I Can't Love Her... Right?

Hello I'm back for a new fanfic. I don't know how long this one will be but for sure more than 5 chapters. May I just say when I first started writing fan fiction I thought I'd never have new ideas but now I have a bunch lined up so expect more. And if you don't see more but you want more than bug me to get back to work! Anyway this is some Kurt/Santana friendship which is like the best thing ever in my mind.

The weekend of cheerleading nationals in New Mexico was one of the weirdest in Kurt Hummel's life. As much he respected her and her decisions, Kurt really wished Mercedes had stayed on the Cheerios. Maybe then he could room with his best friend in the hotel instead of Santana Lopez.

The Friday morning at only 6:00, Coach Sue was convinced the team needed to get to Albuquerque a day before the competition so they could do some last minute practice and perfect their insane routine, Kurt and Santana had walked to the bus taking the cheerleaders to the airport in Columbus together although they hadn't acknowledge each other's existence. When they reached the bus Santana reached for the clipboard which held the sheet that said who would be sharing hotel rooms. Santana was looking down at one second and the next she was storming up to Sue's seat. When Kurt examined the sheet he found out why. Next to his name was none other than Santana Lopez. Kurt sighed and watched Santana's enraged exchange with the coach with amusement.

"You cannot possibly expect me to share a room with him," Santana was saying. She finished the sentence by pointing at Kurt who didn't mind for some reason, people had said worse.

"I can and you will," Sue said simply never ceasing filling out some paperwork in her lap.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Well who's Brittany rooming with? They'll probably just make fun of her."

Sue sighed, paused in her writing, and took off her glasses. "She's rooming with me and Becky. I trust that girl in a room without adult supervision as much as I trust that William Schuster to win regional's for that glee club. None of those two things are happening," Sue responded. Kurt snorted from his safe location about five seats away. Of course Coach Sue would add a joke about how terrible the glee club was.

"Besides we can't have you spreading your glee contaminants everywhere. You might convert another one my girl and I can only have so many double agents without Schuster getting suspicious and you and Brittany have proven to be pretty sucky in the spying department."

Sue put her glasses back on as a signal for Santana to drop it. Realization seemed to hit Kurt just then. As entertaining as this had all been, it meant one thing: he was going to have to room with Santana during Nationals. He groaned and sank into the nearest seat. He closed his eyes, hoping that by the time they got to the airport in Albuquerque whatever higher power there was, if there was one, will have done the impossible and changed Sue Sylvester's mind.

Santana hadn't spoken one word to Kurt since they'd gotten on that bus, as if he was happy with the rooming conditions, and now they were in the hotel on Friday night. They were on lockdown after 10:00 p.m. It was 8:00. The team had just gotten back from a three hour practice. Right after getting off an airplane. It wasn't that fun.

Kurt found himself staring across the room at Santana who was changed into her pajamas and brushing her long dark hair. She confused Kurt a lot. She was so rude and mean to everyone for no reason. And if her dad was a doctor why was she always talking about living in the wrong side of town. Also there was her friendship with Brittany. She was such a sweet, innocent girl so why was she best friends with the devil incarnate?

"What are you looking at Lady Face?" Santana snapped, jerking Kurt out of his thoughts only to realize he'd been staring at Santana the whole time. These were also the first words she'd spoken to him since the day before where she'd made a rude comment about his sexuality. Great.

"Just you without your uniform on. Never thought I'd see the day Santana Lopez walked around without her symbol of power."

Santana just shot the boy a smug smirk he desperately wanted to smack off her face. But he didn't hit girls, or anyone for that matter. But the jock Neanderthals were always saying he was almost a girl anyway so did it even count anymore?

"Well, I'm off to see Britt, don't wait up." She slammed the door behind her. Kurt sighed and sat down on the bed, turned on the TV, and found 'Paranormal Activity' on one of the channels. Despite some people thinking he only liked fashion reality shows, which he really did like, and stupid romantic comedies, which really do NOT like, his real kind of movies were of the horror genre. Kurt loved laughing at the horrible acting and cheesy effects. Santana came back ten minutes before lockdown. Sue was coming around and checking on everyone and putting a piece of duck tape on the crack of the door so if it was opened you could see that they snuck out if the duck tape isn't on the door anymore.

Santana looked different then when she did when she left. Not physically at all. Just the way she carried herself. She looked confused and sad. It wasn't a very good look on her.

"Are you OK?" Kurt asked after Sue left.

Santana glared at him. "I'm fine. Go back to watching your pretty pony show."

"Its 'Paranormal Activity'."

Santana raised her perfectly shaped eyebrows and smirked at him. "Wow didn't think that was very you."

Kurt bit back a comeback about how she didn't know him at all and that the only time they spoke was when she was insulting him. But he didn't for some reason. It didn't matter what she said, it was obvious she was sad and he didn't want her to snap at him. He felt like living to be older than sixteen, thank you very much.

They watched the movie together for awhile. Santana got up and Kurt assumed she was going to the
bathroom until he felt a weight lower itself onto his bed and he turned to see Santana staring at the ugly comforter as if it held the secrets to life itself.

"Kurt, can I ask you something personal?" Santana asked, sounding nervous for the first time ever.

"Um, sure," Kurt said, wondering why she wanted to ask him something personal since she'd never asked him about anything.

"How did you know you were gay?" she asked.

Ahh, Kurt now understood. He was the only out and proud person in school so who else would she ask? But why would she want to know?

"I don't know," Kurt snorted, "How do you know you're straight."

