."
"Please, Sue," Bella pleaded with her. "Leave it alone. He won't call anyways."
Sue let out a deep sigh. "I'm so sorry," she breathed, her sincerity very clear. Bella knew she meant it.
"So am I," Bella sighed. She meant it, too. She twisted the duvet around her fingers, falling silent. She seemed to have the worst habit of not knowing what to say – to both her father and Sue.
"Merry Christmas," Sue finally say, her voice purposely cheery.
"Merry Christmas," Bella repeated, her voice sounding much weaker compared to Sue's – like an echo. Eventually, Bella realized Sue was waiting for her to say something. "I have to go," she mumbled. "Goodbye, Sue."
Bella didn't want to hear Sue's response. She simply hung up the phone, curled herself into the fetal position on her bed and cried.
She cried to the mother she'd lost, the father she'd lost, and last of all, she cried for the family she'd lost.
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