Hi guys!

Just a little something that appeared in my mind, and the words were already forming on the little notebook I sometimes carry in my handbag (I wrote the first third of this standing in the metro (and the last third in class this morning)). I hope you like it!

For those who wish to, you can let me know what you think (your friend the small "review" button at the bottom of this page will help you with that)

Enjoy!

-DNP

CHAOS

He'd been waiting for what had felt like a century for perfection to happen, before deciding to put a stop to it, as it was getting "completely ridiculous" – Albus's words, not his. So he had selflessly put his wishes at the back of his head. And now, he knew that chaos had invited itself in his life again. Because what had happened there was utter, total chaos.

And it was all his fault.

He had naively thought he was over it, and yet, here he had stood, unaware of the simple fact that nothing had ever been forgotten.

So he had gone to work like any other day. He had left his flat, had kissed his girlfriend goodbye, had walked for a bit, had apparated, and then his office had all too soon materialised around him.

It was his routine. Like every single day.

Then he had worked for a few hours, alone in his office, and later on he had met with his colleagues for lunch, like any other, normal day. He'd had nice lasagne, he'd had fun – or so he thought. Now, he wasn't so sure. Now, everything he'd known, everything he'd felt was a nice, big mess.

Why? Because what he had been waiting for for a century before forgetting all about it had made a sudden reappearance.

In the form of Rose Weasley.

In his office.

.

He had been surprised to say the least.

But not her. She only showed certainty, determination, resolve. And a bit of anger, too.

"Hi," he'd said, swallowing hard. "What have I done?" was his next line.

A tiny smile had appeared on her porcelain face for a second, only to be was swept away the next.

"Nothing. Everything."

Talk about clarity.

All so slowly, he had closed the door with his wand, walked to the other side of his desk, sat down. He had heavily let a deep breath out.

He'd done all of this nervously under her burning gaze.

After Hogwarts, he had sort of erased her from his mind, where she had held a massive, constant spot for several years. First as a friend, then as a... something else. One day, she'd been there, and the next, he'd decided that it would probably hurt more to keep thinking about her all the time without being able to see her, than to just forget about her existence for a while. At that time, she was planning to go Brazil for a year or two, and, really, everything had been far more simple this way. When she had made the trip to this far away country, she had also left an empty spot in his heart. Two and a half years later, when she'd been back, he had started his own little life in London, as a Ministry employee in the Department of Magical Education. He'd found himself a small flat, a girlfriend who was also a co-worker, and he visited his parents every other weekend.

A nice, neat, little life.

When she'd come back, they had met again at Albus's and he'd been more than happy to realise that he didn't feel anything for her any longer. They had remained friends, but he sometimes wondered if it was worth it. They were so different and busy that they didn't truly see a lot of each other, and neither of them seemed to be bothered by this fact. Well, at least Scorpius didn't think he was, and Rose didn't show anything that could imply otherwise.

"Could you maybe elaborate a little bit?" he asked, unsure of how he was supposed to act. Clearly, there was a problem.

"Yes, sure," she said and stopped, her huge eyes still on him.

As time flew by, he started to become self-conscious and moved a bit in his chair. This leather was not that comfortable anymore, he thought.

"Um, would you like to sit down? Perhaps it will help."

"Yes. Thanks."

And she sat down opposite him, never leaving his eyes, her hands twisted in her lap.

"Rose, what's the matter?" Now, concern laced his voice just as furrows showed up on his forehead.

"All right. Here it is."

Silence.

"Yes?"

"I― I think I―," she tried, her cheeks reddening more quickly than Scorpius thought was possible. The colour reached her ears, which her ponytail had uncovered, and the top of her neck. Something was definitely up. "How could you be so unselfish?" she finally exclaimed.

"What?"

"You heard me!" she went on, and the anger he'd first seen on her face was now completely showing in her pale blue eyes. "How could you be so unselfish? Or selfish, depending on the point of view!"

"Rose, please, calm down," he begged, eyes wide with shock. What in Merlin's name was she talking about? "What have I done?" he repeated.

"What you've done? What you haven't done, you mean!"

She was fuming now, and he just sat there looking at her helplessly, taken aback.

"What haven't I done, then?" he tried, desperately willing to understand what exactly she had come here for.

"Everything!"

"You've already said that," he said, his calm almost faltering. "What do you mean, 'everything'? We've barely spoken to each other these past weeks."

"Exactly! These past weeks, these past years, barely a word!"

"Aren't you a bit exaggerating? We spoke three weeks ago, when we met downstairs; we spoke at your grandma's last January, when you told me about your new boss; we're speaking now―"

"Right, try and be funny about it. What I mean is you never told me anything! Why? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" he asked, completely aghast.

