Sock it to Benny!
"THUDD!"
The door slammed loudly as Mark Cohen arrived home to his and Roger's metallic apartment after a long night's worth of camerawork.
"Roger, I'm home!" he shouted.
No answer.
Mark just shook his head. He expected his roommate and lifelong friend to either greet him with a sarcastic wisecrack about Hollywood "being a total bitch to him tonight" or simply strumming his guitar, attempting to write another song that would just end up on the backburner anyway.
'Probably out with Mimi' he thought to himself.
Suddenly, he then noticed a peculiar smell around the room. It smelled as if someone hadn't washed in weeks. Considering the dirt-poor conditions around the town, it didn't surprise him, but it DID smell bad!
Mark looked all over for the source of the stench until he saw a pair of socked feet sticking out from under a blanket on their couch, beneath of which stood a familiar pair of boots. He went over to the feet, prodded them, and out from under the covers slithered a smiling and snickering Roger.
"Gotcha ass!" the smart-aleck roommate grinned.
"Roger, screw you!"
"I was gonna keep this up until you either passed out or decided to make this into a movie set, whichever one suits you more."
"Seriously man, you have to do your own laundry. If this keeps up, Benny will have our asses out of here quicker than you can say 'HIV kills'! You DO know he's coming sometime tonight, right?"
That last comment wiped the smile right off Roger's face.
"Oh shit…THE RENT!"
"PLEASE" moaned Mark, "don't tell me you don't have the rent money…"
Roger rummaged through their belongings, "It's gotta be around here somewhere" he said. It took him 10 minutes before he finally tracked down the rent money, it was in his pants pockets the whole time.
"Geez" Mark remarked, "next time, put the money where you're absolutely sure to find it!"
Roger nodded in agreement, then perked up in interest.
"Roger, what's up?"
Roger began to snicker again.
"Seriously, you're creeping me out right now."
Roger then went back onto the couch with the money.
"Roger, what in the hell are you doing now?" Mark cried as he went over to his roommate, who immediately pulled him down and began whispering in his ear.
"…What?...You gotta be…NO! That's a stupid…"
Then came an assertive knock at the door.
"Alright fellas, open up!" It was Benny, obviously here for the rent.
Mark got up and answered the door.
"Hey there Mark, I'd love to stay and chat about whatever picture show you're trying to cut and paste with little to no funding, but I'm here for your rent."
Mark began to nervously play along with whatever Roger told him about.
"Oh, I don't have the money" he began, "Roger does."
"Really, where is the old wash-up then?"
"Oh, he's around. By the way, do you smell something…funny?"
"Other than the smell of old burnt rubber and rust that comes from around these parts, not really…but on second thought, yeah, yes I do! Smells like…smells like…."
Benny turned around and found Roger on the couch with the blanket covering up everything but his head and legs, the latter of which had his pant-legs bunched up at the length of his pulled-up smelly tube socks.
"Roger, what the-…what kind of dumb-ass thing is this? Where's the money? And damn your feet REEK!"
Roger couldn't help but laugh as Benny fidgeted in disgust and frustration.
"Oh, I have the money alright…" he began.
"Then give it to me!"
"Oh I will, but here's the fun part about all this: the money, it's hidden INSIDE MY SOCKS!"
"WHAT?"
Mark simply grimaced as he held back laughter from all this nonsense.
"You heard me, it's hidden within the cotton confides of my socks. But there's a twist: it's only hidden in ONE of them! Which sock has the money? I dunno, only YOU can find out. Come on Benny, take off just one of my socks and guess which one holds the money."
Roger then lifted his socked feet and legs up to a disgruntled Benny.
"This is stupid, YOU take off your own socks and YOU give me the money!"
"Benny" Mark began, "just play along. He did this same shit with me when I got home. And the money IS in his socks, so you don't have much choice."
"Pffft, fine!" he replied.
Benny went over to Roger's left leg, braving the horrific smell of his foot, and pulled off the sock. Unfortunately for him, he found nothing more than a hairy leg and foot with callouses and jagged toenails.
"Ahhhhhhh" sighed Roger, taunting him as he wiggled his bare toes. "Feels good to give my piggies some air."
"I take it the money is in the OTHER sock then…?"
"Mmmmmmaaaaaaaayyyyyyybe…"
"The YOU take off the sock and give me the money, I'm already sick of this dumb game, been sick of it once it started!"
"No, Benjamin, it's YOUR money. YOU do it."
"I said NO, YOU do it!"
"He's not gonna stop until you give in Benny, just do it."
Benny looked over at Mark, then at Roger's still-socked foot. He shook his head to himself and uttered something under his breath about regretting it later, and then proceeded to yank the sock off of Roger's right foot. And lo and behold, there was the rent money, nestled tightly between Roger's toes.
"Finally" Benny sighed, "THERE it is!"
"Congratulations" Roger replied as he lifted his leg up to give Benny the folded dollar bills, "enjoy your prize".
Benny quickly snatched the money from its gross hiding place and wiped his hand after placing it in his pocket.
"Are we done now?"
Mark nodded yes. "Believe me; I didn't like the idea any more than you did."
"Well next time, have the money ready for me WITHOUT forcing me to play any more immature games with you alright? I'll see you guys later…"
And with that, Benny walked out and slammed the door behind him. Mark then turned over to the bare feet on the couch.
"I hope you're happy now" he said, "you're just lucky we caught him with patience tonight. I'm going to bed, g'night."
He then removed his beatle boots and began taking his shirt off when Roger spoke up from the couch.
"Mark?" he asked.
"What is it?"
"Could you massage my feet before you go to bed?" he wiggled his toes at him, still bare and sticking out from his little stunt.
Mark proceeded to throw one of his boots at Roger's face.
"Hey!" Roger picked it up and was about to throw it back when he decided to sniff it instead. "Hey, you know, we could've done this whole thing by hiding the money in YOUR socks! They smell just as bad!"
Mark remained silent and went to bed on the other couch.
"Geez" Roger grumbled, "I dunno if it's because of that kind of attitude OR your stinky feet, but it's no wonder Maureen dumped you and went lesbian…"
THE END