Santana suddenly broke eyes contact and started picking at a loose thread on the comforter, seeming even more nervous.

"No," Kurt gasped, understanding, and for some reason, he started laughing. Hard. And he couldn't stop. Santana's eyes flashed dangerously and as soon as she'd gone, she was back to her evilness.

"Yes but if you tell anyone I'll castrate you and then you'll be a real girl just like you've always wanted."

Kurt immediately stopped laughing, but out of anger instead of fear. "Why would I want to be a girl? Sure I love my girls but really? Is it because I like fashion? Or because of my voice? I won't give you grief if you love girls but me liking boys doesn't make me any less of a man so shut the hell up!"

Santana looked shocked but then she looked down at her hands in shame. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Say what?" Kurt asked, raising one eyebrow.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. The words seemed foreign on her lips which knowing her they were, "I know that you don't deserve any of the crap that people put you through. Especially from me. I guess you were just laughing at the irony. Santana Lopez, the biggest slut in school and the person who never fails to tear someone down for any reason, is a lesbian? Who would really believe that?"

Kurt nodding trying to get what she was feeling. In a way he'd never had to come out. The cruel jocks had made it very clear what they thought he was and once their word was spoken, you couldn't change anyone's mind.

"I'm sorry too," Kurt said and Santana gave him a look of disbelief, "I shouldn't have laughed. I'm guessing I'm the first person you've sort of told."

Santana nodded, looking like she was about to cry, and trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "Well do you have a crush on a girl or..." Kurt trailed off not knowing what else to say.

Santana nodded and whispered, "Brittany."

Kurt nodded. It really wasn't that farfetched. Everyone knew Brittany was bi although some thought it was because she was too stupid to know the difference between genders.

"We kissed once, back in 5th grade at one of our sleepovers because I wanted to have my first kiss so bad. One second I was saying I couldn't wait and the next she was leaning in and kissing me. I flipped out. She didn't get it and said that if I was so excited why didn't I just kiss anyone. I flipped out more. Accused her of ruining my life and didn't talk her. Then I kissed a guy like a week later and it was terrible. I thought back to my kiss with Britt and it was way better then my first one with a guy had been so I forgave her but I said no more. Then in eighth grade I had sex for the first time and it was good but then the guy dumped me three days later and I went to Britt. We ended up making out. They we fell into a sort of routine. If one of us, mostly me, had a bad day or someone had dumped us or we just needed to be loved we would make out. I didn't think I liked her at all but lately I've been feeling jealous every time she talked to a new guy or girl even if she would never do anything with them. When I found out the two of you made out, I swear I wanted to murder you. I didn't because Brittany said she liked you and you were really cool even if you couldn't make out anymore. So really you can thank Britt that you're even here right now."

Kurt listened to her entire story with rapt attention. He didn't even know they knew each other in fifth grade. He thought about how he'd always known how he was different but not quite knowing how until some guy had called him a very rude name in sixth grade and he had looked up what it meant. It was scarring what he had found and he was scared as to what his dad might think. He didn't worry about friends because he didn't have any. No one liked him and he'd gotten thrown in the dumpster on his first day of high school and slushied on the third. He'd hated high school and if he ever talked to his day he would beg to transfer schools. But he didn't, he didn't want to look like a disappointment.

"But I just don't know what to do. I've made it clear on several occasions that I don't want to be her girlfriend and that we're just friends-with-benefits. I don't want to look like a hypocrite," Santana said, tears streaming down her face.

"What is the biggest reason you don't want to be with Brittany," Kurt asked.

"I don't want her to say no. We are the two biggest sluts in school and we don't believe in relationships. I also don't want people to say things."

"You don't want to be with probably the sweetest person alive because of your stupid reputation?" Kurt asked, sounding judgmental.

"Not like that! I'm not that self-centered. I'm scared of how people will treat her and I've seen how you've been treated. I don't want to be like you!" Santana shouted. "No offence," she added.

Kurt shrugged. "None taken," he replied. He meant it too. He knew she wasn't trying to insult him and if he was a closet case he wouldn't want to end up like himself either.

"Do you think it's just a crush or something... more?"

Santana closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. "I think I might be in love with her."

Kurt had been taking a drink from his water bottle when Santana said these words causing him to spit it out all over the floor. Santana leapt away from him as best she could, a look of disgust on her face.

Kurt choked and coughed, trying his best to take in deep breathes. "What?!" he said, "You LOVE her?"

The Latina nodded after a moment of hesitation that Kurt seemed to notice. "I'm not sure. It's like everything's the same but so, so different. So I don't know if I'm love. That sounds stupid doesn't it?"

"Not at all," he said, "You've probably already noticed but I had a crush on Finn."

Santana snorted and Kurt shot her glare. "Thank you for interjecting! Anyway I've gotten over it. I realized when I set up our parents that my dad's happiness was more important than mine and I realized I never loved him anyway. He was just the first guy to treat me like I didn't have a disease and because of that I thought we could be together."

"How will I know how I feel?" Santana asked.

"I don't know but I'll help you figure it out."

Santana gave him a look of pure gratitude. Kurt glanced at the clock and found that it was nearly one in the morning.

"We should go to bed," Kurt said.

He motioned for Santana to go back to her own bed. "Um, Kurt, could I maybe just sleep here with you?"

Kurt nodded. It was as he closing his eyes a few minutes later that he realized Santana had called him by his real name. Without some other derogatory name after it. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

I hope you liked that. Expect more chapters soon. Reviews are Love. (^_^)

Peace, Love, Glee

Julez