"Tell me that you loved me!"

The silence that met her last sentence made it echo in the worst way possible in Scorpius's tiny office.

"Isn't that irrelevant now?" he drawled, uninterested. "And who told you that?"

"Isn't that irrelevant?" she mimicked him, her face furious. "We don't care who told me. What I care about is why? Why not say anything? And don't you dare tell me not to make a scene," she added, holding up a finger in his direction. "This is too huge to tell me to keep calm and forget about it and be quiet and―"

"Rose," he interrupted.

"What!"

"You don't want me to say it." She needed to calm down. Or at least pretend to, because if she didn't keep calm, how could he? He had composed a straight face, but if she didn't stop, he wouldn't be fooling her for too long. "And why do you care so much? None of it matters now. You left, I moved on, I'm happy with Lena now."

"Are you? Happy, I mean?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"That's not an answer."

He squared his jaw. "Yes. Yes, I'm happy. Now what's your point?"

"My point is why did you keep it to yourself? No, sorry, you didn't. Why didn't you let me know, and why do I have to hear it from Albus?"

"Why the bloody hell did Albus choose to tell you this now?" he exploded, unable to refrain. He didn't like this conversation. He didn't like it one bit. Nor did he like not knowing where all of this was heading.

"Because he thinks you're―"

"That I'm what?"

"That you're unhappy and―"

"That's ridic―"

"And because he knows that I am!" she all but screamed. "Merlin, would you let me speak?"

He shut his lips tight, looking her straight in the eye. She was breathing heavily, her chest lifting and falling. None of them spoke for a full three minutes. Three very long minutes.

"May I speak now?" he hesitated.

She simply nodded.

"Are you really unhappy?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because― Because I sort of like you, Scorpius."

She was straight-forward like that. She always had been. But never before had he thought that her straight-forwardness would make him forget his very own name. He sat there, dumbfounded after hearing a girl telling him she liked him.

A girl whom he had decided to resent, like the coward he was, just because she had made his heart bleed when she travelled to South America to follow her dream. Her strength had deprived him of his, and the only solution he had found was to turn away from the friendship road that they had paved together and that could have been very long indeed.

He had been weak.

And now, though she didn't know everything, she was here to hold him responsible for all of it.

"You're not saying anything," she stated.

"What am I supposed to say? That I was too early and that you're too late?" he replied angrily.

"You were never too early."

"What?"

"You heard me."

Good thing he was already sitting, otherwise he would have hit the floor. Hard.

"Well why didn't you say something? No, forget it. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Yes, it matters. I didn't say anything because I didn't think it was mutual."

"So what, was I supposed to guess or something? I didn't know it was mutual either!"

Thinking about these years made Scorpius feel nauseous. He'd been happy at Hogwarts, just being her friend. He'd known everything about her, back then. He'd been there to keep Albus busy whenever she was tired of him. He'd made her laugh when she was feeling down, and he'd listened to all her horrible jokes, smiling to himself because he was the only one to like them. He'd been there, and then she had left. And now it was hurting all over again.

"Oh, come on! Surely you weren't blind! What about the hints? Weren't they big enough?"

"Hints? What hints? You were always the perfect friend!"

"What about the looks? Or my constant nervousness? What about the way I made a fool of myself just looking at you, with my bloody scarlet face all the time? How many times did you ask me why I was blushing, huh? And then, what do you make of all the times I held your hand, of all the times I touched your back, smiled at you only, trying to make you understand, or when I kissed you on the cheek, four bloody times? What do you make of that?"

This time again, he was silent. Of course he'd noticed that. He had thought it was weird. Nice and weird. But how could he have guessed it meant what it meant? Albus was of no help, of course, and told him not to get his hopes up. So he never did. There. Good boy. And now...

Now, all he could think about was her and her shiny eyes, staring at him with their wounded expression. Now, all he could feel, written in awful capital letters in his mind, was regret.

"So I didn't say anything," she continued, "but I did show it. But you, you never said a thing! And now― now I feel as though I've been fooled. As though I've wasted time looking for something that was already right under my nose."

"I wasn't under your nose when you left," he interrupted bitterly.

"No, you weren't. But I needed that to forget it and hope for our normal friendship to grow back to normal. Except it never did."

"We've both changed."

"We have. But the way I see you never changed. But that I could deal with. Until Albus understood what was on my mind and told me everything, from what you felt before, to how you are doing now."

"And then you decided to barge into my office."

"Exactly. Because I had to say it. All of it. And I wasn't completely honest before. I don't 'sort of' like you. I'm in love with you. Despite the way you've been acting these past months."

"You're in love with me."

"I'm in love with you, Scorpius. And it's bloody scary to say it out loud, but it also feels amazing. You should try it, really," she said, almost laughing.

"You say 'bloody' a lot," he commented, his eyes still as wide as before.

"So what?"

"So nothing. I'm just stating a simple fact. I― I was in love with you too, Rose," he admitted, and he was sure the noise of his pounding heart could be heard from above the ground that covered the Ministry of Magic.

And that's how the conversation had ended. Almost. Rose had stood up to hide her unshed tears and had run out of his office, slamming the door behind her. And he'd stayed in his seat for a good hour, maybe two.

Chaos, there you had it.

.

The aftermath of their encounter was particularly ugly. Scorpius had finished his day with absolutely no control of his movements or emotions. His routine had taken over and he had resumed his work as he did every single boring day. Yes, because all the other days had been boring. Not only had her attack changed his day into something else, but also her hair, her voice, her eyes. It had been very long since the last time he had looked at her. Just now, he'd had a full display of everything that she'd been in school. And he realised that in a way he missed all of that.

Why wouldn't he?

Because she was the most powerful person he'd ever met. Tenacious in her attitude, strong in her head, loud in her screams, and very, very powerful on his own feelings.

It was a thing that he had hated and loved at the same time. That he still hated, because the rest of his feelings didn't seem to matter in the least any longer; and that he still loved, because who didn't like a piece of their favourite show?

Rose was his favourite person, his favourite sounds, his favourite moments in his life. And she was offering to give all of this to him again, and him only. Why should he refuse? Most importantly, could he refuse?

And so he worked, before going home, unaware of what his feet and hands were doing. His head was the only thing that he was conscious of, even though the picture of Rose prevented him from thinking as clearly as he usually praised himself to be able to.

When he sat on his couch, he was confused. When Lena got home, "Hi sweetie!", he felt lost. He jumped in surprise, stared at her for a full minute without a word, and the surge to escape from there rose inside of him, to escape from this place he had called home for months and that didn't feel like it now.

He smiled to Lena, a half, heart-broken smile to which she answered with the most quizzical look.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"No."

He could have said "yes", but the stronger force that had taken over his body prevented him from doing so. He knew, deep down, that it would have been a lie.

What was happening to him? Could he be in love with Rose all over again?

This idea made a mark in his mind. But it was not accurate.

There was no such thing as "all over again". He was still in love with Rose, full stop. That's something he had never stopped doing.

But was he still in love with Lena?

"What?" she said, and he looked away shamefully. "What is it?"

Silence.

"Look, Scorpius. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I― I'm prepared to hear anything."

"Are you really?" he asked sceptically, without turning back to face her.

"As strange as it sounds, I am."

That got his attention and his eyes jumped to survey her expression. Her wary expression. He knew her and she knew something was amiss.

"I'm waiting, Scorpius."

"Rose is back," he blurted out. "I mean I―"

"Rose? You mean your friend Rose Weasley?"

"Yes, she― I― I used to be in love with her." Why did he stop there? Wasn't there something else to tell?

But Lena was no idiot. "Used to?"

He took a deep breath.

"Or so I thought." He turned away again, too scared of what he would find on her face. "I'm not sure of what I feel now, but I do feel something, and it's― it's not fair to you! I love you, but―"

"But you got attached," she finished for him. "When did that happen?" she eventually cried out. She was on the verge of tears, he just knew it.

She had sat down on the couch opposite him, and his first reflex was to go and comfort her. But who was he to do such a thing? This conversation was sooner or later going to deprive him of the title that allowed him to do that.

"When?" she demanded forcefully.

"A long time ago."

And the rest was sort of history. Lena had been angry with him, and he was angry with Rose. As he now looked at his flat, feeling as empty as the place that Lena had flown from, he realised that once more Rose had torn down every certainty he had held till then.

But at least he knew where he stood. He wasn't blind any longer. He felt alone but he could see the world again.

Albus wasn't there this time. Scorpius never told him anything, and he guessed that neither did Rose.

Rose.

What was he waiting for now? She had taken the first step, now it was his turn.

Did it matter that he felt scared to death? Did it matter that the thought of going to confront her again made his stomach twist even more than his current state? Did it matter that he was being his usual coward self?

No.

What mattered was that he was making her miserable.

So he got up and left. He left his flat, he left his terrified feelings behind, and he started walking in the right direction, as resolute as ever.

Because he had a girl to find.

A girl to love.

- END -

A/N

Thank you for reading!

-DNP